Disclaimer: The Winchesters belong to Eric Kripke and I will be forever grateful to him for sharing them with us. I hope he doesn't mind me borrowing them from time to time; I promise to return them as I found them. And I know the rule. If I break them, I buy them.
A/N: Well, well! What has that Sam been up to? This is where I started to get uneasy about the story but I think I'm okay with it now. I hope you are, too! Thanks for the reviews and private messages. I love the feedback! Thanks, as always, to Kelli.
Chapter 4
Dean shook his head and Sam knew what he'd been thinking about.
"So what happened at the coffee shop this morning?" Sam asked quietly a moment later.
Dean hesitated, still not completely recovered from the tangent in the conversation. "I don't know, Sam, but you didn't see anything did you? You just heard the – Jessica's – voice. That never happened before."
Sam looked thoughtful.
"One thing that I think will help is you getting out of this apartment once in a while. Make some friends; go out on a date, anything but sit in here and study all the time." Dean said gently.
"I – I don't want a relationship. It's too hard." Sam said quietly.
"No one said anything about a relationship. Dude, dating doesn't have to be a relationship." Dean looked at him. "But what do you mean, it's too hard?"
"Not being able to be honest."
"About what? You're a regular guy going to law school. You're freakishly smart, but a regular guy. You're not hunting anymore."
Sam looked away but not before Dean saw something in his eyes.
"Sam – you're not hunting anymore. Right?"
"I'm not." Sam pushed himself up and walked across the room. "Exactly."
"What does that mean?"
Sam said nothing.
"Sam?" Dean prompted sternly.
Sam shrugged but didn't look at his brother. "It's nothing. I'm not out looking for trouble but if I happen to – hear – about something, then, well –" he left the sentence unfinished.
"You hated that life."
Sam whirled. "No I didn't!"
Dean was surprised by the flash of anger. He stood up and moved closer to his brother. "Since when?"
"I hate the way we grew up." Sam said controlling his temper. "And I like feeling safe, but I can't just ignore things, okay?"
"Ignore what?"
Dean's eyes followed Sam as he paced nervously.
"What haven't you been telling me, Sam?"
"No more or less than you've been telling me." Sam said quietly.
"When did this become about me?" Dean demanded. "Come on, Sam!"
"I've been dreaming about more than Jessica. I've been having dreams about other things."
"For how long?" Dean asked quietly.
"A while."
"You said you didn't remember the dreams until a couple nights ago."
"I didn't remember the dreams about Jess until a couple nights ago. And I don't exactly remember the other dreams, but I sense something and end up where I can help."
Dean looked at his brother disbelieving. Sam looked away.
"Sam, I didn't –" Dean's voice broke and he walked back to the window.
"Didn't what?" Sam asked. "You didn't what, Dean?"
"I didn't let you go so you could do this alone." Dean said quietly. "Without someone to watch your back."
"It's not like that. Simple hauntings, poltergeists. Nothing big."
"Then why didn't you tell me?" Dean demanded facing Sam again.
Sam shrugged. "I didn't want you to worry."
"It's my job to worry about you. I'm your brother."
"Dean, I'm not a kid anymore. You don't have to protect me. You know I can take care of myself."
"Yeah, I know you can." Dean moved to the couch. "But I lived my whole life looking out for you. Ever since –"
Sam sat next to his brother. "Ever since you carried me out of the house in Lawrence."
Dean looked at him and nodded.
"I thought you wanted to be free of it, Sammy. That's why I wanted you to come back to school."
"I know that. And I like school. But I don't think I can ever be free. Not with the premonitions."
Dean looked miserable.
"It's okay, Dean."
"You're having nightmares and premonitions again. What's okay about that? You're not sleeping right, you're not eating right. What's okay about that?"
"Dean –"
"Don't try to convince me that you're fine with this because I know you better than that. I know you only went back out with me before because you wanted to find Jessica's killer. I know you hated it –"
"I didn't –" Sam protested.
Dean raised his eyebrows.
"Okay, I kinda hated it. But we helped people, didn't we?" Sam asked, almost desperate.
"Yeah, we did, Sammy. But what about school?"
"You know you're the one who wanted me to come back here."
"We destroyed the demon. That's all you signed up for."
He stood up and stood in the middle of the room, hands on his hips. "Dude –"
Dean held up his hand. "Yeah, I know. It's your life and your decision. Are you sorry you're back here?"
"No. I told you, I like school. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I'm done but I want to finish." Sam sat back down on the couch. "Look, it's late and we're both tired. I have more studying to do tomorrow – I have a meeting with a study group at noon. Let's table this for now, okay?"
Dean nodded and sighed. "Okay. Get out of my bedroom."
TBC
