Disclaimer: The Winchesters belong to Eric Kripke and I will be forever grateful to him for sharing them with us. I hope he doesn't mind me borrowing them from time to time; I promise to return them as I found them. And I know the rule. If I break them, I buy them.
A/N: I really don't know what to say about this section so maybe I'll just stick with thanking everyone for the feedback and for Kelli's typo-hunting.
Chapter 5
Sam spent the rest of the night in an undisturbed sleep. He found Dean in the kitchen the next morning, watching the coffee brewing.
"Hey."
Dean glanced at him. "How was the rest of your night?"
"I slept through it."
"Good."
"There's food if you're hungry." Sam leaned against the counter.
"I found some moldy bread and something I couldn't identify in the refrigerator."
"Oh. I guess it's been a while since I've done any grocery shopping."
"Looks like. I can go out while you're with the study group."
"You don't have to do that."
"I know, but if I'm going to be here for a while –"
Sam looked at him hopefully. "You're going to be here for a while?"
"I was planning to be here next week anyway. Doesn't seem to be a lot of point in leaving now just to come back in a few days."
Sam wanted to ask Dean a million questions like what he was doing in Portland, what he did for money and how he could just leave at the drop of a hat. But he was tired and had to leave to meet his study group soon; he didn't want to get into a deep conversation. He'd asked Dean about his life before but was always given vague answers. Truth be told, he didn't try very hard to find out anything. He didn't want to know that Dean missed him or that Dean was doing things he shouldn't be doing; illegal or otherwise. He wanted to believe that his brother was living a happy life and he was afraid if he asked too many questions he'd find out that wasn't the case.
Or maybe he was more afraid to find out that Dean was living a happy life.
Dean glanced at him. "You okay?"
"Yeah. I'm glad you're going to be here but it's going to be a crazy week. I have finals on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday."
"I'm sure I can find something to do to amuse myself."
Sam nodded.
"What is it, Sam?"
"Nothing. I'm gonna take a shower. I have to get going soon. Save me some coffee."
Dean watched Sam walk out of the kitchen, wondering what Sam hadn't said.
Later, Dean took the opportunity of being alone in the apartment to look around. Like the bedroom, the living room was stark. In addition to a large bookshelf filled to capacity, it held a couch, coffee table, desk and the television. Dean stood in the middle of the room and turned, taking in the entire room, wondering why he hadn't noticed before how empty his brother's home was. He also wondered what, if anything, that might mean. He stood in the doorway of the bedroom and noticed something under the bed. Kneeling down, he pulled out a large metal box that he recognized as having come from their house in Lawrence. They got it from a young woman who was living in their old house with her two young children. She had found it in the basement shortly after moving in.
Dean sat down on the floor, his hand on the box. That was when Sam admitted he had dreams that sometimes came true and that he had dreamed about Jessica's death for days before it happened. Hearing that had frightened Dean, but he couldn't look afraid to his brother because Sam was barely holding it together at the time. The last thing Dean wanted to do was go back to the place where his mother died, but Sam had a premonition about the family that currently lived in their old house needing help and he could deny Sam nothing.
He slowly opened the box. Inside were the same pictures Dean remembered looking at before; pictures of his parents before he was born, pictures of him and Sam before Mary died. He had such little memory of that time; he'd only been four when the demon came for Mary but he clearly recalled running down the hall when he heard his father scream. John put the six month old Sam in Dean's arms with the instruction to run. He did as he was told and ran out of the house; he turned as he heard an explosion and as he did, John came running and scooped both boys up in his arm and took them to a safe distance.
Dean didn't notice the tear running down his cheek as he stared at a picture of his mother. His entire life changed that night and it still hurt to think about it. His intense feeling of responsibility to Sam stemmed from his father entrusting the baby to him that night. He would do anything to protect Sam and he was terrified that his brother might be headed back down the road where it would be impossible for Dean to help him.
He replaced the pictures and pushed the box back under Sam's bed. He glanced at the dresser across the room but decided he'd invaded enough of his brother's privacy for one afternoon. Sam told him about the dreams and about the premonitions that recently led him back into fighting ghosts and other paranormal beings. Dean was sure if he looked a little more he would find weapons and other tools of the trade, but he was afraid if he looked too hard he'd find things he didn't want to see.
As he told Sam he would, Dean went to the grocery store to pick up some provisions. He flirted with a cute blonde who was stocking paper goods, then turned his attention to the redhead who needed help reaching something in the next aisle. Back at the apartment, he put his purchases away then settled on the couch to watch some television. Finding nothing that kept his interest, he looked closer at Sam's books. There were many law books, some fiction and a lot of books about the paranormal. He recognized some of them, but it was obvious Sam had gotten others recently. He didn't want to think about the reasons Sam would be buying books about the paranormal so he grabbed something that looked like it would be a light read and went back to the couch.
He was engrossed in the book when Sam got home a few hours later.
"What are you doing?" Sam asked, dropping his backpack onto the floor next to his desk.
"Reading." Dean glanced up.
"Huh."
Dean looked at him, annoyed. "Bite me."
Sam smiled and walked into the kitchen. He was surprised at the fully stocked refrigerator and cabinets.
"Dean, you didn't have to buy all this."
"It's not like you had anything here. Now maybe you can eat once in a while."
Sam returned to the living room with a soft drink. "Thank you.'
"Don't mention it. How'd the study session go?"
"Good."
"Everyone else go home?"
"What do you mean?"
Dean put the book aside. "Did everyone else go home or did they go out for food or something?"
Sam shrugged. "I don't know. But it wouldn't matter because you're here."
"I'm a big boy, Sam. And you need to start making some connections."
"Do you have connections?" Sam sat down on the coffee table.
"Why do you always try to turn it around to me?"
"Because you never talk about what you do. And when I ask, you give me some vague non-answer. Don't you think I worry about you like you do me?"
"Sam, I'm fine."
Sam looked at him.
Dean sighed and sat up, facing his brother. "I have a few buddies I hang out with sometimes."
"What were you doing in Portland?"
"Living. I've been there for about five months. Before that, I just kind of wandered around."
"What do you do for money?"
"I've told you that I tend bar."
Sam shook his head, smiling. "Yeah. I guess I can see that."
"The chicks tip me good." Dean grinned.
"So, you're okay?"
"Yeah, Sam, I'm okay."
He nodded, but looked sad.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"What, Sam?" Dean asked gently.
He shrugged. "You could live here."
"Here?"
"Yeah, there are bars here too, ya know."
"I like Portland. And I'm only a phone call away." Dean said carefully, not sure where Sam was headed.
Sam nodded.
"What is it, Sam?"
He stood up and walked across the room. "I just – we were together almost twenty-four hours a day for two years. I've been here for a year and I – I guess I still miss that. I thought maybe –"
"Sam –" Dean hesitated. "I want you to have a good life and I want you to be happy. I just; I just thought you needed your own space. Do you know that ever since I helped you move in here I've not been more than a day's drive away?"
"Seriously?" Sam looked surprised.
"Seriously. And I am here any time you need me."
"You know that goes for me too, right?"
"I know it does." Dean was very close to hugging his brother. Instead, he playfully hit him on the arm and stood up. "What time is your final tomorrow?"
Sam smiled and shook his head, recognizing the moment was over.
TBC
