(A/N: Thanks to Naz in Black who gave me this idea for using Voldemort. This IS a PARODY! Do not read if characters that do not act like their originals easily offend you.)

WARNING: This ONESHOT is a leading cause of blindness, stupidity, side-splitting, mild (not FATAL) heart attacks, loss of brain function, the need to get up and DANCE, squirrels and strange men appearing out of thin air, and horrifically funny images.

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING THAT YOU RECOGNIZE! I DO OWN THE PLOT (well, me and a friend do…) AND ALL OF MY (new and old) ORIGINAL CHARACTERS! DON'T KILL ME J.K! I DID THE DISCLAIMER!

ONWARD WITH THE STORY!

Two Contests Full of Randomness and Surprises

The Golden Trio was in the Gryffindor Common room looking at the message board. There was nothing interesting on half of it, but the other half was completely taken up by a large poster that read this:

Hogwarts Karaoke and Dance Contest

Hogwarts is having a school dance! It is not only a dance, but also a Karaoke and Dance contest. As in all contests (Triwizard Tournament excepted) no magic is allowed. You will be judged on your skill in a level, but also on your creativity. Songs will be provided. There is single, duet, and trio. Forms will be provided at your head of house's office. Please specify which kind of group you will enter in.

Signed,

Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

"Oh, this is perfect. Not only do we have to worry about dancing, but also singing!" Ron complained loudly.

"Nonsense Ron. Besides it could be fun!" Hermione implied.

"Yeah, Ron. I'm up for it." Harry agreed.

"Oh really, Harry. You couldn't sing to save your life!" Ron said scornfully.

"That's what YOU think, Ron. You and your completely oblivious mind." Harry said, completely speaking the truth.

"Oh, what ever. And what do you mean, completely oblivious? I happen to realize everything that's going on around me," Ron defended.

"Oh what ever, Ron. You can't even see that I…" Hemione trailed off, and looked down are her feet.

"That you what?" Ron said.

"Oh, never mind. It's not even really your concern," Hermione lied.

"Ok then… Well, what are we waiting for? Hermione, do you want to enter?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, Harry, I'll be your Duet, but Ron has to promise to enter the dance contest with me, or I force him to sing," Hermione said, looking at Ron, who was out in la-la-land.

"EARTH TO RON!" Hermione yelled, right in Ron's ear.

"DAMN IT HERMIONE!"

"Did you even hear what I said?"

"Oh, yeah, you said that you'll enter with Harry in the dancing contest if I promise to enter the singing contest with you." (A/N: heh. Notice the obvious confusion!)

"And?"

"Yea, sure, I'll do it."

"Oh, yay Ron! I love you!" Hermione said, then realizing what she had said looked at her feet (A/N: she does that a lot, as you can tell.) blushing.

Harry was completely dumb struck. He had agreed to enter the singing contest with Hermione, because he could sing. But he couldn't dance to save his life. This was going to be one interesting night!

Later that night, after Hermione had entered them all in the agreed courses, Harry secretly went to Professor McGonagal's office and got an application form for singing. He filled it out and put it in the stack. Boy, was the trio in for a surprise.

The next day, Saturday, came with great anticipation from the entire school. Today was the Dance/Karaoke contest. Harry still hadn't told the others about his new application, and he wasn't planning on it either. (A/N: I'll skip part of the day and get right to right before the contests, because I'm sure you're waiting for the funny to start.)

It was evening before you knew it. Ron kept making trips to the bathroom for his nerves to set in, but it wasn't as bad as it would've been. Once Ron was pretty much better, the trio went to the common room to get ready. Hermione had a surprise for each of them.

"Ok, Ron. When we are on stage, we are singing a slow ballad. I'll be wearing this," she held up a drop dead gorgeous pale green dress with a slit up to the knee on the left side. "And you will be wearing this," she held up a black tuxedo with a bow tie that matched the color of her dress instead of the typical black or white one.

"Harry, when we do our dance, we are dancing to a rather fast salsa dance and I'll be wearing this," she held up yet another drop dead gorgeous red two piece short skirt dress with frills "and you will be wearing this," she held up a red shirt that had shimmered and black pants.

"Your shoes are up in the dormitories, because I didn't really have enough arm room to carry all of that. So, Harry, Ron, go get dressed, and I'm going to go dress in my salsa outfit so me and Harry can practice some more," (A/N: they had practiced into the night, and Harry had been forced to drink about 3 cups of coffee and cast an energizing spell on himself.) "Ron, the lyrics are up in the dormitory also. Read through them and maybe even sing a bit. I've made sure that the common room will be empty, and so will the dorm, so we will be all alone. We're the only Gryffindors participating in our division. Everyone else is being forced to practice somewhere else. Hop to it!"

They went to their dormitories and got dressed.

RPOV

'Bloody hell! Why is Hermione doing this to me! Brain: You volunteered! Ron: that's because I was too busy thinking about what Hermione was going to say. Brain: Look at the song… Ron: What does that have to do with anything! It's called "Without You" so what! Oh… Brain: NOW you get it. She's trying to tell you that she LOVES you. Ron: I better practice hard then.'

HPOV

'I FORGOT ABOUT THE LYRICS! OH DAMN! Wait, what's this?' Harry had just seen a piece of paper on top of his shoes. It read:

Potter,

I have taken it upon myself to get you a song that best suits your personality. Don't think I have not heard you singing in the halls, for I have. This song will also suit your vocal range. It will challenge you. One of my favorite muggle artists sings it.

Wishing you the best of luck,

Professor McGonagal

Harry moved the paper aside and saw that she had given him a song called "Nothing Without You". 'Oh, GREAT! I'm going to be thinking about Ginny during the entire song! Brain: That proves that you love her still! H: True, I do, but…' his thoughts trailed off and he realized that Ron was at his bed humming in a truly GOOD soft tenor voice. 'That's going to be hard to beat. Hermione's going to be surprised. I wonder what they're singing?'

End of POV

Harry went down to join Hermione in the common room. The floor had been changed into a magnificent dance floor, but Hermione wasn't there. He went to the steps of the girl's dormitory and called her name.

"Just a second Harry! I couldn't find my earrings!" Hermione yelled down to him.

Harry went to the couch and waited. Just waited, and then, she came down the stairs.

Harry almost let his jaw drop down. She looked absolutely gorgeous in that two-piece dress, along with light blush, red eye shadow, and red lipstick, her hair was pulled up into a tight yet messy bun.

"Harry? Are you ok?" she asked.

"Hmmehdah, hmmehdah, hummehdah…" was all he could get out.

Hermione just giggled. "You don't look bad yourself. Come on, let's practice."

"Ok…"

Hermione and Harry joined, and she started the music with the heel of her shoe. They were dancing to "Survivor" by a muggle girl group named Destiny's Child.

After about twenty minutes of practicing, they had the dance perfect. Harry went up to get Ron, and Hermione went and changed into her singing gown. Harry sent Ron to go down to the Great Hall and wait for them, and also told Hermione the same. He went up to the room and changed into his singing outfit. McGonagal had also supplied that. It was a white shirt with a small slit in the front and black pants with Indian-like print at the end. He put some jell in his hair to make it seem that it would lie flat, but it didn't, looked at his appearance, was happy with it, grabbed his lyrics, and walked down to the Great Hall, going over them in his head all the way. He had heard this song before. It was a great one.

"Harry, what are you wearing?" Hermione asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I… uhh… entered the singing contest on my own…" Harry replied, shuffling his feet a bit.

"Oh! That's so cool! Good luck!" Hermione left to go find Ron.

Where ever Ron was…

Ron was just idling and being nervous about screwing up the song. Then he saw Hermione. She looked GREAT in that green dress. It really brought out her eyes. She had quickly changed her makeup so that it enhanced her appearance, and had (or had Parvarti and Lavender) put her hair up in a French twist with curls framing her face, much like it was at the Yule Ball.

"Wow, Hermione. You look… GREAT! OH MY GOD! YOU LOOK HOT ACTUALLY!" Ron blurted out before he could stop himself, then his ears commenced to turn a bright red.

"Thanks, Ron. You look good yourself," Hermione said, also blushing.

"Thanks… Well, we better get up on stage then," Ron said, ears still red.

"Yes, we should."

Since they were the first couple, the got right on stage and went to their microphones.

The music started, and Ron sang first, in an amazingly soft and sweet voice that Hermione never expected. (A/N Hermione will sing in italicized and underlined Ron in just italicized and both in bold.)

Never even thought to cry,

When I heard you say goodbye,

Never said where you were going,

There's no laughter in the air,

Only silence everywhere,

And so much left unspoken,

Since you've been gone,

I haven't been the same,

I wish that I could see,

Who's to blame?

Without you, where do I belong?

Without you, how can I go on?

No love but yours will ever do,

Tell me how am I supposed to live,

My life without you?

Now Hermione came in a soft voice, so beautiful, so sweet.

Was I lost in you and me?

To the point I couldn't see,

That what we had was dying,

Now it's all that I can do

To see photographs of you

And stop myself from crying,

I should learn,

To live with out your love,

Got so many memories,

But it's,

Not enough!

With out you where do I belong,

With out you how can I go on,

No love but (no love but),

Yours will ever do,

Tell me,

How am I supposed to?

Live my life

With out you

I feel helpless,

And oh so all alone,

Ooo, like I never felt before!

You made me feel alive (ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

But I don't remember what it's like

Anymore,

Without you,

Where do I belong

With out you,

How do I go on?

No love( no love but yours will ever do

Tell me,

How am I supposed to live my life?

With out yoooooooooooooooou (with out you, where do I belong)

Where do I belong?

With out you how do I go on?

Tell me,

How am I supposed to?

Live my life,

With out you,

Oh baby,

Where do I belong?

Without you,

Please tell me,

How can I go on,

With out you, Hermione?

Ron added that last bit on his own. He knew it was time. Hermione looked at him. It seemed the entire crowd was looking at him.

HrPOV

'Oh my God! What is Ron saying? He just did so perfectly on that song. And now he's telling me that he can't go on without me? Wow! So totally awesome moment!'

End of POV

They were still standing on stage. Gazing into each other's eyes. Ron suddenly leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. "Hermione, would you go out with me?" He asked her.

Hermione nodded her head yes, and smiled. She took his hand and led him off stage.

"I've been waiting for you to ask me that for a long time, Ron. It's about bloody time that you did!" Hermione scolded him jokingly.

"I was afraid to. You know my nerves." Ron defended.

"I was only joking. Hey, I'm going to go get ready for the dance. Harry's the last before the contest, and I don't want to be late. I better get his costume to," Hermione was about to go off when Ron stopped her.

"Wait, Harry's singing? I didn't even know he bloody signed up! Whoa. I miss a lot these days!" Ron said, and Hermione laughed.

A few minutes later…

Harry was up next. Ron and Hermione were standing in the back holding hands. 'Well,' he thought, ' I'm glad they finally got together. Now I just have to get through this song!'

Harry signaled that he was ready for the music to begin. It began and he started singing in a rough rocker style voice.

We've been through this over for a thousand times
Come on, come on, come on
Tell me what's on your mind
It doesn't matter baby what I say
You never seemed to hear me anyway

When push comes to shove
It's never enough
It always comes down to something
How could I live
Why would I try
I could learn to live without you
But that's a lie
No giving in, no saying goodbye
All comes down to one thing that,

All of this means nothing without you
All of this means nothing without you

I thought I saw you reach up
Thought I saw you try
Waiting here for something, nothing's all I find
Kneeling at your alter standing on the shore
Writing now to listen, I'm outside the door

When push comes to shove
It's never enough
It always comes down to something
How could I live
Why would I try
I could learn to live without you
But that's a lie
No giving in, no saying goodbye
All comes down to one thing that all of this means nothing without you
I won't give up, I ain't giving in, no, cause you know I won't let you down
How could I live
Why would I try
I could learn to live without you
But I would die
No giving in, no saying goodbye
All comes down to one thing that all of this means nothing without you
Why would I try
I could learn to live without you
But that's a lie

No giving in, no saying goodbye
All comes down to one thing that all of this means nothing without you

Harry decided to add something to the last line, on the spur of the moment.
That all of this means nothing without you, Ginny.

She had been watching her now ex-boyfriend singing the entire time. Now she looked up. She saw him looking at her. She suddenly realized what that song meant. She realized that he wanted her back. She wanted him back. She looked at him again, and nodded.

HPOV

'Why did I add that to the last line? She must have heard me. She's looking at me. She's nodding her head. Is this what I think it means? Brain: Of course it is! Idiot! She wants to get back with you! Harry: Yes! Does victory dance oh, wait, better not do that. I'm embarrassing my self. Shit!'

End of POV

Ginny ran right up to Harry once he had gotten off stage after embarrassing himself and gave him a hug. "YAYAYAY! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!" she yelled.

"Wow. This is NOT how I expected this would be. I was just going to ask you out after the song and tell you I love you. Not expecting you to come up to me and scream your Happy Scream!"

Ginny snapped out of it. "I love you, too."

"This was just going to be a sappy romantic scene not a hyper scene, but nooooo…"

"Did you even hear what I said?"

"Yeah, you said you loved me. But- wait…" Harry considered this for a minute, his small brain have trouble taking it all in. "That means we're in love. OH MY GOD! WE'RE IN LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!" he practically screamed that last bit and swooped Ginny up into a big kiss. Hermione, who was holding his costume, interrupted him.

"Sorry, but our dance is up soon. I hate to interrupt you're snog fest with my best friend, but you need to go get dressed, mister." She handed his costume, and sent him off.

A few minutes later…

Harry and Hermione were on the dance floor and on opposite sides. They signaled for the music to start and it did. In the instrumental, they walked together. Then came the lyrics…

Now that you're out of my life (get together and join hands)
I'm so much better (Hermione flings her head back and kicks her leg catches on Harry's shoulder.
You thought that I'd be weak without you (Harry swings her around with Hermione's arms flailing)
But I'm stronger (Hermione un latches her leg and stands up by herself and takes a strong pose.)
You thought that I'd be broke without you (Harry Jumps over her head)
But I'm richer (Hermione rolls on back)
You thought that I'd be sad without you (Hermione mimes crying)
I laugh harder (Harry comes and mimes tickling and her maniacal laughter)
You thought I wouldn't grow without you (Harry picks her up)
Now I'm wiser (Harry swings her around)
Though that I'd be helpless without you (Harry brings her down and she does splits between his legs)
But I'm smarter (Hermione get's up and Harry flips her over him, she does a double back flip)
You thought that I'd be stressed without you (Hermione walks away)
But I'm chillin' (they shimmy towards each other)
You thought I wouldn't sell without you (Hermione slides down into splits)
Sold 9 million (Harry jumps over her in a spread move) (loud applause)

I'm a survivor (What?) (Hermione does strong pose)
I'm not gon'' give up (What?) (Harry comes towards the audience and does a spin move)
I'm not gon' stop (What?) (Hermione runs and jumps on Harry's shoulders)
I'm gon' work harder (What?) (Harry flips her forwards)
I'm a survivor (What?) (Hermione lands cleanly, and tumbles on the ground)
I'm gonna make it (What?) (Harry picks her up)
I will survive (What?) (Hermione in cradle position, Harry swings her around)
Keep on survivin' (What?) (Harry puts her down on the floor)

After of all of the darkness and sadness (Hermione get's up and hides head in his shirt)
Soon comes happiness (Pop's up and Harry flips her backwards, 3x)
If I surround my self with positive things (Hermione circles Harry)
I'll gain prosperity (Harry picks her up, swings in close to the ground, throws her in the air, she does 3 turns, he catches her) (loud applause and cheering)

I'm a survivor (What?) (Hermione "raises the roof")(Harry leans towards her)

I'm not gon' give up (What?) (They walk together)
I'm not gon' stop (What?) (Join Hands)
I'm gon' work harder (What?) (Harry takes a step backwards she follows)
I'm a survivor (What?) (Harry pulls her into a big combo spin move she does all spinning)
I'm gonna make it (What?) (Pulls out)
I will survive (What?) (Harry lifts Hermione up in the air and onto shoulders)
Keep on survivin' (What?) (Pause… on "What" they cup their ears with one hand each and lunge towards the audience.) (Audience: "KEEP ON SURVIVIN'")

Hermione and Harry got loud applause from the audience. They just smiled and hugged at how good they had done! Then Professor McGonagal came on the dance floor and said, "Now for our special guests. Please give it up for the now good Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters!"

Suddenly the wall moved back to reveal Lord Voldemort and a few of his Death Eater cronies. They started playing some hard rock music. Then, suddenly, the ceiling cracked and a random girl (A/N: this is my friend's part of the plot!) with dark brown hair, and dressed like a gothic fell threw it.

"Now where did Kevin go?" she asked herself, then turned around and saw Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters. "AHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, and then ran. The Death Eaters chased her to convince her they were good.

Seconds later, a random guy (coughcoughKEVINcoughcough) fell through the ceiling also. He had a bass guitar around his shoulder and a weird expression on his face. "Hey, this isn't my Para Para dance lesson with Yura-Sama and Aya!" he exclaimed. Then he turned into a monkey and scrambled back through the ceiling.

Everyone in Hogwarts looked at the hole weird for a second, and then heard screaming. Suddenly, a very scared looking blond (this is me!) fell through the hole. Her hair was wavy, because she had put it up in braids, and because it was like that, she looked A LOT like Hermione.

"HOLY CRICKET! You're Hermione Granger! You rule all!" she screamed, and ran to Hermione.

"Ummm…."Hermione said.

"Ok, well, that's my surprise for today. Time to go!" the blonde said, and then she sprouted wings and flew through the hole in the ceiling.

THE END!

Amber: HEY WHAT ABOUT ME! DO I JUST GET TO STAY HERE AND DIE?

Ga Nat Nat: Yesh…

Amber: Your one sick and twisted girl, GA Nat Nat!

Ga Nat Nat: Mwhahahaha! Oh yeah, if you want through, I could always turn you into a monkey, like I did with Kevin.

Kevin: Oo oo ahh ahh!

Amber: No thanks. How about a bird?

Ga Nat Nat: Fine…

Amber: turns into bird flies out

Amber: Tweet tweet (translated- now turn me back)

Ga Nat Nat: Ummmmm… that might be a problem… runs

(A/N: I know, very lengthy. Oh, I took the part between Harry and Ginny for Full House, when Jesse and Rebecca were in Nevada and he asks her to marry him. I just thought it was to funny to pass up! Well, hope you enjoyed!)