A/N: Sorry this has taken a long time to complete. I've had some personal problems lately and sort of lost my creative inspiration. Thanks Anrixan for convincing me to write again and get this posted.

Stripped: An Intimate Portrait of the Crimson Squad

Part III: Baralai

He didn't appreciate the way they whispered behind his back. Did it matter whether he slept with a man or a woman? Bisexuality was something he had always struggled with. More specifically, his bisexuality. It was something that he had never fully come to terms with. It had never presented a major problem in his life until the man or woman had names and faces. Now he was presented with the dilemma of loving both a man and a woman. One was his best friend and the other was his confidante.

If he had to make a choice, who would he chose? And would that be the best possible choice? Who would it hurt? And could he handle it? He knew that there would be consequences no matter who he chose. If he chose Paine, he would be publicly ridiculed for loving porn's first lady. She thought that he didn't know. That he didn't see her on the covers of adult spheres in seedy little shops. It was foolish of her to ever think that she could hide something from him. And Gippal, too. He thought that he didn't know about his self-mutilation. But he did. He had to admit to himself that if he did choose Gippal it would be so much easier to keep his secret. Paine's was impossible to keep from the public eye. Yet still, he couldn't hide that Gippal was Al Bhed. A prominent one at that. But Baralai had secrets of his own to keep.

Standing up from his desk Baralai began to pace back and forth. He hated feeling this way. He hated not having all the answers. And it didn't matter who he chose because in the end he'd end up hurting someone he loved. It wasn't fair. He deserved to be happy just like everyone else. It seemed like everyone in Yevon was out to destroy his happiness.

He felt hopeless. Sitting back down at the great oak desk before him, Baralai removed a small black sphere from his bottom drawer. Punching in the combination on the holographic keypad a small object ejected. Baralai emptied the contents of the small box onto the smooth surface of the desk. He grabbed a letter opened from the jar beside him and proceeded to cut the white powdery substance into seven neat lines.

He just had to make the pounding in his head stop. The aching in his heart had just become too much for him to deal with that night. He didn't feel like being strong and collected tonight. He just wanted some peace and quiet within his mind. He craved numbness. He had an early meeting in the morning and he didn't want his thoughts taking control of him.

With each line he snorted he began to feel even number than the one that he had inhaled moments before. His started to tingle and still it wasn't enough so he continued to inhale the drug until there was nothing left for him to snort. The horrible thoughts had disappeared and his body was beginning to relax.

Baralai sighed and stood up again. The room began to spin and everything became a big blur. Something didn't feel right. His upper lip felt wet and he could feel the moisture running down his face. He lifted his had to his face and touched the wetness. Looking down at his hand he saw a blurred red substance on his fingers. Tears streamed down his cheeks and mixed with the blood. He'd over done it this time and began to panic. The room spun faster and faster until he felt like he was falling. Then everything went black.