It's time
Meredith sat in the living room. It's about one in the morning and she has to be up for five. The urge to get up and drink a shot of tequila is almost to strong to bare. She feels so lost. After the encounter in the elevator the day before she just seemed to float through the rest of the day in despair. She didn't know what else to say to him. She didn't know what else to do. She wanted out. She wanted to get out of the life she is currently in and start over. Wiping the slate clean.
She knew she couldn't though. Where would she finish her Internship? She wondered if there was any other hospital better then Seattle Grace. It would be significantly different working under someone eases authority. There would be new faces, new bosses and the way people do there thing... to get used to...
There was still Izzie and George to consider. She could just leave them the house...What about everyone else? Her family. Christina...Her "person" Meredith would have to get a new one... There was Alex...he may be an ass but he was still somehow a small potion of her family. Then there was Bailey and Dr. Webber... She'd miss everyone. How could she just get up an leave them?
She feels as if she could leave Derek behind. He is one of the main reasons why she wants out. If she left, there would be a better chance that she'd get over him. It's the fact the she sees him all day everyday that makes it hard. And when he looks at her...damn it's so hard to forget him, to just get over it and move on with her life. There was also her Mother. She couldn't leave her mother or bring her with her...wherever that is.
The soft sound of footfall on the stairs snapped Meredith out of her subconscious state of mind. It was Izzie. It's been only three days and Izzie still has the excuse to mope around. Izzie knows of the night of the prom. She weaseled it out of Meredith yesterday. Even though she feels sad and alone and depressed. She still likes to hear the gossip. She also knew there was something up with her friend and knew it would make her feel a little better to get it off her chest.
"What are you doing up at this hour?" Izzie asks, walking into the living room and sitting on the other side of the couch.
"Contemplating my life..." She said looking down at her Dartmouth T-shirt. The one Derek said she looks so good in.
"Yeah, I've been doing that a lot lately." Izzie says, tucking her knees into herself. Both woman sat in silence. Just enjoying the others company. Izzie let out a small sigh and looked around the living room. This would be one of those times where Izzie would open her mouth and say something sappy. Something Christina would counter with her strict "Izzie!". Of course, Meredith wouldn't mind. And it was Meredith who opened her mouth first.
"Izzie?" Meredith says quietly. She scratches her head, her honey colored hair all disheveled.
"M hmm?"
"Have you ever wished you could start over?...Like you could just get up one morning and say to yourself, 'I want a do over.'...?"
"Sometimes..." Izzie fell silent, somehow she knew where his was going. "I actually would think about where I would go, where is the best place anyway?"
"I donno." Meredith obviously didn't get what Izzie was inquiring.
"What about Maine?"
"What about it?" Meredith asked. She now had her head resting in her hand, elbow on the arm rest.
"It's nice up there..."
"You've been to Maine?"
"Yep! It's beautiful up there Mer, you'd like it." Izzie looked at Meredith, she could see the gears beginning to work around this implied advice. Izzie would be sad to see her best friend go, a member of her family leave the rest of them. But she knew that this is what Meredith needed. She needed a fresh start. Izzie could feel some tears coming on and willed them to stay back. She got up off the couch. Meredith didn't say anything. "Portland is nice. There are a few hospitals there..."
"I bet..." Meredith looked off into the darkness, thinking, pondering her next life changing move. She felt like a pawn on a chest board.
"Well, you have work in the morning...And I'm tired." Meredith got up off the couch, smoothing her hair out of her face. She smiled at her friend, silently thanking her for the nice chat. Izzie began to walk up the stairs and Meredith followed. They bot stopped outside there doors and looked at each other.
"Night, Iz."
"Night Mer." Izzie smiled sadly to herself and walked into the room and shut the door.
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Meredith woke up three minutes before the alarm. She yawned and stretched and got out of bed to take a shower. She threw her Dartmouth T-shirt onto the floor and walked to the mirror. She stared at reflection. What she saw was an over worked, overly tired and stressed women she hardly recognized. She can't even remember the last time she was happy...actually she could she just refused to think of it. If she did, she'd only feel even more depressed and sink deeper within herself.
She finally pulled her gaze from the mirror and turned on the faucet and stepped into the warm water of the shower. She could here the normal sounds of George and Callie getting ready for work, and the extra footsteps of Izzie outside her bedroom door. The blonde heard the shower going and walked down the stairs to the kitchen.
Meredith finished taking her shower she brushed her teeth and walked back into her room to find something to wear. The smell of her Lavender shampoo flowing through the air in her wake. She took a cranberry V-neck from her drawer and a pair of jeans and put them on. She then walked down to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.
"Morning Mer," George greeted her with a smile. Meredith smiled back as not to show her lack of enthusiasm for the day ahead. Izzie gave her a look at the corner of her eye which she did not see. Izzie knew that eventually this house would not occupy the honey haired roommate. In one way or another, it was going to happened. And she made herself ready for the departure.
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George was in the pit today, Alex was with in the pit, strangely not with the She-Shepherd. He must have done something wrong to piss her off to be in the pit. Christina was with Callie in Surgery, what a great way to start off the day. And Meredith was with Dr Miranda Bailey. Nothing special going on yet today. Meredith hadn't seem either of the Shepherds today and welcome the relief of it. She didn't want to deal with anything but patients today.
"Mrs. Egan, this is Dr, Grey and she will be prepping you for te OR." Bailey said ti a middle aged dark hair women. She was about to have a heart transplant.
"Hello Mrs. Egan,"
"Please call me Kat, Mrs makes me sound old." Meredith smiled at that.
"Okay, we just need to get you onto this Gurney." Meredith said a few nurses entered the room. They helped her onto it. Olivia, one of the nurses placed a cap on Kat's head. They then wheeled her out of the room and into the nearest elevator.
"I've been waiting for almost a year now..." Kat says.
"Well now you finally get it." Meredith replies, smiling down at the women. Kat nods and smiles back. The elevator comes to a stop and the doors open. Derek and standing on the other side and steps aside. He looks at Meredith intently but she keeps her eyes straight ahead as they push Kat out of the elevator and down the hall and then into the OR
The mask is put over Kat's mouth and nose and she is told to count backwards from ten. Meredith is in the scrub room putting on her mask and washing up. When finished she enters the OR and a nurse helps her into her suit. Meredith stands at the other side of the table in front of Dr. Webber. He picks up the scalpel and begins to make the incision when the intercom buzzes.
"Is Dr. Grey in there?"
"Right here!" Meredith says through her mask. She finds this a bit odd. She's never been called out of an OR before.
"You have a call, It's urgent."
"Who is it?"
"Someone calling regarding your mother." Meredith hears the sharp clang as the scalpel Dr. Webber was holding falls to the floor. A nurse rushes over and removes Meredith's suit and Meredith leaves to room. Meredith high tails it to the nurses station and takes the receiver from the nurse behind the counter.
"Hello?"
"Meredith? I'm so sorry, but your mother just past away." Meredith let the receiver slip from her hand as she stood the in complete shock. No tears fell from her eyes, nor did a look of sadness etch a crossed her youthful face.
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She stood there a day later in the cemetery. No emotion showing on her face. Still no tears. Izzie and George stood on either side of her. Izzie had an arm hooked around Meredith's to comfort her friend. Everyone was there. Dr Webber looked a wreck, his wife letting him even though that was the women he had an affair with. Meredith's Father was there as well. Farther away from everyone else. He was alone. She saw a lone tear fall down his cheek. Still she didn't cry.
Meredith had hugged her father, and pretty much everyone. Getting a lot of pity stares. And after the funeral and the burial, Meredith Collected her mothers things that were at the nursing home and drove home. She told the others that she'd be home in a little while, that she had things she needed to take car off. They understood and went on home. Meredith sat in the driveway for a while when she drove in and parked. She stared at the house. Remembering that this was the house she grew up in. Finally, after a day and a half of repressing, she let the tears fall. She sobbed and didn't bother to wipe the tears from her aching eyes. She shook with sadness alone in the car for a while longer before wiping her eyes with her fingers and stepping out of the car. She slowly walked up the steps and opened the door. She heard the faint chatter of people in the kitchen but walked past that door and headed upstairs.
When she opened her door she found a suitcase lying on her bed. It was new. One of those ones you wheel around with a handle. She suddenly felt a presence in the room and she turned around to face Izzie.
"I hope it's big enough..." Izzie's voice cracked a little. Meredith finally realized that Izzie knew what she wanted. Izzie was letting her leave. "I packed it for you...so I guess it's big enough." Meredith saw a tear slip from her friends eyes and walked over to her, enveloping her in a hug.
"Oh Izzie..." Meredith said, feeling hot tears sting her eyes for the second time that day.
"I know you must...I want you to be happy, We all do."
"Where am I going to go?" Meredith asked letting go of her friend and going to sit on the bed.
"I got you a ticket..." Izzie sat down beside her.
"To where?"
"Maine..."
"Oh Izzie." Meredith said again. Her head went into her hands.
"I used your money...But I payed for the hotel until you find a place..." Meredith laughed a little. "I'm not rich!" Izzie then exclaimed. They both went silent.
" I'm going to have to talk to Webber..."
"Yeah..."
"I'm going to miss you...all of you."
"Me too, but It's time Mer. You need to get a fresh start...a do over if you will." Meredith looked up at her friend. She gave he a hug and Izzie got up to leave.
"Izzie?"
"Yeah?"
"What about the others?"
"I'll keep them occupied so you can make an easy escape." Izzie's voice cracked again. Meredith gave her a weak smile, her implied goodbye. She nodded and turned to her suitcase.
"It's time." She said to herself as she picked it up and walked to the door, waiting for the all clear.
This chapter came fluently for me. I almost couldn't write it when I got to the middle, I just found out they are taking my great uncle off life support...Life is so short...please review...
