Chapter 17
20 years before Encanto
Dolores learnt from a very young age that it's better to stay quiet.
The lesson came from an early memory, one her family thought she was too young to remember - but Dolores hadn't forgotten. She could still recall it vividly.
It was a memory of thunder and wind and rain.
Mama was breathing fast, her wide, panicked eyes staring as Dolores cried and screamed up at her in fear.
"Stop crying! Please! I don't know what to do!" Pepa sobbed desperately as rainwater dripped from her hair and tears streaked down her cheeks. "Stop crying! Please stop crying!"
Dolores remembered being wet and shivering. She remembered screaming as lightning and thunder crashed loudly around her. She remembered feeling afraid.
The next thing Dolores remembered was waking up to her family staring down at her in concern.
"She's ok." Tia Julieta sighed in relief.
Dolores remembered staring up into Tia's kind eyes as she heard the sounds of raindrops, of mama crying and apologising to Abuela, of a strange high pitched ringing in her ears.
Dolores didn't know what happened that day, but she did know that mama stopped coming near her after that.
4 years later
"Noche de fiesta! Todos vienen a celebrar,"
The family sung happily together, all sitting around the outdoor table as Agustin strummed the guitar. Flowers were blooming on the grass all around them, and Isabela was braiding them into Julieta's hair. Dolores sat cuddled up in Abuela's lap, watching her mama and papa sing along to the music.
Papa tickled Mama just at the right time so she missed the note. She turned to him with a playful smile and covered up his mouth with her hands to muffle his singing, as Papa laughed and kissed her hands. Dolores smiled, looking up at the rainbow that was shining above them and feeling content.
The sounds of the village mixed in with the music and Dolores listened to both.
"Take an extra coat it's gonna be-" "-noche de fiesta-" "-from the river, they're fresh-" "-the most beautiful flowers. Really she-" "Dolores." "-I don't want to go down the-" "-Todos llegan para gozar-" "-is my house straight?" "-did you see which way my donkey-" "Dolores." "-and you wouldn't believe what she said-" "-cariño you always wear that dress-" "-rain again, I swear-" "-rice? It's in the cupboard-"
"Dolores."
Dolores squeaked softly, turning to Abuela, who smiled at her lovingly.
"Listen to the guitar, mija." Abuela said gently, leaning in to kiss her cheek, then gestured with her eyes to Agustin. "See the ways the strings move to the music?"
Dolores nodded, watching Tio's fingers as they plucked and strummed, the strings vibrating over hollow wood and resonating into sound.
"Try to hear the notes as they play." Abuela encouraged, using her hand to emphasise her words. "See them. Feel them in your heart."
Dolores nodded again, watching the guitar intently. What Abuela said helped, the sounds of the music became a lot easier to focus on when she was watching the strings. She could still hear the village, but it was no longer consuming as the music became clearer.
"That's good." Abuela praised as she saw her granddaughter's eyes become more focused. Abuela chuckled softly. "I knew you could do it."
Abuela then leaned in closer, so Dolores could look up into her loving eyes. Abuela's voice became easier to hear as Dolores focused on her face.
"It's important that we learn to control your gift." Abuela said, holding a hand to Dolores' cheek. "For the good of our family, and for the good of our community."
Pepa turned quickly at Abuela's familiar words, her eyes filled with worry. She thought back to her own childhood, of crying in the fields as mama tried to teach her to control the storms, of young Pepa forcing her feelings down until they hurt. Pepa shuddered. She didn't want that for Dolores. She didn't want her daughter to feel like she owed the village, or needed to be put to work. Pepa wanted her daughter to be happy and to enjoy being a kid while it lasted.
"Soon, we can practice focusing in on people too." Abuela continued proudly as Dolores smiled. "You are a miracle, Dolores Madrigal." Abuela kissed her granddaughter's forehead. "And soon you'll be able to do so much good for the Encanto."
Thunder crashed suddenly at Abuela's words. Dolores flinched as the sound hurt her.
Abuela quickly put her hands over Dolores' ears and the world became muffled.
"Pepa!" Abuela scolded. "What are you doing?"
Pepa held her hair, twisting it guiltily in her hands as she watched Dolores with apologetic eyes. She didn't mean to storm.
"You are hurting your daughter." Abuela said softly. She glanced up at the cloud, then back to Pepa. "You have to stop." Abuela made a shooing gesture with her hand towards the cloud, then gestured with her eyes. "Clear skies."
Dolores watched as her mama nodded, her mouth moving as she reached up and shooed at the cloud. Abuela lifted her hands from Dolores' ears and mama's voice became intelligible.
"Clear skies, clear skies..." Mama whispered shakily as she waved at the clouds.
Dolores could tell from the sound of mama's breathing and the soft blowing of wind around them that it wasn't going to work. Dolores always knew which sounds meant it was going to rain. She squeaked softly, but didn't say anything.
"Are you ok?" Abuela asked Dolores in concern, gently rubbing her ears. Dolores shook her head, not in response to the question, but because the sound of someone rubbing her ears was irritating. She took Abuela's hands in hers and continued to watch her mama.
Papa kissed Mama's face and grinned at her. He started speaking softly, putting his forehead playfully against hers, but Mama shook her head, hiding her face against his shoulder. The rest of the family looked over in concern. Isabela glanced up at Tia, who was watching her sister with sad eyes.
"Hey kid!" Bruno spoke up, turning to Isabela with an encouraging smile, trying to lighten the mood. "Someone I've been meaning to introduce you to..." Bruno's voice became suddenly high pitched as he pulled out a rat and brought it up to Isabela's face. "Hola! My name is Maria and I love pretty flowers!"
Isabela shrieked in surprise and jumped back, a flowery vine popping up from the ground and hitting Bruno. His chair tipped back comically as his legs and the rat flew up into the air. Little Luisa laughed as the rat landed in Julieta's lap with her. She reached forward and held onto it, the rat snuggling up against her.
"I'm ok!" Bruno's hand quickly pointed up from the ground. The family all laughed and Bruno grinned. "Just wanted to check on the flowers." He called out casually, sniffing the carnations he'd fallen on top of, holding them up by their bent stems.
"Mmm... Que bueno!" Bruno smiled hopefully up at Isabela, but when he let the flowers go they flopped lifelessly back to the ground. Isabela frowned.
"Come on." Julieta grinned, helping her brother up.
"Agustin," Abuela chucked encouragingly, wanting to help lift the mood too. "Let's finish the song. The children were enjoying it."
Agustin glanced at Pepa, who was laughing at Bruno. She smiled over at him with warm eyes. Agustin smiled back, before continuing to strum. The family all began to sing again, the sun shining brightly as everyone was smiling and laughing again.
Abuela sighed in relief, then turned back to Dolores.
"Let's practice again." Abuela said encouragingly. "Try to hear the guitar. Imagine it's one person in a crowd."
Dolores did as she was told, but stopped as she heard the wind change again. She turned to her mama in concern. As their eyes met, Mama quickly turned back to the rest of the family and exhaled, putting on a brave face and continuing to sing.
Mama seemed fine on the outside, but Dolores could tell she wasn't. She could hear it in the wind around them and in the sound of Mama's breath.
"The guitar, Dolores." Abuela reminded her in a gentle tone. "Let's try and separate the sounds."
Dolores nodded and turned back to the guitar, but instead of the music, Dolores listened to Mama's breathing and her heart beating faster. Dolores felt sad, because she knew Mama was trying.
"Imagine if one of the family got lost." Abuela continued in wonder. "Or someone in town... You could find them. Just like that! Wouldn't that be wonderful?"
Dolores sighed, ducking under Abuela's black shawl and covering her ears.
Pepa's cloud suddenly thundered and rain poured down over the family. Everyone exclaimed in surprise except Dolores, who watched quietly from under the shawl.
10 years later
It was late at night as Dolores walked silently through the casita. She'd woken up feeling thirsty, so she left her room and headed down to the kitchen to pour herself some aguapanela.
As Dolores drank, she noticed how quiet and still the world was around her now everyone else was asleep. She closed her eyes, enjoying the peace of the moment.
Suddenly, a voice spoke up.
"I see you."
Dolores coughed a little on her drink, quickly opening her eyes to look around.
Whoever it was spoke loud, but Dolores didn't feel afraid. His tone was warm and gentle.
"I see you darling, in the dark." The voice continued. "I see you hiding there."
Dolores glanced around in intrigue. The voice sounded like it was coming from town.
"I see you in the shadows, thinking nobody would care."
Dolores followed the voice to the window and gazed out into the night, her eyes curious as she listened.
"I see your crying eyes, although the tears don't reach your face. I see you hiding in the dark, believing it's your place."
Dolores' expression softened as she leant against the windowsill. She liked poetry.
"But darling if you took a step into the shining sun. If darling you could see the kind of person you've become. You wouldn't want to hide no more, you wouldn't keep inside. Because darling you're a miracle, that nobody should hide."
Dolores hummed softly in surprise. A miracle?
She couldn't help but wonder if those words had been meant for her.
Dolores peered out the window, holding her breath as she waited for what might come next.
"Good night." The voice spoke gently. "Try to get some sleep, ok?"
Dolores smiled quietly.
"I love you." The voice continued. "I love you so much. More than anything... You hear me?"
Dolores gasped softly. I hear you.
"You are so important to me." The voice said genuinely. "So get some sleep. Buenos noches."
"Buenos noches." Dolores whispered back under her breath.
Dolores stayed in the kitchen for a while after that. She climbed up into the window frame and stared out at the moon as it glowed over the mountains of the Encanto, feeling as if she were seeing it for the very first time.
4 years later
The town was alive with music and the bustling and dancing of people as they celebrated Dia de las velitas.
Dolores and Isabela stood by Tia Julieta as she cooked for them. Julieta glanced up from the grill with a smile. Festive flowers were braided through her hair and she wore colourful woven bracelets around her wrists that Mirabel and Luisa had made for her.
The sizzling of the meat skewers and corn mixed in with the laughter and movement of people dancing all around them, along with a crowd of different conversations. Isabela gently took Dolores' hand in hers, interlocking their fingers as she looked over with a comforting smile.
"Do you want to go somewhere quieter?" Isabela whispered. Dolores smiled back, shaking her head.
Dolores was very good at being in crowds, though she'd never tell anyone her secret.
Whenever Dolores became overwhelmed by too much noise, she would recite Mariano's poetry in her head, and all the other sounds would fade.
Over the years, Dolores had stayed up late every night to listen to him. She'd learned that Mariano was reading the poems to his mother to help her fall asleep, but that didn't stop Dolores from enjoying them. If anything, it made her love him more, knowing how much he cared for his mother.
She remembered the excitement she'd felt when she finally discovered who the mystery voice was. Abuela had invited her friends the Guzmans around for dinner. Dolores squeaked softly as she recognised his voice, staring at Mariano in wonder as he spoke, but too afraid to say anything back.
Dolores and Isabela took the corn cobs from Julieta with a smile, walking together to a quieter spot to eat them. Dolores replayed last night's poem in her head as they pushed their way through the noisy crowd.
The world is full of voices, the world is full of sound. It's easy to sink down beneath, until you can't be found. But darling reach your hand to me, I'll never let you go. Our hearts are full of music, so let the music flow.
"He's such a tonto." Isabela laughed, gesturing to Mariano as he danced champeta with their family, trying to keep up with Tia Pepa.
Dolores made a soft squeak and smiled to herself as she watched.
Mariano twirled Mirabel around and then lifted Camilo up onto his shoulders as the rest of the family laughed and danced, Abuela and Senora Guzman watching happily from a distance. Dolores realised the two older women were watching her and Isabela, so she listened in.
"Mariano is becoming a handsome young man."
"A bit young for you, Alma."
The women laughed to eachother.
"You know what I mean."
Dolores saw them both look in her direction thoughtfully.
Not you. Dolores reminded herself bitterly. They're looking at Isabela.
Dolores felt a sudden sinking feeling pull her down. She covered her mouth sadly as memories of Tio Bruno's vision played over in Dolores' head, green and glowing. The family all gathered around for dinner, Mariano kneeling before Isabela in proposal, Dolores watching them from the other side of the table with wide and worried eyes.
Dolores shuddered, taking a shaky breath through her hands. She still had that vision glass hidden in her room, but she never looked at it. She'd started to hope that maybe, somehow, it wouldn't happen.
"Are you ok?" Isabela asked gently, leaning in and rubbing Dolores' shoulder in concern. "Prima? I'm here for you... Want to go somewhere quieter?"
"Your Isabela seems lovely." Dolores could hear Senora Guzman say from a distance. "Look how she cares for Dolores."
Dolores felt sick. This was it. This was the moment that they choose Isabela.
She couldn't help but feel angry as she thought back on all the times people had chosen Isabela. Dolores remembered Mama holding Isabela in her arms as her flowers calmed her and stopped the storms. Dolores remembered watching from a distance, wondering why Isabela's gift brought her closer to her mama while Dolores' gift kept her away.
"What's wrong?" Abuela whispered from a distance, her voice soft, so only Dolores would hear.
Dolores looked up to see Abuela staring over in concern. Dolores felt her face become hot. Why was she acting like she cared? She didn't care. Nobody cared.
She got up and ran, Isabela chasing after her and calling out in a worried voice.
Dolores sprinted home, up into her room and slammed the door in Isabela's face, wincing at the sound as she did so. She was grateful that she didn't have her Mama's gift, because inside of Dolores there was a storm.
A lot of time passed, then finally there was a soft knock on the door. Dolores angrily hid her face against her pillow, hoping whoever it was would just go away.
More time passed, and then the door opened. Dolores sighed, covering her ears as the sounds of outside came flooding through her open door and into her room until it closed again. Footsteps led over to her, the bed shifting a little as someone sat beside her.
Dolores frowned, wishing they would just leave her alone. But then a gentle hand stroked her hair and Dolores' expression softened as she recognised the touch. She listened to the soft sounds of Mama's breathing and recognised her familiar smell. Dolores quickly wiped her eyes and turned around. Pepa sat beside her on the bed, flowers from the fiesta still in her hair as she watched Dolores with worried eyes.
Dolores tried to stop herself from crying, knowing that mama hated it when she cried, but when she took a breath it came out as a shudder, a single tear betraying her as it rolled silently down her cheek. Pepa gently wiped the tear with her hand as Dolores covered her ears in anticipation.
But it didn't rain. Pepa carefully took Dolores' hands from her ears and held them in hers, kissing them. Dolores looked up at her mama in surprise and saw that Pepa's eyes were full of love and concern. Pepa gestured for Dolores to come closer and she did. Pepa wrapped her arms around her daughter, her face brushing softly against Dolores' hair as she kissed her cheek. Dolores closed her eyes, trying to keep herself from crying as Mama held her.
"Do you want to tell me?" Pepa asked softly.
Dolores quickly shook her head.
"Ok." Pepa kissed her daughter's face again, then rested her head against hers. "Then I will just hold you."
Dolores sighed gratefully and relaxed into her mama's arms, her head resting against mama's chest and hearing her heartbeat. Dolores felt the tears welling up inside and she closed her eyes, quickly wiping her tears as they fell. Pepa gently took her hand as she kissed the tears from her face.
"It's ok for you to cry, mija." Pepa said quietly.
Dolores looked at her in disbelief.
"But you-" Dolores begun, then quickly stopped at the sight of a dark cloud appearing over Mama's head.
Pepa quickly closed her eyes and took a deep breath, the cloud becoming lighter as she whispered under her breath. Dolores watched sadly as Mama almost looked like she was in pain. When Pepa opened her eyes again, she looked apologetic.
"For me it is-" Pepa hesitated, frowning up at the cloud and quickly waving the last of it away with her hand. "Shoo!" She whispered, before taking a deep breath and turning back to Dolores. "For me it is different, mija... I don't want you to be like this."
Dolores looked back at Pepa, her face softening. But I love you, Mama. She thought sadly. Just as you are.
Pepa put a hand to her daughter's face and smiled sadly, her thumb gently wiping under Dolores' eye.
"I'm sorry, mi cielo." Pepa sighed. "For the clouds... And the rain... And..." She turned away, her heart beating faster as the cloud returned.
Dolores nodded, understanding what Mama was trying to say.
Pepa turned back, trying again.
"I love you, mija." Pepa said softly, her eyes genuine. "I love you so much." She leant in and kissed Dolores' face, then rested her head against her. "I've always loved you, you know hm? Even when it was..." Pepa sighed. "Cloudy."
Dolores lip trembled. She didn't realise how much she had needed to hear that from her.
"I love you too, Mama."
Dolores wrapped her arms around Pepa and hugged her tight, and Pepa did the same.
