How you really feel

They haven't seen any of the others yet. They got in a few hours ago, Grace was home alone because her Mother had a meeting with the Chief of Surgery. At the moment Grace stood in the living room, phone in hand while music was blasting from the DVD player

"Notes in my drawers, songs in my pockets, Fragments of letters that you sent!" Grace sang out beautifully. She sat on a stool in the middle of the room, as if she was performing on stage. "Leftover phone calls! cologne in the bath, I still have that bottle of Roses!" Grace continued on singing not even noticing the extra person in the room.

"Staring at your photograph, tryin' to take it down There's still a stirring in my heart." Meredith walked up behind her daughter and sang with her.

"Honey I just can't get around it anymore. " Now together "you make me feel like, home is where you are..." Grace smiled up at her mother and turned off the DVD.

"Anyone ever tell you that you should be on stage?" The two girls turned around to see George leaning against the wall. Meredith and Grace laughed. George came into the room and gave Grace a hug while Meredith put the stool back in the kitchen. Her daughter and George joined her in the kitchen.

"I'm hungry." Grace declared jumping up the counter to sit.

"What will it be?"

"Um...I donno.

"What about Chinese?" George asked looking in the frig.

"I hate Chinese food!" Grace and Meredith said at the same time.

"Like mother like daughter." George shook his head. "Oh yeah! How'd your meeting with Shepherd go?"

"Fine... I start on Monday." Meredith says sitting down with a bag of chips. When she went to her meeting she went in carrying herself well. She didn't act like she used to when put in one of those situations. She went in, acted as if all that history between Her and Derek never happened. She stayed very professional without even having to remind herself too. Strange thing is, so did he. She didn't even think of how to act or what to do until it was over. And it went well. She offers a chip to Grace.

"Wow, that's tomorrow." George said a bit surprised.

"Well yeah George." Grace decided to be a smart ass. George looked at her teasingly "where's Alex and Izzie?" She then asked.

"At the hospital, Alex should be home soon but Izzie is on call." George answers. He takes a chip from the bag.

"Aw, I wanted to see her!"

"I'll drive you down, how does that sound?" Meredith says rolling up the chip bag and handing it to George.

"For real?" Grace jumps up off the counter and hugs her mother. George looks on happily, admiring them. "I'll go get my jacket!" Grace races out of the room and her thumping is heard as she heads up the stairs. She come down like five seconds later and all three pile into the car.

They get to the hospital, the excitement of being there etched a crossed Grace's face. When they step into the big hospital Meredith takes in a deep breath, inhaling the smell she's missed so much. Grace looks at her a bit funny and sniffs the air. She doesn't quite get the meaning, but she will in time.

They take the elevator to the pediatrics floor.

"Is Dr. Stevens available?" George asks when they get to the nurses station. The nurse behind the counter looks at them all and notices Meredith and smiles.

"Dr. Grey! Nice to see you again! Is this your daughter? She looks just like you, oh yes sorry, she's in the second room on the right. You three have a nice day." She smiles still. The three walk down the hall a ways and see that Izzie is finishing up with a patient. They wait outside the room until she emerges. Once she sees Grace she sweeps her into a bear hug and kisses her forehead.

"Hey you guys! Sorry I can't be at home, duty calls."

"Understandable." Meredith says hugging her friend.

"So what are you doing here?"

"Grace wanted to see you...actually, not to push my limits here but...Is it okay if she stays here with your for a while? See how things are done?" Meredith asks, smiling at what she knows her Daughter's reaction will be.

"For real!" Grace squeals with delight.

"Of course she can! And you know what else?" Directing her attention to Grace now. "You can even sit in the gallery during my surgery in an hour."

"No Way!"

"Yes way!" Meredith and George laugh.

"Pick you up in a few hours, Love you." Meredith says as she and George turn to go.

"Thanks so much mom, Love you too." Grace hugs her mother and follows Izzie down the hall. Izzie waves goodbye.

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Derek sat in his office. Meredith had left a few hours ago. When she walked though that door she took his breath away. More now then she has ever had. She seemed different. She wasn't like the old Meredith he remembered. I mean, she was Meredith, but she appeared to have way more confidence and didn't look to be damaged. He personally didn't even think it was an act. He seriously thinks she is doing way better now then ten years ago. And she is.

When Meredith came in and the meeting had gone underway, everything seemed to be as if he was talking to a stranger. He knew it was her but he didn't feel threatened or anything. He acted like himself. It was like...Putting the past behind him without even having to remind himself too. It was mutual. He liked it. He liked not having to fake anything.

Derek leaned back and heaved out a big sigh. He felt bored so he decided to go to the Gallery. He went in to see Izzie performing an emergency C-section. He leaned himself against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't notice the other presence in the room. He finally looked over. There is a honey haired girl leaning forward in a gallery chair, looking intently and transfixed on te scene below. She really shouldn't be in there but he was curious.

"Amazing isn't it?" Derek states, not looking at her anymore.

"Yeah... My mom used to tell me all about performing her first surgery."

"It's a wonderful feeling." Derek responds. He wonders who this girl belongs to, obviously not Izzie.

"Yeah, I want to go to medical school. She says it runs in my veins." The girl looks at him. "My grandmother was one of the greatest, you know, the Grey Method, but I bet you already knew that." She says still transfixed. Derek continues staring at her. He can see it now. The spitting image of Meredith. The hair, the intelligence, the maturity. All of it.

"Yeah, I knew her. She was something." It goes silent for a long time before any of them says anything.

"Mom used to say that she wondered why anyone does drugs..." The girl looks back at Izzie.

"It's like a high," Derek recalls his first surgery with Meredith..

"...she really loves it." She finally says.

" I'm Derek Shepherd by the way, nice to meet you..."

"Grace, Grey." She finally looked away and looked at him, she shook his hand. He saw her mothers eyes looking right back at him. It was amazing. It made him wonder. Meredith hadn't given any indications that she was married, or had a daughter. He felt slightly disappointed.

"Would you look at that." Derek had finally looked back down into the O.R.

"It's amazing..." Grace watched in aw as Izzie held a newborn child.

"It really is."

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It was the next day, Meredith's first day back at Seattle Grace Hospital. She was very happy to be back. She had to refrain from hugging Bailey, who is now an attending. Bailey was still her old self, Meredith was actually glad. At the moment, Meredith is on break, she had just finished her first surgery of the day. Last night everyone was over, and they had a welcome back party. Izzie came in late but they all had a lot of fun. Derek hadn't gone. He said he had things to do. Meredith eats a forkfull of salad and takes a sip of water. It's a nice day out so she's sitting on a lone bench. The sun beats down on her face and a light breezes comes in, sifting through her hair, which is hanging loosely at her shoulders She'll put it back up later.

"You never told me you had a daughter." Someone says from behind her.

"You never asked." Meredith doesn't turn around, she knows who it is. Derek Shepherd lifts a foot and then the other over the bench and sits next to Meredith. He looks at her profile.

"True...So...does that mean your married?" He asks.

"Are you?" She asks back.

"No, Now it's your turn." She's very surprised by that answer. As far as she knew, he was still married to Addison when she left ten years ago.

"I'm not." She finally answers, putting her salad container on the other side of her. She sips her water.

"What about the father?" He asks. At first he didn't want to ask but he was curious.

"I rather not talk about it." It was obviously a sore subject so he laid off. "So...your divorced." She said not in the form of a question. Derek nodded.

"Ten years now." Meredith whipped her head around and stared at him. He looked back at her, a seriously look on his face. He was trying not to show his satisfaction over her reaction. He thought he should say when but he wasn't entirely sure how to say it without stirring. But I guess no matter how he would say it, it would bring up everything. He knew she secretly wanted to know. "Happened right after prom night at the hospital. She couldn't take it anymore. I could tell, so the next day I signed the papers." He looks off a little, avoiding her gaze.

"Meredith looks away as well. "Do...Do you think things would be different..If..."

"I had told you about the divorce?" Meredith nods. She's fiddling with her fingers. She does that when she's nervous. Derek shrugs, " I was going to leave it for you to decide..." Meredith looks at him again. She remembers that, that was what she was supposed to do anyway. But she couldn't take the pressure.

"Sometimes I wonder, how it would be now, if things were different." Meredith thinks for a moment. "But then I know, that if they were...I wouldn't have Grace. And I wouldn't re do anything because of her."

"She's just like you Mer." Meredith tensed a little at that. It was the sound of his voice, soft and tender like her used to talk to her. It stirred up a lot of old feelings. She gulps down the rest of her water uncomfortably.

"She's nothing like him...her father...and I'm happy about it." Derek listens to her intently. "I once had to explain to her why she didn't have a daddy...When I told her she felt like she was nothing...It hurt to see her crushed over it..." Meredith sighed and went on, "I mean...what are you supposed to tell you daughter? That she was the result of a rape?" Derek gasped. Meredith kept fiddling with her fingers trying not to look him in the eye. She was afraid to. Afraid of being judged. She was tired of being a victim. "I'm not happy about what happened to me, but I am to have her...Does that make sense?"

Derek looks at her, the McDreamy look without the smile (as in intense blue eyes that make you melt) "I understand exactly what you mean. We don't have control over what happens to us, but sometimes, something wonderful happens without warning, and we are grateful for it." Derek leans back. "Meredith...Don't be afraid," He lifts her chin up with his index finger so she's looking at him. "I'm not judging you...I never have or will."

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George is lying on his old bed, which is now Grace's. He was lying with her earlier. They were talking about how amazed she was about the surgery she witnessed the other day. She also talked about the little baby. She had gone in to see her a few hours after she was born. She talked about how small and brand-new she was, untouched by life. It was like listening to Meredith.

Now, Grace is asleep, her head on his shoulder. He should be getting home. Callie was waiting for him. He's been married to calling for three years now. No children yet. He wasn't ready for a while. Now he is. Christina and Burke were the first to get married. They did a year after Meredith left. Neither one of their weddings were very big. They didn't have them in Seattle etherr. They went to Maine. To many marriages for Meredith to be paying all that money to fly down for

. George decided to wait for Meredith before leaving. She should be home any minute now. He was so glad to have her back.

"Thanks for keeping he company." Speak of the devil. Meredith walks into the room.

"We talked, it was no problem." George whispers. Meredith nods and George takes Grace's head in his hands and lifts her head up and slides out form under neath her. Meredith takes his place. She lays her head on her daughters. George leans in and kisses both their foreheads. Meredith mouths a goodbye and George leaves. Meredith sighs. She smells Graces shampoo, it's the same as hers. She smiles.

"Hey mom?" Graces voice his heard.

"Mm hmm?" Meredith's eyes are closed/

"Do you like Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith opens her eyes, completely taken aback. Grace has seen them together, talking and stuff when he comes to Izzie's. She guesses some feelings have been surfacing and around for all to see. "Did you love him once?" Taken aback once again. Meredith wasn't going to lie.

"Yes."

This one was longer. I hope you enjoy. I hope you got the meaning of the Title. Review please.