Chapter 10
"Hey," Tadashi gave me a small smile as he stepped through the doorway.
"Hey," I greeted back, as he took off his coat.
"You can place it there," I pointed to the newspaper rack, Ru's and my makeshift coat-hanger. Tadashi was bewildered at the choice, but draped his coat over the rack anyway.
I headed for the living room, drawing my clammy fingers through my hair. Yes, I was nervous. For what, I had no clue, but somehow there was a lot of tension between Tadashi and I.
"Have a seat," Mom said in a clipped tone as Tadashi approached the couch. He managed a muffled, embarrassed thank-you and plopped down on the seat before she stalked off to the kitchen.
"So!" I tried to be cheery, "What do you want to tell me?"
Tadashi fingered his thumb. "Actually, I'm leaving for the airport in awhile. I only got the courage to tell you this at the last minute, as you can see."
"Tell me what?" I leant back into the velvety softness of the couch.
"Why I was so concerned about you fraternizing with… Rukawa," sighed Tadashi, unable to say the B-word.
"Your brother," I said on purpose, a grin slowly creeping across my face.
Tadashi shrugged and threw up his hands in mock resignation. "Right," he agreed, "my brother."
I laughed, knowing that there was less stress around us already. "You may begin," I made a sweeping gesture with my hand.
"I… Well, it's embarrassing to admit, but I was so jealous of Rukawa. My dad told me of his existence, since when, I can't remember. But it feels like forever. I hungered for my dad's attention because I never got it, save for the times he wanted to tell me about what a nice boy my brother was. He swore me to secrecy, to not tell my mother about the other family he was father and husband to. Of course I acceded – it was the only kind of bond holding him and I."
I was overcome with pity for Tadashi. "You poor thing," I whispered.
Tadashi smiled and shook his head. "I understand how my dad felt… At least, now I do. We had a long talk last night, because I'll be leaving today. Apparently he filed for divorce with my mom but she's been refusing to sign the papers for the past fifteen years. She's threatening my father with things like shutting down the Kawasaki empire, which my dad's family has built since before the war. My grandfather would have a fit if that happens. He's really old now and he doesn't know that my dad wants a divorce. But closing down the company is the worst my mother will do. I know about my mom's 'evil side', but she isn't that bad, really. She just wants some attention from my dad. I do know now that both my parents love me a lot."
I nodded, and Tadashi continued with his story.
"When I entered junior high, Rukawa was still in elementary school, but this is what my dad said – 'Be a good elder brother and guide him along when you see him. Remember, I will be a teacher in Tomigaoka next year and I will be watching you.' That was why there was a lot of stress on me when I was in junior high. Graduating was a relief."
"Then came high school, right? How did you connect Ru and I together, then?" I wondered aloud.
"I didn't need to connect you two together much. My dad told me something along the lines of 'your brother is so clever, he is using his talent to support his family because your mother is watching my finances closely' and naturally, he had to include the bit that Rukawa was living with a friend in this block of apartments."
"So you knew all along that Ru lives here?" I exclaimed, my eyes widening.
He gave a cheeky grin. "Not really. I just chanced upon a volume of Comic Weekly that interviewed you and you mentioned that your co-author is your flatmate. Everyone assumed that it was a girl because of the artwork and the storyline, but I took a look at the co-author's pseudonym and realized the first and last letters stood for Kaede Rukawa."
I gave a shriek of laughter and socked Tadashi on the arm. "You sneaky nosey parker!" I chortled.
"Thank you," said Tadashi modestly.
"He thought no one would find out," I choked breathlessly.
"Ah. You have to remember I have a lot of insider information."
"That's why you're sneaky."
"I don't think I thought very clearly, actually, when I was being sneaky," Tadashi admitted. "I just wanted to destroy it all for Rukawa. I felt that he had everything I didn't have. He had my dad's attention, even though he didn't know it, he had a great thing going for him in basketball and manga. Oh yes, he also had a great relationship with you. That's why I wanted to separate you and him, since you seemed to be the only human being outside his family he was on truly good terms with."
"That's just because I live with him. It's natural that we get to know each other better."
"If you say so. I heard that in his school he isn't a very sociable person, but no one knows how he is when he's at home. So one day I decided to ask my dad, who was of course ecstatic to have an excuse to talk to his mom, who told my dad that he's getting on very well with his flatmate. 'She has done a lot for him', that's what my dad said," chuckled Tadashi.
I blinked twice in slight unbelief. "I don't think I have a lot for him, nor do I think he is indebted to me in anyway, but... Ru and I do get along very well," I confessed, suddenly feeling self-conscious.
Tadashi cocked his head and gave me a serene smile. "You know… You're a very special person."
"Nah, I'm not," I waved my hand as a motion to brush that comment aside.
He held firm. "You are. You treat your friends unconditionally… You can sacrifice your own intentions for them. Like how you ran across the road to catch up with me… But more like how you treat Rukawa, and accept him as part of your life without any grudge or expectation... If Rukawa wasn't in the way, I'd go after you," Tadashi gave me a simpering smile.
"Ah, stop smiling like that," I threw a cushion at him. "Ru isn't in the way."
"Oh, he is, don't tell me you can't tell," Tadashi gave me a wink as he got up from the couch.
"Honestly, Tadashi, do you think you can tell anything from his behavior?" I cocked an eyebrow at Tadashi's cockiness.
"Judging from how hard he hit me in the hospital, yes, I think I can."
"We are just really good friends."
"So, you're telling me you don't like him that way, right?" Tadashi lifted my chin gently to look up at him.
I felt my heart thumping faster, the blood gushing to my face. "Uh, I, um-"
Tadashi laughed and took his hand away. "Tokita… You'll miss me, won't you?"
I closed my eyes slowly, trying to figure out my feelings for Tadashi. Did I still love him? This was my last chance to tell him, right?
"To tell you the truth, I was long aware of your affection," Tadashi sat down again, this time opposite me. My mouth dropped open, shocked at this new revelation.
"But I don't think I can return it, Tokita."
I shot him look that suggested my perception of his sexual orientation.
"Aw, don't look at me like that, I'm not gay!"
"Sorry," I lowered my frightened, astonished gaze and gave a muffled giggle.
"I don't want to commit to a relationship right now, not when I still have to complete my education overseas," he said seriously.
"…I understand."
"So… Don't love me, all right? Besides, I'm not worthy of your love."
I didn't have anything to say, being completely tongue-tied.
"I know you don't want to hear any of the sorry crap, but I really am sorry for all the distress I've caused you."
I smiled reassuringly, and he grinned back. "Right then, I have to leave for the airport right now, the chauffeur's waiting for me," he stood up.
I felt a slow pang of disappointment working its way from my heart down to my gut. "That's fast," I gave Tadashi what I assumed to be a brave smile.
He gave me an unexpected embrace, sweeping me into his arms. I caught the scent of his shampoo and Mom's look of rude shock as she peeked at us from the kitchen door.
I pulled back from the hug, decidedly bashful. Striding to the door, I heard Tadashi behind me, grabbing his coat off the newspaper rack.
"Tadashi," I chewed on my lip. "Thanks for coming over today."
"Well, thank you. I've certainly heaved a load off my chest," he replied as he put on his coat.
"Good for you," I nodded, and pulled open the door. He walked out, but suddenly turned back.
"You know, I would have given you a kiss, but I'll let my… brother… have the honor," he murmured with a mischievous gleam in his eye.
"Ru and I are clean, Tadashi. He doesn't like me that way."
"So that means I can kiss you?" Tadashi laughed, stepping towards the door.
"No no no!" I laughed and pushed him out playfully. "Get along now, I don't want you to miss your flight."
"Okay. Keep in touch, all right? I'll be back for vacation, so… Until then."
"All right. Bye!" I waved, and he disappeared into the elevator.
Thanks for all the memories, Tadashi. I'll be looking forward to more of them, till you get back, I grinned to myself as I shut the door behind me.
x
"Kawasaki was downstairs," Ru mumbled as he trudged into the hallway. "Erin-san," he greeted Mom as she came out of the shower.
"Hello there, Rukawa-kun," she patted his arm lightly in greeting and breezed past us into the room to make a phone call.
Ru still had on a stoic expression, but I could sense something different around him.
"Yes, you were saying – what about Tadashi?" I turned towards the TV again.
"Why did he come?"
"He came up for a chat. He's leaving for Canada today," I told Ru as I flipped channels. He then hopped from the back of the couch and dived onto the seat with his butt.
"Hey!" I complained, bouncing up. He was, evidently, much heavier than I was. Twenty kilograms, at the least.
"So," I turned to face him, "did you manage to talk to him?"
Ru hogged the remote to show his indifference.
"Okay, I really want to ask if you said sorry for beating him up, but since I already know that your answer will be no, I'll forget it. What about him? Did he tell you he's sorry for all the mean things he's said about you?"
The boy grunted.
"And did you say anything?"
Ru looked pointedly at me. "I said, Do'ahou."
"Awwww Ru! You could have just said 'apology accepted' or something like that. At least show him you can accept him!"
"I did."
"Ah."
'Do'ahou'.
So he did.
x
"I just got off the phone with Mazzy," Mom draped her arms around me from the back. "He wants to see Rukawa-kun."
"How did you get his number?" I asked her, surprised.
"I asked Tadashi, of course," she replied smugly. "Got it from him at the hospital as he was leaving in shame."
"Ah. I see."
Typical. Get a phone number from a guy who had just been beaten up.
It's happened before, in more ways than one.
"So!" Mom clapped her hands. "Shall we arrange something?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. You have to ask Ru first."
Mom put a finger to the side of her mouth. "Hmm," she considered, "Okay. He won't listen to you anyway."
"That's harsh, Mom," I shook my head in mock disappointment.
"It's not fault he pays more attention to elders," Mom smirked.
"Oh, get a grip!" I laughed at her girlishness.
Mom stuck her tongue out at me playfully and went off to look for Ru in The Back.
I smiled as I saw her prancing towards the room. Our relationship had improved by a major leap, especially after my stay in hospital. It was more like a friendship than a kinship, I'll admit, but it was much better than any relationship I've had with her.
x
Ru actually consented to meet his father, but seeing that Tadashi's mother would not allow Ru in her home, the meeting was to be held at my place.
According to Mom, it was an open secret that Ru's father had another family. Tadashi's mother couldn't do anything about it, unless she really was ruthless enough to kill Ru's family. But as Tadashi said, his mom wasn't that bad, really. She was just content to be Mazzy's legal spouse.
That was something that struck me as sad, because it was like how Tadashi was when he was younger. He would listen to his father talk about Ru even if he didn't like it, because those were the times his father really spoke to him from the bottom of his heart. Similarly, Tadashi's mom wanted to hang on to the marriage because it was the only thing binding her to her husband. Without the legality in the relationship, she would have nothing.
"She really must love Mazzy," I whispered to myself as I dried my hair. The bathroom was all steamy from my shower.
"Finally!" I heard Mom's voice floating across the chimes of the doorbell.
This is it, I grinned as I pulled on my clothes. Ru's big day.
x
The two men just stared at each other, without saying anything.
"Um, Mazzy, do you know Eddy just came out of hospital?" Mom decided to make some conversation.
"Sorry?" Mazzy-san, as he asked me to address him, gave Mom a puzzled look.
"Eddy," Mom gestured to me, "just came out of hospital."
Mazzy-san looked at me and a bulb went off in his head. "Oh! I thought you were talking about some boyfriend of yours," he chuckled, slightly embarrassed.
We all laughed (somewhat nervously), save for Ru. Mom shot me her Worry Look and I nodded before saying, "Excuse me, I'd like to speak to Ru for a moment."
Mazzy-san gave me a small smile as I dragged Ru by the arm. He heaved himself off the couch somewhat compliantly and we headed for the room.
"Ru," I started once I shut the door behind me, but he started to yawn.
"Look, Ru!" I shook his arms violently (I couldn't reach his shoulders) and made him snap awake. "You've gotta try to talk."
He stared at me.
"Yes, I know you don't usually talk just like normal people, but this is your dad. You've got to at least try. You missed out on him in the whole of junior high, and he was right there! Don't tell me you've got no regret about that?"
Ru averted his eyes away from mine.
"Look at me!"
Reluctantly he pulled his gaze back to me.
"I don't know why you need to make things difficult. Sure, you're sore about him not making a move to contact you. You may even be sore that he sort of waited in a corner, just observing you all your life. But he didn't have any choice, Ru. He had this woman looking at his every move, who would close down the business his family had spent generations to build. It could give his father – your grandfather – a heart attack or something. Are you understanding any of this?"
Ru jutted his lower lip out to show acknowledgement.
"I'm not trying to make a comparison here," I bit the insides of my cheeks to stop my eyes from filling up, "but I think you're one heck of a lucky person to have both your parents loving each other for so long." I couldn't help it, a sob escaped my throat. Ru looked absolutely petrified, even though his face didn't show it. I could see his pupils dilating, and I felt really guilty but I couldn't stop myself.
"Your brother and sister are alive, for goodness' sake," I breathed hard and swallowed as the tears ran down my face, dripping onto my t-shirt. "What more do you want?" I swiped at my cheeks roughly, then my nose.
"Don't cry," Ru whispered, plucking a tissue from a box nearby and handing it to me.
I took it and blew my nose.
"I'm sorry," I choked. "I didn't mean to make you feel guilty, but I couldn't help thinking how bad your attitude is to the situation."
"It's all right," he said, rather subdued.
"So, you'll try to talk?" I furrowed my brows at him while reaching over to get another piece of tissue.
He nodded. I gave him a watery grin and he pushed my head lightly to the side.
"Thanks," he murmured, as he opened the door.
x
"Move back?" Ru reiterated. Mazzy-san nodded with a pleased smile.
"Your mother would be ecstatic to have you back. I've argued with Miyu about it. She still threatens to close down Kawasaki Heavy Industries, but when I told her I won't be living with all of you she quieted down. I'm sorry, Kaede," Mazzy-san patted his son's knee. "Money is the best that I can do, when it comes to providing for this family. I really should live with the family that I love, but I'm afraid-"
"It's okay, I understand," Ru spoke quietly.
"So you'll move back with your mother? You won't have to work for the publishing house anymore," Mazzy-san concluded, beaming.
Ru was silent.
"Kaede?"
Mom leant over and tapped Mazzy-san on the shoulder. "Give him some time to consider," she smiled encouragingly.
Mazzy-san nodded.
Ru finally looked up and replied, "I'll just finish this series, then I'll tell Shinohara-san about my resignation."
I gave him a nod of approval. "You have to concentrate on basketball and your studies, anyway. And it's good to be with your mom."
"I didn't say I want to move back."
My eyes widened at him fiercely.
He glared back.
Mazzy-san lowered his eyes, smiling sadly. "Your mom misses you, Kaede."
I saw his stare waver.
"Kashi and Katsura have been pestering Chizuru for your address, but you never told your mother where you live exactly," Mazzy-san continued.
"Rukawa-kun, go back to live with your mother, all right?" Mom put her hand on Ru's shoulder.
Ru breathed a silent sigh and broke eye contact with me.
"When do I move out?"
x
I put the last of Ru's clothes into his duffel bag and looked up at him. "That's all, isn't it?"
He nodded, checking the list in his hand that I had drawn up for him.
"Well, you're all set!" I beamed, dancing around excitedly. "Aren't you psyched to live with your family again? No sleeping in school after finishing this series, you hear! Concentrate on school and basketball!"
"I think you're the psyched one."
"I'm just happy for you, Ru," I gave his arm a squeeze. "You're my best friend."
"I thought Sendoh is your best friend."
"Have I ever said that?"
"Un."
"Oh, that's just because I said you're my flatmate!"
"Which means?"
"You're my best, best, best friend," I laughed, pulling the zip across the bag. "Now, I'll still see you in Kouei, right?"
He nodded.
"Great. I don't feel as bad as I did when Tadashi left."
Ru didn't say anything about that, and I didn't probe. He probably still had some gripes about Tadashi being his brother, even if he had forgiven Tadashi about the car accident.
"I'm off," he muttered, and picked up the bag. The chauffeur was waiting for him downstairs.
"I'll go down with you!" I offered, scrambling after him to put on my shoes.
Ru shrugged, telling me he didn't mind.
And another one bites the dust, I thought, as memories of Tadashi waving goodbye to me from the doorway flooded my mind.
x
Five months later-
"Where's my passport?" Mom shrieked as she emptied the contents of her handbag onto the floor of the waiting room.
"Mom!" I hissed from the corner of my mouth. "This is an airport!"
"Eddy! Help me find my passport!"
"It's there, Mom," I pointed irritably. "In your jeans pocket."
"Oh Eddy, you genius, you."
I grunted my acknowledgement to that so-called compliment as she heaped her stuff together before dumping them into her bag. "No beer on the plane, all right? No one will be there to get you," I chastised.
"Oh, you don't have to bother, I have people there," Mom gave me a smug wink. "I grew up there, remember?"
"Okay, but no guys, all right! Only girl friends."
"Yes, yes, I remember my promise."
"And call me every week!"
"My goodness. You sound like your grandmother."
I folded my arms stubbornly. "Good!" I nodded vehemently to prove my point.
The call came for her plane and she planted two wet kisses on my cheeks. "You take care, all right? Call Daddy if there's an emergency, he'll get to you faster," Mom stroked my forehead.
"Got it," I gave her a wide smile before hugging her.
"Bye Mom."
"Bye, Eddy."
"Um, Mom?"
Mom turned and gave me a raspberry. "I love you," she mouthed, as she walked backwards toward the gate.
I was about to return the farewell when I realized something. "Mom, watch out!"
With a stupendous crash, a trolley collided with her bum. I slapped my hand to my forehead.
I love you too, Mom.
x
I flopped onto the couch at gazed up at the ceiling.
"There's no one here!" I shouted, giggling to myself. A small, gnawing feeling of loneliness was creeping up on me, but I chose to ignore it.
I got up and switched on the CD player. Scanning through the discs, I chose a dance album and turned it up to a comfortable volume. It had been a long time since I could do something like that…
"WOOHOO!" I yelled while catapulting myself onto the couch, shaking my head to the beats of the music. "LA LA LA LA LA!" I stamped my feet and clapped along with the rhythm.
Then I giggled to myself again before dropping down on the floor, resting my head on the seat of the couch to face the ceiling again.
So, Tokita Kaede.
Yeah?
You're all alone in this apartment. How are you feeling?
Perfectly fine.
You sure?
Okay, maybe a little bit sad.
A little bit?
Rather.
Why?
Well, Mom's just gone back to London today, and Ru's playing basketball in Taiwan with the All Japan team, and Tadashi's doing his summer term in Canada so he won't be back this vacation.
Out of these three who do you miss the most?
Oh, that's easy. Definitely Ru.
But he's the nearest. Taiwan.
I know, but he was my flatmate. And I've missed him so much these past five months.
And have you told him you miss him?
Nope.
Why?
I don't know.
Don't lie.
I'm not lying.
The first catch in a confession is denial.
Honestly, I don't know how I feel, so stop bugging me.
What are you feeling right now?
Hmm. I just want to see Ru. I want to eat takoyaki with him. I want to see him draw manga… I want him to see my fully completed oil painting of him that I never got the courage to show him because I'm afraid he'll say it sucks. I just want to see him more than anyone else in the world, and I don't really know why.
I didn't realize it, but tears were flowing down my temples while my eyes were closed. I decided to stop my soliloquy and open my eyes when I realized a face was above me.
"RU!" I screamed before shooting to my feet in shock. "Why are you here?" I frantically wiped away the tears from my eyes.
"I live here," he said simply.
"No you don't!"
"I do," he held up his duffel bag.
"You're supposed to be in Taiwan!"
"I came here right after the airport."
"When did you come in?" I demanded.
"Along the lines of 'Be my baby, yeah yeah yeah'."
"Oh," I replied, aware that my face was taking on the color of a beetroot. That was around the time I went "la la la la la".
"I will include that in my next manga," Ru said breezily, and sat on the couch.
I looked up. "I thought you stopped drawing."
He shrugged. "I can't give it up."
"Why?"
He shrugged yet again, and looked at me pointedly. A slow grin spread across my face like peanut butter.
"What do you think," I began, "about me learning basketball?"
He cocked his head before laughing. It was the first time I heard him laugh, really laugh, like 'hahahahahaha'.
"So? Is it a deal or not?" I put my hands on my hips and looked at him adamantly.
"You have to show me what happened to the oil painting you did so many months back. If it's good, then I'll consider getting you a coach."
I grinned and took his hand, before leading him to The Back.
Welcome home, Ru.
X
And that's it! Thank you all for you support. It's been great writing this. I hope you guys don't kill me for the rather obscure ending ;;
