Chapter 40

40 years before Encanto


Pepa had a lot of trouble sleeping after that day. She'd wake up screaming and crying, a storm raging as she panicked. Other nights she'd barely sleep at all.

Her family took turns sleeping in her room, always Pepa's room because the magic kept her weather in. If somebody was holding Pepa and cuddling her it made it easier for her to stay asleep.

With the promise they'd made to the village to be on perfect behaviour, Pepa wasn't allowed out of her room when it rained, unless it was for the fields.

Alma slept with her little daughter wrapped up in her arms, Pepa's face against Mama's chest as she breathed softly, her fingers gripping Mama's pyjamas.

Alma woke to the feel of rain on her face.

Pepa whimpered softly, stirring and wincing in her sleep. Her hands pushed against Mama, then she cried out in pain.

Alma's expression softened. She gently cuddled her daughter close, but moving her made it worse. Pepa gasped, whimpering in distress.

"Mija." Alma gently shook her, and Pepa started to sob.

"It hurts." She whispered, tears and rain falling down her cheeks. "Please, stop. It hurts."

"I know, darling." Alma kissed Pepa's face. "I know it does." She gently stroked her fringe. "Will you wake up for me?"

Pepa flinched, crying out in pain as her dreams replayed the traumatic memories.

Alma wiped Pepa's sweaty forehead, kissing her face as she sobbed, her clouds thundering and her body trembling.

"Wake up, mija." She shook Pepa awake and she screamed, her body twisting in pain as her clouds stormed.

Alma sat up, gathering her daughter into her arms and holding her tight as they cried together.


The next day


Pepa held tight to mama's shoulders and hid her face as Mama carried Pepa into the fields. She knew her daughter was upset, but their responsibilities couldn't wait. The crops had to be watered, there was no way around it.

It was already raining and Pepa couldn't stop shaking as Mama carried her to the place from her nightmares.

As they reached the crops Pepa began to scream, thunder and lightning flashing and her breathing short and panicked.

"Shh, mija." Alma whispered, rocking Pepa as she screamed. "We promised the village, remember? This is how we keep our home. Just rain today, Pepi. Just rain."

"Señora." The farmers came over with kind smiles.

Pepa screamed again, the sky lighting up. Alma glanced at her nervously.

"Hey there, little one." One of the farmers spoke gently to Pepa, leaning in as Mama held onto her. "Is that our favourite farmer?"

"I think so, muchacho." The other grinned.

"Let's see your beautiful face." He encouraged.

Pepa took a shuddering breath, shaking her head as she hid against Alma. She knew they were lying. She knew there was nothing beautiful about her face. They were just going to laugh at her.

"No." Pepa shouted, hiding against Mama. She was getting better at knowing when people lied, and better at standing up for herself.

The farmers both looked at Alma in concern. Alma looked back, silently apologising. They smiled in understanding.

"We have something for you." One tried again. "It's a present for our favourite farmer."

"I don't want to be a farmer!" Pepa shouted again, the sky flashing as she sobbed. "I hate it! I hate the crops!"

"Pepi." Alma stroked her hair. "Look what they have."

Pepa peeked out from Mama's embrace, seeing the farmers holding a straw hat to match their own. One of them smiled gently, handing it over.

She scowled, slapping it from his hand. His face fell a little.

"I don't want to!" Pepa screamed. "I don't want to be a farmer!"

"We'll give you some space." He smiled apologetically, picking up the hat as they headed off together to stand at a distance.

Alma took deep breaths. This was so hard. The village was going to see the storm. Alma had promised she could teach Pepa to control herself, but her daughter was so upset and Alma didn't know how to fix it.

Alma set Pepa down on the grass and watched as her daughter stood in the storm, staring ahead with wide eyes as memories played over and over in her head.

"Pepa, clear skies." Alma whispered, hugging her close as she knelt down. "Say it with me. Come on. I know it's hard to be here, but you've got to do it. Clear skies."

"Am I a monster?" Pepa asked, turning to Mama with desperate eyes, hands gripping her braid.

Alma stared back, rain dripping from her face and hair.

A monster? Alma thought. Dios, of course she wasn't. Pepa was her sweet girl. She just needed to learn to control her powers, that's all.

"You know what," Alma spoke quietly so the farmers wouldn't hear. "Sometimes I get bad memories too." She stroked Pepa's hair. "And I have bad dreams... they used to hurt me like yours do, but after a while they got easier. Do you know why?"

Pepa swallowed, a sinking feeling taking over her heart.

"It's like I told you." Alma reminded her gently. "What do we do when we fall down?"

Pepa took a shaky breath, looking away.

"We get back up." Alma encouraged, carefully turning Pepa's head back to face her.

Pepa just stared. Mama still hadn't answered her question.

"Life will knock you down, but you get back up again." Alma encouraged. "You need to be stronger than anything that happens, hm? And push down the bad feelings... That's why we say clear skies." She smiled. "Can you say it? Clear skies, Pepa."

Pepa's shoulders dropped as the sinking feeling pulled down on her chest and made her feel exhausted. Mama didn't answer her, so that must mean it was true.

Pepa was a monster.

The storm slowed into rain as Pepa felt devastated, her heart too tired to make any more storms.

"Good girl." Alma praised. "That's good. You're doing it. See? Clear skies."

"Clear skies." Pepa repeated, her voice dull and defeated.

Alma stroked Pepa's face.

Pepa closed her eyes and the rain froze over, turning into snow.


A couple weeks later


"You wanna play with us?"

Pepa shook her head. Everything felt like too much effort. Pepa was endlessly tired, and just wanted to stay in bed.

"The sun's still up, Pepi." Bruno grinned. "Let's go outside."

"I said no." She muttered, closing her eyes and pulling the blanket back over her head. It pressed down over her and made her feel safe.

From outside the shelter, Bruno's muffled voice spoke.

"You know, It wasn't that long ago when we were trying to escape from under the blanket." He reminded her.

When he got no response, Bruno sighed. He knew from experience if he pushed Pepa it'd only make her more upset and it'd make things worse. The best response usually came when he respected her wishes.

"Alright... We'll give you space for now, but we're not giving up on you, Pepa."

"Hope you feel better soon." Agustin added.

There was a thud of the door and Pepa was alone again.

Pepa stayed under the blanket. It had become her safe place, where nothing could hurt her. When Pepa was under here, all her responsibilities and expectations disappeared. She was allowed to sleep all day and it wouldn't matter.

This is how monsters live. Pepa reminded herself as she hid in the dark.

Pepa had been reading a lot of books about monsters, and she found comfort in discovering they weren't so bad. Dragons lived in dark caves, and people were all scared of them. But in some stories the dragons were nice. It just depended who told the story whether they were good or bad, and Pepa liked that because it was the same for her.

In the books, dragons protected treasure and scared people away if they tried to come near, so Pepa invented a new game where under the blanket was her cave. When she had to go to the fields or leave her room she would pretend to be a dragon, scaring anyone who came close. She's crawl through the grass and collect treasure to bring back to her cave, and hide it under her bed. The game made Pepa feel safe.

Pepa lay under the blanket, growling to herself as she played.


That night


Julieta slept with Pepa that night, their arms wrapped around eachother and their faces touching.

Julieta bumped Pepa and she woke with a gasp.

Pepa turned to her sister, but Julieta was still asleep. She stirred a little, her expression soft and frightened as she had a bad dream.

Pepa watched in surprise. It was rare moments like these she remembered how little Julieta was. Sometimes Pepa forgot she was a kid too.

Pepa kissed Julieta's forehead and she woke with a whimper. She looked up at Pepa with frightened eyes.

Julieta's expression then changed to one of concern. She sat up, and suddenly she wasn't a kid anymore.

"You okay?" Julieta asked Pepa, rubbing her eyes.

Pepa nodded.

"Why are you awake?" Julieta asked, gently brushing her sister's fringe behind her ear. "It's so late, hermana."

Pepa hesitated, knowing her sister didn't like it when people pointed out if she was upset.

"Honey was having a bad dream." Pepa explained softly, handing her sister her teddy bear.

"Oh." Julieta laughed, a little embarrassed. "Yeah, Honey does that sometimes."

"Is it because she was working so hard?"

Julieta smiled, one arm holding onto Honey and the other hugging Pepa.

"Sometimes Honey remembers bad things." Julieta explained.

"Like Mama."

Julieta frowned. "Mama's not bad."

"No, I mean Mama does the same thing." Pepa insisted. "She told me."

"Right." Julieta smiled. "Yeah, like Mama... In fact, sometimes Honey has bad dreams about what happened to Mama, too."

"But Honey wasn't there."

Julieta's eyes shifted. She'd heard the story so many times that sometimes it felt like Julieta's own memory.

"Technically we were there." She whispered, stroking Pepa's face, watching as her sister's eyes reflected the moon. She swallowed. "When bad things happen to her family, Honey feels like they happen to her too. Because she cares so much."

"Even when bad things happen to me?" Pepa asked.

Julieta smiled.

"Especially you, Pepi." She admitted.

Pepa went quiet, thinking.

Julieta yawned softly, feeling exhausted. She rubbed her eye and counted how many hours she had left till she'd need to get up again to cook before school.

"I have a secret place I go." Pepa whispered, deciding to share this with her sister. "To escape the bad thoughts."

Julieta put her thoughts aside, giving her sister her full attention.

"I can show you."

"Yeah?" Julieta smiled.

"And Honey." Pepa added.

Julieta laughed, hugging her bear.

"And Honey." She agreed.

Pepa took Julieta's hand and they went under her blanket. It was dark, so she could only just make out her sister's soft silhouette.

"It's my cave." Pepa whispered. "Where the dragon sleeps."

Julieta smiled. Pepa had been talking a lot about dragons lately.

"Won't we scare him, coming in here?"

"She." Pepa corrected her. "It's a girl dragon."

"Sorry. Won't we scare her?"

Pepa shook her head, feeling proud of herself. "Dragons aren't scared of anything."

Julieta smiled.

"Can I meet her?"

Pepa nodded. "But you have to call for her."

"Okay." Julieta grinned. "Hola? Is anyone here?"

Pepa made a growling sound, crawling around under her blanket and coming up close to her sister. She sniffed Julieta's face, then growled again. Julieta couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh there you are." Julieta grinned.

The dragon rubbed it's head against Julieta's face.

"Do you have a name?" Julieta asked the dragon.

The dragon growled.

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't understand that." Julieta smiled. "Maybe I can guess... Is it Pepa?"

Pepa scoffed, rolling her eyes. Julieta wasn't even trying.

She growled again, prompting Julieta to guess again.

Julieta thought back to other characters her sister had invented over the years. They'd always have weather names, so that narrowed it down.

"Is it Cloudy?" She guessed.

The dragon growled, shaking her head.

"Sunny?" Julieta tried again, but was met with another no. "Storm? Rain?" She sighed, unable to get a yes. "This is too hard. Pepa, can you just tell me?"

Pepa groaned in frustration, giving up the act.

"Her name is Shadow." Pepa announced.

Not weather related, Julieta noticed. That was new.

"And you know she protects me." Pepa continued. "So I can go to scary places, like the fields. Because Shadow is there."

"Does that mean you'll come back to school?" Julieta's voice was hopeful.

It went silent, and Julieta could feel her sister tense up as she became defensive. Outside the blanket, Julieta heard thunder.

"Señor said he'd love to have you back." Julieta offered. "He even said he can come to Casita and walk us to class in the mornings if that makes you feel safer."

There was pattering of rain against the blanket.

Pepa scowled. Julieta was doing it wrong. They weren't supposed to bring their problems into the cave. They were supposed to escape here. The cave was only for playing.

"Pepi, I talked to the boys." Julieta admitted. "And they are never hurting you ever again. They-"

Thunder crashed again as Pepa pulled the blanket off, revealing her furious face. Julieta stopped, watching her sister with worried eyes as a storm raged around them.

"You're ruining it!" Pepa shouted. "We're not supposed to bring the outside in! The cave is for escape, Julieta. I told you that!"

Julieta swallowed, holding Honey close to her chest.

"I trusted you!"

"Pepa, I'm sorry." Julieta's voice was quiet.

Pepa frowned, going to tell Julieta she wasn't allowed in the cave anymore, but then she saw a tear run down her sister's cheek and she stopped.

Julieta took a shaky breath, wiping her eye.

"Sorry." She said again. "I just... I really miss you, Pepi."

Pepa hesitated, watching her carefully.

"I miss walking to school with you." Julieta continued. And would race eachother, remember? And I miss how at lunch, you'd always get so excited when I revealed the mystery food of the day." Julieta smiled sadly. "And I miss playing Magic and Monsters. We tried playing just the three of us and it wasn't fun, Pepi. It just felt sad."

Julieta's lip trembled, her voice breaking a little.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but... I miss Sunshine." Julieta closed her eyes, hiding her face against Honey. "I miss my sister."

Julieta couldn't hold it back any longer. Her shoulders shook as she began to cry.

Pepa hugged her sister and Julieta leaned against her, tucking her legs up as she sobbed softly into Honey. Pepa rubbed Julieta's back, heartbroken to see how upset she was.

The thought of going back to school was terrifying, but Pepa felt overcome with protective energy. She would do anything to see Julieta smile again.


The next morning


As Alma walked Pepa to the fields that morning, she noticed her daughter wasn't pulling back on her hand as usual. She was leading the way.

"Are you in a good mood today, mija?" Alma asked hopefully.

Pepa nodded, determined for it to be true. It had to be, for Julieta.

"We have to finish my work so I can get to school on time." Pepa explained, and Alma almost choked in surprise.

"Oh?" Alma asked carefully. "You want to go back?"

Pepa took a deep breath and nodded. As they reached the crops, Pepa felt terrified, but then she pretended she was Shadow and it was okay.

"Pepa, please don't." Alma groaned as Pepa let go of her hand and crouched down onto her hands and feet, pouncing and scrambling around through the long grass. Alma sighed.

"There's our favourite farmer."

"You need help today, Señorita?" One of the farmers offered with a smile.

Pepa growled back, and Alma covered her eyes in embarrassment. Pepa had been doing this the past couple of times they'd come here.

"Ay, where did Pepa go?" One of them grinned. She's gone! Just a little dragon here."

Pepa smiled, growling again as she swiped a hand at the farmers, then spun around. They laughed, while Alma sighed in resignation.

"Look, look." The farmer said, kneeling down and reaching into his pocket. "Come here. We made this for you, cariño."

Pepa growled, slowly crawling over and sniffing at his hands. The farmer opened them to reveal a little carved wooden dragon.

Pepa grinned in excitement.

"Dios, my heart." He chuckled, glancing at his friend. "There it is. I missed that beautiful smile."

"Same."

Pepa took a breath, her eyes darting up at them. She wasn't sure if they were lying or not.

"Here you go." He handed it over to her, then whispered. "When you smile, the world smiles too." He gestured to the sky. "See?"

"Very special." The other nodded in agreement.

Pepa watched them, holding her new toy close.

"Can I wear my hat?" She asked in a quiet voice.

They chuckled and nodded, one of them going to fetch it for her. They put it over her head and Pepa smiled.


Pepa kept her farmer's hat on as she went to school, Alma holding her hand.

She squeezed Mama's hand in short little bursts, her shoulders tense with fear as they reached the schoolhouse. She hasn't seen the other children in weeks.

"You can do this." Alma reassured her.

Pepa stroked her braid, then reached a hand into her pocket, holding onto her toy as wind swirled around her.

"Pepa." A voice called.

She flinched, then felt relieved to see it was just her siblings.

They were laughing in surprise. Julieta held out a hand and Pepa ran over, jumping into their embrace as they both held onto her.

"Great to see you back, sis." Bruno grinned, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Same." Julieta kissed Pepa's cheek.

The wind blew and Pepa took a deep breath, glancing over her shoulder at Mama. Alma smiled and waved in encouragement.

Alma watched them go inside, stroking her braid anxiously.

"Pedro," She whispered under her breath. "Please, let it be okay."