Chapter 44

3 years before Encanto


"Mama."

Julieta turned from the stove to see her eldest daughter at the kitchen door, quiet tears running down her cheeks. She held a bleeding arm to her chest, blood dripping onto the tiles.

"Ay, mi vida..." Julieta gasped softly, taking a cloth and holding it to her daughter as she led Isabela to the table.

"Come here," Mama spoke gently, helping Isabela to sit down. "You're okay, mija... Let's take a look."

Julieta stroked her daughter's long hair back behind her ear so she could see her.

Isabela looked up at Mama with watery eyes, and when she saw Julieta looking back at her she immediately felt comforted.

Julieta was completely focused on her. It was like the entire world had shifted, and now Isabela was the only thing that mattered. There was no half listening, no multitasking or absence nods in agreement while she worked. Isabela had Mama's full attention, and it was consuming.

"Hold pressure here, okay?" Julieta told her, dark eyes still focused on Isabela as soft hands led her daughter's to cloth. Isabela swallowed, nodding in agreement as more tears fell.

Julieta hurried to the bench with urgency, and was back within seconds. Isabela couldn't help but smile as she felt Mama's hands on her face again, gently wiping her tears. Isabela felt so important, so valued.

"Let me see." Julieta kissed Isabela's forehead, carefully unwrapping the cloth. She clicked her tongue as she saw deep scratches along her daughter's arm.

"It was the roses, Mama." Isabela explained.

"Those roses," Julieta sighed softly. "They put your papi's bees to shame." Her concerned eyes raised back up to meet Isabela's. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, liking when Mama asked that.

"I didn't mean to, Mama."

"I know, mi vida." Julieta reassured her, kissing her again. "It's okay. These things happen."

Isabela watched her quietly. Secretly she wished Mama would figure it out. A part of her wanted Julieta to know.

Julieta gave Isabela an arepa that she cooked just for her. Isabela ate it gratefully, feeling the sting fade away.

"Thank you." Isabela sighed, leaning into Mama so she could rest her head on her shoulder. She loved the soft warm feeling of Mama's hugs, and how Julieta always smelled so nice.

"Of course." Julieta kissed her again, gently stroking Isabela's arm, fingers tracing where the cuts had just been. "I hate to see you hurt."

But it's the only time you'll see me. Isabela thought sadly, but on the outside she just smiled.

"You and Papi, my best customers." Julieta smiled back, then giggled. "At least we know where you get it from."

Isabela watched with a loving expression. She liked the way Mama laughed.

"Don't tell anyone I'm clumsy like him." Isabela sighed. "Will you Mama? I don't want people thinking I'm not perfect." She flipped her hair to prove a point, "Because I am." She smiled playfully, eyes twinkling.

Julieta grinned, nodding in agreement. Isabela smiled back, though secretly her heart sunk. She hadn't wanted Mama to believe her, but Isabela had become much too good at lying.

There were a lot of imperfections Isabela hid behind her smile, an example being the glasses she needed, but refused to wear.

Julieta sometimes wondered if her daughter wore her glasses like the rest of their family, maybe she'd be less accident prone, but it just wasn't an option. Isabela flat out refused to look anything less than perfect.

"Don't worry. No one will know but us." Julieta kissed her daughter, then smiled. "Us and the roses."

"That's good, Mama." Isabela smiled back. "You keep my secret, and I'll keep yours."

"Hm?" Julieta leaned in, eyes filled with curiosity.

"That your daughter loves you." Isabela whispered into Mama's ear. "More than anything."

Julieta's face lit up.

"You're so special, Mama." Isabela smiled. "You're the most important part of my life."

"Really?" She asked, eyes bright with hope. "You really think that, mija?"

Julieta secretly worried that her duties took her away from her children so much that they'd start to resent her for it. She was terrified of messing up, and losing their love.

"Of course, Mama." Isabela's smile and words were genuine. "I love you with all my heart. So kind, and clever, and talented, and thoughtful..."

She watched Mama glow at her words. Julieta made the excited smile she only made when she was exceptionally happy, where she bit her lip. Isabela smiled back, enjoying seeing how easily her words brightened Mama's mood.

"And so beautiful." Isabela added, stroking a curly lock of hair back from Mama's face. "Well, we had to get it from somewhere."

Julieta laughed again, the warmth of her smile reaching her eyes. Julieta worked so much that it'd become normal for people to forget to thank her, or compliment and encourage her. Julieta was so calm and efficient that people didn't think she needed praise. But Julieta's heart craved love. Hearing her daughter talk like this warmed Julieta's very spirit and made her feel as if she could do anything.

"I made new plants in my room." Isabela offered. "Come and see?"

Julieta stepped forward with an excited smile, then something faded in her eyes and she glanced over her shoulder. The pot bubbled on the stove and there were piles of food lined up waiting to be prepared for tomorrow. Julieta clasped her hands together, feeling the pressure build up over her. She held her breath.

"It's okay." Isabela said quickly. "Don't worry about it, Mama. They were the same as the other ones anyway. Next time."

Julieta watched her daughter leave the kitchen. Her lip trembled and she brought hands to her mouth, breathing slowly as she fought back tears. Hearing the pot start to bubble over, Julieta exhaled and turned back to it.


On her way out of the kitchen, Isabela ran straight into Tía, flower petals flying and clouds thundering as the two of them collided, but tumbling to the floor.

Pepa couldn't help but laugh, sitting up on the tiles and brushing petals from her niece's shoulders.

"Cuidado, hm?" Pepa blew a puff of air at Isabela's hair, clearing it of flower petals. "Lucky me it was petals, not thorns."

Isabela attempted to smile back, but the mention of the thorns so soon after what she'd done made her breath catch.

Tia frowned in concern, a grey cloud appearing as she spotted blood on her nieces dress.

Isabela moved the fabric to hide it, but Tia put a hand over hers.

"I saw, mija." Pepa told her softly. "What happened?"

Isabela opened her mouth to say she was fine, but the words wouldn't come out. Something inside her wanted so desperately to be seen that she couldn't pretend.

"The roses again?" Pepa asked, and Isabela's face crumpled.

Isabela covered her mouth, remembering how Tia had caught her last time. She knew Pepa wasn't going to swallow her lies a second time.

Pepa held Isabela tight, kissing her. Isabela sobbed, her grip tightening on the soft fabric of Tia's dress.

"I just wanted her to see me." Isabela whispered without thinking. She closed her eyes, knowing she'd already said too much.

Pepa glanced over at the kitchen, then back to Isabela.

"Come on then," She decided. "We will go see her together."

Isabela's back stiffened in panic. Vines shot up behind Tia, forming an X. When Pepa turned back she was met with desperate eyes.

"No, please, please don't." Isabela whispered. "She can't. She can't know. It'll hurt her so much."

"Of course it will." Pepa agreed. "But it is happening, and she needs to know. She is your Mama. It is her job to protect you."

"Please." Isabela held tight to Pepa's hand. "Please leave it." She took a shaky breath. "She's busy. I get it. It's actually fine. This isn't what it looks like Tia. I just... I like when she heals me."

Pepa watched her quietly, eyes searching Isabela's.

"I just wanted her to look at me, you know," Isabela's voice shook. "The way you do. Like she has time for me. I just want her to spend time with me, Tia. And if all she does is heal, then, well..."

Pepa's face dropped. She glanced once more at the kitchen, deep in thought. Finally, her eyes met Isabela's again.

"Come on," Pepa encouraged, gently wiping under Isabela's eyes and helping her up. "I want to show you something."


Pepa took an old piece of paper from her room, smiling at it as she headed over, sitting beside Isabela on the edge of her bed.

It was a painting of flowers, but instead of the petals being painted with strokes, they were little baby handprints. There was a mix of yellow and blue flowers, and the grass was made of little green rat footprints.

"This," Pepa smiled, pointing out one of the little blue handprints, "Is you, mija."

Isabela stared down at the painting, eyes bright with wonder.

"And that's Dolores?" Isabela pointed to a yellow handprint.

"Mm-hm." Pepa smiled, kissing Isabela's forehead as she leaned in. "Your Mami and I used to make lots of things like this with you. We'd carry you in slings on our backs, for adventures in the forest. We'd teach you to swim in the river, take you to parties and hold you while we danced." Pepa leaned in with a cheeky grin, "We did lots of things Abuela didn't know about." Pepa laughed a little. "And your Mama, she never put you down, mija. Never. She used to carry you everywhere, all day."

"Used to?" Isabela asked softly, eyes still on Tía.

Pepa nodded, gently stroking Isabela's long hair behind her ear.

"The day we made this," Pepa tapped a finger to the paper, "It was a picnic, by the river... Julieta and you, me and Dolores, Bruno and his rats." Pepa's eyes were bright at the memory, then saddened, a grey cloud appearing over her head. "But, when we got home to the village, mija... A little boy had died."

Isabela blinked in surprise. She hadn't known what to expect with this story, but it hadn't been that.

"Your Mama had left food before we went. But it'd been a busy day, so it all ran out... And when that happened, they could not find Julieta to make more." Pepa explained. "When we got back and it was too late... The town was so upset at Julieta. And your Abuela. She-" Pepa made a soft whimper, wincing at the memory.

Rain started to patter and Pepa waved at it, her breath becoming heavy as panic took over.

"It's okay, Tía." Isabela slowly raised a hand for leaves to appear over them, sheltering them from the rain. Pepa turned with panicked eyes and Isabela smiled, gentle fingers tracing up and down her back while Tía panted in distress, lightning illuminating up her face.

"What if we skip that part?" Isabela offered, stroking Tia's fringe behind her ear. Truth be told Isabela didn't know if she was ready to hear it any more than Tía was ready to tell it.

"Mm." Pepa nodded, closing her eyes and running hands along her braid as she attempted to calm down. Isabela made flowers in her hand, ones she knew Tia really responded to. She held them for Pepa and she breathed them in, the storm calming and rain slowing down as the flowers grounded her, their familiar smell bringing her out of her head and helping her to feel safe again.

Isabela watched quietly, then when the timing felt right, she gently prompted, "Will you tell me how the story ends?"

Pepa nodded, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly.

"Clear skies." She whispered to herself, eyes still closed.

Isabela held Tia's hand, turning it over so she could trace shapes along her palm, gentle movements up and down each of Tia's fingers. Pepa opened her eyes, the comforting touch helping her to find her voice.

"After that happened, your Mama never took time off again." Pepa told Isabela. "She worked so hard, mija... Not because she does not love you. But because she's scared. She doesn't want anyone to get hurt again."

Isabela leaned into Tía, her eyes looking down at a flower that popped up in her hands.

"But Mama always has time for Mirabel." Isabela began to tear off it's petals, jealousy for her sister projecting into a familiar anger. "Why's it always different with her?"

Pepa hesitated, rain pattering over the leaves as she tried to find the right thing to say.

"I... don't know the answer." Pepa finally admitted. "I'm sorry."

Isabela felt her heart sink, but decided it was better Tía hadn't just told her what she wanted to hear. Isabela was tired of lies.

"But, if it helps," Pepa offered, "I felt the same when I was young... I thought Mama loved Julieta more, because she helped more. Because she was perfect, and I was just-"

Clouds thundered and Pepa glanced up at them with watery eyes. "Well," She sighed, gesturing to the storm. "You see."

Isabela put arms around Pepa, kissing her face. She just loved Tia so much, and hated to see her upset.

"How did you change it, Tía?" Isabela asked. "How did you get your Mama to see you too?"

"I will tell you when I know." Pepa spoke quietly, then put on a brave smile, her tone brighter. "But it's okay, because I have many people who see me. I am lucky like that."

Isabela's heart sank. She held Tia tight, kissing her again. She felt so sorry for her, though she'd never say it out loud. Tia tried so hard. She cared so much about her family, but her care often came out in the wrong way, hurting the people around her.

"Julieta is my best friend." Pepa told Isabela. "And you know, things are better because of that. I love to see my hermana shine. Because when she is happy, it makes me happy too... So in that way I always have reason to smile. If we were in competition, well, then only one of us could ever be happy mija, and that is not a nice happiness."

Isabela exhaled slowly, trying to picture what that might even look like with herself and Mirabel. She didn't even know where to begin, it felt impossible to repair their broken bond. Just the thought of her little sister made her flowers wilt and crumple with jealousy.

"But it is different with my Mama." Pepa continued. "With my Mama, I had to learn something you do not need to."

She swallowed, gathering the courage to say it.

"She is not proud of me." Pepa admitted. "But that's okay, because I can still be proud of myself." She put on a brave smile. "And I have lots of people in my life who are proud of me too. And I can show my children all the love I have in my heart, so then they will never have to feel like they have to try for it, see? They can just have it."

Isabela couldn't cuddle Tia tight enough. "You are such a good Mama."

"So is Julieta." Pepa insisted. "Sometimes us Mamas... Well. We are doing the best we can, but sometimes we can get things wrong."

Pepa's eyes glanced down, fingers gently tracing along her niece's arm.

"She loves you." Pepa reassured Isabela. "And she is so proud of you, mija. Every day she is proud of you. She would not want you to hurt yourself like this. Mm?" Pepa gently kissed Isabela's hand, then looked into her eyes. "And neither do I. You know you can always come to us. We are here for you, Flor."

"Sorry Tía." Isabela said softly, looking down in shame.

Pepa hugged her close, gentle fingers stroking Isabela's hair.

"No apologies for feeling, cariño." Pepa repeated words Felix often told her. "It is important to feel. We just need to find a way to let the feelings out, hm? Without hurting."

Pepa kissed Isabela's face, holding her in her arms.

"The roses, they do help though." Isabela whispered. "And I know that's hard to understand."

Pepa kissed her again, sad eyes meeting her niece's.

"You will be surprised." Pepa said quietly. "Your Mama's gift... It can hide a lot, Mm? Sometimes you think no one will know, as long as you heal it. But the food only heals the body. Not here." Pepa pointed to her heart. "That cut stays with you."

Isabela looked back at Tía with worried eyes, seeing a dark cloud over Pepa's head as painful memories resurfaced.

"You know, Tía?" Isabela asked carefully. She took Pepa's hand in hers, feeling overcome with protective energy. She didn't want to think of Tia doing that.

Pepa looked down at their hands. "Sometimes it hurts so much inside, you hurt the outside to try and let it out. To make it stop." Papa sighed, eyes meeting Isabela's. "But you know, it doesn't work that way mija. Hurting doesn't take away the pain. It just makes more."

Isabela's expression softened, watery eyes watching Tia as she held her close. She gathered up the courage to ask.

"Do you still do it?"

Pepa shook her head. "No, mija. That was a long time ago."

"What helped you?" Isabela asked.

Pepa thought about it, then smiled, remembering Felix chasing her through the fields. Sun shining bright over them as he spun Pepa up in the air, falling down into the long grass together, Pepa laughing as Felix covered her in kisses. Staring up at him in disbelief as he told her over and over how beautiful she was, and the warmth that grew in her heart as she slowly learned how to believe that for herself.

She remembered dancing in the kitchen with Julieta and Bruno, singing songs they'd made up when they were kids, but never grew out of. She remembered sitting up on the bench, long legs swinging as she banged on a pot and Bruno took Julieta's cooking spoon, pretending to play it like a trumpet. Julieta threw her head back in exasperation, but the moment Pepa hopped off the bench Julieta was circling her playfully, laughing as their feet stepped in time, Bruno and his rats cheering them on as they danced together.

Pepa remembered laying on her stomach outside in the garden, two chubby toddlers sitting amongst the flowers as she sang to them and told them stories. She remembered tickling Isabela's little nose with a flower and the way she had sneezed, wetting Pepa's face. Dolores giggling while Mama fell down, dramatic as she rolled around. Pepa rubbed at her face, moaning while a cloud thundered over them.

"Ups." Isabela giggled. "Tía."

"Mami boom boom." Dolores added, little hands holding her bow as she laughed too.

Pepa glanced back up at them, her clouds turning to rainbow as their bright smiles and the sound of their laughter made her grin.

Coming back to the present, Pepa saw the same dark eyes watching her. Pepa smiled at her niece.

"It was love." Pepa decided, kissing Isabela's forehead. "Your love. Tio's love. The family's love. Your love stopped the hurt."

Pepa moved back so she could see Isabela's face.

"And I have all the love in the world for you, flor." Pepa's eyes were warm and sincere. "I want to help you, the way you help me. And so does your Mama. I promise she does. I know she carries the whole world on her shoulders, but mija she would drop it all for you. I promise you she would."

Plants that grew over them began to flower, the rain helping them thrive. Isabela smiled up at them, then turned back to Tía.

"Any time you feel sad," Pepa continued, "I want you to come to us first, okay?"

Isabela nodded, resting her forehead against Pepa's.

"Love you, Tia."