Well here is the next chapter. and well you know what i like you all so here is the third chapter. I think i may get the fourth out by the end of the weekend, depends on if i get many reviews. Hint hint!

Here is the disclaimer - Roses are red, violets are blue, i no own so you no sue!

Chapter 3

Dinners with the Unhappy Couple.

As Yukari stormed into my house, I just sat there and stared, feeling like the happiness from my vision, at finally seeing Van, was breaking up and leaving me tired and depressed. I knew it was a vision but every time I had one I wished that maybe I would finally be with Van. That thought led me to Toma. His wife. Gods help me, I was jealous of her. She was pregnant with Van's baby and I wasn't… I was jealous that she got that close to Van and I was always kept at arms distance. My thoughts whirled around my brain in a dizzying sense making my world jump and spin sickening.

Now visions were nothing new, after being on Gaea they began to come to me again, different scenes on Gaea, as if my heart and mind were checking up on all my friends. But usually they came only in my sleep and so when this one came when I was awake, and with such intensity I was scared. Hell I am still scared. I hugged a pillow to my chest and bit my lip, closing my eyes against the added physical pain, feeling tears sting my eyes as sadness and depression ripped through my mind. I had seen him and watched him, not that they would know that I saw them. As all these thoughts whirled in my brain as I opened my eyes and my vision was filled with Yukari's face.

"Hitomi-chan! Oh Hitomi-chan…" Yukari's voice was soft and I could smell a little bit of sherry on her breath so that is why Amano didn't bother fighting with her, she was drunk and he didn't want to piss her off so he couldn't get his piece tonight… oops I meant peace.

"Yukari! Where did you get the key to my apartment?" My voice was strained but I managed to banish the tears from my eyes and stared her dead in the face.

"Hitomi-chan….Your mom gave me it so I could check up on you." Her voice was soft and her eyes looked injured, as if she was upset over something.

"I am nineteen years old; I can take care of myself. Thank you." I knew I was being cold to her but I get tired of being treated like a child who just can't be taught.

"I know you can and I wanted to know if you wanted to go to dinner with us tonight. I know I called and asked you about tomorrow night but then Amano told me that we had plans so I figured I would run over and ask you real quick since we only live a few minutes away… and since you never answer the phone." Her voice was slightly slurred and made me cringe as wave after wave of sherry came over my face. Why did she insist on trying to get me to act like the girl I was before I met Van and my entire world changed?

"Yukari… Did you drive here?" My voice was cautious as I moved away from her. I had seen her drunk once when we had gone to a party, soon after my "incident" and she seemed to think it was my fault Amano had stopped paying attention to her and was with me a lot since he was worried. But also he was asking me how to best ask Yukari out. It turns out that he never had any emotion other then little sister like for me and I guess I just mistook it as a child like fascination with an adult. You know like a little kid wants to marry their parent because they see that person as their knight in shining armor.

"No Hitomi-chan, I drove her over here. She insisted and you know how Yukari is when she wants something." Amano's voice came from behind a tower of boxes which he promptly moved so I could see him there. His face looked tired, or maybe I am just projecting that on everyone today… I smiled at him and then turned to Yukari.

"Well I am not dressed to be going out to eat…"I said in a soft voice hoping I could get out of it. I knew that is I could then I could sit around my house and wallow in the depression that had slowly begun to eat at me since I left the mental ward. When I was there I refused to let my depression get me and remained a happy-go-lucky person. But now that I am out I just let my mind go and it is beginning to implode. Yukari smiled and then moved over to me, her walk turning into a seductive wave that I knew was for Amano.

"I can help you get dressed. Come on Tomi-chan! We never go out anymore, it's like you're too good for us." Her voice turned mean and I just managed to duck under her fist as she swung at me. That punch put her at an off balance and I placed a hand on her back pushing her down just as Van had taught me once. When she hit the floor I scrambled farther away and stared at the two of them. Amano helped her stand then looked at me with angry eyes, like it was my fault that she attacked me. I flipped him the bird and then stood up and reached my full height.

"How dare you come into my house and then try and beat me up!" My voice was a lot angrier then I felt but that first rush of anger had made me entire body tingle. It had been a long time since I was angry but now that I was, I embraced it and ran with it. "How dare you accuse me of thinking I am better then you, when you're the one who told my mother something that was supposed to stay between us, then let my mother throw me into an asylum…. You were my friend Yukari and yet as soon as I got out you gleefully got the idea that you had to be my mother's watch dog! That is no friend, that is a spy and cheat and someone that doesn't deserve to be anywhere near me since friends like you always find ways to hurt me or someone I care about." I was screaming now feeling all the anger and the hate slip out my mouth in rude and angry words. When I was finished I felt my self visibly slump as if the anger had given me strength and I just didn't have that anymore.

"Hitomi..." Amano's words were soft yet seemed to cut through my hazy mind in an instant, "Why didn't you tell me at least that you felt this way… Why did you hold it in and let it fester. And in truth it wasn't Yukari that told your mother. It was me. I was tired of seeing you so happy about a dream you had. You lived so much in that dream that I was afraid you would never see the reality around you." His voice was soft and full of a feeling I refused to realize. He loved me and was only trying to help. Bull. He wanted me to drown in my pain, He wanted me to scream and rant and cry then to act like nothing had happened. Then I would be the girl he had always known…. Jerk. I stared him in the eye and smirked slightly.

"Get out now." My voice was soft but I was ready to scream if they didn't move. Luckily after about 10 seconds they began to move very slowly and I realized that I did have the power over someone, myself. As they hit the door, I smiled, and then loud enough for them to hear, I said, "Don't let it hit you on the way out." In response I got a slammed down and I smirked. "So much for dinner with the unhappy couple." I heard their car peel out so I sat back down and closed my eyes feeling the pain from seeing Van storm out since the anger and adrenaline was leaking away. "Van… I'm sorry… But I need to do this… There is no life without you… There is no nothing without you…" I stared at the wall for a moment then sighed and closed my eyes summoning the strength to do the final step.

When I was sure I had the strength I stood up and walked slowly to the bathroom. I looked around then noticed that a mirror was broken. I stared at it for what seemed like decades and then I realized that if I was truly going to do it then I would have to pick up and get it over with before I lost my nerve and didn't do it.

I sat there crouched on the floor I felt like I was divorced from my emotions. I slowly picked up all the small pieces of mirror, ignoring the jabbing pains as little slivers of glass poked me into the skin. I gathered the glass into a towel and when it was all cleaned up I looked them over with a sort of appraising view. The light shined on them from over my left shoulder making a rainbow of color shine above them slightly. A smile came to my lips as I watched the dancing lights. I know I am just stalling but come on; the Idea of death, of never having my Van with me anymore scared me. "But death without him is better then a life without him. At least in death I can forever dream of being with him." My voice sounded far away and dreamlike to my own ears as I grabbed a nicely shaped piece of broken glass and then holding it in both hands I stood up, leaving the bathroom and heading to my living room.

Now I was never a musical person but when I heard the song Untitled by Simple plan, it hit me like a ton of bricks. That was how I felt. Well as I walked into the living room I turned on their CD and began skipping to that track, since that was the only reason I bought it, making sure that it would just repeat that song then moved to the middle of the living room floor, sitting down and closing my eyes to listen to the music.

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded
By the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me?

I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

I felt the pain in my chest like a heavy weight, crushing my chest. I closed my eyes for a moment and felt a faint tear on my cheek, but I wiped it off quickly and lifted the mirror piece and looked into it, staring deeply into my eyes like that would save me from what I was about to do. I looked at myself then lowered the shard of mirror and moved it over to my wrist, slightly pushing down, just feeling the first beginnings of pain.

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound
But no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto
A time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

As I first pushed down I felt a screaming pain race down my arms and so I paused then pushed down as hard as I could hoping to get it over with soon before I lost my nerve. Then I looked down there was a jagged cut that opened up nearly to the bone. I watched the blood begin to seep out, and then spurt out, almost like sailors who has been told to bail out. I giggled softly at the mental comparison then bit my lip to avoid the thought of going and getting a towel to stanch the blood then getting to the hospital. That would mean I would be in a mental institute and I refuse to go to one of those anymore. The music begins to glide around me as the pain numbs and I feel the beginnings of a chill start at the base of my spine and racing up it. I looked down next to me and started slightly seeing the mirror piece on the floor, little spots of blood decorating it. I stared at it perversely thinking it the most beautiful thing because they made up the design of Van's face. Now I know I was probably imagining it, but to my blood starved brain it did look like him.

I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

As I lost more blood, the music began to sound light and fanciful instead of the heard rock I knew it to be. I said my head back against the couch because it was betting to heavy for my neck to support, the cool material of the couch making my flushed skin feel better. I felt lightheaded so I lay down on the floor and looked at the mirror piece, smiling slightly at the shiny quality it had gotten. I knew I was beginning to die but I just smiled to myself and let it come. I didn't fight it or anything, letting my eyes droop closed letting the unconsciousness that had been trying to take me over, finally finish its job.

"I love you Van." My lips felt heavy and unmanageable, while my voice sounded much like a whisper. As soon as they passed over my lips I felt my body go limp and I was gone, unconsciousness finally sweeping over me in a wave.