In this chapter, we get to hear about Seifer's childhood and analyze! Man… I feel like one of the three child psychologists in the Puff the Magic Dragon movie… I used to love that when I was a kid – ya know, "Peter Paper", and that pirate that wanted to be a baker… Hey, that rhymed!
I've been rhyming a lot lately… And having dyslexic slips all over the place.
Oh, and thanks for the reviews, peeps! I hope this story lives up to your expectations.
Part Three: Childhood
"When I lose control
I can only breathe your name."
Seifer was an unhappy child. To be perfectly honest, he had never felt very happy at all.
He couldn't remember anything about his parents, except for the fact that they had never been there for him. Because of some sick twist in fate, he had spent his life alone… The only thing left of his bloodline being his name, Almasy. But even that was foreign to him, unrecalled and lost somewhere in a life of uncertainty.
He had a mother, and a father. They had probably been something like him; passionate, charismatic, strongly motivated… But he didn't know them, nor would he ever. The only thing he knew of them was that name, and himself. And he still didn't know exactly who he was. He had spent all these years trying to figure that out, and all he knew so far was that he was a dilemma to those around him.
He had a matron, too, who was always there to look after him, be there when he needed a mother. She taught him right from wrong in her gentle ways, provided for him, loved him, and wanted him to succeed. He had loved her back, too, and until he grew older, had wanted to do right by her. She had done so much for him, and when he was older, he had repaid the favor.
She had given him all the things he needed to grow up right… But she couldn't fill the void that his parents had made.
He knew his parents hadn't left him on purpose, but somewhere deep inside he thought it could have been different. He felt discarded, unasked for…
This emotion was ugly to him, and as hard as he tried to repress it, it would always slip through the bars sooner or later. And it eventually grew into a sort of abhorrence towards anyone that was content with what they had, or what they didn't have. It just wasn't fair; why should everyone else be happy when he was so miserable?
He didn't know why, but taunting others made him feel better, for a little while at least. He would pick on the other children at the orphanage, and it made him smile because he wasn't the only one feeling lousy anymore. Squall was his favorite object of ridicule out of all the children. The little brunette was almost always in tears, and seeing someone in more pain than he was just made him feel like he didn't have it so bad anymore. They had been at odds most of their childhood, Squall not liking Seifer because he was always picking on him, and Seifer disliking Squall for various reasons… But mostly because he still had family; his sister, Ellone.
As they grew older, that emotion of bête-noir grew stronger, separated them at great distances when they were still so close to each other. They were so much alike, and yet they remained secluded.
Squall didn't hate Seifer, but he wasn't that crazy about him either. He had gone through life knowing the blond only as an adversary, someone he would probably never come to fancy in any sense other than a person that he felt was a little better than him, and a more noticeable persona. He thought Seifer was crazy when he had deserted all the things he'd been given to pursue a dream that was as far from noble as anything. But despite all that, he still held him in regards, because he wasn't afraid to try for something he wanted, even if everyone hated him for it.
Seifer saw Squall in the same manner. He had always known Squall as someone who was marginally better than him. The brunette was about as righteous as Seifer was noticeable, and where he had failed to achieve any form of appreciation (except from his only two friends, Fujin and Raijin), Squall had built an empire of trust and admiration. And that's why he respected Squall, was because he had risen above his destitution and won the love of those around him, without really even trying. Seifer's raw disregard for the feelings of others had destroyed him; his sensation of inadequacy had ruined any chance of him being honored. He would have to live with that knowledge for the rest of his life.
Looking back, part of him wished that he could erase it all from history. And he knew that, as he lay down to go to sleep, that he would once again dream that things had been different – that he had been kinder to his fellow orphans, and grown up a better person. A person more like Squall. And that no child anywhere would ever have to know the feeling of hopelessness that he had felt, again.
Kind of speaks to everyone, in a way…I know it does to me, 'cause I grew up with that feeling myself, but now I have the highest self-esteem possible, and I've been told that people who grew up with me can't believe how much I changed. But hey, it's for the better! No offense to all you Emos and Goths… I used to be one of you, for that matter…
Anyway, if you liked it or not, review, and let me know! I'll bake some scones and we can discuss it over afternoon tea!
