A/N Yay! Made it past 200! I'm so happy… so as a reward to my faithful reviewers, extra long chapter for you! I would have updated sooner, but my grandmother came to visit for a week, and as I don't see her often I spent lots of time with her. Warning: I've been sick today so I just chugged some Nyquil, so sorry if this chapters weird, I love Nyquil…

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA. At least not yet, bwahahaha…

"Wait, and no one told me Riza was in the hospital until now, 4 days later, why?" Roy asked Hughes, speed walking to the hospital wing of HQ. He had just arrived, somewhat worried about Riza, only to hear she was actually in the hospital, and had been for several days.

"We tried to call, but the lines was either busy or dead," Hughes said, jogging to keep up with Roy. He slammed open the door, trying to act calm as he walked up to the desk.

"I'm here to see first lt. Riza Hawkeye," he stated impatiently.

"Third door to the left, you'll have to wait until her doctor leaves she's having a check-up," replied a bored looking receptionist, gesturing down the hall to the left. Roy sat down in a chair outside the room, waiting stubbornly.

"I'd love to stay, but I think if Riza found out how much work I've put off since she left, she'd have a heart attack and have to be moved back to urgent care," Hughes laughed, as he stood to leave, "see you in a while, Mustang."

It wasn't until 15 antagonizing minutes later that the doctor emerged from the room. She looked over, somewhat surprised by Mustang's presence. "Umm, excuse me but who are you?"

"I'm Colonel Roy Mustang, I'm here to see Riza, but the receptionist said wait for you first," he replied.

"Oh, so you're Roy," she said, letting out a small sigh of relief, "sit back down, I need to talk to you more in depth." Roy sat back down.

"Now, you can go visit Riza, but she's been extremely stressed lately," she began, "a lot has happened since you left, to start off, and put it bluntly for that matter, she was raped. Also, she has received numerous cuts and bruises, none very serious other than one on her left shoulder just above her arm, a broken rib, and a nock to the head. I need to warn you, due to the nock on the head and traumatic events, she has had a case of severe paranoia. She won't tell anyone what happened, and I'm the only one she'll let near without screaming, so you can try to get close, but I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave if she becomes too distressed. There are also… some other things, but I think she should be the one to tell you."

Roy stared blankly for a moment, trying to take in everything that was said to him, before getting up, and, at the good doctor's gesture, walking into Riza's room, closing the door silently behind him. "Riza?" he whispered, almost inaudibly.

She was lying in one of the hospital beds, her eyes closed. Roy waited a moment for a reply of some sort, but after receiving none, merely walked over and sat down next to her. Her eyes flickered, opening slowly, as though not sure they really wanted to. The recognition and reaction were both instantaneous. Riza sat bolt upright, backed as far to the back of the bed as she could go. Her eyes widened in impending horror, her voice caught in her throat a moment. Then "I didn't tell anyone, I swear!"

Roy was taken a back. "Riza, calm down, it's me, Roy," he said, trying to calm her and himself down. This wasn't going well, his mind raced for ways to reason with her.

"How do I know it's you," Riza said, stopping for a moment, her eyes watering, "I know that's just you come to torment me again Envy."

Roy couldn't say anything. His hand clenched, and he pulled it up, feeling an odd feeling in the center of it. He paused a moment, the memories coming back to him, before replying. "Riza, I'm Roy, on my hand here is the spot I was burned helping you make sukiyaki that day. It's turned to callus, but you can still see it," he said, holding out the palm of his hand, "that was the best meal I'd ever eaten."

Riza looked at him warily, but eventually took his hand in hers and felt the groove, formed in the shape of a pot handle. "You cried like a baby that night when I put ice on it," she said, her voice cracked, "for the being flame alchemist and a war hero at that, you sure can be stupid." Her voice was quivering, a sob on the edge, it seemed like every single word cost her. But she still managed to laugh and wipe away the tears that had gathered at the edge of her eyes.

Riza sat back in the middle of her bed, leaning forward to hug Roy. The embrace was warm, but short. Riza pulled away, her face clenched in pain as she gripped her left shoulder. "I'm sorry, the doctor said your left shoulder and arm had a bad cut," Roy said apologetically.

"…Really? Is that all she told you?"

"That and you got a bad nock on the head and a broken rib."

"Guess she decided to let me say the rest, heh," Riza replied, smiling a faint, bitter sorrowful smile, "Roy, take my left hand." Somewhat confused, he did as he was told. It was limp, and not as warm as the rest of her. "The cut right at the top of my arm at my shoulder goes down to the bone, maybe a bit further. Sliced right through the nerves, I haven't been able to move my arm since."

Roy was speechless, as she knew he would be. "I'm meeting with an expert on the subject two times a day and she helps me do exercises that will help me regain feeling, but so far nothing's helped. We think it may not heal," Riza said, cradling her arm gently. "…They say I'll be able to leave the hospital in a few days as long as I don't over exert myself," she said, her smile no longer adorn.

"But Riza, what about… the baby?" Roy asked. The more he heard, the more he regretted, but he knew it must be far worse for Riza. If she could stay strong through all of this, he had to too, to help her.

"Roy, the day after I came to the hospital… I thought about it and… I talked to my doctor and decided to," Riza struggled to say it, her throat was choking back sobs and she swallowed hard before continuing, "…there is no baby."

"Riza…" Roy could think of nothing to say. No words could ever truly comfort her over what had happened. They simply sat there, embracing each other sadly.

IIIIIIIIIIIII

The day Riza got out of the hospital it rained. But she still sat on the steps in front of HQ, enjoying the feeling of freedom.

"Riza, Mustang told me you got out of the hospital today," said Ed as he walked up and sat down next to her. "I've also heard that… you lost a lot while there."

"…You could say that."

"I just wanted to talk to you about it. I lost my mother long ago, and I'm continually reminded of the mistake I made of loving her so much that I couldn't let go," Ed said, holding up his automail arm and smiling sadly. "Riza, my advice to you is to not brood over the past," he said, getting up, "all it'll cause you is pain. Pain that will blind you to things you could easily see before.

"I know someone who lost her child, her body was too weak to give birth. Then she tried to bring the child back, and she lost so much, it's amazing that she's still alive today. And because of that, she will forever live with her disability, a sickness you could say. Learn from the mistakes of those around you, so that you don't need to make them yourself to understand." And with that he left.

Riza pondered this a moment, before walking back inside. "Roy, have you finished your work?" she asked, walking into the office.

"…Depends on your definition of 'finished'" Roy replied after a moment of thought, "and anyhow, I've got to get ready to go."

"Wait, go where?" Riza asked, her breath quickening. He had been away so much already, how could he leave again so soon?

"You need to pack your stuff as well," replied Roy, looking slightly surprised, "hmm, you must have not seen since you were in the hospital. The break for the holidays starts tomorrow, Christmas is in a week." Roy was right. Riza had been so worried and in the hospital so much lately she had forgotten that it was already late December.

"Christmas…" Riza said to herself, wondering if she could survive through it all without drowning in misery.

"Riza, you've been through more than I can believe lately," Roy said as he grabbed her around the waist, pulling her close, while avoiding her left arm. "If it had been me, I would have lost the will to smile long ago. But you continue on, trying to act like everything's okay and enjoying life. But you don't have to pretend to be happy, we can talk this over and eventually you'll get over it."

"That day… I truly wanted to die. The operating table, what I did, killing off yet another innocent life… I was utterly disgusted with myself. I don't deserve this life."

"Riza, you did what you had to. Someday you may have a child of your own, but you just weren't ready yet, neither of us was. All that we can do is look to the future, we fall in pits so that the next time we take that path we will remember where they are."

Riza thought about this, and for the first time that week smiled a true smile. She wouldn't brood in the past, at least not for long. And as she thought this, and felt the cold dark depression surrounding her very heart ebb away, even if just a little, she clenched her left hand.

A/N Hey read and review. Sigh, only one or two more chapters to go, thanks a lot for everyone who helped me reach 200 reviews! Also, as some of you I am sure have noticed, I just started a new fic centered around Ed. It's yaoi and uber dark, but if you want to read it please do! I'll update this next weekend, please review if you liked it. Or even if you didn't like it, your reviews keep me writing! Maybe we can make it to 250! Or not, either way –sweat drop-. Till next week!

Yuko