A/N: Little bit of warning for this chapter as it has some (non-explicit) birth squick, and a short depiction of a panic attack. It's a pretty Kagome-centered chapter, as I wanted to explore some of her struggles and responsibilities as the next village head miko. Not all miko duties are sunshine and rainbows.

Incessant peeping is what woke her. She was surprised it wasn't Inuyasha, but he was already gone, probably hunting something for breakfast. Sitting up slowly, Kagome yawned and clutched the suikan he'd left over her to herself and breathed in. Hinoki wood and fresh air...

Had she really said that to him? The memory seemed like just a good dream now, though she knew it had happened. It had her blushing a little, but also feeling very pleased. Inuyasha had kissed her and told her he loved her in as many words. It wasn't as though he left her doubting, but it was almost surreal to actually hear it and to feel his lips.

Peep peep!

Draping the suikan over her shoulders like a shawl, Kagome got up, smoothing down her miko hakui and hakama since she'd fallen asleep in them. Her hair was a bit of a mess from her earlier thrashing, too. Trying to ignore it in favor of checking on the chickens, Kagome peered behind the shouji that was their makeshift pen. They needed more water and were out of grass clippings, as well as a good scrubbing for that section of the floor.

"Yes, yes, I'll get you more now," she crooned. The villagers had mentioned chickens grow fast, and it was almost uncanny how much they seemed to change even overnight. Their proper colors and patterns were starting to become apparent, as well as their personalities. Or at least, it was obvious how they reacted to each other. Kagome hadn't had much opportunity to handle them properly yet. She did so now, picking up each of them as she went about refilling their water and feeding them some grass from hand.

"You little peeps still need names," she mused, looking them over. Two were flecked with orange and black, reminding her a bit of Buyo, while one was pale yellow all over. She didn't really want to name them after their colors, though. Putting them back so they could get a good drink, she began scrubbing their area as she thought about it.

Inuyasha chose that moment to walk in, a boar over his shoulder. "Think fast," was all he said as he tossed something to her.

She caught it... only to immediately drop it in disgust. "Ugh! Inuyasha!" It was a dead frog, limbs all splayed out.

Inuyasha snickered at her reaction. She glared, but it seemed to have no effect in shutting him up. "A little morsel for your noisemakers."

"Are you going to be a jerk every time you catch them something?" she asked, plopping the frog in towards hungry beaks. "Speaking of... you caught us a whole boar?"

Inuyasha glanced at the beast slung over his shoulder. "Caught this guy picking a fight with some village dogs right on the border. Figured he was probably on his way to dig up crops so I took care of it. We can share it with the villagers unless you want to dry a lot of extra."

She shook her head. "Let's share it. You're such a good guardian, Inuyasha." She smiled and he eyed her warily.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Kagome interpreted his reaction as being worried about being compared to a dog, and went on to assuage it. "I mean you really take care of this place. Protecting crops, sharing food with the villagers. It's all really good of you."

His cheeks flared with color. "K-Keh! They're the ones who took care of you when you first came to this world, right? It's normal to return favors. Plus they haven't kicked me out yet, so..."

Kagome decided she had put off breakfast long enough and moved to put the rice on. "Well they have no reason to," she asserted as she busied herself. "Like I said, you're good to them. I'm sure they think of you as a villager, too, by now."

Inuyasha's ears drooped a bit. "Doubt it. Some still remember me trashing the village."

"That was a long time ago," she said gently, beginning to cut up some lotus root, bamboo shoot, and chestnut for cooking with the rice. "If Kaede-obaa-chan of all people can forgive you for that time, then I think it's safe to say nobody holds it against you anymore."

He was quiet at that, and for a long time the only sounds in the room were her chopping up the ingredients. Adding them to the pot with some salt and a pinch of sugar, Kagome moved to grab some of their stored pickled vegetables – only to realize she'd last had Inuyasha put them away and they were a little too high.

"Here, let me," he said quietly, reaching past her to grab the jars. His chest brushed against her back and Kagome shivered a little, suddenly remembering the feeling of his body pressed against her this morning very vividly. She wanted another chance to kiss him, but wasn't sure how to ask, and so said nothing, merely smiling up at him. He smiled back. "I'm gonna go out back and clean this thing."

Kagome heaved a large sigh once he was gone, holding a hand to her pounding heart. Was it always going to be like this now that she'd kissed Inuyasha? While a large part of her enjoyed the thrill of wanting him closer, a slightly larger part wanted to be able to concentrate on simple tasks while he was around. She wondered if he was having the same problem at all.

Roughly 20 minutes later and the rice was done but Inuyasha was not back inside yet, so she set about dishing it and making it look nice with the colorful pickled veggies set around it in crude but cute patterns. Luckily, Inuyasha breezed back in before it could get cold.

"Sorry," he said hurriedly, "I gave most of the boar to Miroku, Sango, and the old woman to distribute. Kaede-babaa says she wants you to help her with a baby that's due today, so to gather the needed items for her out of storage."

"... There's a baby due today? Whose?" she asked, handing Inuyasha his breakfast.

"Uh... What was the name... Um, Kinubiki?"

"I didn't know Tsuru-san was so far along... I guess I haven't been paying as much attention as I should," she giggled nervously.

Inuyasha had tucked in and could only speak around mouthfuls of rice. "Don't blame you. You've got a lot to keep track of, and you haven't helped deliver any kids yet."

Kagome tapped her chopsticks to her lips in anxious thought. "I wonder if I can even do it... The only birth I've been around was Souta's, and I was really young, then."

"That's why Kaede-babaa's there, right? To teach you."

"Well, yeah..."

Finishing his rice and seeming to notice she'd only been picking at hers, Inuyasha furrowed his brow. "Hey," he called softly. "Don't worry so much, you'll do fine. Rin will probably be there, too."

Taking a deep breath and trying to quell the thoughts of everything that could go wrong, especially in this time, Kagome met Inuyasha's eyes and felt a little emboldened by the faith she saw reflected there. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just don't give up before you've had a chance to do anything. That's not like you."

She wasn't sure if Inuyasha fully comprehended what a birth meant to humans, probably only ever seeing animals doing it with ease on their own in the forest. But she immediately squashed the thought, deciding that wasn't giving him enough credit. He'd seen Sango and Miroku grow into parenthood, after all. Twice. Stories from Sango indicated he'd been pretty involved, as well; feeling her belly or asking questions, and catching her nutritious food that was easy on her nausea.

"Okay... Thank you, Inuyasha."

…

"Burn these herbs in the small brazier, please," Kaede instructed gently, but urgently. "Thank you, child. Now Rin, pluck the string of the ceremonial bow. It will deter evil spirits and draw the attention of the gods."

The elderly miko was busy swathing a multitude of white cloths together to put under the would-be mother like a cushion. A bucket of steaming water lay beside her and Tsuru's husband was dabbing at his wife's sweat-soaked brow while she squatted over the bundle of cloths. She looked young. Younger than Kagome herself at least, and pale.

"Kagome," Kaede called her attention again, "take the rosary. You remember the prayers I taught you?" Kagome nodded. "Good, I may need to ask more of you, but for now just observe and pray. Hoshiki-san, I will need you to stand back now. Thank you, and do not worry, Tsuru-san is in good care."

Kagome settled herself not too far away from everyone, arranging the beads around both hands and began to pray aloud, willing the birth to go well. Her concentration was broken moments later, however, when the first cries of Tsuru began to fill the small hut. Stumbling over her own tongue, Kagome struggled to resume her mantra, losing her place several times and having to start over.

"It's all right, Tsuru-san," Kaede crooned, draping the largest cloth over her hands, holding it ready between Tsuru's legs. "Just push. Hoshiki-san, take a piece of that cloth and roll it up – that's right – and have her bite down on it."

Tsuru's cries were much quieter when muffled by the fabric, and Kagome was able to rein in her lost concentration, though her nerves remained frazzled. The smells of sweat, herbs, and fresh blood were beginning to make her queasy. It was all she could do to not pass out by focusing as hard as she could on her prayers.

'Whatever gods might be listening, please let this go well,' she thought desperately. 'Please guide Tsuru-san through her pain...'

"Breathe," Kaede reminded the almost-mother. "The head is coming now, though too slowly."

Lifting her cloth-covered hands, the old woman reached in, presumably to assist with pulling the baby out. Kagome pinched her eyes shut. She was supposed to do this on her own someday? That nausea was attacking her senses again, threatening the edges of her vision with darkness. White spots danced behind her closed eyelids. Her chant continued.

Finally, a wail broke through Tsuru's cries. She opened her eyes to see Kaede cutting the umbilical cord with the bamboo knife.

"Kagome," Kaede called, and the young miko joined the older one at once. Kaede handed her what cloths weren't bloody and motioned to the bucket that was still gently wafting steam. Understanding, Kagome helped the old woman wipe down the new life and clean him of fluids. She watched how Kaede made sure the nose was clear before swaddling the baby in fresh linen and handing him to his exhausted mother. Tsuru, who was now in a much more comfortable position resting her head in her husband's lap, accepted the bundle with teary eyes.

"Congratulations, Kinubiki household, you have a baby boy. You did very well, Tsuru-san."

"Congratulations Tsuru-san! Hoshiki-san!" Rin echoed cheerfully, and Kagome had to wonder how she retained her energy in this kind of situation.

Before Kagome could speak to offer her own congratulations, however, Kaede pulled her aside to speak quietly. "You did well, too. Composure comes with time and experience. I've no doubt you'll be able to deliver many healthy babies in the future." Kagome nodded slowly, unsure of what to do with that praise. "The last thing we have to do here is make sure the afterbirth goes smoothly, and to conduct a blessing. I want you to do that last part."

"Okay." It sounded easy enough, from what little she knew of it from her own time. She just wished this queasy feeling would go away.

Everything from there on went smoothly, and Tsuru was finally able to rest in her bedroll while her husband Hoshiki held his son.

"Have you decided on a name?" Kagome asked, having to lick her lips to speak without her voice cracking.

"Yes," Hoshiki said softly. "His name is Haruto."

"Haruto," Kagome repeated, and began her blessing. "Haruto Kinubiki, born in the year of the rabbit, son to Hoshiki and Tsuru."

She finished off with another prayer, and Hoshiki nodded gratefully. "Thank you, Kagome-sama. Kaede-sama."

When Kagome looked around again, she noted that the room had already been cleared of the bloody cloths, burnt herbs, and buckets of water. She assumed Rin must have done it.

"Kagome, take the tools we used back to storage, please. Then take Rin with you for purification. I will stay and direct the rest of the newborn's rituals for the next three days."

"All right," Kagome agreed with a nod, adjusting her sleeves back from when she had rolled them up to wash the baby, and gathering up all the items. She stood and exited the hut, but tied a sprig of willow to the door frame before she left, marking it taboo to enter.

The rest of the tools she took to the small storage shed behind Kaede's home. Lit by only the sunlight shining in through the door she'd opened, Kagome had to squint a little to avoid tripping over anything in the dimness. Settling the bow, knife, and prayer beads in their rightful spots, she took a moment to lean against one of the shelves and gulp in some much-needed air. It had been absolutely stifling in the small hut, rank with the smell of labor. Kagome was a little mad at herself that it was affecting her so badly but decided not to dwell on it, at least until after she'd finished at the river.

The nice breeze that had been tickling her hair against her sweaty skin suddenly picked up into a great WHOOSH of noise. The shed's door slammed shut with the force of it, and Kagome was abruptly plunged into darkness.

No... No, no, no, no, no.

Kagome's legs went weak under her, and she stumbled to the floor, eyes going wide. Pupils dilating. It was suddenly very, very cold. She wrapped her arms around herself. "Inu-..." she tried, but couldn't breathe around how hard her heart was pounding. "Inuyasha...!" she tried again.

Suddenly she was back in that awful void, the Jewel whispering sinister promises to her. Suddenly she felt utterly unable to move or do anything other than wait and hope Inuyasha found her.

Stuttering over a heave of air, Kagome found her voice long enough to shout. Not very loudly, but enough that she was sure he'd hear her if he was somewhere in the village. "Inuyasha!"

The door creaked open and light flooded the shed, illuminating Kagome's form still prone on the floor.

"Kagome-sama?" Rin's voice called in. "Are you okay? You didn't come to the river..."

Footfalls sounded rapidly, coming up behind the small girl, and Inuyasha appeared as a dark silhouette against the outside light. "Kagome?!"

As soon as both got a good look at her, they rushed to her side.

"What's wrong, Kagome-sama?!"

"What happened, Kagome?!"

Heart still punching against her chest, beating blood behind her eyes and stealing her breath, Kagome buried her face in her hands, trying to block out all sensory stimulus. "I can't do it," she sobbed.

"What happened?" Inuyasha repeated. "Dammit, are you okay?!"

"I can't do it!" Kagome said again, hysterics taking over in the wake of her panic attack. "I can't be a miko!"

Inuyasha's jaw set, visibly trying to push down his confusion and worry to use a softer tone. "I'm getting you inside," he said.

Without another word, he scooped her up into his arms and marched them towards Kaede's empty hut. Rin followed close behind and was now making soothing noises as she dabbed at Kagome's sweaty face with a spare cloth.

"You'll be okay, Kagome-sama. Just breathe."

Kagome was uncomfortably reminded of the scene of the birth. She tucked tighter into herself, though her breathing was finally slowing enough to talk rationally.

"I'm sorry..." she murmured. "That hasn't happened in a long time." A bitter laugh. "I thought I was over it."

"What happened?" Inuyasha asked for the third time. He wasn't touching her, but hovered close with worried eyes.

"I just... I can't handle doing the things Kaede-obaa-chan does on my own... I can't even be alone in a dark room. I don't know if I'm cut out for this. I can act like a miko all I want, but really I'm a mess. How do I take care of people like this? What if it causes something horrible to happen to someone?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Inuyasha asked after a moment of silence. "Didn't I already tell you once that the fact you worry and want to help people in spite of your weaknesses means your heart is strong and beautiful?"

"That's... different."

"The hell it is! Everyone worries about doing right by the people they care about. You've handled what Kaede-babaa does and more! Who defeated Naraku, huh?!" Kagome had rarely heard him so impassioned with it directed towards her before, but he wasn't done. "Birth isn't fun for anyone involved, but you helped both the mother and baby get through it safely. You should be proud! As for the dark, I'll just make sure you always have a lantern when you need something from storage!"

Kagome stared at him, letting his words soak in. He seemed genuinely upset and even offended by her doubt in her abilities. And that bit about the lantern... she couldn't help it. She laughed. Leave it to Inuyasha to come up with the most straightforward and literal solution possible.

"Keh, what are you laughing at, silly woman?" his voice was disgruntled, but he seemed to relax a little.

"Kagome-sama," Rin broke in softly, "I'm not a miko so maybe it's different in some way, but I have been helping Kaede-sama for over three years now in your place. Inuyasha-sama is right. You've helped a lot of people. You haven't let anyone down so far, and maybe someday you will, but it won't be from incompetence. Bad things happen... But that's exactly why mikos are needed, isn't it?"

Kagome breathed in a big sigh, letting it out slowly to clear her head. "You're right. I'm sorry, I got caught up in my insecurities... I do want to help people. I don't want to let days like this happen again."

Rin only smiled. "Even if it does happen again, you can talk to me or Inuyasha-sama about it. You won't be alone, even when the day comes that you take over all Kaede-sama's responsibilities."

"Thank you..." Kagome said it genuinely. It felt like the fog of panic had cleared and she could see her goals with clarity again, and wonder why she ever doubted them. "I think I'll be okay, just... I'd like to finish my purification and then rest for a little while. Rin-chan, will you come with me?"

"Of course!" The young girl stood cheerfully and grabbed Kagome's hand when she stood, a little slower.

Inuyasha had said nothing since his outburst, but had his eyes trained on her every move. Kagome guessed he was assessing whether she really would be okay or not, but she seemed to pass his test as he didn't try to stop her.

The walk to the river was awkward at best. Multiple villagers stopped to greet her and thank her for the boar meat. She waved them off, saying that it was Inuyasha they should thank, and tried to mask how pale she probably still looked with bright smiles and a cheery voice. Arriving at the cool and quiet clearing was a relief. Letting go of Rin's hand, the two girls moved into the flowing water where Kagome began the purification rites. Kaede often used salt in addition to the water, but had mentioned it was not always necessary. Kagome hoped that was right, because she'd left it in the storeroom. Reciting a quiet prayer over Rin, she poured water over the small girl's shoulders and had her rinse her mouth and hands, before touching her forehead.

Having gone upstream enough to be near the waterfall that fed the river, Kagome tiredly sent Rin on her way so that she could complete her own misogi ritual. She couldn't see Inuyasha but had felt his aura following them from somewhere. It was still here, so she knew he was likely somewhere up high, keeping watch over her. Somehow the idea soothed her more than the idea of the resident gods and spirits doing so. Putting her hands together in prayer, the miko stood under the waterfall and began to chant a continuous mantra. The water crashing over her shoulders and hair was overwhelming at first, but mysteriously, the longer she stood there, the more soothed she felt. The cold water cleansed her of her sweat, the birthing smells, and helped her doubts melt away.

When she finally opened her eyes again, she saw Inuyasha standing on the bank waiting for her. He seemed even more otherworldly in that moment, with her mind having just come out of a trance. His white hair dappled with sun and shadow was the prettiest thing she'd ever seen, she thought then. His eyes seemed to glow a little in the half light. She moved towards him and he took off his suikan to offer it to her. The cold water dripping down her body wasn't really bothering her, but she accepted it anyway, flashing him a smile that seemed to make him blush. She wasn't of the mindset to figure out why, though.

…

Rest came very easily after that. Kagome had chosen to lie in the grass outside their home to let the sun dry her, and promptly fallen asleep. Inuyasha had finished the garden fence so the chickens were now foraging for insects within it, and Inuyasha himself had moved on to chopping firewood for their dwindling supply. In spite of her earlier incident, the day now seemed perfect.

She was awoken around an hour later to the sound of someone sitting down next to her. Opening her eyes, she only saw the blues and whites of the sky for a moment, before sleepily turning her head towards the sound. The sight made her wonder if she was still dreaming. Inuyasha was settled next to her, and in his lap rested the three little chicks.

"I thought you said they weren't pets." Her voice was groggy but amused.

"They just came over here on their own."

She raised a brow at him. "They somehow opened the gate and just wandered over?"

"Tch, no. They did escape, though."

"Well, they seem to like you if they fell asleep on you like that."

"Good for them."

Kagome sighed. "You're no fun."

He huffed. There was a moment of silence, then, "Has that been happening ever since?"

It took her a minute of staring before realizing he meant her panic attack. "Oh... It did for a while. I would wake up at night and need the bathroom or a drink of water and couldn't go out into the dark hallway without freezing up. It got better after the second year, though... I don't know why it suddenly came back like that."

Inuyasha finally looked directly at her. "Two years? Did you tell your mother?"

"No. She didn't need to know how much danger I could be in... I guess I never told my family much about what happened here. Just a lot about you and our friends."

He was silent at that. A chick ruffled herself and abruptly toppled off Inuyasha's knee, letting out a startled peep. The hanyou picked her up again, seemingly lost in thought. His hand was bigger than the little creature's entire body. "Do you miss them?" he asked.

Kagome gave him a startled look, not expecting that question. "Of course I do, but... You're my family, too. All kids leave home someday."

"... Yeah."

She eyed him in interest. "What are you thinking about?"

"How I'm gonna have to call back that menace, Shippou, to help Sango with the kids while Miroku's gone… and watch these." He gestured to the chickens.

It was obviously a deflection from her actual question, but she let him have it. "It'll be nice to see him again."

"Keh! Says you."

"Yes, says me. He barely visits anymore."

"He's got his own things going on now," Inuyasha said. "Like you said, kids all leave home someday."

She glared at him, not happy at having her own words twisted against her. "When were we leaving, anyway? The new moon's in-..."

"Three days," he answered.

"Right. Three days... I guess if Shippou's going to stay here while we're gone then I don't have to make any preparations for the hut."

"Just bring your bow. We can figure the rest out after we leave."

Kagome couldn't help her bubble of excitement. In three days she'd be on the road again. Fighting youkai again. It should be scary, but Inuyasha and Miroku would be there, too. It really would be like old times – or so she hoped.

A/N: I promise not to keep hyping up this trip, LOL. Also I'm sorry for the angst, I can't help it. I hope it's not a turn off for too many people, but I want to explore both the ups and downs of Inuyasha and Kagome's lives. It's still mostly gonna be fluff, I swear.