Authors Note: Okay, this chappie was pretty fun, let me tell you. I just hope you all enjoy emotional roller coasters...
Chapter 14
A Death
The next morning Lily went down to breakfast famished. For some reason she was very hungry. She sat next to Alice, piling her plate high with food and devouring it ravenously. The post had just arrived when Lily's breakfast was interrupted most pleasantly.
"James Potter, what do you think you're doing? I was ashamed to hear of you behaving in such a manner. You know that you do not have permission to be in Hogsmede! I told you before you left not to go in, and now I hear that you went in anyway?" Came Anne's loud voice. Lily looked down the table and saw that James had received a howler. Lily smiled smugly. James, however, was not looking nearly as mortified as she had hoped he would. She was, in fact, smiling cheekily and laughing with Sirius. He was completely ignoring his mother's screeching voice. Other people looked at James and laughed at his reaction. When his mother's screaming had stopped, he stood from his seat and waved to the rest of the hall, taking several bows. There was laughter at this.
Lily was furious. He didn't take anything seriously, and was using this as an excuse to get attention and a few laughs. She was also annoyed with herself, however. Her plan had totally backfired. That morning in classes she heard several people calling out, "Hey Potter, nice one this morning!" and "you're mom's hilarious, Potter!"
Lily was so angry and frustrated, she could not stand it. She went to bed angry that night.
The next morning Lily was the first to wake up. She yawned and stretched, looking around the room. She went over to the chair that she had thrown her robes on the other night. She had worn her other pair of robes the day before, and now needed the ones that she had forgotten to wash over the weekend. She remembered having thrown them on the chair at some point. She rummaged around through the other items on the chair. She saw Alice had draped her cloak over the robes, and pushed it to the side in her search. She made a mental note to ask Alice how her visit with Frank had gone. She was pulling the robes over her head when she noticed a letter lying open on the floor. She stooped and picked it up, curious as to the contents.
Frank,
We need you quickly; another muggle has turned up dead. It's a middle aged man, looks to be in his mid forties, with red, graying hair. He has glasses, although they are broken and to the side of his body. He has freckles and green eyes from what we can see beneath the scaring. He looks as if he would be tall, but was obviously subjected to the cruciatis curse, and is now deformed and stooped. His back was broken, as were one leg and several ribs. Please come quickly, the body just turned up and we have hopes of catching the guys that did this this time. We need all hands on deck to locate the culprits. Apperate here as soon as possible, the address is 4, Privet Drive, Little Winging, Surrey. It looks as if he may have been apperated here after his death, but we can't be sure. Someone must have been here, as the dark mark is now hovering above the house, please come as quickly as you can to do damage control and modify memories.
Lily blanched, reading the letter. The description had had an uncanny resemblance to her father, but by the last sentence of the description she was sure that it had to be him. That was her address. That was her father's mangled body that had appeared. What was the dark mark? And modifying memories? They would be removing this instance from the memories of Petunia and her mother? Who would Lily talk to about it? Would they just forget that her father had ever existed? What would they do to them? Lily did not know, but right now she knew that she had to get home. Her only thought was getting to her father and trying to help find the people who did this to him. Lily ran down the stairs, still gripping the letter tightly in her fist. She sprinted down the stairs and into the common room, tears streaming down her face. She could not see properly from the tears that were blurring her vision.
"Whoa!" Someone cried out, snatching her up in their arms as she knocked over a chair and then continued to run towards the common room. She had started screaming when the person stopped her, impeding her progress. She was crying and hitting whoever was holding her in her effort to get back to her home. "Lily, calm yourself. What happened?" asked the person holding her. Her entire body was shuddering with her raking sobs as she tried to escape this firm grip again.
"Let me go!" She said, beating the person's chest with her closed fist, one of which was still clutching the letter.
"Shh, Lily. Tell me what happened. Calm down." said the person placating. She looked up through her tears and recognized James. She could not escape him, although she did try again. He was taller, larger, and stronger than she was. She could do nothing to evade his grasp.
"Let me go" she said again, still crying but speaking less vehemently this time.
"No, Lily. You're a danger to yourself and everyone in your path. What's up?" He asked, not releasing his hold on her for even a moment. Lily just sobbed more and blubbered incoherently. He made more hushing noises to her, transporting her, still in his arms, to the couch where she rested her head against his firm chest, her slender shoulders still shaking with the sobs. She waved the letter at him, and, puzzled, he took it.
He read it twice through, quickly. She heard his sharp intake of breath as he finished the letter.
"Oh Lily, I'm so sorry." He said as he finished it for the second time.
"I have to go home." She said, making to stand again.
"Of course you're not going home." He said, as if there were no question about it.
"I have to James." Lily told him, but she was stuck and could not move. She looked at him and saw that he was gripping her wrist. "Let me go James! I have to go to him."
"You can't.' Things will be crazy there, and how would you even get there?' And think how bad it is just reading this description; imagine what it will do to you if you see him." James reasoned
"James, I don't care what you say, I have to go to them, if only just to see my mother and sister, or to help them find the people who did this" Lily told him, pulling at her wrist to remove it from his clutches.
"Lily, they have trained ministry officials there helping, do you honestly think you could do better than them?" James asked.
"He's my father!" Lily yelled.
"I know, Lily, and I'm sorry. But there's nothing you can do. And if you go back now, your mother might not let you return." James told her. "Remember what she said last time?" He asked her. Lily did remember, but even though what he was saying was reasonable, she did not want to hear it.
"Let me go James. I can't just stay here and do nothing while my father is dead and the people who killed him are free." Lily said, using her free hand to wipe away the tears on her face. She wiped the snot off her nose, sniffing loudly.
"Go to Dumbledore-" James started to say.
"Dumbledore!" Lily interrupted "Dumbledore! How can you even say that name to me?" She shrieked. "Dumbledore hasn't done anything! He was supposed to have already found the people who did this. This is all his fault! I'm not going to him." Lily declared fervently.
"Lily, you can't go home, I won't let you." James told her. "It's not safe for you to go back there yet. I promise you I'll go back with you at Christmas time if Dumbledore says it's okay." James said, attempting to sooth her. It did not work, if anything it made her angrier.
"You cannot tell me what I can and cannot do!" Lily told him. "I'm going back there now." She said, but he was still holding her wrist in his larger hand. He pulled her back to the couch so that she was sitting beside him again. She was still crying and shaking with anger, frustration, and her tears. "Let me go James, let me go." She kept repeating, still hitting him to make him let go.
"Quiet, Lily." James said again, stroking her arm until she was calmer. He pulled her close to him again where she wept into his shoulder.
"He's gone, James. He's never coming back." She said, although the sound was muffled in his shirt.
"I know, Lily. Shhh. I'm here, it's all right." He told her, still rubbing his fingers in little circles on her back, trying to make her sobs stop.
"What can I do, James? He's gone." Lily said, looking up at him through her watery eyes.
"There's nothing you can do, Lily. You just have to be strong. It's okay, just calm down. Come with me, Lily." James told her, pulling her up.
"Where are you taking me?" She asked, but followed him none the less. He was holding her hand and she following him without struggling.
"It's a surprise, just follow me." he said, leading the way.
James took her to an all too familiar corridor. Lily realized too late where they were, right outside Dumbledore's office.
"James, I refuse to go in there. I can't talk to him, I can't do it. Let go of me or I will scream so loud that your eardrums will explode." Lily threatened, resuming her struggling. "I can't believe you took me here. You knew I didn't want to come. What are you doing? This is so inconsiderate of you. Let me go!" She yelled, tugging her hand free of him and running down the corridor.
"Lily, come back." James said, chasing after her. He caught up with her quickly and grabbed her again, pulling her back to Dumbledore's office.
"James, I don't want to." She whined, struggling half heartedly against his hold on her. His arm was around her waist so that she would not be able to escape again.
"Lily, I understand that you think you don't want to, but you don't have a choice. Now go up there and talk to him, I'll wait for you down here." James told her.
"You're not coming up?" Lily asked, looking frightened. James rarely saw her looking frightened, and it was this, more than anything she could have said, that made him go up with her.
"Do you want me to?" He asked, knocking on the gargoyle for lack of a better plan.
"Yes." Lily admitted somewhat bashfully, looking at the floor.
"Then I'll come. But you have to do the talking." James told her as the gargoyles sprang to life and the door opened.
Lily smiled feebly at him, and then frowned at the prospect of facing Dumbledore.
"Up you go, I'm right here." James assured her, pushing her gently up the stairs.
"Lily." Dumbledore said as she opened the door to his office timidly. "James." He added when he saw James behind her. "How nice to see you." Dumbledore said, standing. "How may I help you?" He asked. Lily did not speak right away, not until James nudged her in the back. Then she handed over the letter that was still crinkled in her hand.
She watched Dumbledore's expression change as he read it.
"Oh. Oh my," was all he said as he read the words written on the note. His face paled as he read the description of Lily's father, and then the address where he had been found. "Why wasn't I informed of this?" He asked, more to himself than to Lily. "Millicent said she would tell me if anything else came to light on the subject." Dumbledore said, obviously upset about something.
"Who, professor?" Lily asked.
"Millicent Bagnold, the minister of magic, or mistress, whichever you prefer." Dumbledore said, only half paying attention.
"Were the people who killed my father found?" Lily asked, traces of tears and anger still in her voice.
"I'm sorry, Lily, but I don't know." Dumbledore informed her.
"You don't know?" She repeated incredulously. She started to turn, afraid that she would scream at him if he didn't give her something soon, but James tightened his grip around her waist and made her stay and listen to what Dumbledore had to say.
"I don't know. This is the first I've heard of this, I'm sorry to say. Millicent was supposed to keep me informed; she promised me that she would let me know if anything else happened. I don't know how this slipped through the cracks." Dumbledore told her.
"Professor, that's not good enough. My father is dead. I need to know who killed him, and I need to know now." Lily said. "Are you really telling me you didn't know anything about this?" She said. Dumbledore shifted from one foot to the other, looking guilty of something, but Lily could not tell if that something was knowing and not telling, or of not knowing.
"Well, there was something." Dumbledore told her. "A note was sent to me last week, but I didn't think of it." He said, going to his desk and removing a note from it. He handed it to Lily, who took it in her hands, trembling all over.
Surrender Lily, or her father is dead. Read an almost illegible scrawl.
Those were the only words written on the dirty little slip of paper. Lily let it slip through her fingers to the floor, unheeded. She was in shock. Dumbledore had known. They had threatened to kill her father and he hadn't told her. She could have saved him.
"We could have saved him." She said, almost collapsing. She would have, if James had not been there to support her. He had read the note over her shoulder and knew what had happened.
"There was nothing we could have done, Lily. We couldn't have given you to them." Dumbledore told her.
"But we could have gone to meet them and then found out who they were. Or we could have discovered who sent the letter. Or done something! But now my dad is dead, and there's nothing we can do. And they still don't have me, what do you think will happen next? Do you think they'll just give up? Do you think that it'll all just disappear now that he's dead? Because it won't. They'll go to my mother next, or my sister. I have to surrender myself to them; otherwise the killing will never stop." Lily said with a deathly calm in her voice, leaning hard into James's side in an effort to remain standing.
"Lily, we need you to have any hope of stopping the killing. Without your help we'll never catch them. I think we should start your training again, as soon as possible." Dumbledore said, changing the subject abruptly. Lily did not like that. She wanted to talk about how Dumbledore had kept her outside the loop and that had resulted in her father's death. Lily did not respond right away. She did not trust her voice to work.
"I think that's a good idea." James said, speaking up. Lily looked at him angrily. She did not want him on Dumbledore's side. He was supposed to be on her side. He was supposed to support her. Why was he agreeing with Dumbledore about this? "Lily, you have to start your training, that way you'll know where he'll hit next. Don't you want to stop the killing?" James asked her, trying to help her see reason.
"Yes." Lily agreed reluctantly.
"Excellent. So we'll do your training on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8:00 PM." Dumbledore said.
"Actually, I can't. I have something on Thursdays and Tuesdays at 8:00 PM." Lily said.
"So Monday, Wednesday, and Friday?" Dumbledore asked.
"Okay, sure." Lily said somewhat reluctantly. That would mean that she would be busy every night of the week except for Saturdays.
"Then I'll see you then, I suppose." Professor Dumbledore said, turning away and sitting at his desk. "And I am terribly sorry about your loss, Lily." Dumbledore said. "I will be looking into why I wasn't informed, Lily, I can assure you." He then began writing on a piece of parchment that he had removed from a desk drawer.
Lily glanced at James, asking with her eyes whether or not they should leave. In response he gently directed her towards the door with his hand on the small of her back.
"I'm proud of you Lily." He said when they reached the corridor outside Dumbledore's office.
"Why?" She asked, sniffing loudly again, determinedly putting her tears behind her.
"Because you put aside your pride, probably for the first time since I've known you." James told her, smiling. She did not respond, she merely rolled her eyes at him.
"I still can't believe you made me do that." She told him. He looked wary, afraid of her wrath.
"Lily-"
"Thank you." She said.
"Really?" James asked, stunned.
"Yes. Thank you for coming with me, thank you for making me do that. It'll be better this way. I need to take the lessons." Lily told him, smiling at him slightly.
"Where are you going to go now?" James asked her.
"I'm not sure. Class I suppose. I don't have much choice." Lily said.
"Don't go to class, Lily." James suggested.
"Well, where else can I go?" Lily asked him.
"I know a place where you can go that will have everything you need." James told her.
"Will you be there?" Lily asked him.
"If you need me, I will always be there." James told her. Lily decided not to dwell on that comment; she didn't want to be reading something into nothing.
"Where is this place?" Lily asked him, curious.
"It's a secret." James told her.
"Have I been there before?" Lily asked, eager to play a guessing game.
"Yes." James told her.
"Where?" Lily asked, confused. "Will I recognize it?" She asked.
"No, it's different every time." He said.
"I see." Lily said, although she did not see.
She followed him down the corridor to the mysterious room that he had told her about. He opened a door that they had entered together before, although Lily did not recognize it until they were already seated. "Where is this place?" Lily asked him.
"Don't you know?" James asked her teasingly.
"Obviously I don't." Lily said, looking around her surroundings. She had most definitely never been here before. Everything was pink, with a fluffy white carpet on the floor. There was a blazing fire in the grate, and a large pink couch across from it. There was a coffee table in front of the couch, laden with chocolate of all different kinds. There were caramel chocolates, and there were milk chocolates, dark, white, raspberry, strawberry, coconut, and crème.
There was a large teddy bear on the floor, and there was soft music playing in the background, and there were vanilla scented candles burning around the room.
Lily was sitting on the couch next to James, looking around her in amazement. "I have definitely never been here before." She told him.
"Of course you have, but it looked different when you were here last time." James told her. She just looked at him blankly. "We're in the room of requirement." Comprehension dawned on Lily's face as she looked around again. "And right now you need soothing music, scented candles, a warm soft fuzzy carpet, fluffy pillows, blankets, and chocolate" James told her, holding a box of the sweets out to her.
"Thank you." She said, biting into a large milk chocolate truffle.
"Do you want me to stay, or would you rather be alone?" He asked her.
"I actually prefer the company." Lily told him, holding the chocolates back out to him.
"Then I'll stay." He said. "Do you want to talk about your dad?" asked James after a moment of silence.
"I'd like that." Lily said. "You know, I remember once when I was younger" Lily said after a moment. They spent a long time talking about Lily's memories of her father. She told James about how they used to play catch, and he would push her on the swings. He laughed in all the right places and was sympathetic at the right times. He somehow new exactly what she needed to hear.
They were talking for so long that Lily lost track of time. She had finished the box of chocolates a long time ago, but the box somehow continued to replenish. She was cuddling with the teddy bear, and was covered in a blanket. There was a fluffy pillow behind her head.' Her legs were on James's lap; he was sitting next to her on the couch, passing her chocolates from time to time. She felt six years old again, when she had the chicken pox and stayed home from school. Her mother had propped her up on pillows and fed her broth while she watched television. She had thought she was sad then, that was nothing compared to now. But it wasn't so bad, since James was there, listening and sympathizing. She felt as if she had a lump in her throat that made swallowing difficult.
After a while she did not want to talk about her dad. She wanted to be distracted from the emptiness growing inside her. While she reminisced, she could pretend that he was still there. But then she would remember that he wasn't there, and that she would never see him again.
"What's wrong?" James asked after she was silent for a few moments.
"I don't want to talk about my dad anymore. I just want to forget." Lily said.
"You'll never forget Lily. You can't forget. And you don't want to forget, deep down. Think of all the good times, you don't want to lose those memories." James told her. Lily began to cry at that. Even though it was true, and he was right, it made her sad. "What do you want to talk about?" James asked, seeing that his words had upset her.
"You tell me something about your family. Or you. Anything really. I don't mind." Lily said, sniffling.
James told her about his childhood, and his family. He told her stories about Anne, and growing up as a wizard child. Lily found it really interesting, that he had grown up with brooms and magic. He had always known he would go to Hogwarts, whereas she had not found out until she got the letter. Their childhoods had been so different. When he got the chicken pox, his mom had said a simple charm and it was gone. When he fell and scraped his knee, the scrape disappeared immediately.
Lily was hungry for solid food. Not that chocolate wasn't solid, but she wanted something with more substance. She had a lingeringly sweet taste in her mouth that, while pleasant, grew rather sickening after a while. Suddenly a large bowl of spaghetti with pesto sauce, her favorite food, appeared. She didn't know how the room had known that she was hungry, or that her favorite food was spaghetti with pesto, but it had known.
"What's that?" James asked, looking at the bowl of spaghetti and the smaller plates that had arrived with it.
"It's my favorite food in the world." Lily said enthusiastically. James stood and picked up the plates. Lily's feet and legs were cold without the heat of his body under them. He piled the two plates with the spaghetti and brought them over to the couch. She moved her legs to the side to allow him to sit again.
"My favorite food is steak." James told her. "What's your favorite color?" James asked her.
"Pink." She said.
"Oh, I should have guessed from the room." James said, laughing. Lily smiled weakly. She did not feel like laughing.
"What's your favorite color?" Lily asked.
"Green. Like your eyes." James said, smiling. "Or red, like your hair," he added. Lily blushed. They then passed the time by discussing their favorites. They talked about favorite quiddich team (James) and favorite muggle band (Lily).
"Well, I like Puddlemere United, but what's your favorite quiddich team?" James asked.
"I don't really follow quiddich." Lily admitted.
"Don't follow quiddich?" James asked, horrified.
"Not really." Lily said, shifting her legs.
"But if you had to choose?" James asked.
"Gryffindor?" She suggested.
"Why Gryffindor?" He asked, laughing.
"Because you play on it." She said. James smiled.
"I like your socks." James said suddenly, looking at her feet. Lily wiggled her toes through her socks, showing off the little pigs that were stitched onto them.
"My mom gave them to me." She confessed, blushing again.
"They're cute." James said.
"They're embarrassing." Lily told him, eyeing her discarded shoes and wishing she had kept them on. She didn't want James knowing that she wore piglet socks. But, then again, he knew practically everything else about her, so what would it hurt?
"They're not. I like them. If you don't want them, I'll take them." James told her, touching the cotton fabric and then running his finger down her foot. She had told him that her feet were ticklish, she knew now that that was a mistake.
"Don't tickle me James!" Lily said, kicking him.
"Why not?" He asked, running his finger down her sock again and causing her to twitch her foot away from him, trying to hide it beneath the blanket.
"I'm not in the mood to laugh, it doesn't seem right." Lily told him, again embarrassed. Why was she so self conscious about him suddenly?
"Oh, right, sorry." James said apologetically. There was a momentary silence in which Lily again shifted her weight.
"Stop moving around so much." James complained good-naturedly. "Just stay still." He grabbed her legs to keep them in one place so that she would stop fidgeting.
Lily looked at James, trying to puzzle over her emotions. She was sad, that was easy to figure out. But there was something else as well. She liked his company, and somehow while talking to him she forgot about her father, and Voldemort, and death eaters, and Dumbledore, and all that mattered was the moment and him and her.
James leaned forward, taking her face in his hands. He kissed her suddenly and passionately, catching her lips up in his own.
"James, what are you doing?" Lily demanded, pulling back from his kiss.
"Kissing you." James told her, leaning forward again. Lily did not allow him to come close enough this time. She would not allow him the satisfaction of finding out that she wanted him to kiss her. She knew that if he kissed her again she would not be able to pull back.
"You can't." Lily told him.
"Watch me." James told her, again trying to lean in.
"James, now is not the time. You can't do this right now, I need you." Lily told him.
"And you can have me, that's what I'm telling you." James told her, pulling away as well to look at her closely.
"No, I want you as in friend you. I want the James I can talk to about everything, the James that understands me. Not the James who all we ever do is kiss." Lily explained, taking a bite of her spaghetti with pesto just for the sake of doing something. She needed to put something in her mouth to take the tingling sensation away from her lips. She could still feel the warmth of his kiss.
"Is that what you think it would be like, Lily?" James asked her, cocking his head to the side.
"Of course. It is what it would be like. That's all people do when they go out." Lily told him, basing this mostly on her experience with Severus.
"But we would be different. We could talk about everything, and still be the same, but also do the kissing." James told her.
"It never works like that, James. And things would be different. We would have the label. People would look at us differently. It would make everything more awkward." Lily told him.
"Be honest, Lily. People already look at us funny. And if you really cared about the label, we could keep it a secret." James told her.
"But it wouldn't work. And what about when we break up?" Lily asked.
"When we break up? We haven't even started going out, and you're already thinking about our breakup?" James asked her.
"Well, you have to think about the future. And I really value your friendship, James. I don't know what I'd do without you." Lily told him.
"You don't have to do without me, that's what I'm saying. I'll always be here for you, and I want to always be there for you." James told her passionately. "And you're friendship isn't good enough for me, Lily. I want your love, not your friendship." James told her.
"James, this isn't the right time for this conversation. My dad just died, and you're telling me that you want to be with me forever. It's too much. I can't handle it. I don't even know if I'll be alive tomorrow, let alone still be friends with you. You can't throw this at me now." Lily told him, angry that he was putting her in this situation again.
"I'm sorry, you're right." James told her, although he looked disappointed.
"Can you please leave now? I need to think, alone. I'm sorry, but I think I just need to be alone." She told him. He sighed, looking at her regretfully, and then putting her legs to the side and standing. He took her and his own empty bowls to the table and placed them next to the larger spaghetti bowl, where they disappeared.
"Is there anything I can get you before I leave?" He asked, a trace of bitterness in his voice.
"Can you grab me a pillow, please?" Lily asked. James brought one over and placed it on top of her.
She put it under her legs where he had been sitting so that the space would not feel so empty now that he was gone. He smiled faintly. "Thank you James, thank you so much for bringing me here, for doing all this, for being you. And I'm sorry. I really am." Lily told him, look at him beseechingly.
"You have nothing to apologize for." James told her, turning away and leaving the room of requirement, leaving Lily alone to her thoughts.
Lily could not believe him. How could he do that when she was so upset about her father? But worse than even that, she was angry at herself for enjoying it. What did that mean? She must have been confused and vulnerable; anyone would have enjoyed it under the circumstances. She needed to have him as a friend. She didn't need the emotional trauma of having a boyfriend now. Especially not James, it would be an emotional roller coaster ride. Holly would be mad, Sirius would make a big deal of it, Hazel would gloat, people would stare, and having a boyfriend was hard.
Lily didn't exactly know what she was doing. Severus had not been much experience; they had been in different houses, so she had never needed to know how to navigate the tricky waters of common rooms and dining tables. And now especially she needed to focus on her lessons, as much as she hated to admit it. She needed to stop the killings. And with that last lingering thought, she drifted into an uneasy sleep, dreaming about her father.
James
James walked morosely down the corridors. He had no idea what time it was, but people were either at dinner or still in classes, because there was no one in the halls, but it was light outside so he knew it was not too late. He would have to ask Sirius for his notes later on. On second thought maybe Remus would be a better bet. Why had he been such an idiot? Sirius was right, he was a dunce with ladies. He should have known not to kiss her when she was so confused and sad. But it was so hard to resist. It was all he could think about when he was with her. He had been suppressing the desire to kiss her for the entire day he was with her. She was so beautiful. He couldn't help it. Sirius would no doubt have something to say on the matter.
He arrived in the common room, not knowing what else to do, and discovered Sirius there, along with most of the rest of the house, all doing homework. Classes were over. He had been talking to Lily for longer than he had thought, but time with her always went quickly.
"Where were you all day mate? You look awful, as if you want to kill yourself." Sirius commented as he sat down on the couch, making Peter scoot to the side.
"I almost do, mate, I almost do." James said.
"I didn't see Lily all day either." Sirius said, nudging James in the side. "James, you old rascal. I thought I was the dog here, I was obviously mistaken." Sirius said laughing.
"Yes, we were together. Not like that though. I don't feel as if I can talk about it though, it's her private thing. But the point is we were in the room of requirement, talking and having a good time, and then I kissed her." James said.
"And?" Sirius demanded, leaning forward.
"Well, it was stupid of me. She had just been really hurt, that's why we were talking instead of going to classes." James explained.
"You kissed her when she was emotionally vulnerable? You idiot." Sirius observed.
"Well thanks for being so sympathetic. That really makes me feel a ton better. That really clears things up for me too, what would I do without you Padfoot?" James asked sarcastically. "And I am learning, you know." James told him.
"Really? What are you learning?" Sirius asked. "Because I am not seeing much improvement."
"No, there's lots of improvement, I swear. Today she didn't once mention Hogsmede, and like you suggested I didn't ask why not. Isn't that a good step?" James asked.
"Not if you couple it with the fall of doing something as stupid as kissing her." Sirius told him.
"I'm sorry, okay? I can't help it. We've covered this. Besides, she was so sad. I had to." James told him.
"You had to confuse her more and make her sadder? James, girls can't just kiss without strings attached. Well, I suppose some can. But Lily can't, which you should know. And also, you should have asked her. And it's too soon, she told you just friends. Come on, think about it. Try to exercise some restraint, Prongs." Sirius told him, an air of hopelessness in his voice.
"I'm such a dunce at this whole thing. And I don't want it to be no strings attached, I really like her, she just doesn't get it.Ê She's the one who doesn't like strings, not me." James said with a sigh.
"Well, I suppose it's never too late." Sirius said. "So what exactly did she say?" Sirius asked him. They then proceeded to over analyze Lily's every hand gesture until and through dinner.
"Well, I'm convinced that she's warming up to you." Sirius told him. "Otherwise she would have pushed and yelled. But asking you to leave was not a good sign. The friends thing was good. And you definitely had some good lines in there, Prongs. I don't know where you pulled those ones from, but they were genius. Would you mind very much if I used a few for myself?" Sirius asked him.
"They weren't lines, Padfoot. They were the truth. I suppose it's easy to be kind and romantic when you're telling the truth." James said in a tone the suggested perhaps he wished it were not the truth. "Anyway, what are you doing with yourself on this lovely evening?" James asked.
"Oh, nothing really. I'm just seeing someone." Sirius said evasively.
"Who? Where? When? Do I know them? Girl or boy?" James asked, eager for something to distract him from Lily.
"Girl, yes you know them, not saying where, and tonight." Sirius informed him, referring to the next night at tutoring with Hazel.
"You can't keep secrets from me. I'll just follow you around all night. Or look on the map." James said smugly.
"Shh, not so loud Prongs. Do you want to alert the entire Gryffindor house to the fact that said map exists?" Sirius asked him.
"Good point." James said. "So who is the mystery woman?"
"You met her in Hogsmede, Lily's friend." Sirius told him.
"Does she have a name? And how do you know her?" James asked.
"Hazel is her name. And I met her somewhere, it's a secret." Sirius told him.
"A secret? Is that what the big cover up in Hogsmede was about?" James demanded, suspicious now.
"Yes a secret, yes a cover up. No I'm not telling, and no you cannot follow me." Sirius told him, looking away. He wondered what James would say if he knew he had gone to tutoring.
"Padfoot, tell me now. You can't have secrets from me. I'm practically your brother; now just tell me who the girl is." James said, crossing his arms. What was going on with everyone lately? Lily was being so odd, but then again that was probably due to her father's brutal murder, and now Sirius was sneaking off to meet girls, which in itself would not be odd, but not telling James about it was a new thing.
"You have secrets from me." Sirius argued.
"I do not." James said, affronted.
"You do to. What was the big mystery about why Lily was upset?" Sirius asked him, smiling triumphantly.
"That's her secret, not mine. That's totally different." James told him.
"No it isn't." Sirius said. "I'll tell you if you'll tell me." Sirius bargained.
"I can't just betray Lily's trust like that; it's a totally different thing." James told Sirius, annoyed.
"So you trust her more than me? I'm hurt." Sirius said, knowing James would not tell him. Now he wouldn't have to disclose his secret about tutoring.
"No, I trust both of you equally, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to tell you her secrets. I don't tell her your secrets, that's why she was all mad at me." James told him.
"Well, then we seem to be at an impasse." Sirius observed.
Lily rose from her uncomfortable sleep, not sure what time it was. She needed to know what time it was so that she could go to her meeting with Dumbledore. It was Monday, so their first lesson would be tonight. As if the room had read her mind, which it probably had, a watch appeared on the table. It was 7:48 PM, perfect. Lily would just have time to make herself somewhat presentable before leaving. She had no clothes to change into, but there was a brush and a toothbrush and sink in one corner, conveniently. So she brushed her hair and pulled it out of her face into a ponytail, and brushed her teeth. She felt much better, she had to admit.
She left the room of requirement behind, silently thanking it for being so good to her, and made her way towards Dumbledore's office. She was a little early, she noticed, but that probably wouldn't be a problem.
She still did not know the password, so she knocked awkwardly on the stone wall where she knew the door to be. "Professor?" She called out timidly. "Lily, welcome, sorry about that, the password is Sugar Quill, for future reference." Dumbledore told her. "Right." Lily said, following him up the moving spiral staircase. "Okay, so we'll start, shall we?" Dumbledore suggested. Lily nodded her consent and they began. They refreshed Lily's ability to read peoples minds and penetrate their thoughts. It was harder than it had been last year, she had forgotten how to do a lot of it and she could tell that Dumbledore was growing frustrated.
"I'm sorry." She apologized for what felt like the hundredth time that night. She kept using the wrong incantation.
"That's quite alright." Dumbledore said, although there was an edge in his voice. "Why don't we call it a night?" Dumbledore suggested. "You should practice tonight, close your mind. Try to block the dreams, and maybe find someone you can practice on. Try to read someone's thoughts." He suggested. Lily nodded, although the thought made her nervous.
Did she really want to see into her friend's minds? Would that be weird? It probably would be. And it was likely that none of them would want her to. If Lily asked she was sure that James would agree, but she didn't know if she wanted to see what he was thinking. She decided just to practice closing her mind rather than practicing the mind reading.
They had been in the lesson for over two hours, and Lily was exhausted. Closing your mind was hard work, especially when you were working against Dumbledore's full power. And trying to break down his barricades was next to impossible, although she new she had come close at least once. Lily arrived in the common room and collapsed.
"What's up, Lil?" James asked, coming over and standing over her.
"Nothing, I'm just tired." She said, standing. She did not want to do this with him right now. She knew he was just trying to be friendly, but at this point she couldn't handle being around him. All she thought about was how sweet he had been and how he had tried to kiss her. And he had succeeded too.
"Okay, well, you should probably go to bed then." James commented. "I'll give you the notes I got from today tomorrow if you want." James told her.
"Thanks. Do we have homework due in classes tomorrow?" Lily asked him.
"You've done it all; none of it was assigned today." James told her. Lily walked up to the dormitory, not even wanting to ask how he knew she had done it. She could feel his gaze on the back of her head the entire way up the stairs until she disappeared.
"You have got it bad." Sirius commented from an armchair nearer the fire.
"Thank you, I wasn't aware." James told him, disgruntled. Why couldn't she just let him in?
Authors Note: So, what do you think? I already have the next chapter written, but it's never too late to make changes if you tell me what you want to happen...review!