Author's Note: Heyy guys, I've been posting a lot lately, but no one's been reviewing so I'm guessing no one's reading this anymore...anyway now I'm just in this to get up to over 100,000 words. You'll be pleased to know (those of you reading this anyway) thatI have now completed this story and am working on the next one. Yes there is a sequal, even though at this point I'm the only one who cares. AnywayI have written over 400 pages and much more that100,000 words, so now I merely have to post them...well I hope you all like this chapter, although i find it quite boring. And I hope it isn't too unlikely...

Chapter 21

Remus's Christmas

Remus, after getting off the train at King's Cross, met his parents and left for home. He had no siblings, he had been bitten by the werewolf at a young age, and his parents had then decided not to have any more children in order to avoid the risk of Remus biting them.

Remus unloaded his bags in his bedroom and flopped with a sigh on his bed. It would be a long vacation, with a full moon too. He did not know what he would do without his friends to transform with him. True, he had managed for years before they became unregistered animargi, but during his transformations with them he could control himself, more or less. He seemed to retain a portion of his human mind when he transformed with his friends, which made it so much more bearable. But Peter was at his house for the holidays, and James and Sirius were at the Potter's house, and Remus was alone for this transformation.

He sighed, not knowing where he would go to stay out of harms way. Doubtless his parents would drive him just before sundown to the closed off animal reserve that was only a few miles from their home. They had moved here for just that reason after the bite. Remus cringed, thinking back to that night so many years ago.

He had been five years old, although he liked to think of himself as much older. On this particular night he was walking around the house in his fathers much too large shoes and carrying a walking stick that was kept in the front hall. Not that either of his parents actually used walking sticks, but his mother had taken a fancy to this particular one. It had an elephants head carved out of ebony on the handle and was made of hard oak. She had fallen in love with it when she saw it and had bought it immediately, not caring about how impractical it was.

"Remus, take those shoes off," his father said, glancing up from the paper as his son approached noisely. He was not mad, he was smiling, his eyes crinkling as he looked at his son. He ran his fingers through his beard, looking speculatively at Remus. "I don't think they quite fit you yet, son. One day though, when you take on the buisness, then you'll be able to fill my shoes nicely."

Remus ran, as well as he could run in shoes that were much too large for his small feet, to his father, who scooped him into his lap.

"Remie, where's your new toy?" his mother asked, looking over at the two from her position behind the counter. She was preparing dinner. Since it was the winter the sun set early, making it appear much later than it was. It was, in fact, barely 6 o'clock in the evening. "Why don't you go fetch it and show your daddy?" she suggested.

"Gotten a new toy, have you?" Mr. Lupin asked, chuckling. "You do spoil him, darling," he commented to his wife.

"Go fetch it, Remie, show daddy your new toy," Mrs. Lupin said again.

Remus smiled, excited at the prospect of showing off his new toy. "I'm sure your dad would love to play with you," Mrs. Lupin encouraged. Remus smiled even more widely. He loved playing with his father.

His face fell then. The new toy was outside in the yard, where he had dropped it when his father had arrived home. And now it was dark.

"What's wrong, son?" Mr. Lupin asked. "You haven't lost it already, have you?" he asked, chuckling.

"It's outside," Remus muttered in hushed tones almost afraid of even mentioning the darkness that had been creeping up for the past hours engulfing and enveloping his house in a shroud of blackness. Everything was scarier in the dark, even his own home. The darkness was so opressive, it trapped one in the house or in one's bed. He had not liked the darkstretching as far backas he could remember. He looked upathis father again, and then quickly looked awayagain, embarassed by his fear.

"Just in the yard?" Mrs.Lupin asked. "It won't take a moment, run and fetch it darling," she prodded.

"I don't want to go out there all alone," Remus said, struggling with himself. He was not fond of the dark.

"But it's a full moon tonight, barely any dark at all," Mr. Lupin told his son, smiling. "Go on, Remus, be a man. Be brave," he said. Remus smiled.

His father was brave, of that he was sure. His father would never be afraid to go outside and fetch a ball from the yard. His father would have run outside right away, never hesitating. A desperate desire to prove to his father that he was a man, and that he was brave, came over the small boy, overwhelming his mind. He hopped to the floor and strutted towards the door. As brave as he attempted to appear, he hesitated with his hand on the knob. He glanced over his shoulder, and saw his mother and father smiling encouragingly at him. His spirits boistered again, Remus pushed the door open and let himself into the front yard.

It was very dark, he thought to himself as he rumaged in the grass to find his new ball. And cold, he added as the wind whipped through the trees. He could not find the ball in the spot he remembered having dropped it, but perhaps it had rolled into the cluster of bushes next to the house. He could not see very well, despite the full moon, so he was on his hands and knees in the slightly damp grass, feeling for his ball.

He had just placed his hand on something that felt promisingly round and rubbery when he heard a growl issuing forth from the bushes. Remus, startled, looked up. There were two yellow orbs glowing in front of him. He screamed and the werewolf pounced.

That was the last thing Remus remembered about that night. The events that had followed were somewhat of a blur. He remembered crying, painful transformations, being alone in the woods at night in the dark, although to his wolf eyes it did not appear so dark, leaving his home and friends for this new, strange place.

At that time, when professor Dippet was headmaster of Hogwarts, there had not been much hope of Remus ever going to school and getting a proper education. But then, as if by some miracle, they were contacted by the newly appointed headmaster of Hogwarts right before the start of the term Remus would have been going to if he were an ordanairy boy. Albus Dumbledore offered hope. He showed a way it could be done, offered Remus a normal life. Remus and his parents, needless to say, jumped at the chance.

And now here he was. Lying on his bed, staring at the cieling, remembering the night when he had been five. That was nearly twelve years ago now, as Remus was slightly older than the other students in his year. Twelve years of fear, painful transforamtions, constant dread of that time of month when he would have to go alone into the woods and become a monster, feared by all.

That was the way it had been until James Potter and Sirius Black had discovered his secret and put their brilliant minds at work helping him. And Peter of course, although Peter had needed a lot of help even just turning into a small creature such as a rat. They had saved him.

There was no hope now, of course, of Remus ever filling his father's shoes and taking over the buisness. That would be out of the question. His father's buisness was well established and well respected, if it were to be taken over by a werewolf and people found out, well it would be unthinkable. The company would completely flop. At least, that was what Remus had heard his father saying to his mother before he left for Hogwarts when he was about ten.

Remus, although hurt, knew that his father was right. He had resigned himself to a life alone, a life of fear and hiding. He resorted instead to books, at least those he could not hurt. He knew, even at ten, that people would never feel safe around him. He knew he would never be normal, that he would always have to be careful.

But that too had been before James and Sirius. They had helped him out of that. He had friends, great friends, the best friends in the world. They were loved by all who met them, with the possible exception of the Slytherins and Lily Evans.

Remus sighed, thinking of James's Lily problem. He desperately wanted to help James with that, seeing as it was mostly his fault that they weren't together. He just did not know how.

"It would be a lot easier if James weren't such a prat-ish berk..." Remus thought cynically to himself. Remus was sure that if James were to give up his bullying, womanizing, flirting, and arrogance, Lily would adore him.

But then, when Remus thought of that, he realized that it would be impossible for James to do that. And it was silly to even think it. James would never be able to deflate his ego. He was a marauder, a ruler of Hogwarts. Remus shook his head. But, if Lily could see beyond the prat-ish exterior to the true James inside, as his friends had managed to do, albeit before his head had become so inflated, she would probably give him another chance.

"What to do?" Remus asked out loud, puzzling over how to make Lily like James. They were just too unlikely of a couple. Now himself and Lily, that he could see. They had similar interest, tastes, opinions...but then again, we might get bored with each other, Remus thought practically. People who are too similar would not do well together, he reminded himself.

Lily was a striaght arrow, she always did the right thing, she was good. And James was, well, to put it as nicely as possible, not. He was always sneeking off grounds in his invisibility cloak, going to the kitchens and begging food off the houselves, pranking and hexing Slytherins, and generally causing trouble. Remus, although he did not usually take part in these excursions, was always privy to what was going to happen beforehand. And of course he was always there on the full moon. And he was a marauder, after all.

"Ah well, " he thought, "A different problem for a different time. If I could make James less self centered, he wouldn't be James. That and the world would end. So I suppose he'll just have to get over Lily." Remus said, again out loud.

Remus did not know why he was so fixated on her, anyway. She was pretty, and smart, and kind, and Remus, obviously, saw the attraction to her. Who wouldn't? But James was taking it a bit overboard, wasn't he? He barely knew her. They had had a two day relationship, if that even qualified as a relationship, and other than that had had barely any contact since the second year, when they had had a falling out. Lily had probably forgotten about it by now, but Remus never would. Nor would James, at least not before the day Lily agreed to go out with him.

According to James, it was the day his life had ended. Well, that was what he said when he was being melodramatic, which was frequently.

Flashback to the Second Year, November 22, 1975 (The Day James's Life Ended)

James Potter had never gotten along well with Lily Evans. He did not understand her. She always walked around with her nose in a book, getting people into trouble for breaking rules and snitching to teachers. She had perfect grades too. Part of James hated her. But the other part of James was deeply fascinated by her. She was beautiful in his eyes. He often found himself staring at her dreamily in classes before getting jerked from his reverie by Sirius or Remus. He had alsorecently taken to doodling her name in large and eleborate lettering.

Although only a second year, James was widely recognized throughout the school as a heartthrob and a trouble maker, and as of this year a force to be reckoned with on the Quiddich pitch. His head was big (but not nearly as big as it would become in his sixth year) from the attention and praises that other students showered on him.

Except Lily. It wasn't that she disliked Potter, that was too strong a word for what she felt, which was to say nothing. She found his antics annoying most of the time, and occasionaly mildly amusing. But when one was in the Gryffindor tower reading or studying, the last thing one wanted was to be interupted by raucus laughter, the source of which was always James Potter and Sirius Black. It did not help that James Potter was always acting out for attention. At least that was what it seemed to her. He constantly felt the need to comment after she said anything, even the most average of things. If she said so much as

"well, it's raining today" he would feel the need to be contrary. He would, without fail if he was within hearing range of such comments, say

"not that hard. Jeez, it's just a little rain, Evans," or "no it isn't. That hardly qualifies as rain."

So James Potter bugged her, so what? Lots of people bugged lots of other people. But it wasn't just the commenting on everything she said that got to her. No, it was the gluing the pages of her books shut, the nicking of her homework, which she could always trace to him, the loud and obnocxious things he always said in her presence, the spit balls that he threw at her, the ink he dipped her hair in, the teasing about her red tresses.

The truth was that James Potter knew no other way of getting a girl to pay attention to him, especially a girl like Lily Evans, but he was not very well equipped, at the age of twelve, to handle talking to her civily or asking her out. So he resorted to teasing and slight bullying so that she would look at him, if only distainfully and for brief moments.

"Hey Evans, what are you reading?" James asked, plopping onto the bech beside her in the great hall.

"Sod off, Potter," Lily said cooly, not glancing up from her text.

"Now now Evans, such language. I was merely being polite. Unlike you," James observed casually, looking at Sirius and Remus and smiling. They were sitting beside him now, and looking as if they were anticipating a great show. Lily had become one of their favorite people to torture recently.

"Sod off, Potter," Lily repeated, hoping that if she said it loud and long enough, it would get through his thick skull.

"Tell me what you're reading," James demanded.

"If I do, will you sod off?" Lily asked.

"Sure," James said, crossing his fingers behind his back.

"It's a diary." Lily confessed, glancing back to the words she had written the previous day.

"Why are you reading what you already wrote?" James asked, bewildered and at the same time curious. Painfully curious. Well, you know what they say, curiousity killed the cat.

"I wanted to find out whether or not I did that potions essay or not." Lily told him.

"Of course you did, I could have told you that," James told her, he had seen her writing it the week before.

"How would you know, Potter?" Lily asked.

"I saw you writing it. I asked you what you were writing and you said 'Sod off, Potter', rather like now. And then I made you tell me and you said potions and I sodded off," James replied cheekily. She looked at him skeptically. "So, what do you write in there anyway?" James asked, glancing at the innocent blue book.

"Nothing important," Lily told him, slamming the book shut the moment she suspected him of trying to read it.

"So you wouldn't mind if I took a look?" James asked.

"Of course you can't look at my diary." Lily told him.

"Is there anything about me?" James asked, secretly hoping that there was.

"No, you're not worth the time it would take to articulate the extent of your stupidity," Lily snapped. James, quick as a flash, snatched the book, suddenly consumed with a burning need to know what she had written, and if there was anything about him. "Potter, give that back right now!" Lily shrieked, racing after him through the entrance hall. He ran ahead of her. She eventually caught up, panting, but only because he had stopped and was opening the cover of her diary.

"Lily Evans, September 1, 1974. I just got onto the Hogwarts train, it's rather odd here," James started to read aloud, scanning the page. Lily tackled him upon hearing the words she had written. She punched him hard in the nose. That was the first time in her life she had ever hit anyone, and she gasped, standing up. She grabbed the book and ran away, silently vowing never to speak to Potter again.

She had kept her vow for three years, although Remus could say with some confidence that she would not remember that story if he reminded her. He was fairly certain that all she knew was that she did not speak to Potter any more, and that he avoided her for fear of her wrath. That was, until the fifth year.

It had not been a very important or memorable occasion for her. It had not changed anything. It merely marked the day that James stopped tormenting her, although he did keep up his silent fascination with her. He moaned about her to Remus, Peter, and Sirius constantly. When pressed, he could not even explain what it was about her that he liked so much.

Eventually it was hearing James's constant praise of her that made Remus start thinking of her that way. But by the third year she was dating Severus, and there no longer seemed to be any hope for James. The first opportunity to insert himself into her life again came in the fifth year. Apparently in watching her with Severus his fear that she would hit him again had lessened considerably, and he had built up the nerve to ask her out.It was clear she had no recolection whatsoever of the diary, or why exactly she had avoided Potter for three years. Everyone else seemed to find him charming. The only reasons she could think of were 1. his arrogance and all of the aforementioned bullying and prat-ish behavior. 2. the factthathe had continually tortured her boyfriend. 3.He had a reputation with girls, so to speak.

And then Remus had ruined it for James by kissing her that night. Remus could have pummeled himself. He could not believe how bad of a friend he was, and after all James had done for him too. He felt the urge to write to James that instant, apologizing, but he felt that it would be a little bit late for that. James was not holding a grudge or anything, it was merely Remus's conscience that had the problem. Remus promised himself that he would live to see the day that Lily gave James another chance. Perhaps if he put a good word in when they got back to Hogwarts...

Author's Note: Anyway I know the bit with Lily and James was random, but I just felt the need to write that...don't know why. But anyway, I have basically given up hope of ever liking my fifth year book, so if this doesn't exacly mesh with that, that would be the reson why. Because I hate my fifth year book. That's why. So leave me a review if you get a chance, you know I love hearing what you think! And please, do not leave reviews poionting out things I said about Lily and James last year, because frankly, I don't care. I'm thinking of deleting that story anyway, because it's rubbish and the writing is crap.