Part 6
SAM
Although I longed to throw myself back into Jack's arms and stay there forever, I couldn't face him. The drugs Ama gave me had distorted my sense of what was true, plus my imaginary companions had taken up their refrain again, and I was sure Jack would never want me, maimed as I was. I didn't understand why he hadn't pushed me away in disgust. What I didn't know was that Teal'c hadn't told Jack of the price for his rescue. He didn't know that I wasn't whole any longer.
The hands of Ninovan and Degataga flew swiftly over the consoles of their monitoring equipment, until she turned and nodded to Daniel. My surrogate brother passed his hand over the face of the transportation device and pressed the center, just as Ninovan had shown him.
The same pain, disorientation, spinning and nausea assaulted me as last time. They'd warned us of the possibility of a rougher ride this time due to the larger group, but it was much worse this time. I prayed that our host had solved the problem of the altitude difference between now and then. Nothing would spoil my day more than to materialize inside the ground under Daniel's lab.
As expected, just before dumping us into the lab from which we'd left days before, a strong jolt passed through me, numbing my senses. As it turned out, numbness was a good thing. Degataga had solved the problem of our materializing inside the ground, but his aim was a little off. We popped into existence just under the ceiling of the lab and fell, like bags of cement, the six feet to the floor. Fortunately for me, but not them, Jack and Daniel were there to break my fall.
A gasp met our rather … dramatic entrance. The lab was rather crowded with the addition of four adults and one large dog. The two SFs rushed toward us to help untangle us from one another. They immediately began asking Jack about his disappearance and how we'd returned from wherever it was we'd been. One of them was on his radio seconds later, spreading the word of our return.
With them distracting my friends, I slipped out the door, anxious to get away. Not that I had a destination in mind, but I was desperate to be gone, to leave Jack behind. He was better off without me and I didn't want to see the disgust in his eyes once he knew…
My feet took me to my office and the rings. Inspiration hit and I programmed them to whisk me to the Stargate complex. Before I hit the Enter key, I picked up my radio and switched to the frequency used by the guards in the Stargate compound.
"Carter here. Let me speak with the 'gate technician," I said into the microphone.
"Yes, ma'am. Sergeant Collins speaking."
"Please dial Earth, Sergeant, and make sure the GDO signal is already sent. I'll be there in a few seconds and need to leave with no delays." I paused, unsure of the wisdom of my next step. "Oh, and Sergeant, as soon as I'm through the 'gate, please take the DHD off-line for a thorough diagnostic on the control crystal. I've noticed recently that it has a distinct hum when it's in use and there have been events in the logs that concern me."
"Yes, ma'am," he repeated crisply. "I'll take care of it. And, ma'am, we're all glad you're back okay." Good news still traveled fast it seemed.
Truly touched, I replied, "Thanks, Sergeant. I'm rather glad to be back myself."
I hit the last keystroke and stepped into my ring room. The rings wrapped themselves around me and a flash of light signaled my transition to the corresponding room down the hall from the 'gate. I greeted the ring tech and the SFs on guard casually, and strode quickly down the corridor to the 'gate Room. The event horizon filled the concrete enclosure with a blue glow. I raced toward the puddle of energy and entered the vortex followed closely by my tiresome singing flower buddies.
JACK
The SFs, after they got over their astonishment at the way we dropped in, had a million questions, all of which I knew could wait. Eventually, one of the pair used a brain cell and called his commander for instructions. Within minutes, the place was crawling with guards, lab personnel and anyone who was remotely curious about what was going on.
"Sam, don't your people have anything better to do than bug weary travelers?" I turned toward her, only to find her gone. "Daniel, Teal'c, where's Sam? She did make it back, right?" Panic shot through me like a dose of salts.
"Yeah, she fell on us, remember," Daniel replied, rubbing his shoulder and grimacing.
Anger replaced fear. "Then, where is she, Daniel? What the hell is going on and why aren't you two answering my questions?" His eyes glanced around the room at the now quiet well-wishers. "Okay, everyone out. Now!" I yelled. The room quickly cleared and the three of us were alone again. "Well, I'm waiting."
"Uh, Jack…" Daniel looked down and ran his hand through his hair.
"There was a price for your safety, O'Neill," Teal'c interjected. "ColonelCarter was required to give of herself to pay for Degataga's cooperation."
"I don't understand, T. Give of herself?"
"Jack, Sam was asked to give Ama all of her ova," Daniel said, embarrassed. He laughed humorlessly. "Actually, it's rather funny. Ama and Degataga plan to populate Earth using Sam's mitochondrial DNA to manipulate the genes of proto-humans. Sam will be the mother of the entire human race, but won't be able to have children of her own."
My stomach fell and the urge to hurl assaulted me like a bad case of Beavis and Butthead.
DANIEL
"Crap!" was Jack's only comment as he raised his hand to scrub at his face. We were all exhausted, running on little sleep for the past few days.
"We have to find her, Jack. She's in pain from the procedure and probably still under the effects of Ama's drugs. She won't be thinking straight."
"Where would ColonelCarter be most likely to go?"
"If she's in pain of any kind, she'd head straight for Janet," Jack replied as he shucked off his pack and grabbed Brutus' leash again. He jerked the door open only to find a couple of dozen people in the hall, probably listening through the door. Pinning the SF commander with his best command expression, Jack ordered in a voice I'd heard him use to frighten hardened combat veterans, "You've probably already heard, but Colonel Carter has been drugged and may not be in her right mind. If she is on this planet, I want her found and brought to safety." The man blanched at Jack's precise enunciation of each word and hurried to obey. He would have anyway because Sam was so well liked, but Jack had provided that little extra incentive.
Teal'c and I glanced at each other and raced to follow our former leader. He headed straight for her office. Eric hadn't seen her, but found an entry in the ring control log of a trip to the Stargate. He used his access code to send us after her.
As soon as the rings rose, Jack hopped off the platform and ran down the hallway to approach the 'gate technician on duty. "Has Colonel Carter been through here recently?" he barked at the unfortunate man.
"Uh, uh, yes, sir, about 15 minutes ago. She went through the Stargate in a huge hurry; even called ahead to have it open when she got here."
"Okay, I want you to dial Earth for us as quickly as you can."
"Uh, sir, I can't do that. Colonel Carter ordered me to take the DHD off line for diagnostics," the sergeant replied and swallowed nervously.
"Crap! She's just too damned smart for her own good," Jack snapped angrily. "How soon can you get it back on line and connected to Earth?"
Collins swallowed compulsively again and spoke up, "Thirty minutes, sir. That's the least amount of time to refit the control crystal, calibrate…"
"Ah, ah…" Jack cut him off with a shout and a gesture.
He used that gimlet stare to freeze the young man, "Just get it working, Sergeant. The colonel needs our help, badly." Collin's mouth formed an "O" of surprise and consternation.
I stepped forward and grabbed Jack's arm. "Let's let him get started, Jack. There any food around here, Collins?"
"I-i-in the commissary, other side of the building." He pointed us in the right direction and Teal'c and I practically dragged a frustrated Jack toward the food we all needed.
TEAL'C
Once more, I availed myself of the pain killing and anti-inflammatory medicines of the Tau'ri. My new symbiote had made some small progress in healing my wrist, but the pain was an unnecessary distraction at that time.
O'Neill's impatience and nervous energy grew as the thirty-minute mark approached. Food served only temporarily to distract his attention. We were required to restrain him physically to prevent his rushing to the control room and strangling the unfortunate Sergeant Collins. At last, an airman cautiously approached our table with news that the repairs were completed and the Stargate would open momentarily.
"At last," breathed O'Neill. He lunged past the hapless young man and ran toward the Stargate. DanielJackson and I raced to catch up.
SAM
The voices kept telling me I was maimed, unfit for any man's attentions. I fought it, but the disorientation and confusion got worse as the pain throbbed in my abdomen. General Hammond met me at the base of the ramp, welcoming me back just as he had always done. I've always been amazed at how fast word travels around this place.
"Welcome home, Colonel. It's good to see you safe again." He looked up the ramp, his face concerned. "Where is the rest of SG-1?" It felt so good to have him call us SG-1 again.
"General O'Neill is taking care of some things on Eden. They'll be along in 30 to 40 minutes, sir." Just about as long as I figured it would take them to undo my sabotage. "Permission to proceed to the infirmary, sir?"
"Granted, Colonel. I'd like to debrief your team about this, um, unplanned mission as soon as you've all been cleared by Doctor Frasier."
"Of course, sir," I lied. I had no intention of being here any longer than I had to to get rid of the pain and the voice of Ama's minions. I was sure she was behind this. It was getting harder to think clearly around the clamor in my head.
The infirmary was busy with two teams and Janet's nurses were busily painting the moaning, scratching men with a pink liquid. Janet was nowhere in sight. I slipped into her office and slumped in the desk chair to think. As I so often did when I thought about important things, I began to turn my ring around and around, watching the facets catch the light with flashes of color. I stopped the repetitive motion and stared at the symbol of Jack's and my promise to each other. If the promise had been broken, the ring was no longer mine to wear. I slipped the gold band and its wealth of blue-white diamonds off my finger.
Making up my mind all of a sudden, I placed the ring carefully on Janet's desk. Again, I slipped past the nursing staff unseen and hurried toward the elevators. I needed more time alone to think, more time for the drug Ama gave me to wear off.
DANIEL
We burst out of the 'gate at a full run. Jack barely slowed down as he waved to the general and yelled to me to explain what was going on. Teal'c left the room more calmly, but in no less a hurry.
"Doctor Jackson, what the hell is going on here?" the exasperated general demanded.
"Uh, sir, can we go to your office, please?" I asked, annoyed that I'd been left to clean things up yet again. At his nod, we made our way up the two flights of stairs to his office.
"Now, Doctor Jackson, would you care to explain the rather strange actions of General O'Neill, from whom I've come to expect this sort of behavior, and Teal'c, from whom I do not?"
"Sir, when we were three-million years in the past and Jack was dissolving, Sam was … well, drugged by an alien scientist, operated on and she's not thinking too clearly."
The general sighed. "I think you'd better start at the beginning, son. It sounds like a long, convoluted story."
JACK
I raced to the infirmary, barely giving a gaping Hammond time to grant his permission. The way from 28 to 21 had never seemed so long before, not in all the years we'd come back from missions hurt, limping, snaked or otherwise impaired. Airmen and technicians scattered at my approach, knowing my moods after so long.
"Doc," I yelled anxiously as I rounded the last corner into her domain. My eyes passed over the infirmary, taking in the occupants of each bed, the beeping monitors, nurses halted in their duties by my shout.
"Sir, you're back," was her calm reply, since I did not seem to be in dire need of her services. Hands clasped lightly at arms length, she waited serenely for me to spit out whatever it was I wanted.
Slightly abashed, I demanded, "Have you seen Sam? She came through the 'gate and I was sure she'd come straight to you."
"Please come with me, sir." She spun on her heel and marched to her office, never looking to see if I followed. She shut the door after I entered and turned to face me.
"She's been here, sir, though I never saw her. Until a few minutes ago we were occupied by two returning teams, several members of which managed to pick up something like Poison Ivy." Her snort of annoyance would have amused me if I weren't so frantic over Sam.
"Then how do you know she was here?" Wordlessly, the doc reached to pick up an item from the corner of her desk and held it out to me. It was Sam's engagement ring. Numbly, I slipped it into a pocket. Before either of us could speak, Teal'c appeared in the doorway.
"She is not in her laboratory or her quarters."
"Doc, if you weren't available, where would she have gone? Home?"
"I suppose it depends. Why was she looking for me? Was she injured?" Janet asked, becoming concerned.
"You might say that. Teal'c will explain. I need to find her," I blurted and skedaddled before she could stop me.
I knew where Sam sometimes went to be alone and followed what I hoped had been her path. The guard topside saluted, which I returned sloppily, and he passed me through the exit without comment. I took the path leading to the favorite viewing spot of SGC and NORAD personnel, but it was empty on this fall afternoon. The path continued for another quarter-mile and split in two, the left-hand lead around a sub-alpine meadow, and the other, often used by couples, wound through an area wooded with spruce and a few hardy Aspen.
Standing at the fork, I pondered which way to go. Would she seek distance from others or a place to hide? The faint sound of a sniff from my right decided the matter. As quietly as I could, I moved step by step down the red gravel trail, listening for other clues to her location. The next sound was a barely audible clicking off the trail to my left. I followed the noise into the trees cautiously, not wanting to startle her into running again. I pushed aside the wispy branches of a spruce and saw her sitting, arms around her knees, rocking herself back and forth, back and forth, face empty of any expression. A stick clicked each time her boot touched it.
"Sam," I whispered, crouching by her side. Her eyes had dilated despite the bright afternoon light. There was no response except a low murmuring and an occasional moan.
"It's not real, it's not true. It's not real, it's not true," she kept repeating.
"Sam, we need to get you back inside where Janet can check you out. Can you stand up okay?" I put my hand under her elbow to help her, but she pulled away.
"Don't look at me. I'm disgusting," Sam said, shying away and hiding her tear-stained face from me.
"Sam, why would I ever think you're disgusting? I love you." I put my finger under her chin and turned her face back to me. "To me you're the most beautiful, desirable woman in this universe or any other."
"I can't give you what you want. You'll discard me like he…" she trailed off. I wasn't sure which statement to respond to first.
"What is it you can't give me that could possibly make me discard you?" Daniel's words came back to me. "Sam, Daniel told me the whole story of what that witch did to you. Are you worried that I'll leave you because you can't have children anymore?" She nodded, scrunched her face and then shook her head violently as though to clear her mind.
"Sam, look at me." She reluctantly raised her head. Her haunted expression hurt me as nothing ever had. I knew then if Ama hadn't been so long dead as to be dust, I would have gladly killed her. "Sam, I can't say I'm unhappy that you saved my life, but the sacrifice was a little above the call of duty. Thank you… again for saving my sorry ass." I paused to gather my thoughts. "When I asked you to marry me, I had no thought of our having children, unless you really wanted them." She looked into my eyes, hers unfocused and disbelieving.
"But, I thought you wanted to be a father again," Sam whispered, her words slightly slurred, her eyes unfocused and sliding away from mine.
"I've had my child … Charlie. Hey, I've felt the testosterone rush of knowing that I'd made my wife pregnant with my child." That got a small smile, but I could see she wasn't convinced yet. "But, I'm on the wrong side of fifty to be doing the poopy diaper, 0200 feeding thing again." Another watery smile and a snot-filled sniff came from Sam.
I dragged my crumpled handkerchief from a pocket for her and continued, "Our lives are too busy, with too much time spent away from each other for the next year or two to have room for a baby. Plus, there's the whole no-kids rule on Eden for the first two years. The beta-site project plan never counted on children so early in the process of making Eden our home. And later, well, I'm not getting any younger."
I sat down next to her and wrapped my arms around her shivering shoulders. It wasn't that cool yet, so the drug and her "injury" must have caused her chill. I pulled her head down on my shoulder and kissed her hair. "I would be ecstatic if you got pregnant, Sam, but I would be just as happy to spend the rest of my life having you all to myself. The way I figure it, you and I are working to make Eden a place safe for children to grow up, not necessarily populating it ourselves. We'll have plenty of opportunities to have kids in our lives. Hell, in five years, we'll be up to our hips in toddlers at the colony. Just think, in ten years, I can have my own peewee hockey league." That got a chuckle and a sigh. Her head settled on my shoulder.
"Do you think you could stand to live with a broken down old soldier for the next thirty or forty years, kids or no kids, Sam?"
She lifted her head to look me in the eyes, hers huge and still haunted. "If you'll have me as I am, I'll have you." I have to admit, my heart performed back flips at her soft words.
SAM
Despite my apparent acceptance of his reassurances, I still felt inadequate and unworthy of him. I could tell he knew it, too. The flowers had finally faded away since the affects of Ama's hallucinogen had worn off, but the voices remained as strong as ever. I feared they'd never leave and I would slip into madness from the constant din.
"I need you, Jack," I continued in the same subdued voice, not looking at him. "Make love to me." It was a test. He knew it. I knew it.
I raised my eyes to his, almost afraid he would finally say what I feared to hear, that I would see the rejection in his eyes. Instead, his sable eyes held nothing but love and acceptance. My hand drifted tentatively up to caress his stubble-roughened cheek. He smiled softly and turned to kiss my palm. The feeling of his lips on my sensitive skin was wildly erotic. I pulled in a ragged breath and slipped my hand around his neck to pull him down to me as I tilted my face to meet his.
At first, the kiss was hesitant, shy, but it quickly flared with passion and deepened. Arousing passion between us had never been a problem, rather the opposite. For the first time in hours, the voices couldn't penetrate my consciousness.
JACK
I had to admit I was a little shocked at her request, at the deep insecurity it revealed about our relationship. However, while I'm not the most articulate guy in the universe, one thing I can do well – so I'm told - is express myself with my hands, lips and body.
Sam responded so eagerly that it took all of my willpower and persuasiveness to slow things down. The last thing I wanted to do was worsen the damage done to her by that monster, Ama.
Later, we lay snuggled closely in a small hollow, my jacket over us both; I noticed a small disk on her neck, just behind her ear. "Sam, what's this?" I touched the button and she turned in my arms to face me.
"It's a translator that Ninovan gave me so I wouldn't be the only one who couldn't understand them … Damn!" She shook her head, squeezed her eyes shut, and pressed her fingers to her temples.
"What's the matter, Sam?"
"Ever since Ama drugged me, I've been hearing voices… I hoped when the hallucinations faded they'd go away, but they never seem to stop."
"Maybe we should go see Janet. She might be able to help." Sam nodded. Her fingers picked at the disk until she slipped a nail under the edge. It was stubborn and refused to budge. I slapped her hand away and ordered, "Here, let me."
I grabbed the disk firmly and tugged. "Ouch! That hurts, Jack!"
"Okay, if I don't get it this time, we'll let Janet take it off," I muttered as I grasped the button again and peeled it back in one sharp motion. Unfortunately, her skin came with it and it left a bright red spot behind. "Damn! Sorry, Sam." I stared at the disk in my hand, disconcerted. She was silent; not even a hiss of pain or annoyance at my boneheaded move. "Sam?" I looked over at her face – eyes closed, mouth slack – she was out cold. "Crap!"
Continued in Part 7