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A Tale of Two Cursed Souls

Chapter Thirteen: Living

It's been three weeks since the events that nearly lead to his exodus from Tokyo-3 and in that time Shinji's life has taken on a sense of normalcy – repetitive as it maybe.

Walking home after yet another day of intensive training, he finds himself wandering the streets aimlessly, something he's come to do a lot as of late - observing the ordinary lives of those around him. It all serves to make him wonder if spending his days split between school and NERV is anyway to spend his days. Quickly, an answer of positive reinforcement comes to mind, but he still has his doubts as to how long he can put up with such a life.

One split between Furinkan, where he has quickly become engrained into the fabric of everyday life there, and his day job, where he's surprised everyone with his newfound drive and determination. At Furinkan, he's found unexpected enjoyment by becoming Nabiki's second "Enforcer," along side Toji and Kensuke, as they back her up in her various enterprises. While at NERV, he's developed an impressive training regiment with the assistance of Ritsuko and Maya Ibuki; it's served to put everyone on notice to the fact that he's taking this job seriously and will adapt to fighting as a woman.

And, yet, he wonders how long he can deal with such extremes, as working for the Ice Queen of Furinkan and fighting to determine the fate of humanity. He also can't help but think how it all would be that much more bearable if his Father or Fiancée would show the slightest bit of acknowledgement to him even existing.

He tries not to think about it, he tries to remind himself that he's just your average sex-changing teenager with out a care in the world. But, when he walks around like this he can't help thinking about how his actions can affect the lives of everyone he sees, no matter how hard he tries to believe otherwise.

Deciding, he's spent enough time worrying for one day, he figures it's about time he starts heading home. Glancing around at his surroundings, he wonders, where am I anyway?

Looking around for anything recognizable, he leaps onto a nearby rooftop and realizes that he's wander into Nerima. He thinks of paying Ranma and Akane a visit, but quickly decides against it, remembering how things went last time he showed up unannounced.

Hopping down to the street below, he starts heading home when he sees a local market coming up ahead. "Maybe, I should get something for dinner or Misato might attempt to impress me with her culinary skills again." He laughs thinking of Misato's recent attempts for, as she puts it, culinary excellence and how it's been met with less than stellar results. But, his laughs are silenced as he comes across a scene that makes him ashamed to be a man.

He notices a young woman exiting the market, carrying a few too many packages, when a man approaching from behind her decides this is the perfect opportunity to cop a feel. Surprised by the sudden groping of her rear, the girl jumps in fright and accidentally pumps into a businessman speaking on his cell. She's knocked over dropping her packages, causing their contents to spill out onto the pavement.

"Oh my… excuse me, sir, I'm sorry. I didn't…" says the startled woman apologizing profusely.

Shinji watches. As, rather than do the polite thing – the right thing – by accepting her apologies and helping her off the ground, the man simply looks down upon her with annoyance in his eyes, shouting - "Watch where you're going, you stupid girl!" before walking away without a thought to her plight.

Seeing more than he can stand, Shinji heads over to intervene. As, he crosses paths with the pervert that started this whole unfortunate scene, Shinji shoves him down the alley, they're passing, into a pile of trash.

"Hey, what the hell's your problem!" - The trash-covered man shouts, locking eyes with Shinji. A scowl rests upon Shinji's face, so intense that it causes the perv to shrivel up under its intense gaze and quickly scurry away.

Shaking his head, Shinji continues over to the young woman and kneels down before her. He begins to help her gather her things and is rewarded with a gracious smile. They make quick work of the task at hand, and rising to their feet, they finally get a good look at each other.

Shinji's surprised by what he sees; a woman of 18 maybe 20 years, understated beauty, kind eyes, and a warm smile. The thought that she is smiling because of him brings warmth to his cheek that causes him to look away.

"Thank you, sir. I'm sorry to have troubled you." she speaks, recapturing Shinji's full attention.

"No… No problem. I'm just… well, I'm sorry." he replies, not quite sure why he feels the need to apologize.

The young woman brightens as she looks him over. A gracious smile returns to her lips in understanding of what he's apologizing for. The sudden moistening of her eyes brings her back to reality, as she remembers what she was doing before this unexpected turn of events.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I must be going, let me…" she begins bending over to pick up her packages when a hand reaches out stopping her.

"No, let me. We don't want any more accidents now, do we?" Shinji states, as he gathers all her packages up in his arms. Rising to his feet, he's greeted by a surprised yet thankful nod of the head. The grateful young lady looks at him for a moment before smiling brightly, saying, "All right… this way."

"Sure." Shinji replies, as they head on their way. Their trip was a silent one, as they observed the world around them and each other. Despite the silence, Shinji found it rather enjoyable, so he was taken by surprise when it was disturbed by her sudden announcement, "We're here."

"Huh?" Shinji asks, looking around at the surprisingly familiar surroundings. "We're where?"

"We're home. Well, I'm home, at least." the young woman replies, beaming, as she gestures towards the residence in question.

Looking at where she's pointing, Shinji is more than a little surprised by what he sees – shocked would be the more appropriate term.

"You live here!" he shouts, as he finds himself standing before a place he's been unconsciously avoiding – The Tendo Dojo.

"Why, yes, I do. Do you know it?" she asks, amused by his reaction.

"Um, you could say that. How about we get these put away and I'll explain." Shinji replies, a wry smile gracing his lips.

Nodding, she opens the front gate and leads him inside. Putting the groceries away, she tells him to wait in the living room, while she makes them some tea. Doing as he's told, Shinji waits in the next room till his conscious, or is it his nerves, gets the better of him; so, he decides to see if there's anything he can help her with.

Entering the kitchen, Shinji doesn't see his host anywhere, wondering where she could have gone. He approaches the stove, when she suddenly pops out from behind the center island in the room. Not realizing she's no longer alone, she goes about her business. Turning around to put the kettle to boil, she turns right into Shinji and is startled by his sudden appearance. Scared, she swings the kettle at her attacker, hitting him in the head and splashing the kettle's contents all over.

Opening her eyes, Kasumi Tendo is shocked to find where she had expected some large, panting-heavily pervert - a small, delicate-looking young woman, sprawled out on the floor - dazed and damp. Quickly, putting it all together, she hesitantly asks, "Shinji?"

Dazed and disoriented, the young woman looks up at the older girl and smiles, replying, "Shinji? I'm sorry, my name is Yamamoto, Shi." before passing out.

"Shi Yamamoto, that's a pretty name. Is that some kind of alias?" Kasumi asks, now sitting next to the slightly-more coherent girl and holding a wet cloth to her head.

"Yeah, figured it be better than just staring blankly at people whenever they ask me my name in this form." Shinji, now Shi, states.

"I'd say so, but why Yamamoto, if you don't mind me asking?" Kasumi asks, dampening the rag and laying it back upon Shi's head.

"The first time I used it was to… um, to get some guys to stop hitting on me." Shi replies, unable to hide her embarrassment.

"I'm not surprised, you're quite pretty." Kasumi, giggling at her confession, states.

"Thanks, I guess. Anyway, they wanted to know my name; so, I gave them the first one that came to mind. Later, I started using it for it's meaning…"

"Base of the mountain – its fits you, I'd say. But, is that how you feel… like you're holding up a mountain?" Kasumi asks, cutting in on Shi's explanation.

Shi's quiet for a moment, a far away look in her eyes, before focusing in on Kasumi's smiling face. "Sometimes… yeah, I do. As of late, I feel like I'm being crushed by that mountain."

"You have a lot ridding on you, don't you?" Kasumi asks, all ready knowing the answer from the haunted look in her eyes.

"Yeah, but it's not all that bad. If I train I'll be ready for anything they can throw my way." Shi states, with all the bravado she can muster.

Kasumi can't help but feel sorry for the boy turned girl who must bear such a burden. She wants to hold her and tell her it'll be all right in the end. But, she can't bring herself to do it. Because, of what Misato told them that day, saying so could very well end up being a lie.

"Well, Miss Yamamoto, it's been a pleasure to meet you. But, if you don't mind, I'd like for the young gentleman I invited over to make a return appearance." Kasumi warmly says, trying to lighten the mood and change the topic of conversation.

"Well, if the pretty lady could point me towards some you know what - I'll see what I can do." Shi replies, smiling at how the blushing Kasumi reacted to his continuance of her playful banter.

"That's no problem at all, it's only that…" Kasumi begins before leaving her thought hanging unfinished.

"It's only what?" Shi asks puzzled.

"It might be difficult to do with your head resting in my lap." Kasumi finishes, laughing at the surprised look on Shi's face and the quickness at which she removes herself from said lap.

"I'm sorry… I… I didn't mean to…" Shi begins apologizing, but quiets down as Kasumi's muffled giggling catches her ear. Hearing the amusement in her voice, Shi begins laughing, as well, realizing the absurdity of the situation. Rising to her feet, Shi extends a hand to Kasumi which she gladly accepts.

Rejoining Kasumi in the kitchen a short time later, Shinji re-introduces himself, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Kasumi. I'm Ikari, Shinji."

"Yes, you are. You know, I must say, I'm surprised… I took you for someone much older." she states, as she looks him over once more with new eyes.

"Really… what made you think that?" he asks, fidgeting under her gaze.

"It seems, sometimes, as if a true gentleman is something from a bygone era. You where so kind and polite earlier, even apologizing for the transgressions of others. I simply thought…" explains Kasumi, letting that last thought drift off unsaid.

"You simply thought there's no way someone my age, in today's harsh world, would act in such away." Shinji adds a hint of sadness in his tone.

"Yes, it appears so… sometimes." Kasumi replies, her tone nearly identical to that of her guest.

They both take a moment to reflect on the significance of what was implied. Shinji clears his throat, getting Kasumi's full attention, which ends their meditation on the topic, adding, "You know, Mother once said, 'The measure of a true man isn't his wealth, fame, power, or even courage, but in the way he treats others, as if there was no greater treasure then a smile from someone who truly appreciates him.' It's something I've tried to take to heart and it's something I never really understood. But, as of late, I think I'm beginning to."

Kasumi smiles at his statement. It sounds idealistic, but that's exactly what she likes about it. She listens, as Shinji continues speaking, and is surprised by his openness. "That day at the train station with Nabiki and Misato, I saw something… felt something in the way they smiled at me. And, today, when you smiled at me, as we gathered your things, I felt… I don't really know how to describe it. I felt…"

"…of value, appreciated, welcomed? I think we all want, no, need to feel like that at one time or another. It's as they say 'no man is an island' and, so, I believe it's more than just not being alone. A person can feel completely alone even amidst a group of people. So, we need to feel wanted. We need to feel loved… I mean, it's only human, right?" finishes Kasumi.

It's only human… I guess it is. But, I wonder if she feels those things. Shinji wonders, as he waves goodbye to Kasumi, whose standing by the front gate. Sending him off, Kasumi can't help but be impressed by the young man who has entered her life. To say she's surprised that he's been raised under the same conditions as Ranma would be an understatement.

And, yet, she can easily see the similarities between the two. If anything, she'd say Ranma was more like Shinji, than anyone may ever notice, he simply lacks some polish. She can sense that Shinji is just as strong and determined as Ranma; he simply lacks that consistent edge, that wild streak that is such a large part of what makes Ranma who he is.

As, Shinji vanishes around the corner something dawns on Kasumi that has left it's self hidden until that very moment, He's my future brother-in-law and he doesn't even know it. Oh, Nabiki, you have a fine man – a gentle man – standing right before you. And, you don't even realize that he could be yours if you'd only welcome him in without reservation.

Turning around to head into the house, Kasumi finds herself standing before the very person she was just thinking about. "Good evening, Nabiki."

"Hey, Sis, who are you waving at?" Nabiki asks, coming to a stop before her older sister.

"Oh, you'll never guess the day I've had… Come in and I'll tell you who. We made some tea and snacks." replies Kasumi, as she heads into the house waving for Nabiki to follow.

We…? Nabiki thinks, as she follows Kasumi into the house. The story she's about to be told will change her outlook on a lot of things, most importantly her ever-changing impression of Shinji Ikari.

Walking home, Shinji lets his mind dwell on some of the thoughts and observations that have been weighing heavily on him as of late. It's the mysteries that form the base of his existence that have continued to absorb much of his time. And, right now the one that has his full attention is the mystery that is woman.

Since deciding to remain with NERV, he's found himself rapidly more aware of the fairer sex: finding himself around, confronted by, and being one more and more. He continues to observe these grand mysteries with all their curiosities, uncertainties, foibles, and beauty.

Whether it is experiencing the contrast between Nabiki's cool, calculated detachment towards all that impedes her various endeavors and the gentle heart within; something he's privileged to be embraced by, as he's sure not many are.

Or, how through his futile attempts to curb Akane's wrath, which is continually unleashed by Ranma's various transgressions, he's meet the lioness within the maiden and learned that her power to destroy is only equal to the size of her heart.

And, yet, today he's been given two further examples in the form of a chance encounter, which has lead to a life lesson being confirmed for him while meeting someone he's certain will play a major role in his life. The other is currently buzzing around him, as he glances around the room at his two companions, which causes him to shake his head shrewdly and reconfirm for himself that there is - truly - no greater mystery than woman.

How he's managed to go from basking in the calming nature of Kasumi Tendo to being immersed in the frantic aura of Misato Katsuragi and Ritsuko Akagi, thanks to getting a few drinks into them, he'll never know. So, he simply has to add it to the list of mysteries for him to figure out at a later date.

Letting himself get lost in the steam emanating from his bowl of instant ramen, his features take on a calm yet weary demeanor. Yet, he's anything but calm. The growing concern over the meaning of the continued visitations, as he's come to calling them, of his other self, has taken hold of him in this oddly quiet moment. These visits, dreams, maybe even visions have remained cryptic, fragmented, and infrequent. Yet, he's thrown by the swell of emotions they leave in their wake.

Between this and his Father's continued lack of interest in him, he has more then enough personal baggage to deal with. Add to that, his continued run-ins with Rei, awkward as they maybe, and you have ample reason for worry, confusion, and doubt.

None of which he allows himself to do – for more than a few hours a day. It's during these moments that he's become aware of how much or little he knows about those around him. It's surprising how quickly he's become close to Nabiki, Toji, and the others, while those he figured would be closest to him, more like hoped, have become even more distant.

As, much as he's come to accept the way things are, he can't help but wonder if something on his part has served to push them away. But, in the end, that's beside the point, he figures. Since, for the first time that he can remember in a long while - he's content, even damn-near happy. And, for someone, as conflicted as he is that's quite the statement.

But, as they say – happiness is fleeting – and how can one be truly happy when there are those around you who are not, or so, Shinji believes, especially when in reference to the person who's been dominating his thoughts as of late.

"…Rei?" a female voice cues in.

"Yeah, Rei…" Shinji replies off-handedly.

"Wow, Shinji, I never took you for a bleeding heart… sharing your unrequited love for Ayanami with us like that." Misato says.

"What, you say something, Misato?'' he replies, at a complete lost as to what's transpired.

"Nothing really – just noticed how Ritsu mentioning Rei, managed to bring you out from whatever little world you had drifted off into." a playful yet predatory Misato states.

"Oh, I… I was just wondering if…" Shinji replies honestly before catching himself about to reveal a little too much. Still, he wouldn't be able to keep it to himself as Ritsuko asks, "If what?" her curiosity pique by his sudden openness.

"If she's happy…?" Shinji states with an uncertainty in his voice. One that Ritsuko notices, and knows all to well.

His response is nowhere near what they had expected, leaving both women not knowing how to respond to such an astute observation. But, Misato decides to give it a shot in her own unique way, "I bet you'd like to be the one to make her happy… if you know what I mean!"

"Misato! That is completely inappropriate..." shouts Ritsuko, appalled by her friend's complete lack of tact.

"Yeah, I guess I would." Shinji replies in complete seriousness, ignoring the true meaning behind Misato's words.

"Shinji?" Ritsuko balks at his answer.

"I mean… isn't that what being a couple is about? Making each other's lives a little more bearable! We could… we can make each other happy, right?" Shinji finishes his declaration to absolute silence; he uncomfortably notices everyone's staring at him as even Pen-Pen has poked his head into the room unnerved by the unusual atmosphere.

Shinji's emotional safeguards kick into action as he begins to sink in on himself, as the gravity of what's been said starts to dawn upon him. "What… what is it?" he manages to get out, as the continued silence wrecks havoc upon his frazzled nerves.

They don't respond for a moment, but he gets his answer in the form of a smothering hug from Misato, as she let's loose a long squeal of a response. "That's so sweet. Who knew my little Shinji was such a romantic?"

"Ca… Ca… Can't breathe, Misato!" he mutters from between her ample cleavage. Misato sets him loose as she notices a truly odd sight from the corner of her eye, quietly asking, "Ritsu, are you – crying?"

"No… no, I… there's something in my eye, that's all." Ritsuko definitely replies, wiping away the dampness from her eyes.

"Aww… Ritsu was so moved by your declaration of love, Shinji, that she was brought to tears. Isn't that cute?" declares Misato, returning to her spot across the table from Shinji.

"Personally, I think Ritsuko's always been cute." Shinji states, with a straight face before nonchalantly sipping some tea. He struggles to maintain his composure as Misato pouts and Ritsuko blushes a bright shade of crimson.

"She would never blush from a compliment." Shinji mumbles, thinking of his frigid Fiancée.

"You say something, Shinji?" Ritsuko asks, regaining her composure while Misato continues to pout mumbling, "I'm cute. Aren't I, Shinji?" To which Shinji nods, answering, "Yes, you're adorable."

Misato squeals in delight, sipping from her beer, as Shinji goes about answering Ritsuko, "Nothing, just that you blushing reminded me of something."

"I… I did no such thing." she protests, as another blush creeps into view.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Ritsu. Just admit it – if he where a few years older, or you few younger, you'd jump his bone…" Misato injects a slight slur to her speech.

"Misato…?" Shinji and Ritsuko yell, cutting her off as illicit images dance around their heads.

"Fine, deny all you want you two… anyway, back to Rei - So, how far have you two gotten?" Misato replies, shrugging of the disdain in their eyes.

"Misato!" they yell again, as Misato looks at them with baffled eyes replying, "What… I'm talking about the engagement. Man, you two need to get your mind out of the gutter."

"That's it!" Ritsuko yells, as she lunges for Misato, but misses as her prey quickly scurries away.

Shinji sighs as Ritsuko proceeds to chase Misato around the table, looking like a scene out of an old Tom and Jerry cartoon. Deciding that ignoring them is best for his sanity, he diverts his attention back to his meal and notices something lying in his bowl.

Extracting and examining the item, he unconsciously becomes lost in the increasingly familiar gaze of indifference starring back at him from the item in his grasp. Unnoticed by Shinji, he's currently boxed in by two very curious women, their attention drawn by the intensity with which he examines the NERV ID card in his hands.

"So, what exactly is it about her that's so captivating?" asks Ritsuko, a slit hint of bitterness in her tone.

"Her eyes, right? It's has to be the eyes." Misato adds, not noticing the change in her friend's demeanor.

"No, it's something else… something… I don't know… elusive. I don't really have an answer." Shinji replies, looking away from the card, to look at each woman, before returning his gaze to those elusive eyes.

"Well, here's your chance for a little alone time with that elusive fiancée of yours and maybe to find yourself an answer. Would you do me the favor of taking this to Rei; I keep forgetting to give it to her." asks Ritsuko, taking the card from his hands.

"Who… me?" he asks, his safeguards kicking back into effect, as the thought of being alone with Rei absolutely terrifies him.

"Well, yeah, you are her Fiancé, are you not?" Ritsuko asks, trying not to show her amusement.

"Yeah, I guess so." Shinji answers, taking the card back from Ritsuko and putting it in his pocket.

"Great, so you'll do it first thing in the morning. You have an early synch test in the morning, but don't worry you'll make it to school by lunch."

"How gracious…" Shinji sourly remarks.

"Don't mention it." Ritsuko replies in mock seriousness.

Laughing, the trio would spend the rest of the evening enjoying each others company, none really wanting it to end. Misato would continue trying to get Shinji to drink, he'd continue to say no, and Ritsuko would continue to be amused by their antics. But, duty calls as Ritsuko so eloquently puts it, as she prepares to leave. Noticing that Misato's passed out, Shinji offers to walk her to her car which Ritsuko gladly accepts.

Standing in the elevator with Shinji, Ritsuko notices that he keeps glancing her way before quickly looking away. "A penny for your thoughts." she asks, realizing if left up to him he'll never speak up.

"I've been thinking about how, even though we're both Eva pilots, not to mention engaged, I hardly know anything about Ayanami." Shinji states finally making eye contact.

"Well, I can say she's a nice girl, but that'd be something a half truth." states Ritsuko.

"What do you mean - half truth?" he asks, confused by her statement.

"Well, she's like your Father; she's not very adept at living?" replies Ritsuko, studying his features for any sign of a reaction. He doesn't react at all, letting her words sink in; she sees this and smiles, thinking, Weighing your options? Finding an appropriate reaction? A true tactician, I see.

"Like… not adept at living… I think I understand. But, how would you approach her, if you where me?" Shinji asks, avoiding the subject of Rei's similarity to his Father entirely.

"If I where you, I'd do exactly what I've been doing since I got here." Ritsuko replies.

"Which is?" he asks, hoping for a clearer answer.

"Living." she replies, as the weight of that one word is clearly visible in each other's eyes. The rest of the ride down is spent in silence, as Shinji digests what was said. Had he truly been living since arriving in this city? What exactly does it mean to live, rather then just be alive? And, why are his Father and Ayanami so unequipped to do so? These questions run threw his mind, as they walk threw the parking garage. Arriving at her car, one thought comes to mind, and he honestly voices it - "Am I really living?"

Ritsuko stops entering her car and walks back around to where Shinji is standing. She looks him over from head to toe and in her mind's eye for only a moment she sees her lover in him. But, only for a moment, as she quickly finds herself seeing things that she never sees in that man's eyes – worry, concern, care. She's brought out of her daze as she feels Shinji's hand land on her shoulder, "Huh, what is it?"

"You zoned out for a moment there." Shinji says, the concern in his voice only confirming her earlier notion.

"Oh, sorry, I was just… um, anyway, you asked if you're really living and…" replies Ritsuko, who pauses as Shinji gets a look of utter embarrassment on his face. She smiles as she takes his hand and holds it in hers.

"I would say that when you first got here you gave the impression of being just like your Father and Ayanami. But, since then, I've seen the hard work you've put in. And, I'd say you're like your Father in another way… You'll see your goals through to the end - no matter the cost." she states, adding that last part as if it where an after thought.

Shinji looks at her wide-eyed as her words hit him as having more meaning then is at first apparent, but he focuses in on one phrase – no matter the cost. He squeezes her hand gently as he can't help but feel that to be appropriate. He sees sadness in her eyes; vanish almost instantaneously, as an almost Rei-like indifference takes its place.

Removing her hand from his, Ritsuko smiles at the Child before her, he gives a nod of understanding in return. Getting into her car, she starts it, lowering the passenger window she calls Shinji over, adding, "There are a few things your Father could stand to learn from someone like you."

Ritsuko pulls away before more can be said, leaving a confused yet proud Shinji behind. The fact that someone like Ritsuko would say something like that moves him in ways he wasn't expecting. Her words continue ringing in his ears all the way back to the apartment.

Reentering the apartment, he collides with a not quite sober Misato. He remains standing but she's not as lucky, falling back on her behind. Crouching before her, he asks if she's alright, to which she replies, no, threw the use of some very comical head shaking. Wiping away some tears, she says, "I thought you had run again."

Shinji sighs as he looks at the heap of emotions she's become and laughs, "You know some people become paranoid when they drink."

"Yeah… And, others after their roommate run out on them." Misato replies, a slight slurring of her words are noticed. Which annoys Shinji, thinking why is he being judged by a drunkard.

"Don't you know when enough is enough?" Shinji asks, referring to her drinking but mainly to her dwelling on his past mistakes.

Misato completely misses what Shinji was implying; as she takes offense to what she thinks is him judging her. She shouts, while trying unsuccessfully to stand, "Sure do… But, have you ever heard of enjoying your youth? Man, live a little, will you?"

He's taken back by her words. He had just been told, that's exactly what he has been doing. But, now, he wonders if maybe that's not enough. He doesn't dwell on it long, as Misato starts laughing and pointing at him.

"What's so funny?" he asks not sounding the least bit pleased; as he jumps to his feet.

"You – You're what's funny! You take every thing so freakin' seriously. Here… I want you to give me your hand." Misato answers, extending her hand up to him despite the surprising intensity in his eyes.

Despite being pissed beyond words, Shinji hesitantly offers her his right hand. Misato grabs him by the wrist and pulls him towards her. Being caught off guard, he falls on her. Lying atop Misato, he panics and tries to quickly get off her but she maintains her grip on his wrist while putting her other arm around him.

"Shhh… it's all right; be still and listen…" Misato gently whispers. He does as he's told and remains still – deathly still.

"Will you relax? Just lay here… don't move, don't think, don't worry – just lay." she adds, sounding amused by his nervousness.

Shinji nods, relaxing his body, as he clears his head of any negative thoughts. He simply "is" as Misato embraces him, saying, "Do you feel it?"

He shakes his head not sure what "it" is, as Misato takes his hand and places it between something soft. He flexes the hand in question and swears to himself that he's going to pass out if his hand is where he thinks it is.

"Not those… beneath them; do you feel it - my breathing?" she asks with a smile on her lips at his natural reaction.

"Yes." he meekly replies, lifting his head to look at where his hand rests. Confirming what he feared yet hoped was true, he looks to Misato with confusion in his eyes.

"Now, do you hear it?" she asks, pulling his head to rest against her chest exactly where his hand had been moments before.

"Yes, I hear it." Shinji answers, becoming lost in the rhythmic beating.

"As, long as there's breath in my lungs and a beating in my chest, I'll live my life the only way I know how." states Misato, ruffling his hair as they lay there embraced by the quiet of the night.

As, he lays there lost in this new sensation with the sound of Misato's breathing and beating heart filling his ears, Shinji dwells upon her words, as they both bask in the closeness of the moment. "And, what way is that?" he asks, lifting his head so that he may look Misato in the eye.

Misato remains silent as she continues to stare at the hall ceiling apparently lost in thought. Finally, looking at Shinji, she smiles which doesn't have the usual affect of making him nervous; but, surprisingly, calms him even more. Sitting up slightly, she comes face to face with the young Ikari.

She gives her answer so suddenly that he nearly misses it, as his focus is drawn to what follows when she kisses him on the forehead and pulls him back down against her. Lying there in the hall for what seems like hours, but what is in actuality only minutes, Shinji grins, as he thinks over Misato's answer – My way.

Looking up at her, he's surprised to find her fast asleep. Gently, he removes himself from her embrace. Sitting next to her, he looks her over as a blush creeps onto his cheeks.

She's beautiful and… warm. Shinji pauses, realizing how late it is. He tries to shake her awake but she just mumbles something and rolls onto her side. Trying again, Shinji shakes her harder but to no avail as she doesn't give.

"Fine, we'll do this the hard way." Shinji announces, as he proceeds to pull Misato up into a sitting position before heaving her unto his back. Misato wraps her arms around his neck, surprising him as she whispers in his ear, "See it's not that hard… sometimes you need to be forceful."

"You're awake?" Shinji asks, glancing over his shoulder, seeing the playful grin she's wearing.

"Just wanted to see what you'd do. I thought, maybe you'd carry me like a bride over the threshold, but I guess you're saving that for Rei." she replies laughing, as he tries to come up with a retort. "It's all right, at least you didn't just throw me over your shoulder and dump me in the bed… not that that can't be fun, too." she adds, as he laughs at the suggestion, but balks at her implication.

"What ya thinking about?" Misato asks playfully, as he heads into the kitchen, stopping to turn off the lights.

"Nothing, just thinking, if that makes sense." Shinji answers, sounding distant.

"You know, Shinji, we really need to have a drink together someday." states Misato, recapturing his full attention. He replies, "Yeah, I'd like that but not…"

"But, not till you're old enough - I know - I know…" she injects, which causes him to laugh, saying, "I know you do but that won't stop you from tempting me, will it?"

"Nope, and the drinks aren't all you'll be tempted with…" she seductively whispers into his ear, as she presses her chest against his back. Misato laughs, as a shiver runs down his spine nearly causing him to drop her. "You liked that, huh?"

"You tell me?" he sharply retorts.

"Yeah, you liked it. Not that I can blame you… I am adorable after all." she states, referring to his earlier compliment.

"That you are, and more than I can handle." he says, sounding amused by the truth of the statement.

"Ah, don't say that… hey, Shinji, stop for a sec." Misato asks, reaching out and hitting a nearby light switch. The lights shut off, filling the room with the moonlight streaming in through the room's glass sliding doors. "Let's go out on the deck." she suggests, he does without hesitation.

The cool night air feels crisp against their skin, as they gaze into the starlit sky and bask in the moon's glow. Misato snuggles up against him, the chill in the air a little more pronounce then she thought it be.

"You know there's nothing you can't handle, even Me." states Misato, startling Shinji with her sudden statement. "And, if there, is you'll simply find a way to handle it… cause that's part of living. Dealing with things, people, and situations we'd never think were possible for us to handle... no matter how hard or horrible they maybe."

"You speak from experience?" Shinji asks with a sorrowful tone.

"Yeah, you could say that." she replies, tightening her hold on him. He smiles, not that she can see it, and gives her hands a squeeze. The still of the night absorbs them, as they allow themselves to drift apart, both having demons of their own to deal with.

Shinji's surprised a short while later, when he notices snoring coming from his passenger. Glancing over the city skyline once more he smiles, saying, "You know, someone said that 'Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters.' I'd say it also responsible for some amazing women."

Escaping the chill of the night air, Shinji is unaware of the degree of adversity that has made his friend, Ryoga, the man he is today. But, it appears to have led him back to the place of his impending triumph, as Ryoga finds himself once more standing before the gates of Furinkan High.

"Finally, your end is at hand, Saotome!" laughing manically, Ryoga jumps over the gate, so that he may go about insuring that they'll be no mishaps this time. Finding a secure spot, he lays in wait for his prey. But, only time and the dawning of a new day will tell if his adversities have made enough of a man out of him to bring an end to his quest.

That new day brings with it new possibilities for all, as Shinji lays in bed he thinks over what Misato said to him, as he put her to bed – Live your way, Shinji.

"I don't know what my way is, yet. But, starting tomorrow, with Ayanami, maybe I'll find it."

A few hours will tell if success is in his future, but if not, it will only make him stronger - or so he hopes.

To Be Continued…

Author's Note: See Profile…