Thanks for all the reviews! Sorry this has taken so long. Note this is kind of a getting some BS out of the way chapter. Yeah. Don't we all love those. -snort-
Song: "Stare at the Sun"Thrice
Chapter 4: Stare at the Sun
Being a girl, I'm not one to like combat showers. Apparently neither is Saben. She's been in the shower for twenty minutes. I bet she's thinking if she takes long enough we'll leave. But we won't. Not without answers anyway.
Finally, after about a half an hour, she came out, and of course sighed when she saw we were still there. Jesse had turned on the TV while we waited, and the four of us were now engrossed in CSI. Paul and Jesse ooh-ed at all the dead bodies and autopsies (were as I winced), and Father Dominic was busy trying to decide who the killers were (on the show). Me, well, I was busy ogling the lab-tech on the show; he was kind of hot. Not as hot as the guy who had his arm around my shoulders, but still appealing to the eyes. Hey, something had to get me past the blood and guts.
"If I tell you who did it and why, will you all leave?" Saben asked and started towel drying her hair. She'd changed out of her work clothes and into jeans and a black Chevelle band t-shirt.
"No, but tell me who did it anyway," Father Dominic said, not taking his eyes off the screen.
"If you aren't going to leave, I'm not gonna tell you."
"Well, that's not fair..."
"Pfft. Life's not fair. Now why are you still here?" she took a seat in one of the many arm chairs in the room.
"We want to know more about porters."
"Like what?"
"Like why your called porters for starters," I said. We were getting no where. Fast.
"I call us porters, as in short for teleporters,"she sighed rather boredly. "The technical term is solamente, like I said before. But porter is easier for most people to comprehend."
"Why have a name that means alone?" Jesse shifted slightly.
"There's so few of us, we're as good as alone," her voice dropped gravely, as she averted her eyes to the floor.
"Our purpose is to handle rough spirits; one's hell doesn't even want. Regular exorcism doesn't always work on them. Their demands are usually harder to fulfill as well."
"And what makes you better than mediators and shifters at taking down the tough ghosts?" my voice came out more harshly than I intended.
"Immortality," her eyes met mine. "Mediators and shifters are strong and their bodies made to handle plenty of infliction, but because of the intensity of what my kind tend to deal wiht, regular sturdiness doesn't cut it."
"What do you mean immortality?" Father Dom pried his eyes away from the TV at this.
"Porters cannot be killed by normal means. Gunshots, flesh wounds, internal bleeding, disease–none of it will kill us, at least not permanently. Should our body be mutilated beyond un-survivable means, we will die. But only to be reborn with all the knowledge of our previous life."
"Surely you must die somehow, otherwise your sister would still be alive, wouldn't she?"
"I knew you'd bring that up," her eyes darted back to the floor again. "Amira chose to die. Each time you're killed the choice of rebirth is optional. I chose life and my sister chose to death."
Paul, who'd been uncharacteristically quiet, ran his fingers through his hair, then spoke.
" I bet you were pissed at her for that."
"You have no idea. She left me alone to fend for myself and she won't even tell me why."
"So,"Paul gave here one of those evil grins of his. The one's I despise. "Why didn't you tell your sister you were like her? Maybe if she knew she would have chosen life."
I could tell Paul had struck a nerve. Saben's eyes had narrowed to tiny slits–almost snake like. Oddly enough Jesse tensed up beside me; he could tell she was on the verge of an attack. Maybe he knew something I didn't. Wouldn't be the first time.
"That's not fair."
"Like you said, life isn't fair."
Saben jumped to her feet and went upstairs, returning moments later with shoes on, her jacket and purse in hand.
"Where are you going?" Jesse spoke as he too stood up.
"Out," she answered, nearly growling, then left, slamming the front door behind her.
"Well," I sighed and joined Jesse, putting my arm around his waist, pulling him closer. "Obviously we started this 'relationship' out on the wrong foot."
"But that's so rare," Paul's infamous smirk remained.
"Slater, get out," Jesse snapped. "It's your fault Saben's gone."
"I didn't force her to go, so it's not my fault."
"No, but you purposefully pissed her off. Now leave."
"Fine," he rolled his eyes and got up. "But I'll be seeing you all later."
After making sure Paul was gone, Jesse came back and placed his hands on my shoulders.
"Querida, I should get you home. I've got something I need to take care of."
I nodded absentmindedly. Great. He was ditching me to go find Saben. Lovely.
Sorry, jealousy speaking.
"She didn't take her car, so I'll drive you home. Father Dominic," he asked, turning towards the old man. " I assume you'd like a ride as wel?."
"That would be nice. Thank you."
Naturally, Jesse dropped the good Father off at the Mission before taking me home. Mainly because he needed me to drive his car back to his house before hand. Luckily traffic had slimmed. Most of the hospital commotion had settled down, at least within the public. For we mediators, it never died down.
Jesse's car drives weird. Probably because I'm not used to driving it. But I made it to his house in one piece none-the-less. He thanked me, after pulling into my driveway, with a seven minute make out session. Yes, I timed it. Seven minutes in heaven indeed.
"I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Querida," he smiled at me as I climbed out of the car. I leaned down and kissed him one last time.
"Night," I smiled back and shut the door. As I took the stairs up to my room two at a time, I couldn't help but think about what Saben said. Immortality. It really did exist. Almost makes me wish Jesse and I were like her. That way we could be together forever.
I sit here clutching useless lists
and keys for doors that don't exist
I crack my teeth on pearls
I tear into the history
show me what it means to me in this world
yeah in this world
The sun was starting to set as Jesse left the driveway and went out ot search for his friend. He didn't have to guess where she was at. Just like Suze, Saben had a fascination for the ocean. The beach was always the perfect place to think.
When he arrived at Carmel beach he saw Saben sitting in the sand, her bare feet soaking in the in coming tide. He slowly made his way across the small dunes, taking off his socks and shoes along the way, to keep from getting sand in them.
'Cause I'm due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes
til I understand or go blind
"Hey," he whispered and took a seat next to her. He glanced over and noticed she'd been crying.
"You okay?"
Saben didn't respond but continued to stare at the setting sun. Jesse sighed in defeat and dropped his shoes onto the sand.
"He's right, you know,"she finally replied, her voice strained and crackling. "If I would have just told her–"
"It wasn't your fault," he interrupted.
"Yes it was. If I'd just told Amira everything she would still be alive. My heart might have broken, but she'd still be alive," she sniffled.
"Why would your heart have broken? It's just a small secret."
"You don't know the half of it, Jesse."
"Then tell me. I'm not going anywhere."
Saben wiped her eyes on the back of her hands.
"The reason I never told Amira I was like her was because...because I fell in love with a ghost."
She paused and shook here head, laughing through tears as she did.
"The ghost that haunted my–our house. Jacoby Selenium. A 24 year old who died when his neighbors killed him for his cattle. He'd been in our house since before we were born, having died back in 1798. He watched my sister and I grow up. I remember him even holding me when I was a baby and unable to sleep.
But at the age of the three, I learned my sister could talk to ghosts and kept it a secret from our parents. So I did too. I kept it from Amira as well. The older I got the more in love with him I fell. I never talked to him for I knew he'd tell my sister. But that didn't stop him from talking–mainly about his feelings for my Amira. When he wasn't talking he was usually watching me work, pointlessly correcting me, even straightening my room. When I was twelve, three months before the car accident, I let it slip. Jacoby was in my room harping on about the blasphemy of cell phones while I was trying to write a paper for Chemistry. I couldn't concentrate and asked him to zip it or harp elsewhere. He freaked to put it mildly. Then came the questions of why I'd never mentioned being able to see him before and so forth. I lied of course. I couldn't tell Jacoby that it was because I loved him and knew he didn't return my feelings. He begged me for months to tell Amira but I never did. Now they're both dead. At least they can be happy together."
Saben stopped and wiped her eyes again.
I see the parts but not the whole
I study saints and scholars both
no perfect plan unfurls
do I trust my heart or just my mind
why is truth so hard to find in this world
yeah in this world
"Amira was so angry when she found out it was I who was to mediate her. She doesn't even know why she hasn't moved on–neither does Jacoby. Now they both just "coach" me together. More times than not I knew she wishes it was I who died and not her. That way she could do everything differently–do everything right."
"That's not true," Jesse whispered calmly.
"Yes it is! I'm telling you she resents my life everyday I live it! If you don't believe me I'll call her here right now!"
"No need," a harsh voice came from behind them. Jesse turned around to face the person–no–ghost addressing them.
'Cause I'm due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes
til I understand or go blind
The girl speaking looked a lot like Saben, except older, with shorter hair and darker eyes. There was a tall blonde standing next to her, looked down at Saben, with confusion glazing his brown eyes.
"You think I resent the fact that you're alive and I'm not?"
"Eavesdrop much?" Saben stood up and snapped at her sister.
"I chose this, Saben. I chose this. That doesn't mean I want to see you dead. And just because I try to help you doesn't mean I think the way you handle portering is wrong. A bit unorthodox, granted, but not wrong."
"Pfft."
"Don't 'pfft' me young lady!"
"You're not my mother, so stop acting like it!"
Amira opened her mouth to reply but closed it again, suddenly at a loss for words.
"And you," Saben poked Jacoby in his strong chest. "I suppose you were listening too? Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear? That you're the pine of my existence? That I envy everything you've ever felt for my sister because you've never felt it for me? That I've cried myself to sleep for years over you?"
Jacoby flinched at every question that Saben sobbed hysterically.
"Well, you'd better be damn happy because I give up. I'll never be happy and that's the way life is."
I know that there's a point I missed
a shrine or stone I haven't kissed
a scar that never graced my wrist
a mirror that hasn't met my fist
but I can't help feeling like I'm
due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes
Saben bent over and slipped on her shoes.
"Jesse, please take me home," she pleaded, with one last glance at the ghosts in front of them. Jesse nodded and slipped on his own shoes.
"Whatever you do," Saben turned back towards Amira and Jacoby, both of which actually seemed upset. "Leave me alone."
She then turned back to Jesse and followed him to his car. Neither of them said a word on the way home nor when they reached it. On the way towards her room, Saben bid Jesse goodnight before closing her door. The room was dark as she threw herself on her bed and cried what little saline remained within her.
...Phew thats finally over. Yay. I again have no clue when the next chapter will be up.
Thanks for reading all!
:Sam: