OB-Gee Why Not

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Friday, Oct. 4

"So this is the Wall of Weird." Isis looked it up and down, taking a moment to skim the interesting headlines. "I think I like it as much as I thought I might. Who's that?"

Chloe followed Isis' black-cherry nail. "Ah. That's Lana Lang."

"She made the cover of Time."

"Yup, the town was top story everywhere. That's about as famous as Smallville has ever, and will ever, get."

"The meteors?" Isis asked, turning to Chloe who was still studying her handiwork.

"Meteors."

"So how old's Ms. Lang now?"

"Pete hasn't told you about her?"

"Should he have?"

Chloe rolled her eyes and led Isis out the back room to her desk. "Pete's told you about Clark, right?"

"Yeah. I know Clark from when I used to spend my summers here."

"And he hasn't updated you on Clark's obsession with Lana Lang?" Chloe's tone said that it just wasn't possible. "That boy's been in love with her since, like, the first grade. Or something like that. I didn't actually move to Smallville until about seven or eight years ago, but for as long as I've known Clark, he's loved Lana."

"And you've loved him," Isis surmised.

"No!"

"Yes!"

They stared at each other for a moment, making similar faces. "Okay, maybe a little bit," Chloe finally admitted. "But how do you compete with that?" she gestured vaguely to Lana's picture on the Wall of Weird.

Isis' look screamed, Ew, not only is that gross, but it's physically impossible. "Does she still dress like a fairy princess?"

"No."

"Does she still harp about the meteor shower?"

"Not lately."

"She still look that sweet and innocent?"

Chloe let out an exasperated sigh. "Yes. Well except when extinct flowers sneeze on her."

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"O-kay. Then tell me, is Lana Lang single?"

"No way. She's dating this guy named Whitney."

"Blondish? About yea high? Football player who knows lots about cars? Left Clark to freeze out in a cornfield last fall?"

"You know him?"

"Not really. He was gaping at my Cabriolet yesterday. And Pete talked about him last night. Sounds like a jerk to me. But you're saying Pretty Little Princess is dating him?"

Chloe rolled her eyes, "She is the head cheerleader."

"I knew I forgot to ask something," Isis said with a snap of her fingers. "Is she really a natural blond, no offense by the way."

"No and none taken. See," Chloe threw her hands up, "it is hopeless! Not only is Clark in love with the Princess, but the Princess is perfect to boot. Sob story? Check. Gorgeous? Check. Smart? Check. Unattainable? Check. Trust me, the list goes on and on."

Isis narrowed her eyes. "You sound like you've been through it."

"With Clark. Pete's my witness. We were all here together when he did it. Eventually I had to leave or I was going to throw up."

Isis bit her lower lip. "Hmm. This may be harder than I thought. Is she the least bit interested in Clark?"

"I don't know," Chloe said with a scowl. She had started to pace, with Isis watching her wear a hole in the linoleum. "Sometimes it seems like she's gonna drop Whitney and move on to Clark-er pastures. Other times it looks like she's just given him either the 'Let's Just Be Friends' or 'I Consider You One of the Girls' speech. Which I've gotten."

"From Clark?" Chloe nodded. "Hmm, never fun. I've gotten more than enough of those in my day," Isis mused. She watched Chloe pace a bit longer before voicing the thought: "So you ever really talked to this Lana? I mean, how well do you know her? How do you know she isn't some alien who crashed to Earth with the meteors and has somehow convinced the town that she's lived here all along?"

Chloe stopped pacing and stared at Isis. "I don't think so," she said slowly. "But you're right," she admitted, "I don't know her very well. Not personally at least."

"So how 'bout the three of us go out driving my Cabriolet tomorrow afternoon and have ourselves some gir--"

Beepbeep Beepbeep Beepbeep

"--girl-talk." Isis stopped her watch then fished a PDA out of one her many cargo-pockets. "I'm sorry Chloe, I have an OB-GYN appointment."

Chloe made a face. "I'm so sorry for you."

"You know, they're actually not that bad. My doctor in Gotham's really cool and she suggested someone for me to go to in Metropolis." Isis picked up her shoulder bag and vest, dove gray this time, and headed for the door. "Let's put it like this: Given the choice of which I'd rather do once a month every month or once every six months, I'd rather have a checkup every month and my period once every six."

Chloe let out a surprised bark of laughter and felt her cheeks go hot. "I cannot believe. . . Whoa. Okay. Uh, so we'll still go out tomorrow?"

"Yeah! You get in touch with Lana and then you can call me. I'm staying at Pete's."

Chloe walked Isis out the school. "It doesn't seem small at the Rosses? I mean, there are like seven or eight of you in there?"

"Yeah, but I like it. It's just me and Dad at home." Isis could see Chloe had questions. "We'll talk about it tomorrow. Or tonight. Whenever. But I have got to run. It's a long drive to Metropolis."

§§§

"Jesus!" Chloe hissed. Lana knew exactly how she felt, because she was praying to the exact same person that the three of them got out of the car pretty much how they got in: alive. What she wouldn't give to be back in church. "Say it again, sister," she mumbled.

"Oh it's not that bad," Isis chided.

"We nearly killed something back there!" Chloe said.

"We did not!" The girls' silence forced Isis to take a quick glance at the both of them. "Okay, then what was it?"

Chloe made an exasperated sound. "I don't know. We were going too fast."

With a roll of her eyes, Isis slowed the car a notch.

"So now we're only breaking the speed limit by thirty miles per hour. Thanks, Ice."

"Oh not you, too Clo."

"You get to call me Clo and I get to call you Ice."

Isis rolled her eyes, but when they met Lana's in the rearview mirror they were laughing. "You know what it is?" Lana actually had the audacity to ask what. "You guys just aren't getting the full experience of the car. It is a convertible after all."

Lana's eyes widened in the rearview mirror. "It can't be more than 50 degrees outside! The way we're going it'll feel like . . .like . . ."

"It'll be really, really cold!" Chloe finished.

"What she said."

"Oh," Isis retorted, "because we aren't all wearing our winter coats. Live a little guys! Life is short."

"We don't want it to be shorter," Chloe mumbled. But by then it was too late. The heat was off and the top was slowly lifting away from their heads. She jumped when she felt a touch on her shoulder. Lana extended her hand: "Hey, at least we'll go together."

"Don't even joke like that," but Chloe held Lana's hand anyway.

"Woohoo!"

The girls' heads whipped around. Isis' hands were up and her eyes were closed. "ISIS!" they screamed.

"What? My wheels are perfectly aligned. We aren't going to swerve off the road, and if we did the cornstalks would stop us."

"At least one hand on the wheel," Chloe said through gritted teeth. "And both eyes open," Lana added.

Obligingly she put both hands down and kept her eyes open. "Look, I'll make you girls a deal," she howled over the wind, glancing from one to the other, to their white-knuckled grip on each other, "if you both start enjoying yourselves, not only will I keep my eyes on the road, but I'll drop the speedometer another twenty M-P-H."

"Promise?" Lana asked

"Yeah, but you have to have fun!"

"And how do you expect us to do that?" Chloe asked, feeling very like she was negotiating the terms of an interview.

They would later learn that the slowly growing smile -- especially that particular smile -- was potentially dangerous to anyone it was directed at. "How? You could start by letting go of the death-grip you've got on each other."

"What if we don't want to?"

"You'll probably end up pulling Lana through the windshield." The girls quickly let go. "Okay," Isis couldn't, and didn't try to, keep the wild triumph from her voice, "now lean back and slowly raise your hands above your heads. When you've done that and you're all comfortable-like, I want you to let out a scream."

"Ah," Chloe cried timidly. Lana was no better.

"Obviously you're not comfortable yet. Lemme show you how it's done--"

"NO!" the girls cried.

"Well then let'em rip, Chlana," she said, purposely blending their names. "I can't hear you," she singsonged.

"Aaaaaah!" Lana yelled.

"Yeeeeeeaaaaah!" Chloe called after her.

"That's it! Do it again!"

"Wooohooohooo!"

"Hellooooooo Smallville!"

"HEY LANA!"

"YEAH ISIS!"

"YOU HAVING FUN?"

"I THINK SO!"

"WHAT ABOUT CHLOE? IS SHE HAVING FUN?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER?"

"HEY CHLOE!"

"YEAH LANA?"

"ISIS WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE HAVING FUN!"

"I AM HAVING FUN!"

"THEN LET ALL SMALLVILLE KNOW," Isis cried.

Lana and Chloe yelled and called out to the Kansas countryside until their cheeks were red and they were nearly hoarse.

"That was great," Chloe said the moment the car stopped. Lana agreed wholeheartedly.

"You're heart's racing isn't it?" Isis asked. They nodded, ear-to-ear grins plastered on their faces. "Wanna do it again?"

"Oh yeah!"

"Absolutely!"

With a spring in their steps and exhilaration making their blood sing, they made their way into the restaurant. Neither Chloe nor Lana noticed the attention they were drawing. Isis, who got stared at in one of the most jaded cities after New York, ignored it easily but made a mental note to point out some likely flirt-material to Chloe. The girl seriously needed to up the self-confidence.

"So Lana," she started, "I've been seriously negligent. How're you? It's been years. Seeing anyone?"

"Years?" Chloe asked incredulously, her eyebrows heading for her hairline, but not because of the time mentioned.

"Yeah, I didn't even recognize Lana at first. I used to spend all my summers here until my uncle and Dad got into some huge fight over us having too much money and them being too stubborn and not wanting anyone's help. Course it was me and my cousins in the middle. As usual."

"So you're rich?"

"Eh, sorta. My maternal grandparents are. Stinkin' filthy rich. Gotham high society. But then Mom and Dad--- You guys don't wanna hear this. This is supposed to be a girls' night--"

"No, no," they protested. "Go on." "Yeah."

"So my grandparents have money from investments, business deals, the whole nine yards, but Mom and Dad decided they didn't want to just live off Mom's parents' work. They wanted the whole Sinatra 'I did it my way' thing. So they did." A waitress came by and took their orders. After a few misunderstandings -- Lana wanted a Cheeseburger Deluxe not The Big Freeze for a Buck -- and a round of waters, Isis continued. "At first it was great. They were strugglin' along, Dad shuttled me to Smallville as soon as I could go on a plane by myself, Mom and I would go to visit my grandparents once a month or something, and everything was roses and starlight. Then Dad's business started to take off. My aunt and uncle could never really afford to send Pete to Gotham, especially after they lost the factory, and they wouldn't let my parents pay for the plane ticket. . . Which I guess is where this all really started." Isis took a sip of her water. "C'mon guys, I know you don't really want to hear this. I mean, family history? Bor-ing. Can't we talk about guys?"

"Pete's a guy," Chloe retorted.

Isis rolled her eyes. "Guys that aren't related to any of us."

"This is interesting. Besides, we have all night to talk about guys," Lana said, adding her two cents, capped with the most genuine smile Isis had ever seen.

"All right already. I know when I've been outvoted. Anywho, so Dad took it hard that his brother wouldn't let his nephew go to Gotham, and I'm pretty sure Uncle Mark was annoyed that Dad kept pushing him about it. You know how guys are: It started out with friendly jibes about money, and not minding me visiting but not wanting to send his precious son and stuff like that. Then Uncle Mark had to sell the factory to LuthorCorp and it got really ugly. I think Dad tried to send my aunt and uncle money, but you might have noticed how hardheaded the Ross men can be." Chloe and Lana shared a look then nodded. "The very next summer I stopped coming to Smallville and I haven't been back here since." Isis took a long drink of her water. "Bleh, my mouth's still dry."

Lana wrinkled her eyebrows. "I don't remember you."

Isis rolled her eyes. "Well, you know, I was a lot less interesting back then," she indicated her hair. "And I couldn't exactly drive--"

"Which reminds me," Chloe interrupted, "you haven't exactly explained the riches. This is all your father's money?"

Isis made a face. "Not exactly. See, while my father and my uncle have been fighting, Dad and my grandparents have been at each others throats too. Grams and Gramps have been trying their darndest to spoil me rotten ever since I was in diapers. You know, only grandchild and all that jazz. Dad was so not having it. But then I started feuding with Daddy and everything changed. Grams let me have the family diamonds and she opened an expense account for me. That was all about the time I was enrolled in Metropolis U." She seemed thoughtful for a moment. "About the time I met Lex, too. Hmm."

Chloe's face lit up. "You knew Lex Luthor in college."

"A little," Isis admitted, a secretive grin bubbling to the surface. "But enough about me already! The only things I know about you guys is from Pete, and when was the last time you could get accurate information about a woman from a guy? Hmm?"

They both agreed, never. But their food arriving stopped any conversation. Yelling through the flatlands of Kansas worked up an appetite.

"He plays football?" Isis repeated incredulously. They were about an hour into their meal, i.e. coffee and dessert, when the conversation finally got back onto its original track.

"Mmm hmm," Lana agreed around her Key Lime Pie.

"Isn't that the small town equivalent of being a frat boy?"

"Mmm hmm!" Chloe agreed fervently.

"Chloe!" Lana pushed her playfully.

"Lana!" Chloe pushed back. "Hey," she turned back to Isis, "don't forget she's also the head cheerleader."

"Why Miss Lang, I would have never guessed," Isis said with mock horror. Lana actually blushed. "Oh please, don't worry about me. It makes you happy and it's only hurting my big city sensibilities. I promise I'll get over it. Especially if you let me have a piece of your Key Lime Pie."

"Go ahead," Lana pushed the plate toward her. "And what about you, Cub Reporter Chloe?"

"What about me?"

"Clark."

It was Chloe's turn to flush to her roots. "What about Clark?"

"Just because he's blind doesn't mean I can't see you're interested."

"Yeah, but there's that little problem of a blind love for you," Chloe said a little too harshly.

"Girls," Isis interjected, "play nice."

"What about Ice."

"What about me?"

"You knew Lex from Metropolis, and he definitely remembered you from the looks of it."

"But how could you forget me, Clo?" She shook her multicolored braids for emphasis. The girls laughed. "In all honesty though, me and Lex were never an item. We hung out in the same circles but he was a part of the truly rich and I was a part of the playing-at-being rich--"

"Did it work?" Lana wanted to know.

"Oh yeah. I had a very nice expense account. But I wasn't at Metropolis U very long. A year and a half if I remember right. I ended up finishing out my degree back in Gotham. Lex was lots of fun in the dorms, though. Like this one time--"

"--at band camp," both girls supplied.

Isis stuck her tongue out at them as they laughed. "Okay, okay, so I walked right into that one. But really, if you want to remember anything really telling about Lex in college it's this. . ."

Both girls leaned forward.

" . . .he used to give us stuff that turned our piss blue."

Lana shook her head as if trying to clear the cobwebs while Chloe's eyebrows climbed into her hairline. They both looked at Isis as if she were utterly mad, as the thought, and accompanying mental picture, made it's way through their brains. "Blue?"

"Blue," Isis confirmed.

"Not orange or pink or green. Blue."

"Blue."

On the drive home Isis would argue, loudly, that she had started laughing first and that Chloe and Lana had joined in after. Lana would then staunchly disagree. It had been her original snigger that caused the all out laugh-fest that would have gotten them kicked out if they weren't already ready to leave. Chloe tried to make a case of her own but she was out-shouted by the other two.

Of course they all agreed that Chloe had laughed loudest. Much louder when Isis planted a mental picture of Clark, Pete and Lex having a blue pissing contest. Much louder. Isis had only snickered herself.