Author's note: Hey guys I'm still alive! I have been absolutely flopping at writing lately, so I hope none of you are too invested. I still have ideas though and I'll be sure to continue this story. Also possibly new stories... I kinda got a wee bit obsessed with Gravity Falls and attached a bunch of vent feelings to Grunkle Stan. ️ Also, been busy doing college stuff and going to therapy and crap so yayyy... Other than that I've been working on drawing. Anyway... Um, SH trigger warning here, y'know... The actual act of it actually. You probably aren't too surprised. Btw, this writing has been just sitting waiting for me to edit, so... By my current writing standards it's kinda... Bad? I really wanna rewrite this. Also, wanna write an Undertale and Gravity Falls crossover. Either way, enough rambling, enjoy reading?

TW: SH and thinking back to the chapter before last. Just in case you skipped my long note.

Sans bolted up right, clasping his hands over his mouth as he choked on a scream that caught in his throat. He couldn't breathe, what was this feeling? He didn't have lungs anyway, was he going to die again?

He vaguely caught the thought, "hyperventilating," but that didn't help the fact that he couldn't breathe. Where even was he? Would that help? He no longer trusted his sight, so he let his arm go limp to feel what he sat on.

Soft, plush... Mattress, it was his mattress. Was he in his room?

He tried again, to breathe in, and then out, slowly but shakily, he managed to calm his breathing to a somewhat normal pace.

"just a... just another nightmare," he told himself.

Then he realized he had no recollection of getting back here, where had he been last? He froze, then, finding that he was once again wearing his hoodie, he pulled his sleeve up and trembled as he saw his arm, now unmarred, no cuts, nothing. A Reset.

Now he remembered, he had jumped off the ledge and the kid had followed.

so stupid.

He put his head in his hands, why did he have to break in front of them? Now he had only made it worse for Papyrus, for everyone, now they knew there was new mysteries to be solved, he would bet anything that they would never stop.

i really don't care about anyone do i?

Why did they do this? Why couldn't they have just let him die?

He sighed, then chuckled to himself.

i can't blame them, no matter what they've done.

His face fell.

it really is my fault after all.

He turned and peeked out the window, trying to figure out what time it was. It seemed to be either really late into the night, or really early into the morning, eh, what was the difference anyway?

So, what now? He fell back with a groan, feeling between the wall and mattress instinctively. But, there was no hole, of course not, the Resets always ruined this.

guess i have something in common with the resets, we both ruin everything.

Sans ran a hand over his face, trying to remember when he had gone to the dump and found the knife in the past timeline.

i'll go get it later. being my lazy self, i can't be bothered now.

He found he couldn't, and gave up, what was the point of trying to remember, when he could just go downstairs and grab a knife from the kitchen. Sure, it was a greater risk of being caught, but it'd be enough to satisfy the voice in his head.

great, voices in my head, i truly am insane.

And that would be better, besides, the kid would reset again, and Papyrus would forget again. He always forgot everything. But it wasn't his fault, wasn't even the kid's fault. It was his own fault, it always was.

worthless

He remembered other timelines, he had the job of giving judgment, heck, he even had the lab out back and his half built machine, but he hadn't stopped the Resets.

There were only two others who remembered, were the ones who had committed resets. First, that darn flower, then the human. With his luck, someone else would come along and start resetting more, then he'd be trapped in a never-ending nightmare.

He chuckled at that thought, alright, calm down ya edge lord.

Sans forced himself to get up from the mattress and creep over to the door. He was sure that if his brother was up, then he'd hear him, but why take any more chances?

can't burden him more than i already have.

All was quiet downstairs, so quietly pushed his door open, and tiptoed out. Sure, he could teleport, but there was a chance that his magic would kickback and make a snapping sound.

with my luck it would, so don't be stupid.

He crept carefully down the stairs, glad that skeletons were so light, and that Pap kept constant maintenance on the house. He wouldn't stand for a squeaky floorboard.

After a quick glance at his brother's bedroom door, Sans half sprinted into the kitchen. He considered the knife holder a second, wondering which would be the sharpest. Then he just shrugged and grabbed one, pausing to check the blade.

Finally, he opened up the fridge and grabbed a bottle of ketchup, which held enough healing properties to keep his HP up, but not enough to mend the actual injuries.

heh, wouldn't wanna die, now would i?

Then back up the stairs he went, and just in time too, for he could hear his brother stirring as he passed his door. Just before he made it back to his room, he had the idea to snatch the roll of bandages from the bathroom.

Sans quickly closed and locked the door with a quiet sigh of relief. The voice continued to needle him the longer he delayed his own judgment, so he popped the cap on the ketchup, flopped down on the bed, and, yanking his sleeves up, he made the familiar cuts into his arms.

His HP ticked down slightly, he took a sip of ketchup, it was all too easy to do.

Why hadn't he started doing this earlier anyway? The pain helped to clear his mind, and gave some twisted sense of satisfaction at having punished himself.

He shook his head a little, wondering if he had finally gone insane. He had to hold back a laugh at that. If he had gone insane, he'd lasted a lot longer than he would've bet.

He forced himself to stop when he could hear Papyrus coming out of the bathroom.

geez... He thought, looking down at his arms, i was at this longer than i thought.

its still not enough, i deserve more pain.

He went ahead and wrapped the many cuts, he could skip the shower, there wasn't any point in it now.

Besides, Papyrus would be either downstairs cooking, or yelling at Sans to get up, depending on how he felt. Unfortunately for Sans, Papyrus was in the mood for the latter.

"SANS!" He knocked on the door, probably much harder than he intended, "WAKE UP LAZYBONES, TODAY I WILL CAPTURE A HUMAN, AND YOU MUST BE THERE TO EXPERIENCE THE MOMENT!"

Oh right, the human. Sans had nearly forgotten about the kid, not that forgetting mattered, they'd come anyway. Though, he never knew how soon.

"BROTHER!"

selfish, don't ignore him.

"oh, uh, yeah bro," Sans forced himself to sound like he had been woken up, "be down in a bit."

He almost crossed his fingers, hoping his acting skills were enough to fool Papyrus.

Apparently they were because Pap said, "ALRIGHT, BUT NO DILLY DALLYING, TODAY IS THE DAY. I CAN JUST FEEL IT!"

"you feel it 'in your bones?' "Sans quipped.

"YES!" Then he realized it was a pun, "I MEAN, NO! JUST HURRY UP!"

i'm supposed to be the older brother, a failure is what i truly am.

Then there was the sound of Papyrus bolting down the stairs.

Sans wiped the knife off thoroughly, using the edge of the sheet that was on the floor. He sighed a little, shoving the knife into his hoodie pocket as he tried to think of an explanation if Papyrus noticed it was missing.

Ah, who was he kidding? Pap would definitely notice it was missing. Nothing got by him, at least, nothing missing from the kitchen did.

Before heading downstairs, Sans stepped into the bathroom just to check his reflection. Geez, he looked tired, even though he was just a sack of bones. He didn't even think it was possible to have bags under his eyesockets.

i look ugly. man, i didn't think i'd be one to care about my looks.

Sans chuckled humorlessly, then sauntered downstairs, preparing himself for Papyrus to ask questions.

Sure enough, Pap asked as soon as he was in sight, "SANS, ONE OF MY KNIVES IS MISSING. DID YOU TAKE IT?"

"huh?" He feigned confusion for a moment, then took the knife casually out of his pocket, "oh, this old thing. i just borrowed it to make some sliders out of my hotdogs."

"SANS, YOU MUST BE MORE CAREFUL," Papyrus snatched it away, "ONE WRONG MOVE AND YOU COULD DUST YOURSELF."

"heh, yeah..."

would that really be a bad thing? worthless fool, now i'm worrying him. selfish burden piece of crap failure nothing-

Sans hesitated as the thoughts pelted him, "but, maybe you can 'let it slide' for now?"

Papyrus watched him a moment, asked, "ARE YOU ALRIGHT SANS? YOU LOOK QUITE A BIT MORE... TIRED THAN USUAL."

"cuz you woke me up," Sans slid into his chair and rested his chin on the table, "it's no biggie."

Papyrus frowned and was about to protest, but was interrupted by the sound of their front door slamming open.

HP: 0.65/0.7