Note: Wow! I actually got to a computer! It's slow as hell though. Enjoy this next chapter!
Part eight: The day that was never in the script and the island is destroyed! DUN DUN DA!
(Sora wakes from his bed and looks at the window at the sunrise)
Sora: Ahhhhhhh! What a great morning!
(Gets out of bed and trips on box of condoms. The condoms fly everywhere)
Sora: GODDAMMIT! ARGH! (kicks box into wall, box explodes)
Sora: OH NO! THE TERRORITS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!
Sora: Wait a second….
(Looks at half-way burnt box to see it says "Her pleasure exploding condoms")
Sora: Now I get it! Ohhhhh!
(Gives thumbs up to the Trojan Man guy who just recently jumped through the window)
(Walks downstairs and raids cabinet)
Sora: There are certain things I must do before completing my day!
(Gets thing of "I can't believe it's not butter" and tastes it)
Sora: How do they do that! It's not butter but it tastes like it!
Sora's Mom: Honey, do you have to do that every morning?
Sora: aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. Yes…..
(Before Sora's Mom could answer, Sora was out of the house)
Sora: Row, row, row your boat gently on the sssseeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa!
(bumps into dock and jumps off)
Sora: HEY RIKU! HEY! (waves to airborne object in sky)
Riku: Hey Sora! (hang gliding)
Sora: I wanna hang glide too!
Riku: Well here you go! (throws hang glider thing from the sky)
Sora YAY! WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!
(Sora squints his eyes at a nearby object)
Sora: What the hell is that thing?
Riku: I don't know! What the hell is it?
Sora: I don't know! what the hell is that thing?
Riku: I don't know! What the hell is it? WHAT the hell is that thing?
(Object gets up to them, and they realize its Kairi hang gliding too)
Kairi: Hey guys!
(Sora is about to crash into Kairi, everything goes slow motion)
Sora: NO KAIRI GET OUT OF THE WAY!
Kairi: WHAT? YOU AND RIKU ARE GAY?
Sora: NO KAIRI GET OUT OF THE WAY!
(Sora and Kairi crash and fall from the sky and hit ground)
Sora: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! GOD I BROKE MY LEG! AAAHHHHH!
Riku: You only fell like three feet, you didn't break your leg.
Sora: STOP JOKING AROUND! MY LEG IS BROKEN!
(Kairi looks at it)
Kairi: Riku's right, you only got a tiny bump.
Sora: KAIRI, NO! STOP IT! YOU LIEING BITCH!
(Sora gets up and he stops crying)
Sora: OMG! IT'S A MIRACLE! DID YOU SEE THAT? DID YOU?
Kairi: There was no miracle , you didn't ever break your leg in the first place.
Sora: GASP!
Riku: --
Sora: 00
Kairi:
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAZHAHAHAHAH!
(At sunset)
Riku: Hey guys, I got to go home and jerk off! See ya tomorrow early to go on the raft!
Sora and Kairi: BYE!
(Sora and Kairi sit on dock watching sunset)
Kairi: Did you see Riku today! He flashed a flock of seagulls after you broke your leg and it got better again!
Sora: No! He also did something before that!
Kairi: WHAT GASP!
(Sora giggles)
Sora: X3 He humped a pine tree!
Kairi: You mean the only pine tree on the island?
Sora: Yes! That one! X3
Kairi: Sora….Riku has really changed.
Sora: Wad you mean?
Kairi: All that pot and sex has got to his head. He used to be so much funnier before that…..
Sora: DUDE! You don't think humping a pine tree is funny?
Kairi: Remember the time he put a gay porn magazine under Wakka's pillow and his mom found it?
Sora: Yeah, I guess your right, placing a gay porn magazine under a guy's pillow is more original.
Kairi: Sora, don't ever lose your funny. I like you just the way you are now.
(Long pause)
Sora: Remember the time Riku and I made that porn video of use having butt sex?
(Kairi's mouth hangs open)
Sora: Shit…..I forgot to tell you.
Kairi: Let's go.
(Sora gets back home and falls asleep, wakes up ten minutes later)
(looks at toy boat with Kairi and Sora dolls in it, gets flash back)
(Kairi: Sora….don't ever lose your funny, I like you just the way you are now)
(Kairi: Hey Sora, let's smoke pot! Sora shakes head and looks out window at the dark sky)
Sora: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! A STORM! SHIT THE FUCKING RAFT!
(Gets onto island and sees Riku and Kairi's boat)
Sora: NO! RIKU MUST HAVE TOLD KAIRI THE PORN TAPE WE MADE WAS IN THE SECRET PLACE!
(Shadow heartless appears)
Sora: No, I can't be….(gets wooden sword out and hits one on the head)
Sora: FUCK! It's not doing anything.
(Runs around looking for Riku and Kairi, comes up to Riku)
Riku: Sora, the door has opened…..
Sora: WHAT THE FUCK! I THOUGHT KAIRI WAS WITH YOU!
Riku: We might not be able to get back….I'm not afraid of the darkness.
(tears come to Sora's eyes)
Sora: Riku, you got over your fear of the dark!
(Riku holds out hand)
Sora: Ok, you want to shake my hand, is that it?
Sora: WTF? I CAN'T REEAAAAAAAACHHH!
(Everything goes black, then there's a blast of light)
Some voice: Can you hear me? (taps on microphone) Is this thing on?
Sora: Is that you Some voice?
Some voice: Yes, yes. Here take this. (Keyblade appears in Sora's hand)
Sora: What is this?(Looks at keyblade)
Some voice: It's your fucking weapon! Use it for fucks sake! Hit the bad guys with it!
Sora: OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! Thankies Some voice!
Some voice: Yeah, yeah. I'm vacation right now, so be thankful that I got this for you! Bai Bai!
(Sora runs into secret place)
Sora: Kairi!
(Kairi turns around with glazed expression with Sora and Riku's tape in hand)
Kairi: Sora…..(reaches out to him, blast of air flings Kairi towards Sora as he tries to grab her)
Sora: WTF! Where did she go? (Sora is blasted back into the air)
(Kairi: I'm in your head! Hey….HEY!)
(Little Kairi is walking in Sora's head)
(Kairi: How can I get his attention? I've got it!)
Sora: AH! Why are you getting a boner Sora?
(Sora is lying on ground looking up at the swirling stuff)
Sora: OMFG!
To be continued
NEXT TIME! PART NINE: THE OVER WORKED HEARTLESS!