Sora: OH MY GOD!
(darkside is sitting in reclining chair, sipping a cup of tea)
Darkside: Oh! (sets cup of tea on table)
(piece of plywood hits darkside in the head)
Darkside: Oh fuck my cock!
(Sora's lips fly back from the swirling vortex)
Sora: Man! Kick ass virtual reality!
Darkside: No! nonoooonoo! This is real! See! (throws rock off edge, flies back and hits him in the eye)
Darkside: ARGH! DANM MACHINE! (kicks really big fan over)
Sora: Shouldn't you unplug it first?
(fan blades start flinging sand in Darkside's face)
Darkside: sniff…..WAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Sora: Hey, hey, hey. You need I hug?
Darkside: No dammit! I'm so overworked! I'm such a klutz. I missed the rent. (digs hands into face)
Darkside: If I don't do this job, I'll get fired!
Sora: Hey. How about I let you do your job! I'll help!
Darkside: Really?
Sora: Really! Sprinkled with gold and candy!
(Sora plays along and hits darkside with keyblade)
Darkside: Here it comes! (punches ground)
Sora: WHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(whole montage scene starts. Happy frolic music plays. Sora and Darkside walk in the park. Sora runs up to an ice cream stand. They run and a laugh with ice cream smashed on their faces. Darkside steps on a bird and starts crying. Then Sora points the keyblade at it. Little green stars and bells form over bird. It flies away into the sky. They walk into an adult store and come out all giggly with nothing bought. Sora sneaks in the forest with a paint ball gun. A shot was fired and a spot of paint appeared on Sora's shirt. He looks around corner to see Darkside chasing Dick Cheney. Sora lets out a cheesy laugh and Darkside puts his finger to his lips like he did something wrong. The whole seen fades with them gasping for air after drinking six Red Bulls.)
Sora: Whohhhh! What a DAY!
Darkside: Yeah…
(Darkside turns the fan to the highest setting)
Sora: Whoah! I'm being sucked up!
(goes black)
(Shows Traverse Town, gummi ship is parked in the handicap spot)
Policeman: You little bastards! Heh…I'm gonna tow you!
(just as the cop put the yellow ticket on the ship, a rusty car blasting rap music drove by and shot him.)
Cid: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU DON'T SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND DRINK MY GODDAMN TEA!
Goofy: Oh no! Cid has gone crazy without his cigs!
Donald: The local store ran out of toothpicks for Cid to bite on.
Pluto: arrreggeaekrtjaowejtfalkjfoawjrf!
(Pluto runs into ally and licks Sora's face)
Sora: Ah…..Riku….Stop it….Kairi…stop both of you…yes I know I like three somes.
(Sora wakes up to see Pluto)
Sora: Shit! I can't walk around with this boner! (punches groin)
(Sora walks away)
Sora: Dear God! Where am I? Aspen? (looks at sign) Traverse Town….hmmm.
(Sora walks into Cid's shop)
Cid: KID!
(Cid grabs Sora's shoulders)
Cid: DO YOU HAVE ANY CIGS? I'LL MELLOW OUT IF I DON'T HAVE THEM!
Sora: I have some left over pot if that's all right…
(Cid grabs pot)
Cid: Sweet Jesus kid! Thank ya! (Inhales inhumanly amounts of pot)
Sora: Do I look like a Kid?
Cid: Well the big yellow boots and that Pokemon card in hanging out of your pocket kinda sums it up,
Sora: HEY! POKEMON WAS A MEMORY FROM MY CHILDHOOD GRAMPS!
Cid: ARGH! YOU LITTLE FUCKER! DON'T CALL ME GRAMPS OUR I'LL SLAM THIS BOTTLE OF BEER OVER YER HEAD!
(Sora runs away, then opens the door to the second district)
Sora: Hey! Mister! Guy that looks like a young George Washington!
(heartless takes his heart)
Sora: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY? WHY DID YOU KILL GEORGE WASHINGTON!
(takes out keyblade and kills heartless)
Sora: I guess I should go to that hotel for the night…
(walks in)
Sora: How much is a room?
Hotel person: 300 munny
Sora: WTF IS MUNNY?
Hotel person: Um, it's our currency. Didn't you know that?
Sora: I'M NOT FROM HERE! WAHAHH!
(runs away)
Sora: I need to find a place to stay….
(Man walks up from behind him)
Sora: Who are you?
Leon: I'm Squa…I mean Leon! Shit, I really need to remember that….
Leon: Anyway, hand me your keyblade
Sora: EWWW! NO! DON'T TOUCH MY PENIS!
Leon: What? I mean the keyblade you hold in your hands.
Sora: Hey! I'm not going to discuss how a jerk myself off to you!
(Leon puts hand on face and sighs)
Leon: Ok, see that thing with the long sliver shaft and the golden handle in your hand now? It's called the keyblade and I need it.
Sora: Sorry but I'm not interested in sleeping with you and my penis is not silver and has a golden handle.
Leon: That's it! (attacks and knocks out Sora)
Yuffie: That kid really is paranoid….right
(looks at Leon touching Sora's groin)
Yuffie: SQUA…I MEAN LEON!
Leon: WHY! WHY IS HE BIGGER THAN ME!
(puts head to the sky)
Leon: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(Sora wakes up to see Kairi)
Sora: Kai…Kairi?
(Sees that she is sitting on bed.)
Sora: (YES! STRUCK GOLD)
Yuffie: Kairi? I'm not Kairi. I'm Yuffie.
(flashes from Kairi to Yuffie)
Sora: AH! NOOOOO!
Yuffie: You really over did it Squall. SHIT!
Leon: THAT'S LEON! BITCH!
NEXT TIME: NIGHT IN TRAVERSE TOWN PART 2!