(Sora walks around)
Sora: AGRH! I WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH KAIRI!
Leon: Beggars can't be choosers
Sora: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!
Leon: Your keyblade! WHILE I HAVE MY GUNSWORD YOU HAVE YOUR LARGE SEXY KEYBLADE, WITH A…..long, round shaft and dangling key chain….and smoothed surface that's so nice to give a rub. BUT MINES ALL SHORT AND UNPLEASING TO STROKE! WHY! WHHHHYYYYYYY?
Yuffie: Your's isn't that bad! Really, even if Sora's is long and ready to go….(drools)
Leon: ARGH! YUFFIE! NOOOOOO! YOUR FALLING INTO THE CHAOS OF THE KEYBLADE! (jumps out of hotel window and runs on street, knocking over trashcans and screaming.) CHAOS! CHHHAOOOOOOOSSSSSSS!
(short time later)
Yuffie: It's a good thing I found Leon's Zoloft. He forgot to take it this morning and his whole day turned to shit.
Leon: (serious voice) You are the keyblade master. Chosen to lock the key wholes and save the worlds from the heartless!
Sora: Wow. Leon's a totally different person! Why's he taking Zoloft?
Yuffie: He has multiple personalities disorder and he's paranoid. That sums it up.
Sora: OH! Is that why he calls himself Leon but his real name is Squ…
Yuffie: NO! DON'T SAY IT!
Sora: I mean S.Q.U.A.L.L!
Yuffie: Good….(sighs)
(next room)
Donald: A keyblade?
Aeris: Yes….
Goofy: What's that all that yelling in the room next to us?
Aeris: Yuffie, Leon, and someone else are most likely having an orgy again….
(Donald runs in)
Donald: HEY! KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!
(Sees Sora and keyblade spinning on the ceiling fan as Leon chugs a keg of beer and Yuffie sniffs lines of smashed materia)
Donald: WTF IS GOING ON HERE?
Sora: WHOA! WHHHHOAAAAAAA! LEON! I SEE MAGIC RAINBOWS ON THE CEILING! LET'S SMASH SHIT AND MAKE HOLES IN THE WALLS! (Flies down on bed) HEY YUFFIE SAVE SOME FOR MEEEEEEEE!
(keyblade spins on fan)
Donald: Just keep it down in here! (leaves)
Goofy: What's going on?
Donald: Ah, some prepubescent boy was on the ceiling fan while a guy was drinking a keg of beer and a girl was sniffing materia! ARGH! KIDS THESE DAYS!
Aeris: Anyway, about the Ansem reports…
(later that night, party still continues. The hotel room is trashed. Some Indian guy comes in.)
Indian guy: (strong accent) Ah! What da hell do you to my hotel! Go! Get da fuck outta here!
(Indian guy shoos them out with an umbrella)
Leon: LOOK! THE HEARTLESS! WE GOTTA DESTORY THE BOSS! LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (frolics and skips while killing heartless on the side)
(Sora runs into third district)
Sora: LEON! I FOUND A BEER STORE THAT'S OPEN 24/7! HELLO?
(Donald and Goofy fall from sky on top of Sora)
Sora: AHHHHH! THIS MUST ME THE BAD SIDE OF TOWN! I'LL GET SHOT AND GANGED RAPED BY MEN WITH HUGE DICKS! NNOOOOOOOOO!
(Guard Amor falls from sky)
Sora: Ah! WTF!
Donald: THE KEY BEARER!
Goofy: FIGHT WITH US FOR ETERNAL GLORY! WHHHHEEEEEEE!
(Sora hits it overhead)
Guard Amor: OWWW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR YOU BASTARD? I CAN FILE A COMPLAINT YOU KNOW?
Sora: But you're a heartless and the have no rights!
Guard Amor: (Pulls out book) RIGHT HERE! LAW 5627: "HEARTLESS HAVE THE RIGHT TO FILE A COMPLAINT AND PROTEST FOR THEIR RIGHTS UNDER THE TETSUYA NOMURA KINGDOM HEARTS LAW BOOK!
Sora: Who's Tetsuya Nomura?
(Guard Amor slams fist into his own face in anger and kills himself. Heart goes flying in air)
Sora: YAY! WE DID IT!
Donald: I'm Donald Duck
Goofy: And I'm Goofy
Sora: I'm Sora and I like to PARTE! (numa numa plays in background as balloons fall from the sky. Hundreds of people flock in and start a numa mosh pit. Lights flash everywhere and Sora body surfs.
Donald: WE NEED YOU TO COME WITH US!
(Music comes to a halt and people walk out)
Sora: Hey….HEY! DON'T STOP THE PARTY! PLEASE! GODDAMMIT! WTF DO YOU WANT DONALD!
Donald: You're the keyblade master and you need to help us find the king and defeat the heartless!
Sora: Only if I can look for my friends and party….
Donald: Fine…..
Sora: OK! LET'S GOOOOO TO A RAVE!
(Sora pulls Donald and Goofy to a Rave. They walk in to find Yuffie and Leon there too. The music is blasting and everyone is either high or drunk)
Leon: SORA COME AND DANCE UNDER THE SEISURE ENDUCEING FLASHING LIGHTS!
Sora: OKEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
(Everyone dancing except Donald and Goofy who wait impatiently)
(DJ Ansem starches the record while doing hip-hop moves)
DJ Ansem: YO! WHATZ HAPP'IN TRAVERSE TOWN? I got some tripping groves to play tonight. So give me a YEAH!
Sora, Leon, Yuffie: YEAH!
(trance techno version of simple and clean plays and people mosh)
(Sora gets in dance cage. And sings)
Sora: "YOU'RE GIV'IN MEEEEEEE! TO MANY THINGS, LATELY! YOU'RE ALL I NEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDD! YOU SMILED AT ME! AND SAID!
(Sora continues singing)
Sora: WHEN YOU WALK AWAY, YOU DON'T HERE ME SAY. PLEASEEEEEEE! OH BABYYYYY DON'T GO. SIMPLE AND CLEAN IS THE WAY THAT YOU'RE MAKE' N ME FEEL TONIGHT. IT'S HARD TO LET IT GO!
(Sora jumps off the cage onto random table and breaks it in half. People cheer at the broken table. Sora gets up and waves hands around while running )
Sora: THAT WAS HAMMER TIME LADIES!
(Crashes on floor and passes out.)
(Next Morning)
Sora: Ah….What a great night….
Donald: We have to leave now!
Goofy: We're gonna use the Gummy Ship!
Sora: ZOMG! I WANNA EAT IT!
Donald: IT'S NOT EDIBLE!
Sora. Awwww…..
NEXT TIME: WONDERLAND!