Disclaimer:- It is not my intention at any point in time to lay claim to the rights or privileges of the owners of Ranma-chan, or his cohorts in crime. I am but a lowly fan fiction writer. Any attempt to sue me will be found to be futile, as I am very poor. If you would like to change that fact at any point in time, please, please, please, sell me rights to Ranma half for one cent US. Okay, back to reality, I suppose it's back to the mines for me.
Now this particular story has been on my hard drive for nearly two months feel free to check out my user profile to find out why. Lets just say problem 3 has been resolved and I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm pretty sure it's not an oncoming train.
I sure could do with a pick me up, so if at the end of this story you find you like, loathe or are indifferent to it please feel free to review it and let me know.
A Phoenix Ascension sidestory.
Ranma to a Tee
Ranma glared at his latest nightmare, the building was quite imposing, the 18th century architecture let him know that he was way out of his normal league. Of course that hadn't stopped Nabiki from insisting that this was exactly what he needed, to the point that she insisted he even dress the part. It would be a different story if she had to spend her own money on it, but clan Itsunagi had generously offered financial assistance and she was in the process of taking full advantage of it. Funnily enough she didn't seem to be taking advantage of it on her own behalf, so maybe she'd actually decided to think of Ranmas benefit first, yeah right. She must've had a downright giggle when she outfitted Ranma-chan for her latest outing. If he'd had any say in it he would have told her tweed was not his thing, in fact he looked like a reject from a 50's fashion show. It didn't help matters that the bag slung over her left shoulder was almost bigger than she was and certainly a damn sight older.
Pushing against the doors she entered a marble tiled foyer, she could see an unmanned counter at the far end of the hall, which gave her some hope that she could escape unnoticed. Upon thinking that she turned to flee, regardless of her own personal martial arts ethos.
"Excuse me young lady can I help you at all?" Ranma span back around and found herself facing a broad tuxedo clad chest, straining her neck she looked up into the haughty face of the club's manager. 'Kuso, now what? Damn I knew it, he's looking down his nose at me.' Which was totally unfair as at 5'2" almost every body looked down their noses at the diminutive martial artist, if they happened to be martial artists themselves she'd rectify that situation and look down her nose at them, well at their prone bodies any way, but this guy was obviously a non-combatant, so he was safe unless he said something rude to her then all bets were off.
"Er, I was told to come here to see if this game interested me."
"Certainly ma'am, your name please and those of your two sponsors."
"Okay, my name is Ranma Itsunagi, my sponsors name is Nosaku Itsunagi and my second is, er..."
"That's quite alright, I'm sure the name Nosaku holds enough clout that you won't need a second sponsor."
"No, no, just give me a second. I suppose my second sponsor would be Nabiki Tendo." She said after a pause.
At the mention of Nabiki the man began to lose his composure. "Certainly ma'am if you'd like to come this way." He gestured to a door off to the right, "The womens drawing room is through this door, the changing rooms are beyond that on the right side of the room. I'll be waiting here when you've changed into something more suitable."
"What do you mean suitable, I was told this was suitable."
"Ermm, I suspect someone was having a lend of you young miss." The manager said in his usual dry voice.
"Huh?"
"A joke, miss, at your expense no less."
"Oh right, now there's a first, I mean no-one ever has a joke at my expense." Ranma frowned as she began to formulate a plan to payback those evil sods who'd been snickering behind their hands at her, she hadn't been sure before. The manager took a nervous step back as he saw the glint in her eye.
"Er, quite, its just we have dress standards, and many of the members here may feel that you're trying to be offensive in your choice of clothes."
"And why is that?" Ranma clenched her fist so hard that several of her knuckles cracked.
The manager jumped at the ominous sound.."Please don't take offense, it's just that those clothes are like a caricature, a distortion as it were." Ranma continued to watch the big man squirm, she was beginning to understand the female penchant for torturing males. "That's all right, I know exactly how to deal with this situation." She reached into the front pocket on the golf bag and withdrew a small oblong of plastic.
"Let's shop! Lead on my good man." Ranma snickered as she used a phrase that she'd heard kodachi use a few days ago. The manager looked visibly relieved as he realized that the young woman couldn't possibly be as peeved as she had appeared.
"Then please follow me." Kato Sabaki led the way past the foyer and into a spacious golf shop. "Please feel free to take your time. Asako-san will look after you, clan Itsunagi's account is available for your use."
"Oh, no-no! I have my own card for just such emergencies, I'm sure everything will be - just fine." She smiled as she waved a platinum credit card under his nose to illustrate her point.
"That's good, please feel free to take your time. I'll leave you in Asakos capable hands." He bowed perfunctorily as he quickly made his way to attend to other business.
"Now miss, uh?"
"Itsunagi, but you can call me Ranma."
"Well Ranma what can I help you with today?"
"I think some friends of mine had a little joke at my expense." She gestured lamely at the clothes she was wearing.
Asako giggled, "I'll say...oops!"
"That's all right I'll probably find it funny one day as well." Ranma smiled, a small smile of pure vindictiveness. Asako shivered thanking all the Kami that that particular expression wasn't aimed at her.
"So I guess we'll be looking at clothes?" Leading the way over to a couple of racks of brightly colored modem golfing clothes.
"Sure, amongst other things." She rifled through the ladies rack to at Amaguriken speed. "Um, none of this seems to be in my size."
"All this is just a display case, you decide which styles and colors you like, then I go out the back and find it in your size." Asako smiled at the young redhead.
"Oh, in that case hold out your arms." She turned back to the rack. "I'll take, this and this and this, ooh, and this, and one of those. I like this I'll take one in blue and one in red." Asakos eyes bulged as she became buried in a veritable deluge of brightly colored golfing clothes.
Asako began to drool as she estimated her commission on this sale. After all there's a little Nabiki in everyone. Five minutes later she staggered over to the register to begin ringing up the purchases.
"I-i-is there anything else I can help you with today?"
Ranma scratched her forehead as she looked around for something else that she could buy. Casting her eyes on Mr. Tendos ratty golf bag and old golf clubs her eyes lit.
"I think these golf clubs may need replacing."
"Certainly I'll just get Shibo-san our golfing technician to lend you hand with that."
Shibo Matsumo proved to be a tall slender man with more than a passing resemblance to a White Crane. He advanced across the room in an erratic gait that looked like he had been subjected to stop gap photography.
"Oh my!" He wrung his hand to together. "Who sold you this earth moving equipment?"
"Um they're my uncle's."
"Oh that explains it! Tell me were you seriously considering using these? I mean they're so old, and that's much too long for your frame."
Ranma looked the man up and down. "Who are you to be talking about my frame?" Asako giggled in the background as she continued feverishly ringing up Ranmas purchase.
"T-Thats n-not what I meant! Look I'll show you, this is the grip you should use. See, do you see? If you held the club like this it's striking face would be 8 inches under ground."
"Okay-okay I get it already. So what do you suggest?"
"You'll be needing a new set, for a beginner I suggest this set here. Check the grip, yes that's it, but please lower the head to the ground that's not a sword you're waving around." Ranma blushed as she stopped waving the golf club around.
"Now with your back slightly bent the clubs base should be just a quarter inch from the ground. So how does that feel?" She did as the professional asked her and then ran through a couple of the poses that Soun Tendo had shown her. In the background Asakos face turned red and she promptly abandoned the register as she made a beeline for the storeroom where she burst into barely muffled hysterical laughter.
"Alright what did I do?" Ranma didn't realize she pouted as she let out a growl of frustration. Looking up she found Shibo in the classic 'ack' pose, pinky fingers extended. He quickly recovered when Ranma poked him in the chest sending him staggering.
"Eh-heh, please don't do that again." He managed to squeak out through his constricted air passage.
"But he showed me..."
"Er, a man might be able to get away with doing that, but a woman who wiggles her hips like that may find she gets more male attention than she'll want to deal with."
"Oh!" This time Ranma went bright red in a blush of epic proportions. The Little redheads vindictiveness meter went up another notch as she realized just how much of a 'lend' the Tendo family were having. "I, um, don't think these clubs are the right ones, the grip doesn't feel right." She walked around the display looking at clubs and price range. Picking up a few and swinging them experimentally she came to a decision
"Does this set come in my size?"
"Just let me check." He rattled the keys on his keyboard as he typed a query that came back positive. "Yes we have one in that size, would you like to see it?"
"Nah, that's all right I've decided that's the one I want. Could you get it for me?" She smiled a dazzling smile that stopped any further questions along with Shibo's higher brain functions. Five minutes later both sales clerks were back.
"Are you sure, I mean, this is your first set of clubs?" Shibo crossed his fingers behind his back as he waited for the young woman to reconsider her hasty purchase.
"Oh that's all right when I get a little bit better I'll just buy another set." Ranma smiled brightly as both Asako and Shibo blanched as neither considered an ¥800,000 golf set to be a throwaway commodity. She looked around for a little while longer and saw something else she'd need for her days outing, "I'm going to need a few golf balls as well."
Mitsumo-sans eyes brightened as he realised she hadn't finished yet.
"Certainly miss would you like plain or monogrammed balls?"
"Monogrammed?"
"That's right for a nominal fee we are able to print your name on each of your golf balls for that personal touch." He smiled as he sensed the sales pitch working on the little redhead before him. Ranma just smiled, she still wasn't used to this owning stuff but it certainly sounded nice to have her name on her property, after all it only made sense.
"Yeah, I think I'd like that, how soon could they be ready?"
"I could have a dozen made up in under ten minutes for you if you like?"
"That would be cool, thanks." She seemed to vibrate with suppressed energy and excitement as she looked on while he set up the machine. Peering over his shoulder she watched very carefully as he typed her name into the computer terminal, only stopping him to correct the kanji for orchid to the correct spelling of horse. Ranma watched as the first of the golf balls came to rest in the finished slot of the machine, then reached over reverently to read her name for the very first time ever on a little ball. When they were all complete she placed them carefully into her golfing bag.
Smiling broadly the tiny girl asked the assistant behind the register, "So how much do I owe you?"
Asako glanced at the screen. "With sales-tax that comes to a total of ¥3.7 million. Will that be cash or card?" (roughly $36,000 to $38,000 US)
"Oh card, definitely card." Ranma handed over the platinum credit card. 30 seconds later after signing for the purchase she placed the card back in the front pocket of her new golf bag, just for a second the name was exposed.
'Nabiki Tendo'
"If you could have this delivered to this address..." Ranma quickly wrote down his mother's address on a piece of paper. "I'd like it to be delivered sometime tomorrow if that's possible. When I finish today I'll bring these clothes and the golf clubs back so you can deliver those also."
"Certainly Itsunagi-san, we look forward to doing business with you again."
Ranma picked up her favorite new set of clothes and the golf clubs and headed for the changing rooms. Ten minutes later Kato Sabaki moved to introduce the novice golfer to the clubs resident pro.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Ernst Hammel slapped his forehead and dragged his hand down his face in frustration as he watched the latest Japanese debutante approach. 'Mien Gott, I don't think I can take any more inane giggling girls.'
The redheaded girl was almost blinding in her crimson shirt, black trousers and red and black checkered golfers cap ensemble. Ernst gave even odds that he'd be either blind or insane by the end of the day.
"Hmmm her family must be loaded if the club's manager is willing to escort her out to her lessons." 'Oh well time to get down to business.'
"Guten morgen!" Plastering a fake smile on his face he bowed to Ranma and then to his manager.
"Ah sorry to keep you waiting Ernst the young lady needed a new set of golf clubs." Kato Sabaki stated to be diplomatic. "Ranma Itsunagi meet Ernst Hammel." He gestured towards the blonde European who would be teaching her.
"Good morning sensei!" Ranma said with a bright smile. She'd heard his previous comments about being rich but chose to ignore it.
"Okay, I can leave you in Ernst's capable hands?"
"Oh sure, I'll be fine." Ranma waved her hands around indicating that the manager could return to his previous business. At which he walked away towards the imposing edifice of the golf club.
"Ah then young one please tell me how much experience you have at golf."
"Consider me a total novice. In fact the only experience with golf balls I have was a nasty training exercise where I had to avoid being hit by the golf balls. Does that count?"
Ernst scratched his forehead as he began to wonder about his latest pupil. 'She certainly has a strange sense of humor.'
"Er, not in so many words, no. So I take it you've never picked up a golf club before? Hmmm this may be easier than I thought, no bad things to unlearn, yes?" Ernst waited for Ranma to nod in the affirmative. "So first the different types of clubs, and then the grip you should use. These clubs," indicating the bulbous heads of the woods, "are called woods, and once they were indeed made of wood, now they are made of composite materials and have much greater range and accuracy. These are what you would use for a long shot. Notice they are numbered one through five, one being the most vertical striking head and thus giving the greatest range and the lowest trajectory, down to five which, having an angled face gives the most loft, but at a slight cost to range. Now these are called irons and as the name suggests are made of metal, these clubs have even greater angled heads which allow the golfer to loft the ball at much closer ranges." He then went on to explain the different ranges to a wide-eyed martial artist.
"So you think you have that information down now?"
"I think I've got it. So for my first shot I would probably use a wood, is that correct?"
"Ya! Very good, of course this depends on the length from tee-off area to the flag. But enough of that, it is time to learn to hold the club. If you would pass me the number one wood I will show you the grip to use. So, like this and this." he demonstrated the grip and stance to use. After he was certain she had those down he demonstrated the swing making sure she paid particular attention to his posture and head position throughout the swing.
"Now you try. I want to see a nice slow swing so that I can analyze what you do."
Ranma took a second to think about what she'd seen the instructor do and how it applied to her current physique, then replicated the blond mans swing almost perfectly. The only trouble as far as Ernst was concerned was that he'd specifically asked that she swing slowly, as he'd blinked he missed the transition of the club through the swing and made the assumption that she wasn't taking him seriously.
"So now what Hemmel-san?"
"Now I wish to see you swing the club just like I asked you to." Ernst decided to be patient, 'Gods how he hated to teach rank beginners, they never do as they're told.'
"Umm, Hemmel-san I already did that, now what?"
"I'm sorry I didn't see you swing the club, I just see you standing there as if you had swung it." By now he was becoming impatient, a person as old as this girl should know better than to taunt her teacher.
"Okay I'll do it again for you." Ranma smiled as she resumed the starting position once again. This time she tried real hard to slow her swing down. The giant(to Ranma anyway) gaijin felt his jaw drop as he watched the swing from start to finish, the speed of it was incredible blurring the head of the club into a continuous line, and the confounding part was that as far as he could see it was a perfect match for the swing he'd made, taking into account her shorter frame of course. 'That's got to be beginners luck, yes that's it just a fluke.
"Again please." Ranma moved to comply and made the exact same swing, she even managed to slow it down a little more. Ernst was beginning to feel like he'd entered the twilight zone, surely Rod Serling would step out soon to address the watchers at home. When that failed to be the case he blinked.
"Again." Ranma was used to repeating the same motions over and over again and just assumed that it was some kind of muscle memory regimen that had to do with golf, which gave her a mental message that this could and should be equated to martial arts in some way. Then she smiled her most dazzling smile, the one she usually reserved for someone who'd just said her favorite phrase("Would you like to learn a new technique?"). Ernst Hammel didn't know it yet but the worlds most advanced tactical computer had just come on-line and was waiting for more information to cram into its rapacious maw. Most people on the planet would consider that to be some monster based on silicon chips, but hell we're all entitled to make small mistakes, well aren't we?
"You have a nice smooth action, young lady. And you say you've never picked up a golf club before?"
"Nah, never been interested in much but martial arts."
"Ah that explains much, yes?" That subject settled in his mind he decided to move on, after all who was he to argue with someone who could perfectly mimic his actions after seeing it only once? He reached down and placed a golf ball on a tee and then motioned for her to take a stance near the ball.
"That's good, now step back slightly until the striking face touches the very cenre of the club. Nicely done Itsunagi-san. Remember how you moved before?" He waited for her nod of ascent, "Right I want you to draw an imaginary line from the tip of one shoe to the other, if you can see it then extend it in the direction the ball will travel, now correct it until it will go straight that way." He waited while she shuffled a little until she had gained the required effect. "Now hit the ball as hard as you can." Now normally Ranma would have argued with someone who asked her to do something silly like that but this man was her sensei so she had to do it. Instead she looked at the man with a question in her eyes, it was currently asking 'Are you sure?' or maybe it was "Are you insane?' The author isn't sure which applies as his facial expression reader is on the fritz.
"Um, are you sure that's a good idea sensei?" one last attempt at a reprieve
"I am your sensei, yes/no, maybe?" Ranma nodded, "Then it must be a good idea yes?
"Er, yes?" Ranma answered the question hesitantly.
"You are damn right it is, now hit the ball!" Ernst gave himself a mental slap in the forehead for swearing in front of this delicate little Japanese girl. (Anyone who wants to snicker at his ignorance please leave the room until you can compose yourself.) The golf pro didn't see the club move, he didn't even see the results. The little golf ball whistled off somewhere he couldn't see. 'Hold on those little dimples on a golf ball do make sound, but they don't cause the ball to whistle'. It soon became moot as the whistling stopped almost immediately. Turning back to his student he watched her as she craned her neck to look straight up.
To understand the current stream of events I will now perform the incredible slow motion sequence.
In pure frustration Ranma put everything into the swing of the club. This unfortunately caused her to lower one of her shoulder giving her an appreciation of Shibo Matsumos 'earth moving' statement earlier. Instead of smacking the ball into the middle of next week, its head made contact with the ground, digging itself a nice deep furrow in the dark soil. Normally said soil would break up as it headed down-range but this one had been hit by Ranma. Therefore the soil compressed into a similar density to the common house brick, encapsulating the golf tee and a fair amount of grass. (This in a couple of thousand years would lead archaeologists to envision the following of a primitive religion based upon curses and beating the earth with a stick. Little spheres was also conjectured as a theory but soon lost favor in academic circles as that would just be plain silly. And one thing they were sure of was that the residents of the 'Legendary Lost city of Tokyo' couldn't possibly be that silly). Now the ball on the other hand was hit on it's underside with such force that it promptly shot off perpendicular to the application of force. (For those scratching their heads, that would be straight up. Hence Ranma, who's the only person with eyes fast enough to follow it, looking straight up into an azure sky). One plus was that the clod of earth she'd fired downrange had made excellent distance and if it had been a small white object she'd have received much praise from the clubs pro, as it was he just stood there looking around for said ball.
"Ah Ranma-san could you please tell me where the ball went?" Ranma wordlessly pointed upwards. 'Okay maybe she doesn't know, maybe she sliced it towards those bushes. Oh well let's go again'.
"If you could place some balls down Ranma we'll start again."
Ranma paced several of her new golf balls on tees in a line. Then set herself up for another try.
"Now remember to hit them as hard as you can."
"But sensei I like these, and they'll be ever so hard to find." Gesturing at her new golf balls reluctantly.
"I am your instructor, there's no way you can hit them as far as I can, so proceed." He'd never had a student that could give him a headache so quickly. He'd later learn that he'd also never had a student like Ranma before, for which he'd thank the kami.
Ranma became resigned to her balls(can the dirty jokes, how would you like it if someone told you to hit your balls as hard as you could? I know I wouldn't like it,) fate and managed to hit them all on the sweet spot this time.
THWAKK-THWAKK-THWAKK-THWAKK
There was that whistling sound again as the golf balls headed off towards the horizon at speeds far in excess of the speed of sound, which was reported as fact when the sonic boom almost picked Ernst off of his feet. We'll come back to the fate of the golf balls themselves later on as the Gods of Chaos hadn't quite finished with those ill fated balls. It is an unusual fact that the golf tees also became, possibly for the first time in history a lethal weapon as they followed the same trajectory down-range but nowhere near as far. Their story ends with three of them hammering themselves into a tree trunk at just under the speed of sound. A small tree slightly off to the side received the impact of the the third tee and promptly exploded into splinters. Mr Hammel offered up a brief prayer to anyone who was near to the place those balls would come down. Ranma would later go on to be recorded as the first person to ever score a hole in one on a different golf course, the fact it was fifteen miles from the tee might have had something to do with it. After all what do you do once you've mastered the art, but push the boundaries a little, or in Ranmas case a lot.
After a few minutes of slack jawed wonder Ernst Hammel showed the mettle that had taken him to two consecutive titles in the PGA circuit by giving himself a shake and returning to teaching Ranma the finer points of striking an inoffensive white ball with a big stick.
"I think we might try something a little less powerful this time, yes?" The fact that he had to restart the sentence three times and that the 'yes' came out as a high pitched squeak didn't matter to Ranma at all, she was used to that kind of reaction from a new sensei, especially the kinds that dared him to do what they considered impossible.
Ranma smiled as she placed another ball, the swing this time was much slower.
Thwakk. The ball sailed down towards the 400 yd mark and bounced to a halt just a little past it.
"That is a wonderful strike, now try to bring it back to the 350 yd mark." Almost before he'd finished speaking...
Thwakk.
The little white ball bounced some thirty feet short of the line and then rolled to finally come to rest on the white chalk line that marked 350 yds. The big blonde blinked a few times then asked.
"Could you do that again? Try to place the ball a little to the right of the first one." Ernst wanted to check something for himself.
Thwakk.
This ball landed slightly to the left of the first ball much to Ernsts dismay. Then as if she'd planned it the ball met a divot of soil and came to rest a couple of feet to the right of the first ball. This time Ernst had to check for himself and trotted down the golf range to stare in wonder at two unassuming little white balls. On an impulse he gestured to a point between the two and then moved back a couple of feet, gaining confidence that he was perfectly safe where he was, and sure enough the ball trickled to a halt not an inch from where he'd gestured. Suffering from the onset of an acute case of Ranmaitis the pro moved to the 200 yd line and dared the youth to do it again. For the next half hour he acted like a Kuno as he ran around the field pointing at point after point. After Ranma ran out of ammunition he'd trot back like a huge golden retriever with all the golf balls he'd picked up, and then they'd start again. Ranma quickly got bored with this, but his instructor was insisting so he did it again and again, but then tried to make it more interesting, moving to a different club, after a few mistrials she learned to make the ball go up and then come down directly on the indicated spot, where the spin on the ball would counter the forward momentum and the ball would bounce straight up only to come to rest on the exact same spot. The first time she did that on the course she had to ask if it counted for two hole in ones as it had bounced and then landed back in the hole.
Ernst finally came back to stand panting in front of the diminutive redhead. "Yes I think with my superior training you are ready to play your first round of golf." The big man tried unsuccessfully to sound reluctant while smiling from ear to ear like the proverbial Cheshire cat, after it had not only eaten the canary but watched its owner reach for the phone to order another one.
Then he, much to the surprise of Ranma stuck his fingers in his ears as he suddenly was able to hear that horrible whistling sound that was becoming familiar where Ranmas golf balls were concerned. He looked frantically around to find where it was coming from but couldn't find it, only to watch the little woman step back slightly just in time to let a vertical blur past to dig a hole in the ground that he'd later measure at a meter and a half deep. For the fifth time the golf clubs pro stared bug-eyed at something Ranma had instigated.
"Heh! I told him that golf ball went straight up." She muttered under her breath as she was led to the first tee.
Ranma went on that day to record an unofficial course record with eight hole in ones, one of which was the result of several carefully calculated ricochets off of trees and one moving golf buggy. The only reason it was unofficial was that no one would believe him when Ernst talked about it.
Ranma left the clubhouse a little while later after redressing in her ratty old tweeds and ancient golf clubs
-Several hours afterwards-
"Taidama!" Ranma yelled as she bounded over the Tendos garden wall.
"Hi Ranma how was it?"
"Oh great! Just peachy, I've never been so humiliated in my life as when I walked into that place dressed like this." She gestured disgustedly at the tweed clothing she had dressed in for the return trip home.
"Lighten up Ranma, it was just a joke." Nabiki smirked at the outraged look on the redheaded martial artists face. "Other than that how did you enjoy the day?"
The Tendos dinner table was boisterous with laughter that night as Ranma regaled them with the tale of his first ever golf outing.
A few days later.
Nabiki approached the counter of her favorite store, intent on paying for the tight black mini and matching blouse she'd selected. Placing them down on the counter she smiled at the clerk and went looking for her credit card. She wouldn't usually use it for this kind of thing but as per usual there had been a number of unusual expenses in relation to Ranma and his friends and she desperately needed some retail therapy.
There was a flash of silver as the card changed hands and the store clerk swiped it through her machine a second later she frowned and swiped the card again only to receive the same results. Looking up she made eye contact with Nabiki.
"I'm sorry miss but this card isn't working. Would you like to try a different card or maybe an alternative form of payment?" She looked at the young woman more closely. Nabiki for the first time in a long time found herself at a loss and blushed profusely as she looked at her platinum master-card as if that would give her any answers.
-Exactly 1hr 3mins later-
Nabiki did the most credible imitation of her youngest sister anyone had ever seen, right down to the ki-mallet waving and...
"RAAANMMAAAA!" She yelled.
Almost before she reached the porch the offending party made her way out to meet her, but then she had the advantage of feeling the approaching wave of hostile chi.
"Oh hi Nabiki, how was your day?" Ranma smiled at the irate girl as she approached at high speed.
"Don't you 'Oh high' me, you, you, you..." She stumbled to a halt as she looked at the unperturbed redhead in front of her. "What's the meaning of this?" She waved her hand under Ranmas nose.
"Of what Nabiki?" She was really starting to enjoy herself here, and was having trouble holding back her trademark smirk.
"THIS, I'M TALKING ABOUT THIS YOU ASS-HOLE! SO, WHAT'S THE MEANING OF IT?"
"Umm, just a guess but could it be a credit card, now I'm not sure but I think that's what it is."
"RANMA NO BAKA!" The ki-mallet descended and took the edge off the porch, unfortunately for her liking, Ranma now stood slightly to the left of the impact site.
"What's got your knickers in a wad Nabiki?" As if he didn't know, but for the sake of humor he was going to play 'Stupid Jock' to the hilt.
"I've never been so humiliated as when I went into that shop and found you'd maxed out my credit card!"
"Ah come on lighten up Nabiki, it was just a joke." Ranma returned the nasty smirk she'd received a few days prior. "Other than that how did you enjoy the day?"
Nabiki closed her mouth with a click that could be heard at ten paces as she realized she'd been made the butt of Ranmas humor for the first time.
-As promised 'The fate of Ranmas balls-
Five kilometers off the coast of Japan, a small fishing boat made its way out of harbor towards the fish rich waters of the Pacific. The skipper took a relaxed sip of his coffee as he gazed at the horizon. The peace and tranquility unmarred as the engines pushed them out to sea at a reasonable speed. His brother in law, and also his first mate was down in the galley making them a sandwich when he first heard a certain whistling sound, that you dear reader should recognize by now.
The first projectile came screaming down less than thirty yards from the bow of the ship causing a salt water geyser. The skipper out of reflex backed into the bridges doorway, just in time to watch his favorite coffee cup disintegrate in his hand as it ricocheted off the deck and took out a small section of the handrail. The third screaming projectile took out one of the radio antennae on the roof and also went on to form a geyser.
The most interesting ball to our point of view proved to be the forth and final impact. It went straight through the rear window of the galley where a certain first mate was making lunch. Hit a prep bench and proceeded to bounce around the room like a demented cricket on speed for almost five minutes. Rows of jars exploded in their wall wracks, liberally redecorating the galley and a currently cowering first mate who'd scrambled for cover under the cutting bench he'd been working at.
As the golf ball began to power down he made the mistake of looking up, and as the commentators would say. "Oooh right in the kisser! He's gonna feel that in the morning." He managed to spit several of his teeth out as he watched the small white sphere carefully as it rolled around the deck. Finally working up his courage he reached out and picked it up, 'Yes it's definitely a golf ball.' He read the writing on the ball and blinked. He'd heard the phrase this bullet has your name on it, but never anything about this golf ball having a name on it. Then he blinked again as he recognised the name on the ball. Wordlessly he rose and walked to show his brother the latest evidence that a certain redhead hated them.
"Umm, brother I think she may have moved back to Tokyo."
"She?" Without another word he took the golf ball from the outstretched hand
"Yeah, it's either that or she can track us from Kanakita Island. And I don't think she could do that."
"Don't look at me for sympathy, I'm not the one who had to annoy one of the most powerful people on the planet." With that he walked onto the bridge and added it to the growing pile of sporting equipment they'd been bombarded with over the last few months before they left the vicinity of Kanakita Island.