A/N: This switches into Calla's POV, just because I wanted to see how her narration would go. At the start of this story, I originally wanted to do all Calla, but then switched back into Jaclyn because I love her character!

Dear Juliana,

This is international spy Calla Waters, reporting to you from the exotic locale Crabapple Cove, Maine.

Ha.

Actually, Crabapple Cove isn't that bad. Lots of old people. But anyway, that's not the real reason I'm writing to you.

You know how my mom married some guy during the Korean War, and then got divorced? Well, it turns out that they're STILL MARRIED. My grandfather on my father's side had the papers and didn't give them to my parents.

I guess I'm now Calla Pierce.

Honestly, this is all so weird. I don't know if Mom will get divorced again! She acts like she still wants to be married to Hawkeye/Dad/Father/whatever. (Yes, his name is actually Hawkeye. Remember, from "Last of the Mohicans"? I knew there was a reason I liked that book!)

I don't know what to do. For so many years I've wanted a dad. Do you remember in second grade when I pretended he was invisible and came with me to school? (Yeah, I was SUCH a weird kid.)

The funny thing is, I can't call him Dad. You know how that feels, I guess, with your mother getting married/engaged to men you hardly know.

Today the parents(that's what I'm calling them now, since "Mom & Dad" seems too awkward) are going to a lawyer to see if they can figure out what's going on.

Later reports will ensue.

--Calla

XXX

"I'm sorry, but those are the rules. We have a one-month waiting period before divorces are finalized."

My jaw dropped open and I almost fell through the door. (Well, not THROUGH the door, but you get my drift.)

"Why?" Mom asked.

"We had a slight problem with a couple a year back," said the balding, overweight man that had a Hershey's barsticking out fromunderneath a file folder, where he had tried to "hide" it as the parents came in.

"The Georges?" groaned my father. "Great. Because of two old geezers that are in love and out of love every damn hour, we have to wait for a month!"

I sunk down to the waiting room floor and pressed my ear against the door.

"There are alsoweekly mandatory counseling sessions you have to go to," continued the man. "You know Liza Borsi, Dr. Pierce?"

"All too well," was the reply.

"So that means," Mom began, "that I have to stay here for a month?"

"And any children you have will have to go to the sessions also," said Mr. Whatever His Name Was.

"NO WAY!" I shouted, and clapped my hand over my mouth.

At about that point, Margaret looked up from her magazine. "Calla, what are you doing over there?"

"Examining the wall," I said dryly. "Come on, Hot Lips, you'd be over here too if you didn't think you had to set an example."

"How did you know your father called my Hot Lips?" Margaret demanded.

I paused. "Good question."

It really was. "Hot Lips" had just popped out, with no advance warning.

"My mom probably told me," I said, trying to shake thecreepy feeling I was getting.

Margaret shook her head. "No, they'd about quit calling me that when your mother came." A smile came onto her face. "Maybe you'remore like your fatherthanany of us know."

I stood up and sat down on a chair. "This is so stupid. Why do we have to go to counseling? I don't NEED counseling! Do I look like I need counseling?"

Margaret raised her eyebrow, and I held up my hand. "Never mind."

The door to the office banged open, and the parents stalked out, leaving Mr. Hollister to eat his candy bar in peace.

"Ican't wait until that jerk comes in for a checkup," Hawkeye said. "What do you think, emergency appendectomy or tonsils?"

"Go for tonsils," I advised. "It's much more painful. At least it is when Dr. Richardson--who can hardly hold a scalpel, mind you--does it. But that's just the Milbrook Hospital."

Mom shook her head with an amused look. "Counseling. Who does he think we are, mentally disturbed lovers?"

"What else did he say?" I asked.

"You should know," Hawkeye said.

I put my hand to my chest. "You think I would listen in on a private conversation?"

"No, I know you would."

"How?"

"Because I did the same thing when I was your age."

Grace groaned from the corner. "Can we go yet?"

A/N: So, what do you think? Should I go back to Jaclyn, stay with Calla for awhile, or alternate for chapters?