Push
by
Kel
Disclaimer: I don't presume to own Dark Angel, and I make no profit from this work of fiction. I also don't own 'Push' by the ever wonderful Matchbox 20.
Author's Note: This is an old fic that I posted exclusively a The Broken World forum (sorrow(dot)hyperboards(dot)com). I thought I'd drag all the fics I have scattered around to so I can have a total collection-type-thing. The only editing I've done is to fix up the formatting a little. Push is set sometime after Hello, Goodbye.
Max looked at the number that showed up on her beeper and sighed with frustration. "Alec, give me your cell," she commanded, reaching out for it with one hand as she balanced her bike with the other.
"You know Max, if you don't want to talk to Logan, you don't have to call him," Alec observed, making no move to retrieve his phone from his pocket as he rode along side of her.
"It could be important," Max ground out.
Alec raised his eyebrow at her. "So, you don't want to talk to him?"
"Just shut up and give me the phone!" Max hissed at him.
"Or what, you'll kick my ass? Why do you want it so much if you don't even want it?" He still never reached for the phone.
Max sighed heavily. "Just . . . give me the phone, Alec." A moment of silence passed between them as they rode along, neither moving toward the other. "Please." Alec placed the cell in her waiting palm. Max dialed Logan's number and held it to her ear. "Hey," she said, once Logan had picked up. "Pretty good. I don't know . . ."
Alec listened intently to Max's end of the conversation, but the roar of traffic muffled Logan's voice even to Alec's sensitive hearing. "Logan, I can't. You know I can't." A pause. "No, Logan. It's over. I've moved on."
Alec chuckled at this as Max hung up. "Moved on. Yeah right," he commented as she tossed the cell at him. He caught it easily.
"Mind your own damn business."
Alec rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, Max! You've 'moved on' about as far as Logan could physically throw you!"
"Shut up! You know it's your fault we're in this mess in the first place!" Max was red with anger.
"Well, gee Max, it's not like I planted a bomb in my neck on purpose! Excuse me if I didn't want my head to explode!" Alec nearly yelled at her.
"I wish it had!" Max yelled back.
Alec slammed on his brakes, and planted his feet on the ground, frozen in that position with anger.
Noticing he was no longer next to her, Max stopped as well, turning to face him. She locked her fiery brown eyes with his dark, angry hazel ones. Alec seemingly backed down from the standoff, the anger in those eyes being quickly replaced by emptiness. Alec simply turned his bike around and headed back the way they had come, leaving Max to stand alone in shock at his reaction.
He didn't give her the chance to catch up if she had even tried.
He pumped his legs savagely, cruising down the dirty streets at a dangerously high speed. So that was how she really felt about him. She wished he were dead. I'm sorry I inflicted you on the world. Her words of not too long ago echoed in his mind. She hadn't even bothered to question whether or not he was innocent of murder before she condemned him. Maybe she was just looking for an excuse.
Max had had a lot of trouble in her life, and he was just making things worse for her. Who cared how hard things were for him, especially with her using him as her own personal scapegoat. It was all about her problems. Note the sarcasm.
She said "I don't know if I've ever been good enough
I'm a little bit rusty and I think my head is caving in"
As far as she was concerned, he didn't have any problems. What the hell did she know?
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved
By a hand that's touched me
And I feel like something's gonna give
And I'm a little bit angry, well
Every single time she opened her mouth to spout her insults and frustration at him, it got a little bit harder for Alec to put up with it. There was only so much he could put up with. Only so much weight he could carry. Alec had a feeling that pretty soon he would encounter the matchbox that sunk the cargo ship. The straw that broke the camel's back.
All his life Alec had been treated coldly, cruelly. You'd think he'd be used to it by now. He wasn't. Everyone could use a little compassion once in a while, even the most independent soldier.
If Max could calm down and realize he wasn't the cause of all the problems in her life, and show proof that she knew, then maybe, just maybe, he'd be alright. Say it as much as he might, Alec sure as hell wasn't alright now.
This ain't over, no not here
Not while I still need you around
You don't owe me, we might change
Yeah we just might feel good
Max could only push so much before he'd fall under the onslaught.
I wanna push you around
Well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down
Well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted
I wanna take you for granted
Yeah, yeah well I will
She said "I don't know why you ever would lie to me"
Like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya
And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me
You couldn't stand to be near me
When my face don't seem to wanna shine
'Cause it's a little bit dirty, well
Don't just stand there, say nice things to me
'Cause I've been cheated, I've been wronged
And you, you don't know me
Yeah well I can't change
I won't do anything at all
Max didn't care how he felt, what he needed. All she could ever seem to care about was herself. And Logan, of course. Max did what she needed to do for herself, and it didn't matter to her who she walked over in the process. Who she pushed down.
I wanna push you around
Well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down
Well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted
I wanna take you for granted
Yeah, yeah well I will
Oh, but don't bowl me over
Just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart
Things get so crazy, crazy
Don't rush this baby
Don't rush this baby, baby
I wanna push you around
Well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down
Well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I wanna take you, take you
Yeah, well I will
I will
All Max cared about was herself, was the continuing mantra that passed through Alec's head throughout the rest of the day.
Later that evening
Alec looked up from the television, beer in hand, as a soft knock sounded through his door. He grabbed up the remote and flicked off the TV, rising from the couch. He approached the door and looked through the peephole. Max stood on the other side.
Alec turned around and went back to the couch, plopping down onto it.
A moment later, Max knocked again. "Alec?" she called through the door. "Are you in there?"
"Yeah," Alec answered, noncommittal.
"Can I come in?"
"Whatever. It's open."
A louder thud sounded through the door as Max attempted to twist the knob and walk in, finding that the door was, in fact, locked, and slamming her face into it. "Ow!" Alec heard her mutter.
"Oops," Alec said. "Or it's locked. I guess I just don't wanna talk to you."
"Alec, open the door!" Max said, as calmly as possible, despite the underlined anger Alec heard in her voice.
"No." A few moments later, as Alec had expected, Max had picked the lock and entered the apartment. She looked up to see him staring at her, for once his feelings showing on his face, and he didn't cover them. He was angry. "What do you want?" he snarled.
Max sighed, the anger seeping out of her, leaving her deflated and remorseful. She walked over and sat down next to Alec, who immediately stood up and went to get himself another beer.
"Alec . . ." she pleaded.
"What?"
"I'm sorry."
Alec closed the fridge and gave her a knowing look. Okay, he'd play along. "What for?" He prepared himself to respond to her simple 'for what I said,' with a sarcastic remark, but she tookhim by surprise.
"For using you."
Alec was shocked, and it showed. He stood stiff and still, a bottle of beer raised halfway to his lips, and surprise plastered on his still features.
"I'm sorry for using you as a scapegoat. I know your life's not all peachy, and may be even worse than mine most of the time, and you sure as hell don't need- don't deserve . . ."
Okay. So maybe he'd been wrong.
End.