CHAPTER TWELVE

A Horrible Mistake

Horatio closed his eyes. He felt strangely detached from everything around him, it was like the room and its' occupants were holding their breath, waiting for him to do something. He had no idea what it could possibly be until Calleigh's fingers moved in his hair and reality snapped back into place. A reality that, for once, Horatio really didn't want to face.

"Okay, love?" she breathed in his ear.

"Mmm hmm. Another few seconds, please?"

"Whatever you need."

The room was no longer silent, rustling sounds and murmuring led Horatio to suspect that Eric and Alexx might be leaving. Forcing his eyes open he found he was right. All that was left of Eric was a broad back half way to the door and Alexx was just standing up, laying her hand softly on Calleigh's arm.

"Eric, wait," he urged hoarsely. "Please stay, both of you. We do need to talk. Just give me a minute to…to get my head around this."

With some reluctance they reclaimed their chairs, pulling them up close so he could speak without straining when he was ready. Alexx looked like she wanted to hug him while Eric seemed just plain uncomfortable. Calleigh was still standing at the head of the bed and Horatio turned his neck stiffly to take a good, hard look at her. She'd obviously had a chance to shower and change, albeit into hospital scrubs, but the dark smudges under her eyes told him she hadn't gotten much if any sleep at all. After everything they'd been through she had to be absolutely exhausted.

"Cal, sit down, too, please," he urged, relieved when she did. His gaze strayed to Eric's face, lingered along the healing slash but avoided the dark eyes. "So you're telling me, Eric, that the man I killed was my uncle, not my father."

"God, I'm sorry, Horatio," Calleigh broke in, finding his hand under the sheet. "I didn't realize he wasn't your father, I just assumed…"

"Yeah, I did, too," Horatio said grimly. "It's not your fault, Cal, you had no way of knowing what he looked like and all I saw was the back of his head. Uncle Shaun had red hair too, it runs in the family. Kind of a curse I guess." He shifted uncomfortably in the bed. It hurt to breathe and his throat was sore which made talking painful as well. Restlessly settling his gaze back on Eric he managed the eyes this time.

"We just found out ourselves, H," the younger man admitted. "Wolfe called a few minutes ago from the morgue with the DNA findings but that's all we have so far. Can you give us a full name?"

"Shaun Albert Curran. He's…he was…eight years younger than Amery but they were pretty tight once Shaun got old enough to tag along with his older brother to the bars and the track. They must have hooked up again when Amery got out of prison."

"Why on earth would they do this, Horatio?" Alexx asked softly.

"You knew about my mother's death, Alexx. I assume by now the rest of you do, too?"

All three looked almost as stricken as Horatio did and Calleigh nodded sadly on everybody's behalf. She herself had heard the story in the waiting room only a few hours before. Alexx felt an overwhelming rush of remorse for revealing something told to her in the strictest confidence, first to Eric and Ryan and then later to Calleigh.

"Horatio, I…"

"Alexx, don't, there's no need. Under these circumstances there was no other choice but to tell them. No other choice at all," he insisted, waiting for her to make eye contact before he turned back to Eric. "So you also realize that Amery was convicted for my mother's murder."

Eric nodded soberly.

"It was my testimony that tipped the jury and led to his conviction." No emotion leaked out with Horatio's words, he was certain of it, but he felt Alexx squeeze his hand anyway.

"Oh, honey, you weren't very old, were you?"

Horatio wanted to shrug it off like it didn't matter but his throbbing shoulders warned him not to and he behaved himself for her sake, lifting an eyebrow instead. "Old enough, Alexx. I was seventeen. The prosecutor kept my testimony for last. I told them about when I was six and seven, when Amery used to wrap the same kind of wire around my wrists and lock me in a closet overnight."

Slowly Horatio withdrew his hands from underneath the sheet. His fingers were trembling and he quickly curled them into fists. The movement cost him, they could all see it in his face as beads of perspiration instantly appeared. Alexx started to rise but settled back in her chair when Calleigh shook her head ever so slightly.

Horatio stared at the bandages, his eyes empty. "I never told anyone before I told that lawyer, but when I found Mum with her wrists the same way mine were I knew I had to." The story was coming out on it's own now in a lost voice, Horatio had withdrawn from the telling.

"I remember him standing up and shouting at the trial, struggling with the bailiffs as he tried to get at me. He said the next time he saw me he'd have a gun in his hand. Based on that alone I'm fairly certain he's the one who shot at me in the parkade."

"Is that…I mean…you haven't seen your father since that day in court?" Eric did a quick bit of math in his head, the number he came up with stunning him somewhat.

Horatio shook his head vaguely. "No. I haven't." He let his hands drop and they fell limply beside him, palms up. Everything from the waist up hurt unbearably and it was getting harder and harder to ignore it and keep going. He closed his eyes. "We had a hook in our garage, a big yellow one, way up high." His mind wandered, voice drifting away slightly with the rest of him. "Amery always said one day he'd…"

"Enough!" Calleigh and Alexx exclaimed in the same moment. Eric shuddered. No wonder H didn't refer to the bastard as Daddy.

"Horatio, you need to rest," Alexx insisted in her no-nonsense-doctor voice, although you certainly didn't need to be one to detect the pain here. "And Calleigh does, too. No arguments from either one of you."

There were none. Horatio was vaguely aware of soft voices and movement around him but it was just so much easier to keep his eyes closed and ignore it. Someone lowered the head of the bed and folded a cool cloth on his forehead. A large hand that had to be Eric's encased his in a brief, powerful squeeze. He wanted to return the younger man's gesture but when he tried to close his fingers the strength wasn't there anymore. He knew they were trembling again.

"Don't worry about anything, H," Eric's voice reassured him. "We'll catch up with Wolfe, bring him back for a visit and an update later when you've both had some sleep. And we'll find your father." He smoothed Horatio's hand back down on the sheet with a tenderness neither of the women had seen before, then turned and exited the room so abruptly that a concerned Alexx followed on his heels to make sure he was okay.

Once in the hallway Eric stopped short and the M.E. had to put the brakes on to keep from running into him. "Forget what I just said to H, Alexx, I'm not going anywhere. I'm camping right here for the duration." Eric widened his stance, folding his arms across his chest as if daring her to pose an argument of some sort.

Alexx's surprise lasted only an instant. "His father is still out there," she realized out loud. "Do you honestly think he'd try something, Eric? Here? And without Shaun to back him up?"

Eric shrugged. "I honestly don't know. Horatio just killed his brother. Do you really want to second guess what this bastard will do?"

"No, I guess I don't. He's quite the piece of work." The M.E. smiled unexpectedly. "If you don't mind the company, Eric, I'll stay too. It sounds much better than going to a strange hotel by myself. I tried to convince Calleigh to share a room but she's adamant about staying with Horatio. I doubt we'll be able to pry her out of there for quite some time, if at all."

"How long will H…" a corner of Eric's lip lifted, "how long will they be stuck in here?"

Alexx considered for a moment. "If it was anybody else I'd say a week to ten days, but we're dealing with Horatio here, so …four days? If we tie him down to the bed?"

"Yeah, sounds about right," Eric chuckled. "Listen, why don't you get us some coffee, Alexx, while I call Wolfe and try to round up some comfortable chairs. It might be a long night…"

"Cal?"

It was Horatio's voice, rough, panic stricken and loud enough to be heard through the closed door. Eric spun one-eighty with every intention of charging into the room to help out his boss but the M.E. hastily grabbed his arm and tugged him back to face her.

"He's okay, Eric, it's just the two of them in there. They've been through a lot together in the past few days. Whatever it is," she finished with soft conviction, "Calleigh will look after him."

The young man shook his head doubtfully, trying to dispel images of a bewildered, hurting Horatio. He had never seen his boss quite so wounded or so vulnerable before and at some subconscious level he never would have suspected Eric found it bothered him horribly.

"Calleigh will take care of it," Alexx reassured him, seeing the struggle in the dark eyes, and he knew she was right. "Chairs," she reminded him gently.

"Coffee," he countered, somewhat more urgently.

Alexx grinned and hugged his arm before she let go and they headed off in opposite directions, both all ready anxious to be back.

hc/hc/hc

On the other side of the door Calleigh was doing exactly what Alexx had predicted -- taking care of Horatio. "I'm right here," she reassured him in a calm voice. "What's wrong?"

"I thought…I'm sorry, I thought you left, too." His eyes, bright with fever, locked on hers. "Please don't go," he begged hoarsely.

She stroked his hot forehead with cool fingers. "I'm not going anywhere, love."

"That's the third time you've called me that," he whispered and she smiled, not at all surprised to find that in spite of the pain and the shock and the drugs he remembered the exact words she had spoken, even in the recovery room.

"If you plan to keep count, Handsome, I hope your math skills are up to the challenge."

It was a lot for him to process along with everything else, she could tell he was struggling. "You mean…"

"I mean exactly what I said when I left you alone in that cold basement to go and get help. I'm never going to leave you again, Horatio." Calleigh pulled a chair as close as she could possibly get it and sat down, enclosing his hand in both of hers. "If that's okay with you."

He didn't say anything, he just kept looking into her eyes and she watched as all of the tension slowly drained out of him and left him limp. He sighed and his lashes fluttered as he fought to keep his eyelids up. Calleigh leaned over and tenderly kissed them shut. She pillowed her head happily on the bed beside him and felt the comforting weight of his arm as he curled it protectively around her shoulders. They drifted off to sleep in the very same instant…

…and in what seemed like the very next Calleigh jerked wide awake to the sound of his scream. Horatio sat bolt upright in bed, fingers scrabbling blindly at the gauze around his wrists as he viciously tried to rip it off.

"Horatio, be still!" she gasped. "You'll hurt yourself…"

"Oh, God," he moaned. "Oh, God. Calleigh, I've made a terrible mistake."

"Shhh. You must have had a nightmare, love," she soothed, the words automatic as she grabbed at his hands, trying in vain to keep him away from the bandages. "Please lay down, I'll call someone…"

"No! I have to make sure!"

Startled by the raw emotion in his voice she let go. Eric burst through the door to find his boss sitting up in bed feverishly stripping the bandages away from his wrists like a madman. Lengths of gauze were rapidly unraveling and blood dripped on the back one hand where the IV was starting to pull loose.

Eric's eyes flew from Horatio to Calleigh and he froze mid stride, shocked and wondering why on earth she wasn't moving to stop him. "Should I get somebody?" he whispered.

"Wait," she gasped, shaking her head. "Eric, he has to do this. I don't quite understand why, but somehow he has to." Calleigh reached out, managing to grab one of Horatio's hands.

"Stop, Horatio!" she told him firmly. "You're hurting yourself. Let us help you."

Eric crossed the room in two steps and got hold of the other arm, restraining his boss gently. "Easy there, H. Watch that IV."

"Oh, God. Eric." Horatio seemed to calm down somewhat at the sound of the younger man's voice. "I have to look at my wrists. I have to be sure."

"Okay. We'll help you get there, H." Eric's calm, reasoning voice reached through the panic and Horatio's eyes went from desperate to bewildered in a single blink. He quit struggling.

"Just lay back, please, love," Calleigh whispered, and they breathed a joint sigh of relief when Horatio cooperated. Eric quickly checked the IV and stuck the tape back down in a temporary fix while Calleigh immediately began unwinding gauze from one wrist. After a moment's hesitation Eric reluctantly started in on the other one.

"Careful," Calleigh warned him under her breath, "let's not do any more damage, even superficially, if we can help it." She raised her voice as Horatio started to sit up. "We're not there yet, Horatio. Hold still, I'll raise the bed in a minute."

Eric grimaced, hesitating as he came to the last section of gauze where dried blood had stuck to the bandages. He could see dark red fingers of infection now, reaching out angrily under Horatio's skin in all directions.

Calleigh bent across the bed to help. Eric's mouth went dry as she teased the last strip free and he found himself staring at a wide crisscross pattern of angry red welts and what seemed like a hundred tiny knots jutting up roughly where sutures closed the deeper cuts. Droplets of bright blood sprang up around the knots where the gauze had caught and there were places where no skin at all was left, just raw tissue barely scraped across bone.

Earlier, in the waiting room, Eric had listened to Calleigh skip briefly over this part of her story. He recalled a mere mention of unwinding some wire from Horatio's wrists, nothing about extricating what must have been yards of the stuff from deep in his flesh. Eric resisted a sudden urge to throw up.

Calleigh, meanwhile, had calmly gone back to work on her side. As far as she was concerned Horatio's wrists looked infinitely better than the last time she'd seen them, in spite of the infection. She made short work of the remaining bandages and reached down to press the lever that elevated the head of the bed.

"Okay, love. There you go."

Slowly, almost reluctant now that the bandages were actually gone, Horatio raised his wrists up in front of his face. Instant tears sprang to his eyes.

"Oh, God," he whispered, his worst fear now a fact.

"Horatio, what is it?" Calleigh asked, gently stroking his back.

"I made a mistake." She could barely make out the throaty, whispered words. "A horrible mistake."

"What mistake? Horatio, I don't understand. You're the victim, here, what could you possibly have done?"

"I lied. Under oath. But I honestly thought…" He dropped his hands and raised tortured eyes to Calleigh's face. "It's so obvious now. Shaun was left handed."

The blonde shook her head, a glance at Eric confirming he was just as much at a loss as she herself was. "If you're thinking you didn't have to kill your uncle," she ventured, "it's not true, Horatio. You didn't have a choice. He was going to…"

"No! That's not it. Look at my wrists," he begged. "Eric, see the way the wire was wrapped around? I'll never get it out of my head, it's exactly the same as when I was little. Amery used a lot more wire this time but the pattern's identical."

"Of course it is, H," Eric agreed, trying to be delicate and not ruffle any fevered feathers. "The same person would tend to do it the same way every time." Concerned he caught Calleigh's eye and raised a questioning eyebrow in the direction of the call button that would summon a nurse.

"Mum was different."

Three broken words fit into place and the two CSIs put the rest of the pieces together in an instant.

"The wires on her wrists weren't wound like these were," Horatio whispered into their silence. "Why didn't I see that then? Whoever killed my mother was left handed. Amery isn't."

"Oh, Horatio." Calleigh rested her arms carefully around his swollen shoulders and wished she could hug him, hard. Why this, now, on top of everything else? It was so unfair.

"No one else would have noticed something like that either," Eric did his best to comfort his boss. "Not in that situation. You weren't a CSI then, you were a teenager, you saw the same kind of wire…"

"Eric, I swore to that jury that Amery killed my mother and he didn't. Shaun did." He shrugged his shoulders free of Calleigh's light embrace and grabbed the sheet, leaving a trail of blood from his wrist as he pulled it aside. "I have to find my father. Somehow I have to make this right."

"Horatio, you're in no condition to get up," Calleigh said firmly, blocking him as he started to swing his legs off the bed. "Eric, make him listen. Sit on him if you have to."

"Calleigh's right, H. Wolfe and I will handle it, we'll find him," Eric reassured his boss, hoping he wouldn't need to resort to Calleigh's latter suggestion.

"I need to help," Horatio insisted stubbornly. "I have to see him."

"Be careful what you wish for, boy, it might just come true."

Calleigh jerked her head sharply towards the unexpected voice and this time there was no doubt at all in her mind about who was standing just inside the door. This was Horatio's father.