Ravenna's eyes felt weighted as she awoke in the morning. The dream had occurred again, as it always did, yet she knew that did not account for her heavy heart. Suddenly the memories of the past day flooded her mind, ripping a cry of frustration from her mouth as her head landed face down on the pillow. Why? Why did she lose the ability to speak coherently when he was around? She had never lacked that ability before. It was only recently that around him her verbal skills sank away leaving her with the uncanny ability to insert her foot into her mouth.
A gentle rapping upon the door stopped her from mentally berating herself and reminded her that just because she didn't feel like joining the world today did not mean that she had the option to act upon her wishes to barricade herself in her room. Whether she liked it or not, she was going to have to face people today, and that included him. Running a hand through her hair, she got out of bed, pulled a robe around her, and opened the door slightly, finding herself greeted with a friendly smile from Elena.
"Come siete oggi preziosa?"
"Elena non così buono, Ho… avuto un sonno agitato la notte scorsa"
Elena's right eyebrow rose slightly as a knowing look entered her eyes. "I understand."
A blush stole upon Ravenna's cheeks as she realized she had been caught in a half truth, yet she couldn't bring herself to correct what she had said.
Elena's lips quirked before she patted Ravenna's hand. "Do not worry preziosa. All will sort itself out. I'm sure tomorrow's sleep will be easier. Breakfast is ready, that's all I came to tell you." With another smile and gentle pat, Elena turned to go downstairs.
Softly shutting the door, Ravenna turned and faced the room just in time to see Ferocious lazily stretching and yawing, flexing her claws before circling and settling herself down again upon the bed to nap a little longer.
"That's easy for you Ferocious. I don't have the luxury of sleeping in. If I want to carry out my plan from last night I need to leave as quickly as possible."
The kitten made no response, simply tucker her head further into her paws in an effort to shut out any disturbances.
"Fine, sleep longer, but if you plan on having any bacon I think you need to see Elena now. Otherwise her mamma will wake up and you know she doesn't approve of you eating anything that could be served to a customer."
At that statement the kitten seemed to lose all interest in sleep. She hopped from the bed and padded her way over to the door. Opening it enough for Ferocious to squeeze out, Ravenna turned back to her bed which she quickly made before getting herself dressed and heading downstairs.
Ravenna was out the door and on the streets in less than twenty minutes, yet she did not head directly to the Lodging house. Instead she asked her newsie escort, a youngster named Checks, if he knew of a bookshop that was around and might be open.
The kid scratched his dirty blond hair as he looked up at her.
"Well, yeah, but what do you want with a bookshop? Aren't you supposed to be looking over Mush? If I don't get you to him on time Jack'll kill me."
A smile touched Ravenna's lips as she ruffled Check's hair.
"Don't worry. I don't plan on escaping." She trailed off as she looked around before squatting at his level.
"Can you keep a secret?"
Checks nodded enthusiastically. The older boys didn't trust him much to keep things to himself, so the opportunity to know something that no one else did was exciting.
"Well, I plan on buying Mush a present…a get well present. But I fear the boys might tease him, so you can't tell anyone alright?"
The boy nodded his head again and started trotting off in the direction of the bookshop. The errand didn't take too long, and just as Ravenna promised, the two were at the Lodging House on time. She quietly entered the sick room with the wrapped package held in front of her like a shield. She saw Mush look up from the bed and held a hand up to silence him.
"Before you say anything please, just hear me out."
His open mouth shut. Taking a deep breath he nodded and gestured with his hand toward the room, signaling her to take a seat. Her lips pressed together in a tight smile of thanks, but shook her head.
"I'd rather stand."
Mush's eyebrow cocked up but he remained silent. Ravenna took a deep breath, attempting to work up the courage to speak, while sending up a quick prayer to God that he would allow her to be a bit more eloquent than she had been the past few times in Mush's presence.
"What I said yesterday I didn't mean. What I mean is. I wasn't saying what I wanted to yesterday. No. I mean what I said to you yesterday didn't say what I meant. You see? Argh!"
Ravenna's frustration at her tongue-tiedness, coupled with a horrible night's sleep was finally a breaking point.
"What I'm trying to say is that I can't talk around you. My tongue gets tied in knots and I don't end up saying that I mean. Yesterday wasn't meant to be an insult Mush. I was trying to say that my preconceived notions of you had prevented me from seeing the real you, and that I was glad that I finally came to my senses. Because if I had let my prejudice overcome me, I would have missed out on meeting a really great guy."
Heat quickly spread upon Ravenna's cheeks as she realized all she had said to Mush. Not only had she let out a very unladylike expression of frustration, she had very nearly completely confessed her growing feelings for him. In fact, she was certain he could read them all over her. The last thing she wanted was for him to realize that. She had to get out of this room, and quick. Stepping forward she placed the book upon his chest.
"Here, I got this for you as a combination: I'm sorry, and a glad you're well gift."
Mush's unreadable mahogany eyes never left hers.
"Do you want me to open this now? Or wait until later?"
She shuffled her feet a bit and rubbed her sweating palms against the front of her dress. Desperately wanting to break eye contact and to leave the close proximity of Mush, she quickly headed over to the other side of the bed, to the chair and nearby table in a lame attempt to clean up the clutter of an unsold paper from yesterday.
"It doesn't matter to me one way or the other." She murmured over her shoulder, refusing to make eye contact.
"If it's all the same to you then, I'd prefer to open it now." Mush looked for a response from Ravenna and began to take off the paper when he received none.
Unable to stand the silence any longer as he had not made a sound once the rustling of paper had finished, Ravenna turned around in an attempt to know whether or not he liked or hated the book.
"I know it's not the nicest copy available, I had to get it from a second hand shop. That was the only bookstore that would be open that early Checks told me. If you hate it I'm sorry. And I know you said you hadn't read it yet and wanted too, so I thought…well I don't know what I thought. If you don't like it that's fine with me. You can probably sell it back to the man and get the money from him instead. Not that you need money I mean."
"Just be quiet will you Rav?" Mush interrupted her.
Ravenna's babbling quickly came to a stop as she pressed her eyelids together in a vain attempt to become invisible. The next thing she new she felt a hand tugging her own and pulling her closer to the bed. She slowly peeked open her left eye.
"I love it Ravenna. I couldn't have asked for a better gift, and I don't care about it being second hand."
As Mush offered a soft smile, Ravenna's eyes began to fully open, and the web between them that had been spinning days ago began to spin again, drawing them nearer to each other and preventing them from looking away.
"I also wanted to apologize to you about my over reaction to what you said yesterday. I'm not denying it hurt, but after I had a little bit of time to think about what you said, the true meaning came out. I'm glad we got to know each other better as well, or I too would have missed out on knowing a great person."
As this was said Mush's thumb had lazily been rubbing the back of her hand, sending reoccurring sparks of electricity from the spot that Mush rubbed to the base of her spine. A blush stole to her cheeks as she began to understand that her feelings were mutually shared by Mush. This idea sent a bolt of electricity which traveled along her spin, down to her feet, and landed deep in her stomach. Mush shared her feelings? They were reciprocal? Or was she reading too much into the situation? As these thoughts plagued her mind, Mush gently gave her hand a squeeze drawing her back to the present. When she re-focused her attention on Mush she noticed a huge smile was upon his lips, which she felt a sudden urge to press hers against, but was prevented from following that train of thought by hearing his voice.
"Why don't you read to me from this new book which you so kindly picked up for me?"
"Are you sure you wouldn't rather read it to yourself? I don't have the best reading voice, I've been asked to refrain from reciting poetry at parties because of it."
"I'm positive."
"All right. As you wish.. But don't forget that I warned you."
Settling herself into the chair, she pulled her feet up underneath her, after having arranged her skirts to remain proper, opened the cover, and began to read.
"On the 24th of February, 1815, the watch-tower of Notre-Dame de la Garde signaled the arrival of the three-master Pharaon, from Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples."
The morning passed by comfortably, the only interruption being when Ravenna would fumble over a word or two while sneaking a glance at Mush, and having her eyes met by his. At noon she decided to take a break to fix herself and her healing patient lunch. On her way to the kitchen she was surprised to see Checks.
"What are you doing here so early? Haven't you got papers to sell?"
The little newsie stopped on the stairs and turned to face her.
"Why no. It was the luckiest thing; some rich guy kicked the bucket while he was on vacation. A real freak accident. He was riding a horse, fell off and broke his neck. Front page news. No need to improve the truth at all. They sold like hot cakes. All the boys are at Tibby's celebrating. I just came back here to drop off my spare change before heading over there."
The small boy's green eyes became serious.
"It's not safe out on the streets anymore. You never know what kind of trouble you'll run into. That's why I don't like walking around with my pockets bulging if you know what I mean."
All color fled Ravenna's face at the mention of the accident, yet she tried to remain calm. It couldn't possibly be Dad. There were plenty of rich people out of town; it was the weekend after all. No need to panic. Her palms began to sweat and she attempted to dry them on the front of her skirt in a nonchalant fashion.
"You wouldn't happen to remember the man's name would you Checks? Or where he was vacationing?"
The kid scratched his head as he shook it.
"No, sorry. I'm sure one of the others will be here and they might remember. Why?"
Forgetting that she was to prepare lunch, she turned to head back to the sick room and waved off the question.
"Curiosity, that's all."
As she was about to turn the doorknob, she heard the door to the lodging house open and Check's voice say,
"Hey, Les, you don't happen to know where the guy was vacationing or what his name was do you? Rav wants to know."
"Oh sure, it happened in Missouri. The guy's name was….Worthington."
A scream of anguish wrenched itself from Ravenna. The two boys looked at her in shock, utterly stunned and unsure of what to do. Les ran out the door shouting something and Checks remained frozen on the banister. Sobs began to rack her body and a hand flew to Ravenna's lips to muffle them. She doubled over and wrapped her other hand around her stomach– it was as if the news had physically made her ill. Her knees began to feel weak, and just as she was about to collapse to the floor, she felt a pair of strong arms envelop her. Gently the arms guided her downward until she was sitting on the floor being cradled against a masculine chest. As she sobbed her anguish into the chest of the man who she instinctively knew to be Mush, she felt herself being rocked back and forth, and one of his hands softly caressing her hair. They sat like that for a while, her sobbing and him comforting. It was only once she had began to calm down that she realized that he had been crooning words of comfort to her.
"Du' dera Ves'tacha, Du' dera Pisliskurja"
Through her sniffles she was able to make out what he was saying, yet couldn't understand it.
"Du' dera Ves'tacha, Du' dera Pisliskurja"
As she focused on it a bit more, she realized that she had heard the words before – he was speaking Romani to her. Yet something niggled in the back of her mind. She knew this language. Had heard some of the words uttered before, but not by Mush. It had been by a female voice.
"Du' dera Ves'tacha, Du' dera Pisliskurja"
And at that moment it was as if a lock in her memory had been opened. Her mother had been that female voice. Her mother was the one whom she had heard utter those words: Ves'tacha and Pisliskurja. Her mother had called her those all the time. But how would her mother have…and then she knew. There was no way to deny the truth. Her mother had been a gypsy. Her beloved mother was the thing she loathed. She was what she loathed. She was a gypsy.
Suddenly she felt as if her whole world was collapsing in on her. Her lungs constricted and she felt as if she couldn't breathe. She could feel the walls closing in on her and all she knew was that she had to leave; had to get out of here. She began to struggle in Mush's arms, yet they constricted, preventing her from going. She began to get more violent and could hear him saying things about settling down and it being ok, yet she knew that it wouldn't. She had to go, had to get out of here. She began to shout, scream, anything to get him to let her go. Suddenly she heard a very calm voice say "Let her go Mush" and she could feel the resistance to the voice in the arms as he lessened his hold on her. She immediately bolted up from the floor and briefly made out the red of a bandanna as she rushed out the doors and into the sunlight of the streets.
A/N: No SOs since it's been so long and those people probably won't read this or won't remember what they wrote (I hope it s the latter, I don't wish any of my readers to go.) So sorry for the massive delay. I'm horrible I know. But I do hope this was worth it. Kudos to those who knew what the title of the movie was in the last chapter and Kudos to those who figure out the book Ravenna gave Mush ;o)
Come siete oggi preziosa: How are you today precious?
Elena non così buono, Ho… avuto un sonno agitato la notte scorsa: Not so well Elena, I …had a restless sleep last night.
Du' dera: Comfort -as in, "I'm sorry" during a tragedy
Ves'tacha: Beloved
Pisliskurja: Darling