KIRBY'S LIVE MAGIC SHOW!
"For my next trick-" said Kirby.
"Hey," said someone in the audience, "aren't you supposed to say 'welcome back' first?"
"Yeah, well, I guess," said Kirby.
"Sooo…" said the audience.
"Welcome back to Kirby's live magic show!" said Kirby.
The audience cheered as the TV cameras panned around them. A random dude in the audience was eating cheese-flavoured corn chips. Kirby ran into the audience, mauled the dude to death, took his chips, ate them, and dashed back onstage.
"For my next trick-" said Kirby.
"Hey," said the exact same someone in the audience, "aren't you supposed to say 'welcome back' first?"
"Lousy short term memory loss people," said Kirby.
"I'm just a heckler," said the guy.
"Ah," said Kirby. "Well, heckle this!"
Kirby threw a sample of Marth's hair at the guy. He was immediately crushed by the weight of a gazillion fangirls diving on top of him.
"Suck," laughed Kirby.
The audience had a bit of a chuckle at the dying guy's expense.
"Anyway," said Kirby, "For my next trick, I'm going to hypnotise someone!"
"Cool!" said some people.
"I need a volunteer," said Kirby. "Remember, if you volunteer, you'll get to be seen on TV-"
Captain Falcon practically flew onto the stage.
"I'm up for it, dudes!" he shouted to the audience.
Nobody cheered, gave a standing ovation, chanted Captain Falcon's name, or screamed 'have my babies'.
"Aw, I was hoping for the last one," said Captain Falcon.
"So," said Kirby.
"Hey, do you get to date chicks while you're onstage?" said Captain Falcon. "I'm a magnet to women. They just can't resist me!"
"Uh, kay," said Kirby. "Anyway, I'm going to hypnotise Captain Falcon!"
The audience cheered. They knew they should cheer because a neon sign saying 'cheer' appeared above the stage.
"Okay," said Captain Falcon.
Kirby leaned over to Captain Falcon and whispered, "If I make this trick work, you'll be really popular with women."
"Including Samus and Zelda and Peach?" whispered Captain Falcon.
"Peach… must not think about that…" said Kirby, turning around. "Okay, people! Are you ready to be impressed?" he shouted.
"NO!" the audience shouted back.
"Well, get ready to be impressed!" shouted Kirby.
"OKAY!" the audience shouted back.
Kirby pulled out a Star Rod and started waving it in front of Captain Falcon's face.
"You are getting sleepy…" said Kirby.
"Not really," said Captain Falcon, staring at the Star Rod.
"You are getting sleepy and popular with girls…" said Kirby.
"Sleepy…" said Captain Falcon.
"You will play along…" said Kirby.
"Yes…" said Captain Falcon.
"You are getting sleeeeepy," said Kirby.
"Yes," said Captain Falcon.
"You are getting sleeeeeeeeepy," said Kirby.
"Yes," said Captain Falcon.
"YOU ARE SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPY!" shouted Kirby.
"Yes!" shouted Captain Falcon.
"Uh, lift your arm up," said Kirby.
C. Falcon shrugged and lifted his arm up.
"I have hypnotised him!" proclaimed Kirby.
The audience cheered in amazement.
"Well," said Kirby, "for the finale of the hypnotise-y thing, I'm going to convince him to walk into – the mouth of a lion!"
"What?" said C. Falcon, looking worried.
"You are still… under my command… remember…" said Kirby to Captain Falcon.
"Right," said C. Falcon. "I am… er… hypnotised… really… not faking…"
"Now, this is perfectly safe," said Kirby. "Captain Falcon, when the lion comes onstage, you will walk… into its mouth…"
"But…" said C. Falcon.
"And then… you will have… many fangirls…" said Kirby.
"Into its mouth," repeated C. Falcon.
The audience gasped and whispered among themselves in anticipation.
"Just going to get the lion!" called Kirby, striding off stage left.
The audience waited impatiently. C. Falcon flexed his muscles in order to improve his reputation while he waited.
Suddenly, with a loud bang and lots of smoke machines, the lion appeared on stage!
It was hard to describe how scary the lion was – it looked so weird! Okay, I'll try. It was a really round lion, almost perfectly spherical in shape. Unlike normal lions, it walked on two little feet. It was kind of cute, too. But it was clearly dangerous, as the red mane showed. Still having trouble imagining what it looked like? Try picturing Kirby, but covered in yellow paint and wearing a Roy wig. The lion looked kind of like that.
"Uh, I guess I walk into its mouth, then," said C. Falcon.
Silence.
The lion opened its mouth.
Captain Falcon walked into the lion's mouth.
The lion closed its mouth and ran offstage.
Kirby ran back onto stage.
"Tada!" he said, his arms spread wide.
The audience cheered more loudly than anything you could imagine. It was amazing.
"Right," said Kirby. "Don't worry," said Kirby, "Captain Falcon is quite safe." Pause. "Uh, it took ages to tame that lion. Isn't that amazing?"
"YES!" shouted all the people in the audience.
"Right!" said Kirby. "Well, it looks as if the TV station is taking a break. Uh, don't leave or anything."
The audience didn't leave or anything.
"Oh, good," said Kirby, feeling a bit better.