AN: Mainly what I need to point out here is that, in my 'verse… which really needs a name… I'm gonna call it the In-verse. Because I like involution and, in ways, it is the inverse of the canon.

Anyway! In the In-verse, Haru and Rin are not a couple. For obvious personal reasons (Yuki/Haru obsession).

The reason I'm not making Rin an unrequited love victim is that she's just too cool. I mean, yes, it does give unlimited angst possibilities. But I just don't want her sapping over some guy, even a guy as wonderful as Haru. I'm aiming for an on-her-own-two-feet place.

Whoot! And this is up very early, because today (5/9/06) was supposed to be the Bitch Day of Death, but has abruptly cleared up.

For disclaimer and dedication, see the first two chapters.

I see more than anybody realizes because nobody's watching me.

-Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Potential"

"My oh my, don't you both look radiant!" Sensei is already beaming from ear to ear as he sweeps in, giving Kisa's and my costumes lecherous once-overs. "Come and give Shigure oji-chan a hug, Satchan!"

Hiro objects loudly, but Ayame proves far more effective in the area of guarding Kisa's virtue with his own calls for attention.

And I'm not really paying attention to any of it, because Yuki walked in behind Sensei and is now hovering by the door.

My world, like the view on a lens wiped clean and focused, snaps into detail and fastens on him.

"Hello, Haru," he says wearily as I claim his arm. But instead of shifting away, he leans closer, and I wrap both arms around him. I'm a bit taller at the moment, even without my boots, though that will doubtless change one way or the other soon. We tend to have growth spurts at opposing times, shooting me above him or vise versa once every few years.

"How're things?" I query.

"Fine," he says, and I mouth it along with him. He always says that. "Haru…"

I shrug, smiling. I like how he stays cuddled close. He's like that at the Main House. It's only because he's scared and tired of being scared, but it's still nice. Especially with how cold he's gotten outside. It's okay; I get how he feels.

And my feeling this way is okay too. I mean, I could waste time feeling guilty, but if there were a way to get him out I'd do it in a heartbeat. So that's all fine as well.

"I actually just came to see you and Kisa in your outfits," he adds, and I steer him into the hallway before Ayame can actively not notice him and not just because Sensei's there to take up his attention. Good thing he is – he'll watch Momiji and the others while I'm busy.

"But I can't stay long. Akito wants me back in his rooms."

"I'll come with. He likes me."

"It's all right, Haru." He smiles a little, not a prince smile but not a real one, either, not a happy smile. "Hatori will be there, and anyway there isn't time… I think he honestly just wants me around." He nods down the hall, to where Rin is approaching. "Shouldn't you see to your other charges?"

"They can manage." I wave to Rin, hoping she and Kyo can actually manage to not get in fights.

"So can I." He shrugs free gently. "Thank you, Haru. I just needed… I'll be alright."

"…Okay." There really isn't time, and I'll be able to spend time with him tonight, whereas Rin and Kyo are going to need a referee now, not for between the two of them but with everyone else.

"Hey," Rin reaches us and glares.

I don't need to worry about myself, really. She does it for me.

"Hello, Rin. And goodbye, as well. I have to be going." Yuki bows a little and walks off before she's obligated to say something crass.

I sling an arm around her waist, since her shoulders are still too high for comfort.

"You're gonna get into so much trouble," she reiterates.

"I haven't yet, and it's been like ten years."

"Seven. Eight, tops."

"Okay, I exaggerated. Sue me. Let's go find Kyo."

"What? Why?" She glares at me and I grin, pulling her closer as I steer us down the hallway.

She's been not-eating again. Someone with long fingers like Hatori could close a hand around her waist.

"'Cause you two are funny together. It's like watching The Others. Two people who don't see, hear, smell, or feel each other. Sometimes I think you'll walk through each other and there'll be a whumping sound and little bits of mist."

I grab coats from the hall closet, knowing Kyo'll be on the roof somewhere, and we head out.

"We acknowledge each other. Just the other day, he called me a witch under his breath and then somehow tripped on the porch stairs."

"Nicole Kidman found out about the ghosts eventually. Or, you know, about the living."

"…You make no sense."

"Maybe you could have another staring competition? That was funny."

"We were like three!"

"Six. Five, bottoms."

"Okay, so I exaggerated. Anyway, you didn't seem to enjoy it then. You just watched us."

A pair of boots dangle over the wall, dripping muddy snow on people passing under the gate.

"I was laughing on the inside."

We start up the wall, still bickering, and Kyo looks down to start hollering that we should let him be, brat that I am. We don't.

Rin isn't breaking.

Kyo isn't alone.

Yuki isn't falling.

And none of us can do a thing to save the others, but we're still here.

Two Years Earlier

"Rin?" I knock on the bathroom door again, and then just open it. She's got nothing I haven't seen time and time again. "Rin, what's wrong?"

It occurs to me that I shouldn't have been able to open the door, that it should have been locked. I could've broken it, but the effort would've been there.

"Haru…" She's leaning over the sink, mouth and hair dripping the water she's been scooping up to rinse off the puke. I can still smell it, acrid and stale.

"Haru, just get the fuck out," she says wearily. "I felt a little dizzy, is all. Okay?"

"You felt a little dizzy… huh. So why'd you walk out of the room looking fine and then fall down in the hallway? And then… the dizzies must've gotten kinda bad to make you hurl. Was it like being on a roller coaster at all, or just nauseating without the fun?"

"Dammit, Haru. I didn't puke on purpose. I felt sick, is that better? Sick. Now go away."

"Rin's angry with me? And I don't remember doing anything wrong. A mystery…" I put my arms around her from behind, and after a minute she turns and buries her head in my hair, shoulders shaking.

"I hate feeling like this, all the time… I'm so tired of being sick…"

I hold onto her and run my fingers through her beautiful, long hair, trying to dry it out, and just listen.

It's a while. Her body shakes with frustrated anger, a body too weak for the fire inside it, and her tears burn holes in my shoulder.

It's a while before she can stop.

But then she does. Sobs quiet, tears slow, and then she goes still and pulls away to stand on her own. "Thank you, Haru," she says evenly. "I needed that. I'll cope now."

She turns back to the mirror above the sink to fix herself up, though there's no fixing some of the water stains. Akito left the banquet a quarter of an hour earlier, though, so no one'll care. In fact, I should see to it Momiji and Kisa and everyone get off to bed soon. It's pretty much tomorrow; on a school day I'd have to get up in four hours.

I watch her arrange her hair and wipe off her make-up, entranced. She's stunning. In her everyday clothes, she's knockout gorgeous, of course. But in these, the whole traditional-garb thing, she looks so much… I don't know. So much more open. It's weird how wearing about five square yards of cloth can make a person look more vulnerable than two square feet, but there it is. Maybe it's just because it's different.

"What."

"Hm?"

"Why're you looking at me like that? Cut it out. I'm all sweaty, and my make-up's run together and I look like a clown. You've got no reason to look at me like that."

"You look like a kitsune."

"…You're insane. Anyway, I'm the horse, remember?"

"But you're beautiful enough to cast spells. And I've always kind of thought you were like fire. Which is their thing, right?"

"I have no idea, Haru. I had TV, not storybooks."

Since they stopped pretending to care… what did they read to you before that?

"Maybe that's djinn."

"Now I really don't know what you're talking about. What does alcohol have to do with this? Unless you mean you're drunk, which would explain a lot."

"No, just high on life."

She finally cracks and smiles. "You're a special person, you know that? And not just in the –ed sense."

"I resent that," I protest equably.

She turns away from the mirror. "No," she says sadly. "You don't."

I shrug.

"I'm gonna go to bed," she announces, and sweeps past me, squeezing my hand on the way. "Pleasant dreams."

"You too. Don't let the bedbugs bite."

"Where does he get this stuff?" I hear her muttering, and then she's gone around a corner. Her gait isn't faltering much; I'm sure she can get to her room. I put her on my list of people to sneak in to tonight.

One of the good things about sneaking to see Yuki – I've got some formidable skills at not being seen by anyone when I don't want to be. This house is like a maze, but that just comes in handy. If you know the way.

I go back towards the banquet room, which should be just about empty by now. Hatori'll have beaten me to bundling Momiji off by now, Kisa and Hiro will be gone to bed. Akito left earlier, and Kureno with him. If Ayame's still there, he's asleep on Shigure's shoulder. Kagura's been on the roof with Kyo since the minute Akito let her out, and I should join them soon, to see how Kyo's doing.

Maybe he'll want a fight…

"Haru." Yuki sounds guilty, like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but somehow I don't the that's quite the simile for the situation.

Cookies, after all, are good things.

"Yuki." He was my only reason for going back there, so I turn to walk with him, playing with the sleeve of his dance robe. Which, naturally, he is breathtaking in. Though I prefer him in his normal clothes. "Mind if I walk you home?"

"Ah… are you sure it isn't too far out of your way?"

"Well, it is at least a hallway away from mine, but the exercise'll do me good."

He clears his throat, eyes darting sideways to me. "Actually, I'm not going to my room."

"Yeah, I know." I stay quiet. Not a get-him-to-talk thing – Yuki's never really been fallen for that – but inviting him to.

He doesn't, at first, just keeps getting paler. We're about even with my room when he stops. "I think Akito liked my dance," he murmurs. "He smiled."

I put an arm around his shoulders.

"You know what I did? I smiled back." He drops his head onto his clenched fists. "…If I could just hate him –" he breaks off, shaking his head.

I wrap my arms around him and he stiffens, pulling back enough to face me. I'm taller right now, but only by a quarter of an inch. "Haru –"

"Yuki." Hatori is standing at the end of the hallway.

"I'm coming," Yuki answers calmly, not bothering to step away from me because we have nothing to hide. "I'll only be a second, Hatori. It's not worth reporting to him; I really will hurry."

Hatori stands there, like he's going to do something, and then he nods and turns away.

I wrap my arms tighter. My turn to think that maybe I could do something. He's as thin as Rin, feels like he could break if I hold on too hard.

Only I don't need to. Akito keeps clasping tighter, and eventually he'll shatter.

I pull him close enough to smell the peaches and fear.

I don't know why he smells like peaches to me. He hasn't liked them in years, for all they used to be his favorite.

He stands there, and I don't know if it's because it helps or because he isn't used to moving away.

So I let go, ignoring the instinct to not do so ever - ignoring the urge to turn Black, sling him over my shoulder and run away, preferably to somewhere safe where we can be alone.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he whispers, and walks away.

I wonder what Akito thinks of that robe.

I like Akito, really. On my behalf. I mean, he's never been mean to me, really. Condescending, but not mean. And he's had it sort of rough, I gather, and he is god, after all.

Times like this, I just try not to think about him. Anger leads to hate, and all. I don't like feeling like that.

I could fucking kill the bastard, kill all of them for letting this happen, standing there and making jokes like Shigure or wallowing in moral confliction like Hatori or –

Or knowing there's nothing we can do. Like me, and Shigure, and Hatori, and everyone…

I keep seeing Yuki's eyes, so full of pleas.

I wish this were simple. I wish I could save him, be a knight on a white horse…

Only the thing about white…

Once you add black, you get gray. And no matter how much white you try and put back in, you're never going to have anything but gray.

I can answer none of those pleas. All I can do, for him, for Rin, Kyo, Momiji… is be here.

That's not enough.

But I'm no savior.

AN: Feedback, feedback, lovely lovely feedback!

My preciousss… I love Haru. Hope the skip into Black for a short paragraph there wasn't confusing. Oh, and just for the record, this flashback would be the beginning of the year before the one Yuki attempts suicide in. I think… I need to draw up a proper timeline.

I could rant on about Rin and Tohru, and how of course they can stand up to people but have it be okay because it's for Their Men, and how naturally Tohru's more subservient method will of course be valorized… well, anyway, I could go on for a while there. But I'll spare you.

Ah, and now that I'm fixing this chapter – the whole "add black and you get gray" is paraphrased from Angel's "Habeas Corpses." Lilah said it. I love her…