AN: I actually went back and added this anyway, but here it is again in case: Haru's thing about gray, mixing black and white and all in the last chapter? Yerss, that was Lilah's, from Angel. Not an exact quote, but a paraphrase.

Heh. And the Snausages here is Buffy's. She says that Andrew is "like a small dog dancing for Snausages." I paraphrased here too, though, to make it fit better.

Eh, just keep in mind this is before the whole beat-up-Kisa thing, so Hiro was more relaxed around Akito. Also, Hiro wishing Kagura were there - as far as I know, they haven't interacted in the manga, but one of those note-things says that her relationship with them is extraordinarily good.

For dedication and disclaimer, see first two chapters.

Though hope is frail

It's hard to kill…

- Miriam, The Prince of Egypt, "There Can be Miracles"

Chapter Five

Present

People are finally leaving. God, like they have nothing better to do, it takes them this long to get going?

It's the pre-banquet gathering, not even a party or anything. Just a meet-and-greet, a head count. We might as well have numbers on nametags… the point is, there will be three nights for this kind of thing. But for all their much-vaunted practicality, grown-ups can never seem to leave in time.

Ten thirty. An hour and a half until Kisa's dance, fifteen minutes till we should be in the banquet room.

At least none of the outsiders, know-nothings with regard to the curse, have asked if I shouldn't be in bed yet. I'd like to think it's because of my formidable glare, but I know it's Akito.

He's in a really good mood. He can be pretty mean, and usually he's at least grumpy – Gure-nii calls it melancholy – even if he hasn't been awful around me. But this whole bowing and scraping thing puts him in a truly nice temper.

For him.

No one questions the Head, and certainly not today. They don't question anyone around him, either.

So, since Kisa's getting ready with Ayame nii-san and I'm stuck playing mascot, no one's questioned my being awake.

He keeps his hand on my shoulder half the time, twirls bits of my hair between his fingers. It's completely embarrassing in front of everyone, but I don't move away. I don't even fidget.

People are coming up and saying goodbye like they're going further than the next building, if that. Akito just nods and maybe smiles if he gets distracted enough, while Gure-nii and Yuki do his talking for him, thanking everyone.

Mom's gone; I made her go a while ago.

"Hiro," Akito sighs, nodding to another subject, "what time is it?"

I roll my eyes and check my watch again. I'm not flattered he asked me instead of Hatori (who isn't wearing a watch but who has some kind of obsessive inner clock). What am I, some kind of puppy dancing for Snausages? He's not even a real adult; only eighteen.

"Ten thirty-eight. Wear your own watch, why don't you? You're like a kid in a car."

Everyone else might be more careful now, but we can relax more.

He smiles and I glare at him. Up at him.

"You're adorable, Hiro," he whispers, icy fingers trailing down my arm to close around my wrist. Gently, loosely, but somehow reminding me that if he tightened his grip I wouldn't be able to pull free. I'm too weak, too… small.

He turns to the sentinel behind him. "Hatori, I'm leaving," he announces, threading his free hand's fingers through Yuki's.

As he starts out, heads ripple, following him, and people scuttle forward for a last brown-nose. Officially, this thing can go as late as anyone is in the room, but everyone knows it ends when he leaves.

He ignores them, because we come first, our little world. All his world. He's still holding my hand, and Yuki's. My hand, like I'm four years old.

But I don't exactly pull away, just glare when I know he's not looking, and we go on to our own party.

We're early to the banquet hall, and Rin, Haru and Kagura aren't there. Probably still with Kyo. He's such a child he can't even handle not sitting with us for some boring food and dance? So lame. And, okay, it'd be kind of nice if they were here. Rin and Kagura, anyway.

But Kisa's here.

She looks…

And I must look like such a child, hanging on Akito's hand like that. Why would she even care what I think, about how she looks or anything else?

He drops it now, though, which is good. Less good is the part where he lets Yuki go too, and takes his seat only after pulling Kisa along with him. He beams at her and they start talking in low voices.

I can't hear the words, but I wander around the edge of the room until I can see her face. She's smiling, shy and disbelieving – he's complimented her. He laughs and tugs her into his lap, hugging her and asking a question.

I hear her sweet voice, but still no words as she answers.

Someone clears their throat behind me and I whirl, flushed and guilty. "What?" I snap.

"Nothing!" Rit-chan yelps, dropping to his knees. "I mean, something, yes, but you don't want to hear it, I'm sorry, I should never have imposed my presence upon you –"

He's never going to shut up.

I fire off one of those dazzling Sohma smiles that always get Yuki and Akito their way. "Of course I want to hear anything you have to say, Ritsu." The smile disappears. "Especially if you get around to it sometime today."

"Ah… yes… I'm sorry, and you're right, I should be more concise. I've wasted your – I mean." He stops and looks up at me before starting again. "I… I think that… I wanted you to know, Hii-kun, that," his voice drops even more as he glances sideways at Akito's profile, "you might not be grown up yet, but if I could ever be half as talented and mature and – and as assertive as you are… I would be very happy. So I hope that you can be." He drops another bow, looking like a terrified kid ducking a blow, and scampers off.

"Good grief," I mutter. "What was with that?"

You're useless because you're a child, isn't that right, my Hiro?

"Stupid monkey's got nothing better to do," I continue over the voice in my head, "than moralize, he could at least do it on his own time."

But when Kisa walks past me, I whisper that she looks very nice. And she looks happy that I think so.

Four Months Earlier

The sun filters through the leaves of the tree, making the light green and dappled. The wind moves the branches, making spots of brightness dance.

It smells damp, the breeze, so I sit up and check the sky. "It's gonna rain," I report.

"So?" Rin pulls my head back down onto her stomach, where I'd been resting. "My stomach hurts, and that was making it feel better." Her eyes never open.

"Maybe you should eat something."

She shifts. "Mm."

"Well, why not? God, what is it with you? Are you so won over by the convention of what you should look like that you're willing to sacrifice a lifetime of health for it? That's very pathetic, Rin. And you know, I think you look fine."

She doesn't say anything for a minute. "It's not about that," she snaps finally. She pushes me up and stands.

I scramble to my feet as well. "So what is it about? Tell me what you're thinking about this stuff. I don't get it."

She glares down at me, and then her face smoothes over, going cold and calm. "You wouldn't understand. Now go back to your mommy. Maybe she'll care what you think."

She storms off, breeze whipping her hair around her head like snakes.

I slump back to the ground with a groan. "Dammit." Couldn't just leave well enough alone…

Only it isn't well enough, that's the problem.

"Hiro?" Dead-white hands close on the windowsill on either side of me, a yukata brushing my back. "What are you watching so intently?"

Akito sounds amused at the moment, and ready to be distracted.

I turn around between his arms to face him, hoping that he's in a good mood. But it's not like they're like that, so he's not gonna care, right?

"Ahh," he breathes softly. "I see."

Rin and Haru are out in the garden now. Haru's leaning against a tree with his legs spread and Rin between them, asleep against his chest. They're barely visible from here, but they're visible enough.

"She was feeling queasy earlier. Haru-nii's probably helping her get over it," I point out.

"Yes," he agrees, still looking over my head.

"Akito-san, why doesn't Rin eat enough? I told her she looks fine." I guess I'm trying to distract him, but he probably actually knows. He always seems to know that kind of thing about us.

"Did you?" He returns his eyes to me, black pits you could fall into. "And what did our Isuzu say to that?"

"That… that she didn't care what I thought."

"Oh?" He cocks his head, looking down at me musingly. "Well, elementary psychology, Hiro. It's about control." He looks back up at them, and then pulls back enough that he can crouch down to my eye level. "Why do you think she said that to you?"

"I don't know," I shrug, looking down. Jeez, he and Shigure. Why are they so into Twenty Questions? Boring.

"Answer my question, Hiro," he singsongs.

"Because I'm a kid? She probably thinks I wouldn't know if she looks fine or not because I'm not grown yet, like Haru-nii." I glare at the floor. "I bet if he told her she was pretty she'd believe him."

Akito's cold finger tilts my chin back up to look at him. "That's what you believe, is it?" He asks. "You're useless because you're a child, isn't that right, my Hiro?"

"I'll grow up soon." I clench my fists. "At least I don't pretend to be ten years younger than I really am, like that damn rabbit."

"Oh," he says, smiling. "Is that what you think?" He laughs. "You are precious. You think that you'll grow up and suddenly be someone else? That adding ten years to your resume is going to change who you are? Don't be mistaken." He cups my face in one hand. "Let me explain something about growing up to you. It doesn't change a thing." His smile grows empty and cold. "You'll be just as helpless at twenty as you are at ten. You're never going to be able to save Isuzu from herself, not if you live to be one hundred. Do you understand?"

I grit my teeth. I will, things will be different… adults can do things…

I nod.

His eyes bore into mine for a minute, and then he nods. "All right then. Now that that's been made clear…"

"Akito," Hatori's deep voice almost makes me jump like a frightened spaz.

Akito smiles at me and then turns. "Yes, Hatori?"

"Well, first of all, it's time for your medicine. Second, Shigure's here. He's waiting for you."

"Oh… very well. Go on then, I'll be there in a moment." Hatori stands there for a second, hesitating with a look at me, and then he goes.

Akito looks at me contemplatively. "Do you suppose that when Hatori was a child he ever thought things would be different when he was older?" He sounds like he means it as a real question, not rhetorical, so I shrug, flushing.

It sounds like such a stupid fantasy, put that way. I can't picture Hatori with some stupid dream about being a prince, about saving… anyone. Bringing Kisa into the sun…

"No, I don't suppose he did," Akito answers himself. He pats my head. "And they never will be."

He turns and walks away, all billowy. He really does look like he's floating when he moves…

Why did I tell him that? Why did I let him know, when he always…

Why do we all, always drop our defenses when we know what's going to happen?

Well, fine. It's how things are. I can live with that. Children are renowned for their resilience, after all. Yeah, I can live with it for now.

But Kisa deserves better, and so does Rin. And I'm a kid now, but I won't be forever. And… and I know Akito likes things to stay the same. But they never do, right? Isn't that like a scientific fact? Entropy or whatever?

Things change.

AN: Reviews, yez? Ve vant zem, ze need zem, unt ve can't get zem at Deb's.

Oh, and about how quickly this has been going – I know it's sort of harried, and I like to space things out properly, but I've had free time recently and I'm going away soon. I don't know what I'll be able to do as far as updates once I've left, so I'm trying to have as much up as possible beforehand. My brother's got a computer where I'm going, but I don't think we'll be inside enough to use it much, and plus we're not staying at his place… But I'm not leaving until the twenty-first, so I'll have time to find a plan, let people know… And I'll be back on the first of June. Only then I'll have college courses… My point is, the more we have up now, the better - but I won't be abandoning anything.