AN: I just want to point something out – I don't know how you all've been taking the quotes, but they're not meant to have much to do with the chapters themselves. They're more a commentary on the people. I just bring it up because I do realize that they bear no resemblance to the actual text in here. Well… except Hiro's.
And this one is obviously a tad ironic.
Love cures people – both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.
- Dr. Karl Menninger
Chapter Six
Present
I like New Year's, usually. That is, sometimes all the pressure builds up. People get testy and yell at each other, and that's always sad.
But I guess I'm not one to judge that sort of thing. Bottling stuff up and then exploding, I mean.
And anyway, at New Year's, we're all together, and that's fun. All of us, whether we want to be or not. Even if maybe someone was very cranky and mad at someone else… they would still be here.
Kyo-kun has to live with me for three whole days!
It's still sad, how he can't come to the banquet. He's so wonderful, and he can't come with us just because of some story that everyone takes literally without even thinking…
It's just too bad he has to miss the dances.
Kisa forgets to be nervous once she starts. We all do; even Ritsu was perfect once he got going, on his night.
Ha-kun, of course, did this last year with Yuki as well, and he knows what he's doing. He keeps getting taller, looking kind of gawky and awkward, lately. But now, on the dance floor…
They're perfect.
I can feel it again, not just remember the feeling from my dance but truly feel it. Like floating in water… no, like being water. Going into the stream and losing all sense of self, part of something larger and beautiful and powerful, something formless and insatiable.
I can feel the chains.
Kisa is losing herself in the intensity of actually being the dancer, Haru following her in. They're entrancing… enthralling.
Thrall… thralls…
Graceful and alive…
Something inside me that I hadn't realized was empty is filling, an unnamable tension leaving me.
The force holds me, comes into me and tells me that it will take care of everything, to let go and let it take control, and I let it, as we all do every year.
We all go to him.
It's perfect, this connection. This is why we come back. Even I hate these chains, but… to go without them…
No, this is perfect.
Only…I wish Kyo-kun could be with us.
Nine Years Earlier
It's time! Kyo will be here.
I jump up and down, swinging Mommy's hand impatiently as we walk inside.
The Main House is always kind of drafty, being so big and hard to heat, and dark for about the same reason. Some people think it's creepy – when I told my friends at school they said it sounded haunted, and Shii-chan says that it seems "sentient," which doesn't sound exactly cheery. But I think it's sort of comfortable. I think, sometimes, that I can hear it breathing.
Mommy doesn't like it. She laughed, kind of embarrassed, when she said it, though. So it must not be too bad.
I'm nine years old now, too big for picking up and carrying – at least in my opinion – but Mommy wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me close as we go straight to Akito before even making sure that our bags go to our rooms here. He said I had to, because he misses me when I'm gone, which is just very cute.
Mommy doesn't agree, it seems like.
But we go anyway, and I get a hug and a kiss and we talk some. I say hi to Kureno, who's in the corner watching, and get Yun-chan to smile. And then I can go out and play in the gardens.
Kyo-chan is out there too. Momiji-kun and Ha-kun are with him, and they're playing some kind of ball game. Kyo gets to be outside more on New Year's, because at the House it's not up to his Mommy when he stays in and when he goes out.
Akito-san is a little mean to Kyo, but at least he gets to be outside, right? That's good, isn't it…?
Hey, just for a little! Just for a little bit… let me wear those beads.
"Kyo-chan?" He hasn't seen me yet, and I reach out to tap his shoulder.
I don't want to touch him.
I throw my arms around him all the way, crushing us together. I'll be better, I will… and when we're together, Akito will see how incredible Kyo is and stop being mean and I'll have saved him…
And everything will be all right.
He flinches away and takes a step back from me.
I haven't… we haven't seen each other much since that day. Things have been different.
I want them to be the same.
"Kagura-neechan…" he looks at me almost like he's seeing me for the first time, testing the words out on his tongue.
And then he turns belligerent, cheeks flaming. "What do you want?"
I take a step back. He's mad, he's really mad? At me?
But I love him. I do.
I feel hot and angry and hurt, and like there's so much inside me that I'm going to burst open like a bottle of soda that's been shaken too long –
And the next thing I know, Kyo-chan is looking up at me blearily from the ground like he's just finished a roll, and Haru-kun is hanging on my arms.
"Kyo-chan? What are you doing?" I giggle. "You look funny." I pat Haru's head. "And what are you doing, sweetie? I love you too, but you don't have to hold so tight."
I love you, Kyo-kun. You can't be angry, you can't blame me. Not if I love you.
Kyo stands up slowly, his eyes fastened on mine. They look so…
He's looking for something. I have to look away; his eyes are just so much…
"I'm –"
I love you…"Just – leave me alone!" He yells, voice thick with shame, and he turns and runs away.
"Kyo!" I yell after him with tears in my own voice.
I didn't mean to run away. I didn't mean to leave you alone.
Haru's grip loosens abruptly, and a larger hand closes on my shoulder. "Gura-chan, what's the matter?"
"Shii-chan!" I turn and throw my arms around his waist, holding on tight and treasuring the feeling of not transforming for the crime of being close to someone. "Kyo-chan's mad at me!"
"Truly?" He asks, eyes wide as he hoists me up into his arms. "But how could anyone be angry with someone so divine?"
"I, I…"
Left him all alone. I'm a selfish, filthy coward. I'm as bad as that monster… No! No, I'll save him, I'll be good, I promise, he won't be a monster… I won't be a monster.
Shii-chan just watches me, so I have to say something. "What was that word? The one… you and Ayanii-chan were talking about a movie and Aya-chan said that a girl in it was…" I grope for that word, and settle for, "pretty, and then you started pretending to cry and said that he'd…"
"What – betrayed? You betrayed Kyo? How did you do that?"
"I… I, his beads, and," my cheeks are hot and I can't look at his face so I bury my face in his shirt. "AndthenIranaway."
Shii-chan says, "Mm."
"Sh – Shii-chan?"
"Gura… you did betray Kyo. And he's just treating you as he does anyone else now, rejecting you because he thinks you've done the same." He reaches down and tilts my chin up to face him. "What's important, though, is that you prove him wrong. You can do that, can't you? Show him that you're not going to forget about him, that he can't push you away?"
I wipe my eyes on his shirt and look at him hopefully. "That's all?"
Shii-chan grins and taps my nose. "I have faith, Kagura, that you could wear anyone down. Just go gently on him, okay? He's not going anywhere."
"Okay!" I exclaim, sliding down to the ground to go find my Kyo-chan.
Of course! He'll come around.
He'll see. And we won't be left alone, and everything will be fine.
Love means never having to say you're sorry.
AN: Sweet Kagura! I just re-read the twelfth volume and I'm feeling sappily in love with her.
I know it's a bit short, but I didn't want to drag it out when it worked that way too. I just want to acknowledge two things:
I know Shigure nudges Kyo in Tohru's direction, just bear in mind that this was ten years before they even met her and he doesn't ever say that Kagura should be romantic with Kyonkichi.
I know that Akito was absolutely horrible to Kyo, not "mean." I just highly doubt that Kagura did then.
Now then – REVIEW! Please?