For all pertinent information see chapter one.

Three days after the big blow out with Carlos, I saw Raven smile again. It was this tiny little tentative thing, like she wasn't sure she was allowed to be smiling at all, but it was there. It warmed my heart to see it when it had been gone for so long.

A couple of days after that, the real thing made a comeback. I'd been telling her some mindless story, and she looked at me and smiled, really grinned, that sweet Raven grin that I'd missed so much. It did more than just warm my heart, it made me want her even more.

It was a Wednesday about two weeks after the fight that I heard her laugh again. And this time, it was Eddie who made her laugh. I don't know what he'd said, but she erupted into nervous giggles, and he said something else to her, and she really started laughing. This was when I walked round the corner and saw her, and I swear, my knees almost buckled.

I said I've loved Raven since we were fourteen, and I have. The problem is, though, while she was with Carlos and she wasn't herself, I still loved her, but I was having trouble remembering the reasons I was IN love with her. Now, with her returning to her former self, all those reasons were flooding back, and I think I loved her more in that moment than I ever have.

So it turned out that Eddie was inviting Raven, and me now that I was there, to a movie night. Except in true Eddie form, he was inviting us to a movie night that was to be held at Raven's house. We always end up hanging out there, because her parents are a) way cooler than mine, and b) hardly ever there anyway. Raven didn't mind the fact that we were going to be hanging out at her place yet again. We never ended up hanging at Eddie's, because his little brother was going through a destructive phase. And my parents were no fun. They just wanted to analyze everyone. It got old after about three minutes.

"It feels like it's been ages since we hung out together," Raven commented to me, after Eddie had gone off to his class. "I've missed you, girl. I'm really looking forward to tonight." She smiled at me and linked our arms together like we used to do before Carlos freaked out about his girlfriend having any physical contact with a lesbian.

"Me too, Rae," I replied. "And it has been too long. How are you, anyway?" As always, with any mention of Carlos, her face clouded over, but these days it wasn't lasting as long. And she wasn't crying anymore, at school anyway. It was progress.

"Honestly, Chels, I've been better. I still miss him, every day. It's been hard adjusting to making my own decisions again. I don't suppose you wanna make some of them for me, do you?" She nudged me in the shoulder. "Huh? It's a joke!"

A joke! Do you know how long it had been since she'd made a joke, even one as weak as that? I laughed. "No, Rae, you're on you own there. But as for the rest of it, I'll always be there for you. I love you, okay?"

"I love you too, Chels."

What a pity she only meant that she loved me as a friend. I knew I'd have to take what I could get, though. This was neither the time nor the place to be declaring everlasting love. She was doing so well and the last thing I wanted to do was jeopardize her progress by dumping more stress on her.

I don't really remember the rest of the day, as it went by pretty fast. After school we all split up to go home and get changed, agreeing to meet up in an hour.

At Rae's house, she'd been busy, renting movies and setting out snacks most probably made by her dad. His cooking is some of the best I've ever tasted! Well, except for those pickled artichoke mashed potatoes… but that's another story. I was a little early and I let myself in like I was used to doing. Rae was in the living room, cueing up a video. I sat down next to her, perhaps a little closer than I would have normally dared, but she didn't seem to mind. If anything, she leaned into me a little.

Ten or so minutes later the doorbell rang, and I went to answer it. It was Eddie… and Amber, his latest girlfriend. She went and found herself a seat, and I grabbed Eddie by the shirtfront and pulled him aside where we couldn't be heard.

"Who told you she could come?" I demanded. "You think this is a good idea, flaunting your relationship in front of Raven when she's just had a really hard break up? What were you thinking?"

"Girl, why you gotta hate on Amber like that?" he hissed. "She wanted to hang out this afternoon, so I told her she could come with me. What, you want me to tell her she's gotta go home?"

"Well, no," I said reluctantly. "I just don't think it was a very sensitive move on your part, that's all."

But Raven seemed to be taking it remarkably well. She knew Amber, and knew that Amber and Eddie had been dating for a couple of weeks (which was in itself almost a record in Eddie's book, these days) and they were chatting casually as Eddie and I hissed at each other in the corner. I sighed, and released him. He went straight over to Amber and flopped down next to her, putting his arm around her, and of course she snuggled right into him. I snuck a look at Rae, and she still seemed ok. I went and sat down next to her.

The movie was good. So was the food. In fact, everything had the makings of a really nice afternoon. Until I looked over, and saw Eddie and Amber practically attacking each other, right there on Raven's couch. God, how insensitive! Not to mention rude – and disgusting. I tried to ignore them, until I heard a soft sniffling coming from beside me.

"Rae? You okay?" I whispered. She wasn't. Even in the half-light of the TV screen I could see the tears running down her cheeks. Eddie and Amber continued to maul each other, oblivious to how Raven was feeling. "Rae? Talk to me, please?"

"I can't do this," she gasped out, before turning and running up the stairs to her room. I watched her go; feeling so helpless I almost cried myself. Then I snapped out of it and rounded on Eddie, who seemed to finally notice his surroundings.

"See? I fucking told you this wasn't a good idea!" I snapped at him. "Look what you've done! You think it was easy for her to watch you stick your tongue down Amber's throat? You really upset her, Eddie!"

"Chelsea, girl, I'm sorry," he said, and the remorse dripped off him in waves. He really was sorry, really hadn't meant to hurt Raven. He was just a bonehead, like all guys tend to be.

"Don't apologize," Amber piped up. "We were just having fun…"

"Excuse me?" I turned to her. "First of all, this is none of your goddamn business. You shouldn't have even been here. Second of all, Eddie apologizing is the first thing he's done right all night. The two of you HURT her. At least Eddie's sensitive enough to admit that he was wrong."

She huffed, but didn't storm off like I expected her to. Instead, she stood there, looking at Eddie expectantly. For the moment at least, he was ignoring her.

"You think I should go up there and apologize to her?" he asked me.

"No, I'll go. You just… get her out of here, okay?" He smiled sheepishly at me, and motioned to Amber.

"Come on, we're leaving."

I threw him a grateful glance. As they left I heard her whining "But what about the rest of the movie?"

I really, really hoped that particular romance wouldn't last much longer.

Raven was in her room, sitting on her bed with her knees drawn up to her chest, sobbing quietly. I knocked on the open door and entered, sitting down beside her and pulling her into my arms.

"You wanna talk about it?" I asked her, not holding out much hope. But she nodded, and wiped her face on her sleeve. "What's up?"

"I just… seeing them together downstairs… it was too much for me," she said quietly. "I know I should feel happy for Eddie, that he's found someone, but it just made me feel… empty. And it was a really painful kind of empty, like, there's a hole inside me, and it's getting bigger."

"I wouldn't be too envious of Eddie if I were you," I told her dryly. "Amber's… well, she's a real piece of work, let me tell you that much."

"Why, what happened down there after I left?" she asked, interest sparking in her eyes. I laughed.

"Don't worry. Just… I don't think anyone ever bothered teaching her any manners, that's all. It's kind of funny when you think about it."

Raven got really quiet again, and I wondered what she was thinking. Raven's not a quiet person, as I may have mentioned, and her falling silent like that is never a good sign.

"Hey, Rae, what's going on up in here?" I asked, tapping her forehead gently. She grimaced, but laughed a little.

"Don't you ever get… tired… of being alone?" she asked me. I considered the question. Of course, she had no way of knowing about Lani, so she thought I'd been single for years. I wasn't about to tell her it had only been a matter of months. But yes, I did get tired of being alone, all the time. And sometimes, late at night, when I was lying in bed, BY MYSELF, and bemoaning the fact that I didn't have a chance with Raven, I found myself seriously considering trying again with Lani, if she would have me.

Of course, in the harsh light of day, I wanted Lani like I wanted herpes, and I loved Raven all the more, but still…

"Yes. All the time," I answered finally, aware that I'd been quiet for quite a few moments, and Raven was waiting for me to answer her question. "But it's not all bad. Look at it this way. If you're single, and you randomly hook up with someone, there's no guilt, right? You don't have to worry about those, look, but don't touch rules. And you don't have to justify the looking, either…" I trailed off, because Raven looked like she wanted to say something.

"I miss…" and she stopped.

"Carlos?" I offered, hating that she missed that asshole and didn't want me.

"Yeah," she agreed quietly. We sat in silence for a while, thinking our own thoughts. Then she pulled away from me, and sat up.

"No, you know what? I don't miss him," she declared. In that moment, it was like Carlos had never happened to her. The forcefulness and decisiveness in her voice were the epitome of what she used to be. It made me sit up and take notice.

"Well, if you don't miss him, what's got you so upset? If it's Eddie and Amber, I'd be upset too. I mean if they'd been making out on my couch like a couple of animals, I would've turned the garden hose on them," I quipped, in an attempt to lighten the mood. She frowned gently.

"That's what I miss," she said.

"You miss making out with Eddie?" I teased. She stuck her tongue out at me, and my eyes glazed over slightly, but I concentrated on what she was saying.

"No!"

"You miss making out with Amber?" I asked, mock bewildered. She laughed, and I relaxed slightly. We were going to be okay, Rae and I.

"No, Chelsea! I'm trying to be serious here, come on girl! I miss HAVING someone, you know? I miss being part of a couple. Carlos might have been mean, and he might have been angry all the time, but he wanted me, you know? At the end of the day, I knew that he would kiss me and hold me, and things would feel better."

"Yeah, but what about all his tantrums?" I asked, skeptically. "He wasn't exactly a Care Bear when it came to anger management, was he?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't the point," she said, trying to explain. "It was like… I don't know. It felt like, no matter how stupid I'd been and how angry I'd made him, no matter how he'd had to punish me that night, when it was over and he'd cooled off, he'd reach for me, and kiss me, and tell me he loved me really, and if I'd stop pissing him off he'd stop having to teach me how to behave. And that's what I miss: the end of the nights, the kissing and the holding, and the feeling like someone gave a shit about me."

That was probably the most I'd heard out of her since before she hooked up with Carlos, and I was impressed. It sounded like she'd been really thinking about it, sorting out her feelings, and that was good, right? That was healthy.

"I give a shit about you, Rae," I told her quietly and carefully.

She smiled at me, but she didn't understand what I was really saying, I could see it in her eyes. She thought I was being the dutiful best friend, and in a way I was. But I meant so much more by that simple statement, so much that I couldn't ever let on.

"I know you do, Chels, and that's great. But it's not the same. It's not the same as having a boyfriend who will lie down with you and hold you through the night, and who will greet you with kisses at your locker, and walk you to class hand in hand, and all that boyfriend stuff."

I can do all that! I was screaming in my head. There was nothing on her little list that had a penis as a prerequisite. I could quite cheerfully step into the role she'd described, and I'd love every moment of it too. And what's more, I'd never punish her for not letting me get my own way. And I'd sure as hell never lay a hand on her in anger. It made me angry to think that I'd never even get a chance to prove myself, because I have breasts.

I changed the subject.

"What about me, Rae?" I asked lightly. "You think I'll find a nice girl to love before the end of the school year?"

"Are you kidding me?" she asked. "Of course you will. Any girl would be lucky to have you, Chelsea, you're the greatest. You're sweet and funny and kind, and come on, you know you're hot girl. Somewhere out there there's a girl who is looking for a girl just like you, and I predict you'll find her very, very soon."

What if I'd already found her? I wanted to ask. But I didn't. I wanted so much in that moment to take her face in my hands and kiss her, to show her what I couldn't tell her, how much I loved her. But I couldn't. Raven was hurting. She needed Best Friend Chelsea, not Crazy Lust Addled-Brain Chelsea. So I would play the role she needed me to play.

For the next couple of hours, I filled her in on the Eddie and Amber saga, and she revealed more about her relationship with Carlos. He hadn't raped her, thank God. According to her, their first time had been beautiful, it had been a day when she hadn't made him angry at all, so there was no punishment to worry about, and when it happened he'd been careful and considerate, and she didn't regret it at all.

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders when she told me that. Ever since I'd walked in on their last little confrontation, the worry that he had perhaps forced himself on her had been plaguing me, to the point where I actually sometimes had nightmares about it, waking up gasping for breath because I was crying so hard.

I got up and put Raven's Maisha CD on, grabbing a couple of her hairbrushes on my way back to the bed. "Remember that time you met her?" I asked, handing one of the hairbrushes to her. "It started with us up here, singing and dancing along to this very CD…"

"And my mom came up and told us to turn it down, and invited me to the spa where I met her!" Raven finished, laughing. "Man, that was, like, the best vision ever! I had them a lot more back then."

"Yeah, I kind of noticed you weren't having very many anymore," I remarked. "Do you think you're growing out of the psychic thing, or something?"

"I don't think that's possible," she mused. "My grandma was having visions right up until she died, so I don't think you grow out of them. I wonder why I'm getting them now."

Privately, I thought the Carlos thing might have had something to do with it. Maybe she was so unhappy, the visions had halted themselves, temporarily. It could have been like how sometime your periods will stop if you're under too much stress.

"Oh, oh, girl, this is my favorite Maisha song EVER!" Raven yelped, jumping up from the bed and holding her hairbrush in position by her lips. I followed suit, and together we belted out the lyrics.

"I'm just a simple girl with a private jet…"