Since I keep forgetting to at least mention these, let's re-establish:

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket. I have never owned it and never will. It is all Takaya Natsuki's, and I am a non-profit organization making no money off of this.

Dedication: Beautiful, wonderful Katia-chan. Such sheer, unadulterated talent.

And now, on to Momiji.

And they call me happy go lucky

They don't know my heart is dying inside

A smile's a frown turned upside down

I do my happy-go-lucky so well

I'm even fooling myself…

- Steps, Buzz, "Happy Go Lucky"

Chapter Ten

Hours Earlier

Akito stands and we all fall silent and bow our heads.

Luckily Ha'ri's right across from Ayanii-chan and me, or we might forget, since we're still talking, and then we'd really be in trouble. Nope, all we get is one of Ha'ri's looks.

"It has been, as always, a pleasure," Akito-san says in his nice voice. "Until next year, then."

"Until next year," we chorus back. Now I can look up, and I see he's smiling.

"Yuki…" he reaches for Yuki-kun's hand and the other boy stands up. Akito glances at Kureno, and then the two of them leave. They're both smiling.

Shii-chan and Kureno meet each other's eyes for one split second.

Ha'ri won't look up.

Haru watches Yuki's cold smile disappearing, and then he's watching something inside that I can't see.

I look hopefully at Aya-nii, but even he looks… distracted.

I yawn loudly, slumping against Haru. "What time is it?" I moan, giving him big eyes.

Like I know he will – like he has to – he blinks out of his daze and slings an arm around my shoulders.

"Approximately," Ha'ri answers for him and without looking at a watch or anything, "two fifteen a.m." He braces his hands on the table and stands slowly, looking oddly out of place. He's the tallest one anyhow, but with us all sitting on the floor… "Kisa, Hiro," he continues, "Momitchi. Come with me."

"Aww… Ha'ri! No one else is going to bed! I want to stay up with Haru. Please?" I beam up at him, and they meet each other's eyes across my head. Then Ha'ri nods. "Just until Kisa and Hiro are back to their rooms."

To their parents.

I jump up. "Yay! Thanks Ha'ri, you're the greatest!"

Haru stands, chuckling, and Rin follows suit. "I'll be up in a sec," she reports. "Gonna see the runts a minute longer."

"RIN!" Hiro bellows in protest.

Shii-chan clambers up from his seat, stretching and groaning about how old he is, and Aya-chan leaps to his side to "help." Kureno slips from the room without saying anything – I nearly don't see him go.

And everything is back to normal.

Haru grabs my arm and hoists me out of the room, Kagura-neechan on our heels and Shii-chan calling after us, "Be good, you lot! Don't do anything I might do!"

"What are we doing?" I ask, jumping up and down and tugging on Haru's sleeve, ignoring my sleepies inside. "Are we gonna go see Kyo? That's what you guys do every year, right?"

"Yup, pretty much," Haru says, turning me by the head so I face forward. "But we've got to wait for Kagura to make hot chocolate."

I turn around again, and Haru jerks a thumb over his shoulder, where Kagura is disappearing in the direction of the kitchens.

"We can get coats," Haru adds.

"Okay! You're so lucky, you get to go on the roof every year and Ha'ri won't hardly ever let me."

"Nah, it's good that he looks out for you," Haru says absently as we start down the hallway.

No one looks out for him, none of the grown-ups. Not especially. Rin and I try, but…

Don't think about that, Haru.

"I know! I'm so lucky. So do you think Kyo will be happy to see us, deep down?"

"Yeah." He reflects. "Really deep down."

"Do you like roses or rain?"

"…"

" 'Cause, raindrops and roses… whiskers on kittens? You know?"

"I like silver-white winters, myself," he says. I made him watch that movie a couple of times. He didn't mind.

He smiles one of his secret smiles and adds, "And rainbows."

"And gold and leprechauns?"

"Gold's okay. Leprechauns scare me."
My eyes fly wide. "Really?"

He nods, opening the closet we've reached and reaching in. He hands me my coat, mittens, hat and scarf, finding them with all the other stuff though he can't find his own bedroom in his house.

"Why?"

"…A mystery."

"Maybe –" my words get swallowed by a huge yawn. I hadn't realized how tired I was.

Haru turns and gives me a critical look. I try to look awake, but my keep going closed and all of a sudden my eyelids are really heavy.

"Huh." Haru shakes his head. "I think while Kagura makes that cocoa I'm gonna tuck you in."

"Noo!" I whine, tugging his arm again. "I want to stay up and see Kyo!"

"You can do that next time." He swoops in and picks me up all of a sudden, and I feel very light and safe. "You'll be fifteen next year. If Ha-nii tells you not to go you can flip him off. It's what fifteen-year-olds are supposed to do."

I give up and wrap my arms around his neck, letting my eyes close and putting my head on his shoulder. "I'm not going to be like that," I say drowsily.

We start for my room and he says, "No… I guess not."

I won't be a teenager. I won't change.

I'll be waiting for her.

And I'll keep Haru happy.

I feel the way we turn and open my eyes, then sit back in his arms. "Haru?" I rub my eyes.

"Hm?" He raises a quizzical eyebrow.

I grin. "Wrong way."

Nine Years Earlier

The greatest regret I have in this life… is that that creature came out of my body.

"Darn…" Isuzu-chan tugs worriedly at her dress for the dance, looking into the mirror anxiously. "I can't even walk in this. How am I supposed to dance?"

"You'll do great, Rin. You always do," Haru says. "And Aya'll be with you." He considers that and then looks doubtful as to its helpfulness.

I could say, Ja! You're great, Isuzu-chan, and your dance will be great too!

Only…

The greatest regret I have…

The silence stretches on, chocking me, and I don't say anything.

"Well, I did do okay when I practiced in that other dress," she says finally, while Haru watches me. I'm always causing him worry.

But before this, I pretended. I was happy, wasn't I?

Why can't I play that anymore?

"Isuzu." Akito's voice slides around me. I didn't hear him coming, but his hands close absently on my shoulders as he stands behind me. They're cold even through my shirt.

"You look lovely. But your hair is going to get in the way, you know."

She frowns at her feet. "Mommy says my hair is pretty."

I don't have to look at Akito to know he doesn't like that. I think they've been having this argument on and off for a long time.

Isuzu-chan fidgets under the look Akito-san must be giving her.

I should say something before the silence suffocates us.

… in this life… is that that…

But I'm too tired.

"Momitchi?" Akito sounds puzzled.

I tip my head back to look up at him. "Yes, Akito-san?"

He's frowning, but it eases into a complacent smile as he strokes my hair. "Nothing really. You look very cute yourself, is all…" he leans closer, upside-down to my upturned face, hands on my cheeks. "Adorable, really. I'm sure any mother should be proud to call her own."

…creature came out of my body.

"Akito," Haru says. He sounds disappointed.

Proud to call you her own.

Akito watches my eyes as the insides fall away inside them and smiles, satisfied.

He could hold me again, make it… not better, but not as bad.

Why would he?

She didn't.

"Here we are!" Shii-chan cries from the doorway, staggering exaggeratedly. "Is that – is that our little Isuzu-chan in there?" He wipes his eyes. "To think that our little garden blossom has developed into such an exotic hothouse flower!" He smiles that weird smile that usually gets aimed at Aya-chan. "How about you come over here and give me the pleasure of a preview-dance?"

Isuzu blushes furiously and looks at Haru, who complacently kicks Shii-chan in the ankle.

But… they say if she forgets about you, she might get better.

"Owchies! Not fair, Haa-kun," Shii-chan yelps. "How horrid. Oh well, one must try." He turns to Akito with a big grin. "At least I know someone here who'll give me a kiss and make it better, right, Akito-san?"

Akito's hands are too tight on my shoulders, though at least they're not on my face anymore. "Isn't," he snaps, "there anyone else you'd like to try first?"

He shoves me forward abruptly, and I hear him slam the door behind himself as Shii-chan catches me and scoops me up when I stumble He's looking after Akito with a surprised, interested expression.

"Well, and how is Momitchi-kun faring?" He asks lightly.

I shrug.

"Ah, one of those days, is it? Never mind; we all have them." An idea seems to hit him and he turns to Haru. "Haa-kun, would you mind terribly if I borrowed your Ariadne for a moment or two?"

Haru looks at me for a minute, but there's nothing to see. He says, "Yeah, okay."

"Wonderful! Isn't he just grand?" Shii-chan chirps, whisking me off down a hallway. I nod, because he is.

If you love Mama too… will you help her?

Shii-chan knocks on a door, but there's no answer. He opens it and pokes his head in. "Aya? Are you here?" He chuckles. "Are you decent?" Still nothing, and Shii-chan shrugs and walks in, closing the door behind us. "He'll be along in a minute," he says contentedly, setting me down on a cushion and taking a seat in front of me. "And then maybe we can convince him to make tea, how about that?"

I make my lips turn up. I should be happy…?

I don't want to meet his eyes, because I know they'll be serious and I don't want to have to think. I look around instead.

The rooms in the Main House are all pretty much alike. Aya calls them "impersonal." But whenever he stays here he makes his room fun. All his homework over break and all his crafts are scattered everywhere, and he puts up pretty curtains and things. There's plenty to look at.

"Momitchi-kun, you know something?"

There are even some potted plants.

But I can't help it now; I meet his eyes.

"I know how much this hurts. But I can promise you two things, absolutely and without doubt."

And now that I've looked, I can't look away. His eyes are like magnets. Poles… you would think the South Pole would be warm, being in the south, but Haru told me once it's even colder than the north. That reminds me of Shii-chan's eyes.

"One is that this isn't your fault. And the other is that it is not always going to feel this bad. Even if you don't want it to, the hurt is going to get easier."

I look at him. Why wouldn't I want this to get better? It feels like there's broken glass inside me all the time, and I just want to be able to breath again. I want it to stop to…

…go away.

All I have of her.

No. This is why I can't play any longer, why I have to be real. This is all she's left me.

Shii-chan puts a hand on my head. "Do you think Aya's always happy?" He asks.

The question doesn't make any sense, and I stare at him, bewildered, while his face relaxes into its normal goofy grin.

Then the door opens. Aya-nii rushes in, sees us and stops, and then throws himself forward even faster, bowling Shii-chan over. They're thrown onto the floor, laughing, and then Aya-chan bounces up and kisses my cheek.

"Gure-san! Momitchi-kun! What joy!" He clasps his hands to his chest. "Could there be a nobler goal in life than to satisfy such perfect cousins? What can I do for you?"

"Aya…" Shii-chan pushes himself up on his elbows with that weird smile. "Satisfy? Are you trying to turn me on?"

Aya bats his eyelashes. "Do I need to try now?"

Shii-chan goes all dreamy-eyed. "Of course not, my dearest –" he coughs abruptly. "However, we have an underage cousin present, you know…"

"Oh! Tender innocence!" Aya covers my eyes hurriedly. "Such a blessed state of being! Though admittedly not as much fun as certain other states of being…"

There's a knock at the door and Aya's up and gone, tearing it open again. "Tori-san!" He drags the taller boy in and closes the door again behind him. "Would you like something to drink?"

"I'm fine, thank you. Hello, Momitchi."

"Oh, Ha-san is such a meanie!" Shii-chan wails. "You didn't even say hello to me and we haven't seen each other in… hours… well, it must be at least minutes."

"Hello, Shigure," Ha'ri deadpans. "You know, you might give me time to say something before you condemn –"

"Don't you try to turn this around on me, young man," Shii-chan mocks. "I was nearly a lawyer, remember?" He wags an admonitory finger. "You shan't win."

"No you weren't."

"Yes, yes! And you still fight for justice, if not through the legal system!" Aya cries in Shii-chan's defense, pushing Ha'ri down onto a seat. "Now you two just sit right there, such a picture… you too, Momitchi-kun… and I'll fetch you some soothing beverages or possibly…"

He keeps rambling, but I can't pay attention any more. I didn't want to look inside, but I have to.

I watch the way Shii-chan and Ha'ri relax a little more around him, like he makes it okay for them to not be sad. Like he makes things better.

Aya-chan's mother ignores him, and I think maybe she used to hit him. His vati is never at home.

He shouldn't be happy. I hadn't thought about it before, but… he's…

What if his mutti sees him and thinks he doesn't need her because he's happy without her? Then she'll never come back… never be nice…

Only… maybe it's better for her that way.

Maybe we're all better off because Ha'ri and Shii-chan watch out for us, and maybe they wouldn't be able to do that if Aya wasn't there for them.

Maybe Haru, who takes care of us too, as best as he can, needs me to be his happiness again too.

And maybe being sad out loud won't ever bring her back.

So, then… I'll be happy.

AN: Whoo. By this story's standards, that was a long one. And it'll probably be the last one, because tomorrow I'll be gone all day, pretty much, and then we leave at five in the morning the day after. Pity me.

And review me, because that will make me happy. Okay?