For all pertinent information see chapter one.

I didn't know how to act around Raven after that night. She'd really scared me, with the cutting, made me feel completely helpless. I didn't know what, if anything, I could do to help her.

On the flip side of that was the anger I'd felt. I mean cutting, and burning, and suicide attempts in all their ways, shapes and forms have never been okay with me. We were all expecting big things from Cousin Earl, but none of us could have expected him to hang himself junior year. Ever since then I've been iffy about people wanting to harm or kill themselves. I remember the pain of Earl's death, and just think, how could he have been so goddamn selfish? How could he have done something like that, knowing that the family he left behind would have to deal with it for the rest of their lives?

I wanted to help Raven, and I wanted her to feel better, but I had this funny feeling that I couldn't be around her while the memory of the cutting was so fresh in my mind. I just felt like anything I said or did would come off as too accusing, or too mean, and that was the last thing I wanted, even though I acknowledged that I WAS angry. So I didn't exactly avoid her, but for the next week or so I sure didn't go out of my way to seek her out and hang out with her or anything.

When I did finally talk to her, she was all smiles and laughter and happiness. I didn't understand it, how does someone go from wanting to slice up their arms one week, to wanting to teach the world to sing the next? It didn't add up, and now that my initial anger had subsided, I wanted to know what was going on. Next time she invited me over to her place to sleep over, I accepted.

It was like we were fourteen again for a while that afternoon. We painted each other's nails and did each other's hair, and Raven even made s'mores, without the moose helmet on. I've heard that makes all the difference. So we "got our grub on", and then came some valuable "jiggy down time." (Thanks Mr. B for those delightfully outdated but characteristic catchphrases!)

Raven put Maisha back on and we were jamming to that, singing into our hairbrush microphones and grooving along, and after Maisha, she put on her old Boys In Motion CD.

"I haven't heard this in years!" I crowed, dancing along.

"Boys! We are the boys is motion! We give you our devotion!"

But, finally, it had to come to an end, as all good things do. I crawled into my makeshift bed next to hers, and settled down to sleep. I heard her shifting around, trying to get comfortable, and finally she leaned over the bed, her head propped on an elbow.

"Hey, Chels? You awake?" she whispered.

"Mmhmm?" I murmured sleepily.

"Chelsea, let's stay up late talking like we used to," she suggested. I opened my eyes.

"Okay, well, what do you wanna talk about?" And Flo rears her ugly head again!

"Well, there's something I haven't told you," Raven began, sounding, I thought, a little nervous. "See, the thing is, is that me and Carlos? We're kind of back together."

My whole body stiffened, and I felt a cold shiver run down my spine. "Tell me I didn't hear that right. After everything he's done to you, and everything I told you about being strong and not going back, you did it anyway? And after last week where he totally used you, and called you a lousy lay and everything?" Personally, I imagined Raven to be anything but a lousy lay. The Raven I knew and loved was far too passionate and vibrant to be anything but spectacular.

"Don't get mad, Chelsea, please! He came to me, almost on his hands and knees, pleading for another chance, and he told me how sorry he was about what happened that night. He told me I wasn't a lousy lay, that I was great, and that he was so, so sorry that he'd used me like that. And he also apologized for… you know… that time he punched me, and all the other times he's gotten angry. He's changed, you know? He's really turned over a new leaf."

"People like that don't change, Rae," I told her coldly. "They just hide who they are to get what they want. Then, when they have it, they reveal their true selves, because it doesn't matter anymore. That's when the true danger begins."

"That's not what's going to happen this time," she insisted. "I'm sure of it. This time I'm going to stand up for myself, and he's going to treat me with respect."

I knew better, but didn't say so. I couldn't believe how upset and angry I was. Did she have a death wish or something? If she stayed with Carlos, if she let him anywhere near her, sooner or later, shouting and punching her in the stomach wasn't going to be enough for him. Sooner or later, she was going to do or say something that didn't sit well with him, and he was going to put her in the hospital. I just didn't know if I had the strength to pull myself through it, let alone be there for her. I told Raven I was tired, and rolled on my side facing away from her and closed my eyes, willing myself to sleep.

She fell asleep before me. I lay awake for a long time, seething and wondering what I was supposed to do now. It was becoming increasingly apparent that Raven's judgment was beyond poor. I knew that I couldn't sit around and wait for her for the rest of my life. So what did I do now? Did I continue to be single, pining away for what I knew I was never going to have? Or did I bite the bullet and go back to the person who actually wanted me?

By the morning, I'd made my decision. On the way home, I took out my cell phone and tapped out a text message.

"Meet me at my place."

Lani was waiting when I got home. I swear, she must have sprinted or something, to get there so fast. I looked her up and down, she was looking as good as ever. And even as I thought that, I mentally kicked myself for sounding like Eddie.

"Were you serious about wanting another chance with me?" I asked her, hating myself. This was SO not the right way to deal with my disappointment, but it was the only way I could come up with that didn't involve me doing a Raven and cutting myself. Or doing an Earl. But Lani was nodding, and stepping closer to me, and I was stepping away from her and pulling her towards my bedroom. I dumped my overnight bag inside the door and pushed her onto the bed, climbing on top of her.

I knew, in that moment, what a mistake I was making. I didn't want Lani. If I'd really wanted Lani I would have taken the time to talk to her, take things slow, not rush in and make sure this was real. But I didn't want her. I wanted Raven. And Raven was busy getting it on with old Fists of Fury, and I was left wanting. So yeah, I was aware that I was using Lani. But it felt good to finally be wanted.

I was on top of her now, and we were trading long wet kisses that held the promise of things to come. I sat up and peeled my shirt off, watching the appreciation in her eyes. It didn't matter that I hated myself. Lani wanted me, and that's all that mattered.

The rest is a blur, a hot, sweaty, good blur. Yeah, it was good! She knew what she was doing. I'd trained her well. And yeah, I made her cry out my name. I happen to know what I'm doing, as well. But the whole time we were having sex, I kept my eyes tight shut and pictured Raven.

When it was over, I cried.

Lani didn't stay much longer. She kissed me, told me how beautiful I was, and left, promising she'd see me the next day. I lay in my bed, making no effort to cover my nakedness. I just lay there and cried. I actually have no idea how long I was there for, wallowing in my pity. But I knew that it was the end of an era. I had to stop pining for Rae. Lani was it for me now. She had to be.

In school on Monday, I told Lani we should keep it on the down low, for the moment at least. She was surprised. Probably because this was such a role reversal. When we were together the first time, she was the one wanting to keep it a secret the whole time, and I was the one pushing for people to know. But I just didn't want Raven to know. I couldn't handle the thought of her knowing that I ran straight from her place and fell into bed with Lani.

Eddie tracked me down on the way to lunch. I had been planning on skipping it anyway, so it wasn't too annoying to be pulled into an empty classroom to talk.

"Okay. So, I thought about what you said, and I'm going to tell Amber the truth. I figure, she deserves to make an informed decision about whether or not she wants to be with me, and to do that she needs all the information. Can I get an amen?"

"Amen," I cheered halfheartedly.

He didn't have much more to say after that, so he straightened his back, pulled his chest in, pulled his pants further down, and strode off to where Amber was standing with a group of her friends. I decided to watch from a couple of classrooms away. Wouldn't hurt to jump in if he needed moral support, right?"

"Amber, girl, I gotta talk to you," he began, twisting the strap of his schoolbag awkwardly. She looked at him, smiled, and followed him a little way away from her friends. He took a deep breath.

"Okay, don't get mad, just… hear me out." Her face tightened immediately. That was definitely not a good sign. But, credit where credit's due, he powered on.

"A couple of weekends ago I got really, really drunk and slept with Whitney and I feel really bad, and I'm so sorry, Amber and I'll do anything to make it up to you," he blurted.

See, I expected her to get angry. I even almost expected her to dump him. I figured, even though it was kind of mean, that it would teach him the lesson he needed, about not getting drunk and cheating on his girlfriend. But nothing, and I mean NOTHING, could have prepared me for the scene I was about to witness.

Amber took a deep breath of her own, and I assumed she was going to start chewing Eddie out, so I braced myself for it on his behalf. But she swung her backpack off her back and walloped him one with it. And then, that deep breath she took? She used it to let out this unearthly shriek, the likes of which Celine Dion would have been proud of.

"You CHEATED on me?" she screamed. "You ASSHOLE! I can't believe this! What made you think you were ever good enough for me, that you can go out and cheat on me behind my back? Well it's OVER! I hope you and your cheap slut are HAPPY together!"

There was a collective gasp from the crowd as her words sunk in. Eddie's face was the palest I'd ever seen it. He started backing away from Amber, but not quite quickly enough. She reared back and slapped him a good one across his face, and stormed off in the opposite direction. I hurried over to him.

"Eddie, are you okay?" I asked, concerned. He frowned.

"I don't know, Chels. I think I need to be alone." With that he, too, turned and walked away. I shrugged and reverted to my original plan, which was to skip lunch and sit by myself and brood.

Raven cornered me in study hall, telling me I should come over after school because Carlos had football practice. Inside I was snapping bitterly "Yeah, because if he wasn't busy, you wouldn't be giving me the time of day," but outwardly I smiled and agreed. She didn't have anything particular in mind, so we were just hanging out and talking. Both of us carefully avoided the subject of Carlos, and Lani couldn't have been further from my mind.

Rae made us a batch of sandwiches and we took them into the living room to eat. I knew they'd be delicious, I mean, she's not a chef's daughter for nothing, but I didn't touch them. The thought made me slightly ill because I wasn't hungry anyway. She didn't seem to notice as she steadily worked her way through the whole plate. I had to give her one thing, she did seem a lot happier this time around. The trouble was, I knew it wouldn't last long

Then, when I'd finally relaxed enough to enjoy myself, my phone started vibrating. Lani was text messaging me, and she wasn't pulling any punches. She wanted a repeat of our rendezvous, and she was being as persuasive as she knew how, which is pretty persuasive. I was kept busy enough answering her dirty messages that I must have missed the way Raven kept checking her watch every ten minutes or so, but when I finally managed to get Lani to hold off on the messages till I got home, I noticed that Raven seemed a bit anxious.

"So, um, I'm gonna go home now," I told her. "I've got some stuff to do…"

"Yeah, that's cool. Carlos said he might stop by after practice, and I thought you probably wouldn't want to see him…"

"Damn straight I don't. You know how I feel about him, Rae, he's going to hurt you, and I can guarantee you, next time my timing won't be as good as it was last time. I won't be able to stop him from hitting you."

"He's not going to hit me again!" Raven exclaimed, sounding a little exasperated. "Chelsea, I love you girl, but if you keep ragging on my boyfriend, we're gonna have a problem, you and me."

"Okay. I won't say another word about it," I promised as I gathered my stuff. "It'll be cool."

"Cool," Raven echoed as she saw me out. This wasn't a fight. Raven and I never fought. This was a minor difference of opinion. We'd get through it.

On my way out the door, Cory was coming up the front walk. He and Raven had become a lot closer now that their parents were constantly leaving them together, and it showed. They were just a lot nicer to each other now. It was more like them against the parents, like, whatever happened while Tanya and Victor were away stayed between the kids by mutual agreement.

Beside Cory was a pretty little girl I'd never met before, and by the look on Raven's face, neither had she. They walked toward where we stood on the front doorstep, smiling as they came.

"Hey Rae," Cory greeted his sister cheerfully. Then he turned to me. "Hey, baby," he said in the same mildly irritating way he had done since he was nine. It was more amusing than irritating now though. He was probably the one person that I hadn't come out to. Raven's parents had asked me not to, telling me he was just too young to understand. I respected that.

"Guys, this is Holly," he finally introduced his friend. "She's my new girlfriend."

Holly blushed and giggled, which was just the icing on an unbearably cute cake. Cory had a girlfriend?

"Um, Chelsea, can I talk to you?" he asked. Surprised, I let him lead me aside away from the others.

"Look, I'm really sorry, but I'm with Holly now. It's over between us," he told me seriously, actually looking regretful. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I think so," I replied, acting hurt. "But can we still be friends?"

"Of course!" he said, pulling me into a hug. "We'll always be friends, you and me."

With one last smile at me, he took Holly inside and shut the door, leaving Raven and me outside. We burst out laughing.

"Oh my God, Raven, your brother just broke up with me," I howled, tears of laughter running down my face. Raven was in a similar state.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked, giggling madly. It was the tension breaker we'd needed, and I left on a much happier note.

I wasn't going to meet Lani that day. I had enough on my plate without letting Horny McLustbunny drag me down. I wanted to get my homework done, and sleeping with Lani wasn't exactly conducive to studying. So I fobbed her off, told her I was busy, and went home by myself.

Except that Eddie rang my cell phone on the way home. He was really hurting, more than I had expected him to. He and Amber had only really been together a couple of months, and yeah, it was longer than most of his other relationships, but even from the outside I would have sworn that it wasn't going anywhere. So the amount of hurt he was feeling surprised me. He told me he was determined to win Amber back, and though I encouraged him, I couldn't help but privately hope he didn't succeed. Even if he'd forgotten the way she'd behaved that night at Raven's house, I hadn't. I didn't like Amber, I thought she was rude and inconsiderate, and I knew Eddie deserved better.

But I also knew he deserved to be happy, so if Amber was what he wanted I wasn't going to stand in the way of that. I was doing a lot of stepping aside for friends, these days.