I wandered around the streets of Chicago, not knowing where I was going, not caring. I dreamt the over night, that everything was different, that luka didn't nearly get killed by 2 escaped convicts, that Sam didn't get kidnapped, that I didn't go into labour early an that little Josef didn't die.
That's the big one, Josef. He was so small, handsome and cute. I loved him so much. When I saw him, this feeling came over me. A sudden feeling of love, feelings that I had never felt before but It felt so good, so unreal. He looked at me, his eyes were water blue and looked like he was going to cry all the time. But he was so strong. He lasted longer than anyone thought; they all said he was a little fighter like his mommy and daddy. But yet, he couldn't hold on for that long, because just a week after he was born, his health worsened and as I sat there, holding onto him, for the first time. He looked at me and I knew it was time. I don't know how I just knew that Joe was going to die. While I was holding him in my arms. They all tried to save him, my friends but it was too late. And he was gone. To tell the truth all I remember afterwards was collapsing into Lukas arms. Then waking up to loads of faces in my room, asking me if I was ok. But I couldn't talk. My baby was gone. I saw luka but he turned away. And from that point on, I knew he would never forgive me. I killed his child by insisting I was all right when I wasn't. I could have saved Joe but I didn't.
That's why im here now. I always end up here, at this club and I always end up somewhere in the middle of nowhere. It's just a cycle for me. And this time I don't think I can stop!