Hello! Told you this would be very sporadically updated haha. Which means don't hold your breath for another chapter, but who knows!

I'm not too sure what to do with the ex going forward – I honestly don't feel knowledgeable enough to write anything on the legal front, and even thought it's fiction I've read some stories that go there but are so inaccurate I can't get past it. TBD! Hope you enjoy :)

PS – THANK YOU Dawseyfan51 for letting me know this chapter had glitched… should be fine now!

Gabby took a deep breath as she let the hot water rush over her for a final minute before turning it off. She paused, standing there lost in her thoughts before grabbing a towel and leaving the shower. Wrapping the towel around herself and using another to dry her thick hair, she stood at the counter and wiped some of the fog that had painted the mirror.

The face staring back at her felt distant and unfamiliar. Her eyes looked dull, her cheeks hollow. In the two weeks she had been at Antonio's, the marks incurred on that awful night had faded, but she wasn't sure the emotional scars she acquired would ever fade.

The guilt and shame she felt was overwhelming. It was suffocating, and just looking at her reflection made her furious. She couldn't understand how she had gotten to this point. She never thought that SHE could be one of those women who stays in an abusive relationship. Rationally, she knew all the stuff they say, how there is not one type of victim. She had said the same to others on multiple occasions, that relationships are complicated and no one really knows until they're in it. But she had always prided herself on being a headstrong, independent, take-no-shit kind of person. And even with all of the pain and trauma she experienced in the past year, it was losing herself that hurt the most.

Of course their relationship had not started out that way. She would never intentionally start a relationship built on violence and manipulation. Luis had always been protective, but in a way that made her feel loved. In fact, his chauvinism was something that had wooed Gabby in the first place, which she would never have admitted due to her own pride for her independence, but it was nice to be taken care of. He always had a bit of a temper, and said some cruel things at times, but he had never lost control and always made it up to her. And while he could be somewhat controlling, she had always held her own.

Over time, she began to realize that his behavior was not respectfully chauvinistic so much as deeply machista. She began to see that his protective behavior was less about caring for her, and more about his needing to be in control.

And then he lost his job, leaving her as the sole breadwinner for a time, and it just seemed like his ego couldn't handle it. Rather than immediately looking for another job as she would have expected, he started drinking. A lot. And between the drinking and the blow to his ego, things went south faster than she could keep up with.

A loud knock on the door snapped her back into reality as she jumped nearly a foot in the air.

"Gabs, you good in there?" her brother called timidly.

Her immediate response was irritation, and a part of her that she didn't recognize wanted to scream at Antonio to leave her alone - to stop walking on eggshells and treating her like a child, that she was fine.

Instead, she forced herself to take a deep breath and closed her eyes. And with that pause, she realized she must have been standing at that mirror lost in thought for quite some time if Antonio was home from work.

She didn't respond, simply wrapping the large towel tighter around herself as she exited the bathroom.

The siblings sat in a silence that was somehow both peaceful and awkward. It was clear that Antonio wasn't sure how to act around her, and she couldn't blame him based on how unpredictable her mood and responses had been since the day she came back with him.

"So I wanted to bring something up, but I need you to understand that I'm not pushing you to do anything."

Gabby looked up curiously as she met her brother's eye, part of her just grateful he finally broke the silence.

"I was talking to my buddy the other day, Kelly Severide. He works over at Firehouse 51, do you know him?" Antonio asked.

"I'm not too sure. I don't think so," Gabby responded, intrigued where this was going.

"Well, he told me that they're down a paramedic at 51 right now. They're a really good house, Gabs, and I trust Severide a lot," he began. "A few of them own a bar where we all hang out, and they're good people. I'm just wondering if you've thought at all about getting back to work? Maybe start to put some roots down here?"

"I hadn't really thought about it," she answered truthfully. Even though much of her realized she was in Chicago to stay, part of her still felt like she was a visitor.

"I'm not telling you that you have to work, please know you can stay here as long as you want. But when he was talking about it, it made me think," Antonio stressed again. She felt bad he was clearly trying to be so cautious of upsetting her, but she had to admit she was grateful for the reassurance.

"No, it's actually a really good idea. I guess I'm still adjusting to the idea that I'm staying here. But it probably is time for me to start thinking about that," she responded. "You know, I actually hadn't been working for the past few months," she continued.

Antonio looked at her quizzically but didn't say anything, silently encouraging her to continue.

"Luis, uh..." she trailed off, "It's kind of a long story. We went through a rough patch and he didn't want me working anymore. I fought him on it for months, but I guess he eventually just wore me down. He did that a lot."

The siblings sat in silence for a moment, Gabby refusing to look up from the table. This was the first time she had spoken about their relationship, the first insight she had provided Antonio into what she was dealing with. She wasn't sure what had prompted it, but in addition to the ever-present shame she felt some relief in addressing the elephant in the room.

Antonio didn't say anything at first, but reached forward to grab her hand. He squeezed it lightly, encouraging her to look at him.

"I'm so sorry, Gabby," he said softly, and she could have sworn he was trying to hold back tears.

"Antonio-"

"No, just... I should have known. I knew he wasn't a good guy and I should have fought you harder-"

"Antonio," Gabby tried again, but Antonio shook his head and continued.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you," he continued softly, his voice cracking slightly.

"Antonio," Gabby said more forcefully, looking him straight in the eye and taking a deep breath.

"You didn't know because I didn't tell you. I wanted to reach out so many times but..." she trailed off, trying to collect her thoughts. "I really thought we could work through it, you know? That we could get back to how things were, because there were times it seemed that way. In hindsight, I'm a fucking idiot, but I believed it."

Antonio sighed, and Gabby nearly wanted to scream as pity filled his eyes. She spoke again before he had a chance to respond.

"Please, this isn't your fault. I just want to move past this, okay? It doesn't do any good to dwell on the past."

They both knew she was full of shit, but she was exhausted from even this short conversation.

"I'm just glad you're here now, back in Chicago where you belong. And away from that piece of shit. I swear, Gabs, I will never let anyone hurt you again," he said determinedly, and she couldn't doubt it from the look in his eye.

Gabby took a deep breath and dug her nails as hard as she could into her palms as Antonio parked in front of Molly's bar. After refusing her brother's constant nagging for some time, she had finally agreed to join him and get out of the house. She hated how anxious she felt at the mere thought of going into a bar, but she hadn't really been around people for longer than she could remember. She would accompany Luis to hang out with his friends sometimes, but her friends and co-workers in Indianapolis had eventually given up inviting her to spend time with them, her answer always the same. She hated it, but eventually reached a point where it just didn't feel worth doing anything that could upset him.

"You ready? We can stay as long as you want, just say the word," Antonio said reassuringly, clearly sensing her apprehension.

Gabby just nodded, taking a final calming breath before opening the car door and getting out.

"Remind me when you're starting at 51 again?" he asked her as he locked the car and they started walking towards the bar.

"I start in two weeks," she responded quietly, another wave of anxiety washing over her. "I just… what if I'm not ready?"

"No matter what that piece of shit made you believe, you're Gabriela Dawson. You'll always be ready," he said matter-of-factly, with the confidence that left no room for arguing as he held the door open for her to enter the bar.

Gabby felt her palms sweating as she dug her nails in again, all of her senses on high alert as she was suddenly surrounded by many loud, and some quite drunk, people. Antonio must have noticed this, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder as he guided her towards the bar.

"Oh my god!" a high-pitched and somewhat familiar voice from behind the bar caught Gabby off guard. "If it isn't the one, the only, Gabriela Dawson and my new PIC, in the flesh!"

Gabby smiled and her eyes lit up as she saw the woman in front of her. She realized in that moment that it hadn't even occurred to her to ask who she would be working with on Ambulance 61, the whole process of applying and being hired feeling like a blur.

"Leslie Shay," Gabby chuckled as she stepped closer to the bar. "How the hell are you?"

Antonio looked between the two women, confused, before asking, "Wait, how do you two know each other?"

"We did our training together," Shay answered without missing a beat. "Dawson here was kind of a legend and probably the only reason I passed training and am allowed to be a paramedic."

"Come on, you know that's not true," Gabby laughed, rolling her eyes. "You were the one that kept everything interesting anyways."

"Hey, Dawson!" a man's voice called from behind her, causing Gabby to swing around in confusion of who else knew her – before remembering she was with her brother.

"Hey, Severide," Antonio responded as the man approached them. "How's it going man?"

"Not too bad, but I could definitely do with a beer or five," he answered, gesturing towards Shay, who had gone back to serving customers.

"Hey Severide, this is my sister, Gabby," Antonio said, discreetly squeezing her arm in a way she knew was meant to provide her comfort in addition to making sure she hadn't zoned out of the conversation, which seemed to be happening frequently.

"Ah nice, our new paramedic then," Severide grinned, holding his hand out for her to shake. "It's good to meet you Gabby, welcome back to Chicago."

Gabby smiled and timidly shook his hand, shooting back a "good to meet you too."

They spent the next two hours at Molly's, Gabby meeting a few others from Firehouse 51 but mostly hanging by the bar with Antonio and Shay. Antonio, true to his word, had stayed by her side all night. He was there to provide reassurance as promised, but he couldn't help himself from keeping his eye on every single person that got anywhere near his sister. Only one man was oblivious enough to start approaching her, Antonio shooting daggers at him with his eyes before Gabby even noticed.

He had been keeping an eye on Gabby all night as well, and was relieved to see her let her guard down some to enjoy herself. He knew his sister well enough to know she was still on edge, like she was waiting for some other shoe to drop, but she had relaxed some throughout the night.

As the night went on, it became obvious that Gabby was losing steam but was not saying anything. Antonio didn't want to be the one to call it a night if his sister was enjoying herself, but after watching her yawn for what had to be the hundredth time, he gave in.

"Hey Gabs, you want to head back?" he finally asked, and she eagerly nodded her head and threw on her coat like she had been waiting for permission to leave. Antonio couldn't shake the thought from his head – the stubborn Gabby he knew would have announced their exit and walked right out without a moment's hesitation, so to think she may have been waiting for him to make the call was unsettling to say the least.

"Thanks for making me come out tonight, 'Tonio," Gabby said with a yawn as they walked back towards the car. Antonio smiled, grateful to see his sister had enjoyed herself.

"Yeah, I'm glad your stubborn ass finally gave in," he joked back as they got in the car. His eyebrows furrowed as he watched his sister yawn once again before closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose.

"You been sleeping alright?" he asked, eyes ahead as he pulled onto the road. He saw her shrug out of the corner of his eye.

"Kind of… sometimes," she said before trailing off. "Some nights are easier than others."

Antonio nodded, understanding what his sister was saying without directly saying it. Gabby hadn't been the most talkative since her arrival, which was a shocking change and he would have previously joked that it would be welcomed if it weren't for this reason. Thankfully, the siblings had always been close, and Antonio could read her pretty well. While she had barely spoken about Luis – or how she was really doing – directly, she would frequently make these vague yet illuminating statements.

"Nightmares?" he finally asked pointedly, having witnessed two.

Gabby shrugged and stared at her hands, refusing to meet his eye as he glanced over at her.

"I don't know why this is hitting me so hard all of a sudden," she said softly. Aside from their conversation when he brought up the job opening, he hadn't heard his sister sound so vulnerable. He sighed as he considered how to approach this, knowing these moments of vulnerability would be rare; Gabby had a tendency to pull away as soon as she started feeling that way, and all it took was saying one wrong thing.

"I think it makes sense," he finally settled on, and she looked at him curiously. "You've been in it, you know? You were in survival mode, you probably didn't have much opportunity to think about the past when you were just trying to deal with the present."

Gabby sat quietly, appearing to consider what he had said.

"It's not like it was all bad, you know." She finally answered. "I know it's stupid, I know that I'm an idiot, but he loves me… loved me, I guess."

Antonio avoided the immediate urge to tell her to stop talking about herself that way in hopes that she would continue.

"He's not a bad person," she practically whispered.

Antonio sighed and reached over to squeeze her hand.

"Agree to disagree on that one, Gabs."