Chapter Seven
not mine, don't sue
A/N: Thanks to my lovely, wonderful beta once again. Love ya hon. :)
Sorry it took so long guys...lightening strikes and storms slowed this update down. Hope it was worth the wait.
A word of caution: Extremely Angsty chapter. You have been warned.
Anakin took a shaky breath and did one last scan of the area, his gaze traveling over the trail of carnage and death he had left in his wake. Bodies of fallen Jabiimi warriors blanketed the ground in a shroud of death. The rain had created puddles of red water all around him.
The entire area was stained the color of pain.
Anakin had left none alive.
Over twenty men slaughtered; men with families and loved ones waiting for them to come home.
Even knowing this, no matter how hard he tried Anakin could not feel remorse. For Obi-Wan to survive they had to die. It was as simple as that. Most wouldn't agree, but then again, most Jedi didn't know what it was to love. They felt only friendship and mild warmth for their fellow comrades.
Love, however, was beyond their understanding. Being willing to give anything for one person, sacrifice an entire city or planet to keep one individual alive…that was love. It was a concept they would never condone, accept, or grasp. In their eyes he would be simply selfish.
Perhaps it was. If that was the case then Anakin accepted that he would be forever selfish.
Anakin exhaled a final calming, rejuvenating breath and started forward. He focused on the still figure of his Master ahead of him as he carefully stepped over the dead. Arriving at his friend's side Anakin sheathed his weapon and went to his knees.
His fingers brushed Obi-Wan's pasty, feverish forehead. Reaching out with the Force, Anakin sent feelings of love and safety to his Master. Obi-Wan's eyelids fluttered but never opened. It was better this way; all of his strength could now be used on keeping the poison at bay. Anakin prayed it would give them the extra time needed to get O bi-Wan to an experienced Jedi Healer. Sith he'd even settle for a normal Doctor as his Master's breathing had become more rapid and the gurgling was more pronounced. Right now Anakin was happy he was breathing period. One thing was clear, he wouldn't be waking up anytime soon.
"It looks like I'll be carrying you now Master." Anakin scooped Obi-Wan up and clutched him tightly to his chest. True, he might be able to move slightly faster if he swung Obi-Wan over his shoulder, but he wasn't willing to risk inflicting anymore damage. Anakin took one last look at the battlefield around him, scanned for any danger, and then took off in the direction of their waiting ship.
Anakin tried not to jar his friend, but the terrain made that difficult. Fallen trees, downed speeders, rockslides….it was the very definition of a no-win situation. If he slowed down Ob-Wan would die, but if he sped up he risked injuring his friend further in which case, Obi-Wan would still die.
If that wasn't bad enough…Anakin still felt as though he was being watched. The person or persons seemed to be just out of his grasp. Anakin would almost get something tangible through the Force...then it would be gone. It was as if he was being stalked by a ghost. Or... someone very skilled in the ways of the Force. There were quite a few individuals he could think of, none of which he wanted to meet alone on this planet with Obi-Wan in such a weakened state.
The rain had gone from a downpour to a fine mist. That was the only thing Anakin could find to be remotely grateful for at the moment. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever be dry again.
"Well Master…..you always did say I would be the death of you." Anakin swallowed the bile coating his throat.
"I am not dead yet Padawan," Obi-Wan's words were slow and gravely, but they still carried the inner strength of his Master.
They made Anakin's heart soar.
"Of course not Master. I was only seeing if you were awake."
"Unfortunately, yes I am. How are we doing Anakin?"
"We have about a day's journey ahead of us still Master."
"You have been making good time I see." There was a trace of pride in Obi-Wan's voice that Anakin savored.
The coughing fit that followed ended any joy he was feeling. Anakin thanked the Force when he passed through a dense patch of foliage and stepped into a clearing for there was a place that was ideal for a few minutes rest and would allow them to go from soaked to just wet.
It was clear that a battle had taken place here, not recently, but at some point. Only piles of wood and brick remained where buildings had once stood in this quaint village. There were a few burnt out shells of what had once been houses, but the one on the right was a veritable mansion compared to the cave they had sheltered in before. Its crumbling walls also provided security by ensuring that no one would be able to see them inside.
Anakin gave the structure a little nudge and was satisfied that it wouldn't fall on top of them for no reason. He stepped slowly inside, constantly using the Force to alert him of any possible danger. So far, so good.
In the corner Anakin found a bed, though the mattress was filthy, and the wooden frame was covered in soot. It was perfect. He laid Obi-Wan down and mustered a believable smile to hide his fears, not that he it did him any good.
"Anakin." Another cough, followed by wheezing. "You never have hid your emotions well Padawan."
"You're right….as always Master." He pressed the canteen of water to Obi-Wan's chapped lips. His Master took a few small sips and nodded his thanks, but shook his head when Anakin tried to get him to drink more.
"You should…"
"No more. I can't." More wheezing, longer this time.
They fell silent. Anakin knelt at the foot of the bed, listening to his friend's ragged, sickly breathing. Just waiting for the moment the breaths would stop. Anakin found himself breathing in sync with his Master. Time seemed to stop, leaving him alone with his troubled thoughts once again. They would need to start moving soon….Obi-Wan needed that medical attention more desperately by the second. He also needed food, water, and rest as well. Why did things always have to go so wrong?
Anakin was also painfully aware of the promise he'd made to himself. This was the right time, he felt it in his heart. An inner voice kept nagging at him, Speak now, or you'll loose your chance.
So he did.
"Obi-Wan." Anakin waited until his Master's unfocused, tired eyes met his.
Whatever Obi-Wan saw in Anakin's face got his attention. "What is wrong Ani?"
That name again. Obi-Wan would soon realize he wasn't fit for such affection. No more secrets between us. No matter how much it'll hurt to lose him.
"I have some things I must tell you…things that you will not be pleased to hear Master."
"Many things do not please me Anakin. You are not and never will be one of them."
"Master you shouldn't be so nice to me. I don't deserve it."
"Why would you-"
"Please," Anakin blurted out, interrupting his Masrter. "I have to get this out. You need to know who I really am."
Obi-Wan looked like he wanted to say something more but he nodded and fell silent.
Anakin didn't hesitate, for he knew if he did, he'd never be able to get the truth out. He couldn't stand to look at Obi-Wan's face and see his concern turn into rejection so he picked a spot on his Master's chest and stared at it.
"The first is about my Mother."
As Anakin bared his soul, the invisible baggage he'd been hauling around began to dissolve, lifting a weight he hadn't realized he'd been carrying from his shoulders.
Obi-Wan listened without interrupting, but Anakin could feel his Master's emotions ebb and flow, as turbulent as the rapids on Naboo.
Now that he had begun there was no turning back, no more hiding. Anakin's own voice sounded faraway to him. "They were all dead M aster. I left none alive, man, woman, or child. Revenge was all that mattered to me then I thought it would ease my pain." His voice dropped an octave. "But it didn't. I should have told you Master after we recovered from our battle with Dooku. I know this now, but I was too afraid of your reaction." Anakin swallowed and wrung his sweaty palm into the bed sheets.
Anakin felt more than saw Obi-Wan start to speak, but he held up his hand silencing his friend yet again.
Obi-Wan hadn't heard the worst yet.
"There's more Master." Anakin was surprised at how calm his voice was despite the severity of his confessions.
Anakin finally raised his face to meet Obi-Wan's sad eyes. "After the battle of Geonosis I secretly married Senator Amidala."
Obi-Wan didn't yell at him. In fact, he said nothing, just kept staring at Anakin with such intensity Anakin felt that those blue eyes were peering into his soul. He couldn't help but wonder what blackness Obi-Wan saw there.
Anakin couldn't stand the silence, so more words kept tumbling out. "I wanted to tell you, but knew I had to keep silent; it wasn't just because I was a coward. I thought I was protecting you from the Council. I knew they may eventually discover the truth and I will be thrown out of the Order. I didn't want you to be hurt because of me, and if they ever asked you, you could honestly say you didn't know." He couldn't remember his voice ever sounded so pleading…but he didn't care. Obi-Wan had to understand. " I didn't want you to pay for my decisions Master. I…"
"Ani." It was barely above a whisper, but Anakin heard him clearly.
There was no hate, no rejection, in his eyes or his voice. Only mild surprise mixed with a weariness that had nothing to do with his physical state.
"While I must say I am pleasantly surprised you told me this," Obi-Wan's lips curved into a small small, " I should confess suspected as much, at least about the Senator."
Anakin sat up straight and gaped at his friend. This was the last thing he'd ever expected to hear. "Master..I. What?"
Obi-Wan laughed. He actually laughed. It was weak and filled with that harsh gurgling noise. It was the most beautiful sound Anakin had ever heard.
"Do you think me blind and dumb Padawan?"
Anakin was floored. This conversation was going to a place he never thought possible. Obi-Wan wasn't mad…not at all. Maybe there would be a happy ending after all.
"I've seen you two together, seen the way you look at each other. I wasn't sure if you had married her of course." A fleeting smirk graced Obi-Wan's face. "For Force sake Anakin, you told me of your feelings for her when we were guarding her against that assassin. I am surprised you told me though. You took a big risk."
"So am I Master." Anakin reached out and rested his still sweaty palm on top of Obi-Wan's. "I didn't think you would be able to stand my presence after all this came out. Before I believed you would turn me over to the Council. It's not as though I wouldn't deserve it."
"Oh, I never said I was not going to do that did I?" Obi-Wan's voice was gentle and teasing.
"Of course Master. I was being presumptuous as always." Anakin returned the caring smile Obi-Wan was brandishing.
"Do you love her?"
Always direct. " Yes."
Obi-Wan pressed on. "You have always been different. You were older when I began your training, so I realized long ago I was going to have to take a different approach with you. I didn't realize how different at the time. And perhaps it is just you rubbing off on me but I do feel some changes may be needed. Love is not a hindrance in my eyes. I would be a hypocrite if I reprimanded you for loving someone." Obi-Wan's cheeks seemed to redden and he looked away.
"Qui-Gon would be so proud to hear you say that Master." Anakin's throat tightened. " I am proud to hear you say that."
"That he would. You two are so much alike."
"You are more like him than- Obi-Wan!"
His Master's face was pinched in pain. Obi-Wan had closed his eyes and begun drawing on the Force for comfort; Anakin helped.
When Obi-Wan opened his eyes again they were red and he looked worse than ever; pale, shaky, and short of breath.
"Thank you Ani…for trusting me….for clearing the air.'
Anakin didn't like this line of talk, but the last thing he wanted was use up Obi-Wan's strength arguing. "I should have done it sooner." I need to get you to our ship double time.
Anakin was about to suggest they get moving when Obi-Wan shocked him again.
"Perhaps… I sense there is still more that troubles you. Please tell me…I think I can help…if you let me." Obi-Wan was giving him the chance to start fresh here. Do what he should have done many times before: .ask for help, confess his fears and doubts to the person he had to learn to trust completely with them.
"You are right as always Master."
He saw a flicker of emotion in his friend's eyes, and felt relief flowing into him from Obi-Wan.
"I've had strange visions Master. They started long ago, about three years into my training. I've seen myself…but I'm different. I can't even understand my appearance. They're just flashes but it's enough. I'm filled with such hate and my voice..it sounds strange. Mechanical, I guess. I think….I think I turn Master." The fear he'd been trying to hide overflowed and his eyes pleaded with Obi-Wan to do..he didn't even know what he wanted his Master to do.
"No." There was no doubt in Obi-Wan's voice. "You wouldn't."
"How do you know that?" Anakin knew he sounded pathetic, but didn't care. "After everything I've told you? I'm already on my way there and you know it. I killed out of hate, more than once In fact; I did it today. I married.. I have no control over my emotions…"
"Stop it," even as he lay dying Obi-Wan sounded commanding. "That is nonsense Anakin. Look at me." Obi-Wan's eyes appeared moist as Anakin focused on them. "I know you…you would not turn. I wish you could see what I see in you." He gripped Anakin's now trembling shoulders.
"I want to believe you Master, but you don't understand. I feel it inside me. It's always there….it's chased me since I was young. The hate, the rage…the power it brings…..it's always waiting for me to have a moment of weakness."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "It is like that for all of us Ani…some just aren't brave enough to admit it. The fact that you realize this means it will never catch you….once you understand the beast and acknowledge it..it no longer controls you. Do you understand?"
Anakin looked deeply into Obi-Wan's earnest eyes and had a revelation. Something changed. He felt different. Anakin couldn't explain it, but the Force seemed to have shifted around him.
"And no matter what happens, you will always be a Jedi to me Ani."
Anakin had never felt such acceptance. Padme had been right all along. He should have told Obi-Wan much, much sooner. He'd never felt more free.
Then it all went to Sith.
Obi-Wan lips began turning blue and he was clutched Anakin's shoulders so tightly it would definitely leave bruises.
"Obi-Wan!" Anakin sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Obi-Wan into his arms. He began convulsing in Anakin's firm grip and struggling for any little bit of air he could get. The poison had finally won…Anakin watched it claim it's victory as Obi-Wan's lungs were overwhelmed by the substance.
"Keep breathing Master, I'll help you." They were just words, meant to comfort more than help. Obi-Wan was barely getting any air now and the bond between them was fading by the second. His Master was dying and there was nothing Anakin could do. There was just too much damage. No matter how powerful he was Anakin knew he couldn't manipulate the Force with enough skill to save his friend.
Obi-Wan was burrowed against his chest now, Anakin's tears traveled down his cheeks and landed in his friend's hair. How ironic that he hadn't cried this hard since the day he thought he'd lost Obi-Wan on this very planet. Now here he was, going through it all over again.
Only it was so much worse.
This time Ob-Wan was right here….in his arms…and the power to save him was just out of reach.
"I'm so sorry father."
"Ani….this….was …not ….your….fault."
Anakin pulled him tighter and rubbed his back willing the air into his lungs. Knowing it was futile.
"I….love you….son."
Obi-Wan stopped breathing.
"Oh Force…No please." Anakin sobbed as he cradled his Master's still body in his lap like he would a child. "Don't leave me now. I love you too." Anakin whispered against Obi-Wan's damp forehead.
The tears streamed unnoticed down his face.
Anakin could no longer feel his Master through the Force.
Obi-Wan was truly lost and he had taken a large part of his Padawan with him.
end chapter seven.
No one shoot me okay. I warned you...angsty as hell. I'll update as soon as I can. Promise. Think good thoughts. Feedback is loved and adored. :)