Keeping Watch: Rescue
Hey ya'll. Here's the next part. Thanks to my beta who helped me make this piece flow fluidly. hope ya'll like and PLEASE review.
The sound of bullets echoed through the air along with shouts and screams of agonizing death. The beach was thrown into chaos, but not for Sawyer. Everything happening on the beach faded away except for her.
He could see she was hurt. From a distance he could see the bruises peppering her face and arms as well as the blood seeping from her shoulder. Time seemed to stand still as he watched her sway slightly while looking determinedly at the water. She glanced at Sawyer and in an instant he knew what she was going to do. He slowly shook his head.
"No, Ana" he whispered. "Ana! Don't!"
She ran. For a woman who was just barely crawling towards the water, she now threw her head down and flew forward like an Olympic sprinter. She splashed into the water, then dove into its depths and disappeared. Sawyer's eyes anxiously searched, trying to catch sight of her. He didn't see a trace of her.
Beside him, Locke and Sayid were firing at the Others who were shooting towards the water where Ana disappeared. Kate and Steve were providing cover for Jack and Eko who were trying to get to Michael and the kids. Next to Sawyer was the body of Clark, killed in the battle by the Others. However, Sawyer kept his eyes focused on the water, desperately trying to spot her.
Suddenly he yelled, "Cover me!"
"Sawyer!" yelled Locke, but it was too late.
Sawyer tossed his gun and raced towards the ocean. He splashed past Michael and the kids who were being pulled out by Eko. He dodged past Jack's out-stretched hand trying to prevent him from going out farther. Bullets whizzed in his direction as he lurched through the waves, but he paid them no mind. It was only by some miracle that he didn't get hit. Once the water reached above his knees he dove forward. The water stung his eyes, but he ignored it. He ignored the faint throbbing in his left arm as he swam with all his might. He had to find her. He hadn't kept his promise and vigil just to lose her now. I'm comin' Ana. Hold on.
Flashback: The night beforeOnce again, Sawyer was sitting next to her tent. It had become his last stopping point before returning to the crowded hatch at night. After three more people had been taken, staying at the beach or the caves at night was over. During the day, people ventured out in shifts. Each shift had a guard on watch for Them. Sawyer usually had beach duty, making sure anyone hanging out at the beach was protected. Close to dusk, the tribe would start to head back in and Sawyer would make sure everyone left the beach. But then, he would go over to where her tent was and sit. Sometimes he would stare at the water, other times off into the trees. Consumed by his thoughts, he usually lost track of time.
It was Kate's turn to go and get him. She didn't want the job but since she also had beach duty that day she agreed. Kate approached Sawyer filled with annoyance. She didn't understand what was going on with Sawyer and his obsession with her. Although she was a little jealous, she could partly understand Jack's sadness. He and Ana had gotten closer trying to form an army. She accepted that the two of them had become friends. She just didn't know how to deal with the situation with Sawyer.
Since it happened, she and Jack had been talking more. After Ana was taken, Sawyer immediately went after her and Jack agreed with him. Michael demanded to go along, swearing that no one could make him stay. Jack, Eko, and Michael ended up going. Kate had wanted to join them and was slightly miffed that Jack told her to stay and help Locke and Sayid guard the camp.
However, Kate hadn't listened to Jack. She followed them anyway and got caught. It was one of the most frightening experiences in her life. After getting rescued, Jack refused to speak to her for a couple of days. Sawyer talked to her, but in a manner that made her feel so uncomfortable she soon gave up.
Kate finally decided to avoid Sawyer's growls in order to convince Jack she had only been trying to help. She hated Jack resenting her presence. She cared too much about him to want him to stay mad with her forever. She wanted to apologize for her stupidity which had jeopardized the rescue mission for Ana. It took her a couple of days to muster up the courage to apologize to Jack, but she finally got back onto speaking terms with him. He also trusted her again due to the renewed effort she had been doing to help protect the camp.
However, Sawyer became more and more distant to everyone as the days passed. He was turning into a hollow shell of the smirking, conman he had once been. Everyday it seemed another little part of him shriveled up and died. The spark in his eyes was slowly diminishing. Kate didn't understand why or how Ana's disappearance had such an affect on Sawyer, but she noticed his new interest in learning how to fight. When Sawyer wasn't on guard duty or lurking near Ana's tent, he was training with Eko and Sayid.
Sawyer had picked up a newfound deadliness in his improved fighting skills. If possible, he had acquired even stronger muscles, which only added to his now overall aurora of hardcore fighter. It was almost frightening for Kate, and she almost felt badly for whatever Other crossed his path. Sawyer focused all of his attention on fighting. Rarely had anyone seen him with his familiar trademark smirk nor using his nicknames for everyone.
As Kate approached him she slowed down and waited for him to notice her. He hated being disturbed while sitting near Ana's tent.
"You got a reason for standing there watchin' me?"
Kate bristled at the annoyance in his voice. His tone was just short of a growl. Rolling her eyes, she walked to him. He didn't bother looking up when she sat down next to him. He just continued whittling his stick, like she wasn't even there.
"Sawyer, you know that we have to head back to the hatch. You can't just ignore the rules."
"Why Kate? You turn into my Momma when I wasn't lookin'?"
She sighed. "Don't be an ass. We need to head back, what if something happened…"
"So go." He said, stopping his whittling long enough to glance at her. "I ain't keeping you here."
"That's not the point, Sawyer. Someone always has to come and get you. You're putting everyone at risk."
He returned to his stick, cutting a few more notches, then tested the sharpness of the edge with his finger. Satisfied it was sharp enough, he tossed it aside picking up another stick.
Kate watched him with fascinated. What the hell is he doing? After a moment she asked him what he was doing.
"I'm gonna use this in a trap Sayid is fixin' to make tomorrow."
She waited for him to elaborate, but he continued cutting as if that was all that needed to be said. Exasperated, she stood up.
"Sawyer. We need to get back."
"Like I said, go."
She pressed her lips together angrily, and glared at him with her hands on her hips.
"Why do you do this? Why are you waiting for her?" She walked in front of him hoping to get his attention.
"You're blocking my light Freckles."
"I don't give a damn. You can't keep doing this!"
He took a deep breath, calmly lays down the stick and the blade. He looked up at her and says,
"What exactly am I doing?"
"You know what your doing. You're sitting here waiting for her like she's gonna come back. They never come back. You know that! Eko told you. Libby told you. Once They take them they are gone. Forever!"
Sawyer glared at her before going back to cutting his stick.
"Why don't you go back to your doctor and stop pretending to give a damn about what happens to me."
Kate's mouth dropped open but she snapped it shut. She looked at the horizon for a moment, lost in thought. After a minute, she plopped down on the sand in front of Sawyer.
"Is that what this is about? You think the only person that gave damn about you was taken by the Others?"
"You said it" Saywer muttered, without looking up.
Kate tentatively reached out and put her hand on his knee, "Sawyer, that's not true. I care. We all care. Regardless of what has happened in the past, no one wants you to be taken."
He shrugged, "But no one would shed a tear if I did turn up missin', now would they?"
Kate let out a strangled snort, "I didn't know you were a wallow in self-pity kind of guy."
"It's not about pity, Kate. It's about this being none of your business. It's about the fact that after she was taken, you did all you could to suck up to Jack but didn't have time to speak a word to me. So why act all concerned now?"
Kate ran her fingers through her hair. "Sawyer. Just because I talk to Jack doesn't mean I want something to happen to you. I just…it's just that I messed up with Jack…"
He barked out a laugh as he harshly shaves off a huge chuck of wood, rendering the stick useless for his purpose. He tossed it aside, picked up another and started again.
"That's pretty funny, Kate. You messed up with Jack. You disappointed him. You want to make it up to him." He said mocking her. "But what about me? Think to apologize to me about your dumb ass actions. Ever think that you needed to make it up to me? Hell no." He stopped cutting into the wood.
He pointed at her speaking angrily. "You just mosey around here sniffing under the doc until he threw you a bone and off you go. But it was my idea to go after Ana and if you hadn't fucked it up, she would be here right now instead fuckin' missin'. So if I chose to sit here waiting, thinking, plottin' or whatever the hell else I can come up with, you don't need to worry your pretty little head about it. Go back to the hatch. I'll follow whenI'm ready."
Kate blinked rapidly as she watched him snarl at her. When he finished, he picked up his tools and got back to work dismissing her with his actions. She swallowed roughly before jumping up and rapidly walking away.
Sawyer let out the angry breath he was holding. He stared out at the ocean watching the sun slowly dip into the horizon. After a moment he turned taking one of the sticks he sharpened. Standing up he walked to the edges of the woods. Line against the point where the grass met the sand were several sticks standing up, representing every day that Ana was missing, his tribute to his promise. He shoved yet another one in the ground. After pausing a moment, he turned and walked back to the other sticks. He picked them all up and headed back to the hatch.
Kate banged on the door. Hurley opened it. "Hey," he said.
She nodded faintly. She walked passed him further into the crowded hatch. There was the smell of food cooking and the chatter of too many people in a small space. As she walked she saw a card game going, the music was playing and in a few dark corners people having more personal fun. She ignored it all to go to the bathroom.
Once there she found a little peace. She stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes brimmed with tears but she refused to let them drop. Her anger at Sawyer prevented that from happening. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of crying even if he wasn't there to see it. Screw him. I wasn't the one that got her taken. He can't blame me for that. Shaking her head she turned on the water. Taking some in her hand, she splashed her face.
"Kate."
She jumped turning around. Jack stood in the entrance looking at her concerned.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
She plastered a smile on her face. "Yeah. It's fine." She turned back to the facet. She twisted the knob turning off the water. She sighed heavily before facing Jack again. She noticed that he had a grim expression on his face.
"What happened?"
Jack shook his head. "They got another one."
"What!" Kate's mind instantly went of Sawyer.
"We think they got another one. Marlene hasn't checked in yet. Neither has Sawyer. I was wondering if you saw them?"
"I just saw Sawyer at the beach."
Jack frowned at her. "Where is he now?"
She looked away. Jack stepped closer to her. "Kate." He reached for her, hand touching her shoulder briefly before she stepped away. "Kate?"
She turned to him quivering in fear. Her eyes darted back and forth. She opened her mouth and closed it again. Finally tossing her hand in defeat she stared into Jack's eyes.
"I left him at the beach. He told me to go and…and I left." She covered her mouth with a shaking hand. "I left." She mumbled.
Jack stared at her. He grimaced briefly. Then asked, "Are you telling me that you walked back here by yourself after you left Sawyer at the beach?"
She dropped her hand, lipped twisted in frustration. Then she faced Jack again. "Yes. Sawyer and I argued. He basically told me to go away and I was pissed so I left, okay? I'm sorry!"
Jack spun away from Kate, clearly upset. Then he stormed back towards her. "Kate!" He stopped shaking his head swearing. After calming he said, "Kate. Why would you do that? You know how dangerous it is. You couldn't have been taken. And leaving Sawyer…"
"That's what he wanted!" she shouted at him. Someone looked to come into the bathroom but left when they heard Kate shout. When they disappeared Kate spoke again. "I didn't want to leave him but he wanted to be left alone and he told me that he'll leave the beach when he ready. What did you want me to do!"
"Wait dammit!" Jack's hands flexed. Then he reached out taking Kate by the shoulders. "Kate we only have a modicum of control around here. I don't care what Sawyer said you should have stayed."
"I know!" she snapped. Then she patted her back feeling the gun. After determining that she hadn't put up for the night, she shrugged Jack off. She walked passed him heading out.
"Kate where are you going?"
"To find him. I left him out there. It is my responsibility to see if he's okay."
"No, no no. Kate that's crazy. You can't go out there alone."
She stopped a moment. "Jack. I have to. You're right. I let Sawyer get to me and now he could be in trouble. I have to do this."
Jack sighed heavily. "Fine. But you're not going alone."
They walked out the bathroom.
A few minutes later, at the hatch entrance stood Kate, Eko, Jack and a blond man named Tommy. Jack stared at each one of them carefully.
"Half an hour. No more. We can't afford them taking anyone else."
They all nodded and turned to the door. Jack stopped Kate with a hand on the arm. She glanced back at him.
"Be careful."
She smiled at him and he returned it. Then he went to the door. Nodding at everyone he reached for it…
KNOCK! KNOCK!
They all look at each other. Jack nodded and the guns were taken out pointed at the door. On the count of three Jack ripped the door open.
Sawyer arched an eyebrow at his greeting.
"It's nice to know how happy ya'll are to see me."
"God dammit Sawyer," Jack said through his teeth.
"What?" Sawyer said stepping into the Hatch. He noticed all three of them glaring at him.
"Sorry I'm late," he grumbled walking passed them.
Jack slammed the door shut. He crossed his arms shaking his head. "While you were out sightseeing, did you by any chance happen to see Marlene?"
"Why the hell would I see her? She wasn't stationed anywhere near me." Sawyer watched the four of them look at each other.
"Do you still want us to go out?" asked Tommy.
"There is no point. They have her," said Eko.
Sawyer looked back and forth at them. "What's going on?"
Jack pushed off the wall he had been leaning. "Marlene didn't check in. She was taken." Jack left the room with Tommy and Eko following. Sawyer stared at Kate who just glared at him before finally walking away.
Sawyer stepped into the rest of the hatch passing people who were oblivious of the fact that they lost yet another one of their own. He jaw clenched at the knowledge. They were plucking them off one by one. And once again no one saw anything. As he stepped around people he thought back to his conversation with Kate. He hadn't meant to be so harsh with her but he wasn't in the mood.
After everything that happened on the day that Ana and Michael were taken, she decided that speaking to him wasn't necessary task anymore. She had this burning need again to get Jack's approval. Fine. He could care less. But when she came at him today he just wasn't in the mood for her dodgy caring. It wasn't any of her business why he sat at the beach.
It pissed him off when she said they never come back. She spoke to him like he didn't understand that. He did hear loud and clear what the folks from the far side of the island said. He understood perfectly that if they took Ana, chances are he wasn't going to see her again. But he couldn't let go. He couldn't stop himself from going to the one spot where he found something real, where he finally allowed himself to have faith. He finally found someone he felt he could trust.
As he walked he heard a familiar song. It was a song by John Waite called Missing You. He could've laughed at the irony of that song playing as his mind thought about Ana.
And there's a message that I'm sending outLike a telegraph to your soul
And if I can't bridge this distance
Stop this heartbreak overload
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone
Away
I ain't missing you
No matter
What my friends say
He shook his head and headed to the bathroom.
Once there he walked to the stall turning on the water. He tested the water before stripping and entering. He closed his eyes as the water touched his head and ran down his face, darkening his hair and eyelashes. He turned around dunking his head so that the water could run down his neck and back.
I ain't missing you
I can lie to myself
He knew he couldn't. He missed her. A woman he hardly knew had him so twisted in knots, making him feel like the biggest failure of all time for not getting her back. No matter how many days he trained with Sayid on guns and defensive combat, it couldn't take away from the gnawing in his heart. The fear that she was out there, god knows what those others were doing to her and he was helpless to do anything about it. He lifted his head letting the water hit him the face for a moment before turning again. He leaned forward arm extended against the opposite wall. He just stood there measuring his worth and found himself wanting.
After ten minutes he was out. He toweled off and headed back into the hatch area. He noticed the silence. Jack must have told them the news.
"What the hell are we gonna do? Marlene! They took one of our best."
Yep. They know. Sawyer just walked passed the group heading to the cooking area. He sniffed a moment before grabbing a bowl. He spooned up what looked like some kind of soup. After getting a healthy portion, he grabbed a spoon and walked into the next computer room. He stirred the mix before dipping up a nice amount. He ate in silence listening to the faint voice of Jack trying to calm people.
It was a few minutes later when the group broke up whispering in fear. Sawyer just shook his head and turned facing the computer. He thought back to the last time the thing had any significance to him. It was when Ana offered to wash his hair if he pushed the buttons. That was the only time he ever did it and it was well worth. He still felt her fingers delicately moving through his hair massaging it with loving care.
Sawyer closed his eyes remembering her touch and hating himself for it. It was just silly to be acting like some schoolgirl over Ana. But he couldn't help it. He liked her dammit and in that moment he realized that he wanted to like her more than he already did. He knew in his gut they could have had something if only he gotten to her in time. His eyes open to Kate standing near the door talking with someone, it looked like Sun. Angered pulsed in him.
He studied her a moment longer before returning to his soup. He finished it and stood. When he reached the door, Kate glanced up at him. They stare at each other intensely before he continued pass. He went to the sink where he found Charlie doing dish duty. He dropped off his bowl without comment. He moved back to the tunnel until he reached a door to a room they had just managed to break into.
It was another storage room. It carried office supplies and by some small miracle some medical supplies. Jack had to toss most of the medication but there was gauze, butterfly clamps, band-aids, antiseptic and the like stashed there. Jack catalogued it and then moved it so that they could place some old crates in the room. The 'chiefs' of the tribe usually met there when they wanted to make plans without involving the whole tribe.
Sawyer entered without knocking like he always does. Inside were Jack, Sayid, Locke and Eko. They barely glanced up and Sawyer didn't say a word. He found a spot against a wall in the narrow space and waited. A few minutes later Kate came through the door. She glanced around and found a crate by the door. She grabbed it and placed it between Locke and Jack. Sawyer rolled his eyes. Typical.
Jack sighed before looking at Sawyer. "You didn't see anything while you were lollygagging out there?"
Sawyer crossed his arms. "No I didn't see anything."
"What exactly were you doing, that took so long for you to return?"
"Doc, that isn't any of your business."
"Cut the bullshit Sawyer. Marlene was missing and you took a full twenty minutes to come back. What the hell were you doing out there?"
The men glare at each other. Jack was tired of Sawyer's crap. He tolerated Sawyer because the bitter truth was that Jack needed him. Sawyer had defensive skills. He knew how to handle himself and people felt safe with him watching their back. But once inside the Hatch when guard duty was over, everyone agreed that Sawyer acted like a horse's ass. He was inconsiderate of others, he still tended to horde things for himself and he felt like he had no more responsibility to anyone.
Sawyer's nose flared. It took everything in his power to deal with being under the so-called leadership of Jack. The man grated on his nerves constantly. Sawyer felt that if he did his duties, no one had the right to bug him. But Jack was constantly trying to press Sawyer to become one of his good little soldiers. Every day it was something new. Take care of the hatch door Sawyer, watch the supplies Sawyer, you can't take that it belongs to the group Sawyer.
Sawyer had taken the Rick James album he and Xena sang to. He took it because of the memory. He wanted to be able to look at it and remember in peace away from others if he felt like it. But he didn't want to walk in hearing it played reminding him of what he lost. Someone saw him with the album and complained. Jack came at him lecturing him like he was a child. Sawyer had to make it perfectly clear that he had no intentions of giving up the album and that he had more than earned the right to keep it considering all the guard duty he was doing.
The argument only ended because someone came in hurt. Kate came at him then too with her little speeches about share. That time he pretended to listen and finally told her that when he was ready he would give it back no time before.
Now here was Jack getting into his business again. He glanced at Kate wondering if she told Jack about their little discussing. Probably. She couldn't resist playing the victim and getting rescued by her knight in shining armor.
"Like I said. None of your…"
"He was over by where Ana's old place."
His head snapped around catching Kate's eye. Kate held his stare a moment before speaking again. "He was over there like he always is."
Sawyer gave her the look of death. He pushed off the wall and Jack moved like he was going to intercept him.
"Nervous about something, Doc?"
"No. I just wondered why you were over there and how you could have saw nothing?"
"Look. Why I was over there is none of your concern. I left a few minutes after Kate left. I went to take the sticks for the trap to the cave and I headed back. I didn't see anyone on the trip and I heard nothing but the damn birds. I don't know what happen to Marlene but then again she wasn't assigned anywhere near me."
A silence descended on the group. Jack glanced at the other members before turning back to Sawyer.
"Fine. But it's got to stop Sawyer. We need you…"
"I bet it hurt to say that," he said smirking
Jack rolled his eyes. "We need you. There are only so many of us that can use a gun and have the nerve to do what it takes when the time comes. You can't keep staying out pass curfew. It is too dangerous and it places others at risk!"
"Jack. I'll do what I like…"
"Do you honestly think she'd back what you're doing?"
"Wh..what?" Sawyer stammered.
"You heard me. You think this is a game." Jack did stand up then. He walked over to Sawyer, getting into his face.
"Do you think Ana would approve of you putting others in jeopardy?" Jack whispered.
Sawyer's eyes grew cold.
"Back off, boy. I ain't somebody you want to tangle with."
"You think I'm scared of you?"
The tension in the room grew, as time seemed to slow. Kate thought that they would come to blows. But Locke spoke.
"Jack's right, Sawyer. You can't keep doing it. Look what happen to Marlene and she was following the rules."
"Yeah, look where it got her," replied Sawyer. But he didn't back away.
Kate took Jack's hand. "Come you guys. Stop it. This isn't getting us anywhere."
Jack ignored her. When he heard the others saying the same thing he backed away but not before saying softly so that Sawyer only heard him.
"You're not the only one who misses her."
He backed away. "Some us understand that we have to think beyond ourselves and look out for the greater good."
Sawyer was tense, his face hard, his hands fisted. He held Jack's eye a moment longer before walking out the room.
Kate started to go after him but Eko glancing at Jack said, "I'll go."
Jack nodded. "Okay. We have to make changes again. Any ideas?"
Eko found Sawyer in the dark hallway leading to the other entrance in the hatch. Two guards were usually stationed there but Sawyer sent them packing. Eko approached him slowly not wanting the man to think that he came for any other reason than to talk.
Sawyer was furious. He resented Jack's implication that he was somehow dishonoring Ana by going to her old place. He wasn't harming anyone by doing it, but Jack would have it seem like he planned to set the hatch on fire.
He glanced down the hall and saw Eko coming. He rolled his eyes. What now? He wondered.
Eko studied the proud man before him. Over the time that he has been around them, he has had a chance to watch Sawyer closely. There was a lot of depth to the man that many couldn't or didn't care to see. As much as Sawyer hid behind bravado, he has the ability to be just a loyal and caring as the next person. But like all things in life he had to have motivation. And as it turns out Ana seemed to be his motivation.
Eko didn't understand the bond between Ana and the blond. As far as he knew they barely spoke. She treated him abhorredly before they made it back to his people. But in the hatch they were laid up against each other like long time lovers. Eko has seen a great many things in his life so to say he was mildly surprised by the sight would be an understatement. Yet, he accepted it because it meant that Ana found someone else that could help her through her pain.
When she was taken it tore his heart. After all they had been through together, for that to happen to her was the worst thing in the world. He lost not only a companion but also a good friend. He understood Ana sometimes better than she understood herself. When he had saw her crying in the woods, he made a silent promise that he would be there for her as much as he could to if not relieve, at least help her carry her burdens.
So the taking of Ana angered him to no end but Sawyer's reaction didn't even compare. The man's coldness, his hatred was so palpable that Eko had to contain his emotions to control Sawyer's. He meant something to Ana and if he got hurt, Eko knew that Ana would be very hurt by it. From that moment on he has tried to be Sawyer's guardian. He was Ana's stand-in protector of Sawyer.
With that in mind, he understood the painful thing that had to be done. As he approached his own heart broke because he knew that in what he had to say to Sawyer, was something he had to say to himself. For every time Sawyer made his lonely trek to Ana's old home for his silent vigil, Eko was there with him, feeling all the failure at not saving her or Michael. Feeling the loss and the hope that at any moment, she would come bursting through the trees safe and sound, complaining about how she has to do everything herself.
Eko stopped staring at Sawyer a moment. Then he spoke.
"Ana was a strong woman. One of the strongest I knew." He deliberately used the past tense knowing that Sawyer would react to it.
"You don't know if she's dead." Sawyer mumbled.
"No. I don't. But I know this. The Others take. They don't have a return policy. No one comes back. No one."
Sawyer stared at Eko. "What's your point?"
Eko moved so that he could stand across from Sawyer.
"Sawyer. I know that you pride yourself on making people hate you. But with Ana, you two seemed to have changed each other. You are connected her. She means something to you. I understand your pain and your mourning. But she would not want you doing what you are doing."
"What exactly am I doing?"
"Punishing yourself. You think you failed her and so you pay a penance out there. You hope that despite your assumed failure, that she may just come back and find you waiting. But she won't come back, Sawyer. The Other's don't want her to come back.
"They could have easily given us Ana but they made a point to tell us that they were keeping her. They wanted to claim her more than likely for revenge. Ana is Theirs as much as I hate to admit it. And standing by her old home will not bring her back."
Sawyer clenched his jaw. The shaking his head he said, "You don't understand."
"Then explain it."
Sawyer leaned back against the wall looking up at the ceiling. "Why should I explain it to you?"
"Because Sawyer, you are going crazy. You need to talk with someone."
Sawyer dropped his head. "And that someone is you?"
"If not me then who?"
Sawyer laughed mirthlessly. "Why anybody?"
Eko just waited. There was silence for a minute before Sawyer said,
"I made a promise. I told her that I would never forget her. That I'd keep look out for her." He coughed clearing a lump that developed in his throat. "We made that promise to each other." He looked away. He hated how he sounded weak and pathetic but he continued.
"I can't go back on that. I can't break the promise of the one person that trusted me." He looked back Eko. "She trusts me to remember. To keep watch and if I…I can't fail in that. I failed to get her back." He paused again.
"I go there to remind myself of that failure…and that promise." He finished softly.
His mouth was suddenly dry. He wasn't good with emotions especially sharing them but Eko was right. He needed to talk because insides were tearing up. He needed relief.
Eko nodded. "I understand. But do you think Ana would want you to risk yourself? Do you think she would want you to punish yourself? Sawyer, Ana is not like that. She would want you doing everything you could to protect the people here and yourself. That is what she would do. She would never expect you to punish yourself in such a way.
"If you wish to honor her then don't place yourself in danger. Don't go to her old home as a place of pain but use it as a reminder of her strength and what she stood for. She was a fighter. She expects you to fight. In doing those things, you do remember her.
"Ana cared about you. I knew that though she never said it. Whatever happened between you two in the hatch changed her."
Sawyer gazed at Eko shocked. Then he realized that they had been out in the open, sleeping on the couch. God and everyone could have seen them.
"Now is the time to let her go. You don't have to forget her but you have to accept it. Jack is right. We need you. There is too much at stake. We cannot afford to lose another fighter.
"Let her go, Sawyer. Use your promise the way she would, protecting others." He reached out patting Sawyer's shoulder and then left.
Sawyer watched him go until he disappeared. It was only then he felt something wet. He slowly reached up to his face and felt the tear. Roughly he wiped it away.
Stop acting like a bitch, Sawyer. But he slid down the wall face in his knees shaking in private pain.
The Next DaySawyer walked down the beach taking a break from the fishing crew. They had several guards out watching people. His shift would end earlier than usual and another group got to leave the hatch. After telling someone he was off to take a piss, he walked back to Ana's place.
Staring at the area he remembered what Eko had said. He was right. Ana would probably be laughing her ass off if she knew he was parking his butt there everyday. She would want him focused on fighting and not getting his own ass caught. Still it hurt. Twice in his life something precious was snatched from him and he was helpless to do anything about it. He hadn't been able to save his parents but he couldn't believe he hadn't been able to save her.
What hurt him more was the loss of not just her, but the possibility of what they could have had. They had something between them. They both knew it. They both felt it and he regretted that he wasted time playing games with Kate as if he had all the time in the world. If there was one thing he should have learned while on the island it was that time had a funny way of disappearing
After standing there for five minutes he said, "Bye Xena. I miss ya." He took out another stick and jammed it next to the others. Rising he turned and walked away.
"Sawyer!"It was faint. He wasn't sure he heard anything. It's probably the wind.
"Sawyer!"
He turned then. This time he knew that it wasn't the wind. But who could it be. No one ventures out to area he was in now. Time seemed to slow as his eyes darted back and forth at the woods wary.
"SAWYER!"
He whipped around and to his disbelief stood Ana on the beach with Michael and three kids splashing in the ocean. His heart jumped into his throat. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the knife and the man wielding it. He saw the knife embedded into Ana. A furious rage came over Sawyer as he ripped out the gun from his waistband.
"ANA!"
CRACK
Jack was near the caves talking with Kate and Sun when the gun went off. Everyone stopped what they were doing. A second later he saw Sayid run up and beckon him.
"It's Sawyer." Sayid turned back around running. Locke, Jack, Kate, and Steve and Scott ran after him.
"Sun! Get everyone back to the hatch!
She nodded grimly before shouting for people to pack it up. Jack ran as fast as he could. As he passed Charlie he told him to go back to hatch and protect the others.
When Jack arrived at the beach he couldn't believe what he saw. Ana was on the beach trying to crawl towards the water. Michael, Walt and two other kids were racing towards them as Other's tried to get them at the water. Sawyer, Locke, Eko, Sayid, Clark and Steve were shooting at them trying to give them cover.
"Eko, help me get Michael. Locke, make sure we get cover."
They were running into the water when a bullet whizzed past Jack. He saw Michael look back half-ducking. Jack's eyes followed his and saw that there a couple of Other's firing at them. He took out his own weapon and fired at them urging Eko to help Michael.
He heard a grunt. He glanced over and saw Clark fall. He swore but kept shooting. Then he noticed the intruders moving back towards the trees. His eyes searched the beach but it's in the water where saw Ana splashing then diving deep. A minute later Sawyer was racing by him.
"Sawyer," he shouted trying to grab the man before he disappeared into the water.
End FlashbackSawyer swam and swam, but he couldn't find her. He was becoming frantic searching for her but his lungs were ready to burst which forced him up for air.
He gasped for air looking around trying to get a clue as to where she could be. He noticed that the shooting stopped. He checked out the beach and saw Michael and the kids had made it to shore. Refocusing, he turned back around looking for her.
"Ana!" he shouted but he saw nothing. He dived back into the water again searching. I can't fail her. I can't fail her again. The thought moved through his head like a chant to keep him searching. He was in the water for ten minutes and he still hadn't found her. His heart pounded in fear of losing her of failing her again. If only he had acted on her call sooner, maybe he could have helped. Maybe he could have saved her.
Sawyer came up again further out. But the tide was pushing him in. His heart hurt as he stared out at the vastness of the ocean. It seemed almost tranquil and Sawyer resented it. It had no right to be that way. It had no right to take her. In distance he heard them calling for him but he couldn't move. He couldn't leave, not just yet. If this was the end he wanted to feel close to her one last time.
Finally, he began to swim back towards the shore. He had taken a couple of strokes when he saw something dark in the water. He stopped to make sure he wasn't seeing things and there just a few feet away from him was Ana. He swam hard to her reaching out and grabbing her as if she would disappear. As he held her close he whispered in her ear.
"I got ya baby. I got ya."