Hey guys. Thanks for all the amazing reviews, they keep this fanfic going, and they keep me going! Lol. I'm really glad you guys don't think it's too insane, and I've been getting a lot of reviews about how I need longer chapters. Let me make this known: I have adhd, therefore a short attention span (along with incessant hyperness, lol.) So that's the reason for the short chapters, I just can't focus on one chapter for too long. Sorry, but they're not gonna get any longer. Except this chapter is kind of long. The song Jude is singing in this chapter is How To Save A Life by The Fray. They're a great band, and you should definitely check them out. I like this chapter, it's probably my favorite. It shows that Jude isn't emotionless anymore, and that she's not completely insane, she just chooses to be because it makes her feel more numb. I wanted to clear that up, Jude isn't really insane. She's still normal, just broken-hearted, and she likes to be seen as an insane person who must be talked to very sensitively so no one will say the wrong thing around her and see her layer of toughness fall. I hope that made sense. Anyway…enjoy.

-Edie (It sounds like Ee-dee. As in Edie Falco.)

"Ah fuck." I said to the nurse when she dropped my pills on the floor.

"I'll get them." She said, picking them up off of the floor and handing them to me.

"Damn right you will." I reply, taking the pills and plopping them under my tongue, pretending to swallow them. I flinched at the taste of the disintegrating pills and willed the nurse with my mind to leave so I could spit them out. Luckily, my brain powers worked and she turned around and shut the door, leaving me to spit the pills out in the toilet. I rinsed my mouth out with tap water and flushed the toilet.

I had been avoiding all of my pills for about two weeks now, and the doctors had all been mulling over their clipboards, looking for some explanation on paper as to why I was still looney.

"I haven't been taking my pills, dumbass. You can't find everything on those papers you know." I said to myself as I looked at the clock on the wall and hurried up to the window, realizing what time it was. I peered out of the rectangular slot and saw the Viper pull up and you get out of it. It was a Friday today, last week you had come on Monday, and the Saturday before that. Every day I checked around the same time, knowing that some days you would be there, and others you wouldn't. But you always left after hesitating at the door, and I just couldn't work up the nerve to stop you.

"Damn." I whispered as the Viper pulled out of the parking lot and you glanced back one more time before leaving with that oh-so adorable look on your face. It was your regretful look, and it was on your face every time you left here. I guess you really wanted to see me, but you just couldn't face the fact that I was insane.

"Step one you say we need to talk, he walsk you say sit down it's just a talk. He smiles politely back at you, you stare politely right on through." I sang under my breath as I walked into my psychiatrist's office for our daily meeting.

Mrs. Nancy, as she had asked me to call her, had gotten used to me singing a different song everyday as I walked into the room. She was the nicest doctor I had met so far, and I was extremely happy my old psychiatrist had left. Mrs. Nancy had even given me a notebook to write songs in. I smiled as I walked in to the room.

"What's the song called?" She asked me cheerfully, positioning herself behind her desk and pulling out her notebook.

"I'm not sure what I'm going to call it yet, but I have everything all written in my notebook, do you want to see it later?" I asked her, taking a seat on the couch that I always took a seat on. I had never sat on the beanbag or the chair, just the multi-colored couch.

"Sing it to me." She requested. I smiled softly. No one had asked me to sing for months, and I hadn't sung in front of anyone since you had left. I had been dying to get back in front of the people, back to my job and the world tours, and the screaming fans. Too bad it would take me five years to get out of this hell-hole where music didn't exist.

"I haven't sung in a while." I said sheepishly.

"That's alright, you still know how. You're a world famous singer Jude, I'm sure you can sing for one person." She told me supportively. I nodded and cleared my throat nervously.

Mrs. Nancy's opinion was the one that I looked up to most now that I was stuck here.

"Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came," I finished the first verse and looked expectantly up at her. She was grinning and looking at me admiringly.

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life," I sang passionately, letting out all of the wound up performing urges that I hadn't obeyed in months to the woman who was probably my favorite person in the world at the time.

"Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

"As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life." I finished softly and looked at Mrs. Nancy as she applauded. The sound was a lot less than the applause that I was used to, and it made me ache for performing again. I wanted to rip out of this building right now and just go back to my normal life. The life before you had left.

"That was amazing. But if we don't start this session my boss will kill me. So let's start, shall we?" She asked, gesturing for me to sit down on the couch.

I sat down and faced her with a small smile on my face.

"What are you feeling today?" She asked, starting off the conversation. Mrs. Nancy was the one person I could open up to, the one person who I felt comfortable talking to and telling about my feelings.

"Right now I feel like I miss everything I had before I came here. If I could do it all over again I would have gone out of my room and went back to the studio after Tommy left." I said to her, then clamped my hand over my mouth, realizing I had said your name to the people who worked here, like I had promised not to so many times. Now they would pry into me like a hard-to-open jar of pickles.

Mrs. Nancy was scribbling in her notebook. I didn't like her so much now.

"Tommy is his name huh?" She asked me, happy I had let something go for once besides the small problems covering up the huge one.

"No…I meant…Alfred." I said, quickly choosing a male name. I sighed in frustration realizing Alfred sounded nothing like the name Tommy, I should have picked Timmy or something.

"Okay…so this Alfred…when did he leave?" She asked me. I knew she hadn't bought the whole name thing, but she was just going along with it to make me spill my guts to her.

"No." I said to her firmly.

"No what?" She looked confused.

"I'm not going to sit here and tell you all the details of my past, all the details that are just going to make me more insane than I already am, and let you give me more medication for being a broken-hearted, lovesick fool who just couldn't handle the one man she was in love with leaving her. So I'm done with our session today, Mrs. Nancy. Thankyou." I told her as calmly as I could, but tears were already about to spill down my face because I had been reminded of you, something I tried not to do too often. I got up from the couch and grabbed the handle on the door, twisting it roughly. I was defeated when it didn't open. I turned back to Mrs. Nancy, who was still sitting there calmly, with a sad look on her face.

"Jude, I'm here to help you. How about I make you a deal? Everything we say in this room today won't go on paper, if you just tell me everything that happened between you and Tommy." She said. I turned back to the couch and sat down.

"You promise?" She wasn't going to let me out of here unless I told her everything.

"I promise." She said solemnly, and threw the notebook aside.

And with those two, sincere words, I began telling her our long and emotional story, not even trying to hold tears back as I shook in her arms.