It seemed to CJ like Josh had disappeared off the face of the earth – or at least out of DC. The last time CJ had seen Josh he had been jogging to his office to call Juliana. Over 24 hours had passed. CJ had noticed that the west wing seemed unusually quiet when she came in this morning – and then the reason became apparent. Sam was gone and Josh was missing. Donna said that he had told her to farm out his work and simply said he'd be back later. Even Toby was curious about where Josh had disappeared to.

Leo was more than curious, he was incensed that Josh had basically vanished without alerting anyone. Leo understood the root of Josh's vanishing act, but he thought that Josh could have been a bit more steadfast in the work department. Finally, Leo charged CJ and Donna with the task of finding Josh and making sure he was back to work as soon as possible.

CJ had talked to Sam only once, and that was just through playing voicemail tag. CJ called Sam's cell phone numerous times, each time leaving a message that made her sound more concerned. Finally Sam called back, much to his relief he got CJ's voicemail. He simply assured CJ that he was fine and updated her on the details of his mother's funeral. As soon as CJ heard the details she booked herself and Toby on flights out to California.

It wasn't until the next day, as CJ and Toby boarded their plane that CJ thought about where Josh might be and took a chance on a phone call.

"Sam?"

"Hi, CJ."

"How are you? Oh, hell, that's a stupid question. I shouldn't ask how you are. I mean we all know…"

"CJ?"

"Yeah."

"Can I be a part of this conversation?"

"Sure. Sorry."

"I'm doing well, to answer your question. And it wasn't stupid. It's tough. But life is tough in the aluminum siding business."

Sam could sense the smile spreading across CJ's face, even over the phone.

"What did you need Ceej?"

"I couldn't have just called to hear the sparkling sound of your voice, Sparky?"

"You could have. But you didn't. Plus, aren't I going to see you later today anyway?"

"True. You know me too well. Sam, have you seen Josh? We can't seem to find him?"

"You've lost Josh? CJ, he's not a puppy…he can come and go as he pleases."

"Yeah, but no one's seen him in two days. Not even Donna, Sam."

"He'll tell someone where he is when he's ready, CJ."

CJ listened to Sam and thought it was strange that Sam wasn't concerned about Josh. Sam shifted from one foot to another. He was standing in his favorite room in his mother's house. He had always loved the study, with its picture window that looked out onto the Pacific Ocean. Some of his most treasured memories were of he and his mother curled up in the study watching the sunset into the ocean. Sam smiled as he remembered how his mom used to tell him that if you sat perfectly still and quiet you could hear the sun sizzle as it touched the ocean.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Josh is there, isn't he?"

Sam walked away from the window and his memories, across the hall and into the family room. With just two fingers, Sam gingerly pried the slats of the plantation blinds apart enough to see the front doorstep. Josh had been sitting on the doorstep for the last three hours. He hadn't knocked or rung the bell yet. Josh hadn't even called to say that he was in town. He was just sitting there.

"Yeah. He's here."

"Has he seen Juliana?" CJ asked. She, and many others, thought that Josh's hasty departure had more to do with Juliana than it did with Sam.

"No. She's here, but he hasn't knocked. He hasn't rung the bell. The only reason I knew he was there is because I looked out the window to see if the mail had come yet."

"So, Josh is at your house, but not really at your house?"

"He's just sitting on the front doorstep and mumbling. He's been there for a few hours." Sam explained.

"Put him on the phone, Sam." CJ instructed.

"CJ, if he's not ready…let's just leave him."

"Put him on, Sam." Sam heard the tone of CJ's voice, a mix of concern and authority, and walked to the front door. Josh jumped up off of the porch stairs at the sound of Sam unlocking the door. Whirling around to face Sam, Josh looked like a possum caught in the headlights of a car in the middle of the night, not knowing whether to turn around and run or to stay where he was.

"Hey, man. I was just…" Sam smiled a knowing smile. He couldn't help but let out a little chuckle as he watched Josh attempt to piece together a quick explanation of his being there. Sam just shook his head and shoved the phone in the direction of Josh's hands.

"CJ wants to talk to you." It was all Sam said before turning away and walking just inside the front door. Sam wanted to give Josh some privacy, but he left the door open to let Josh know that he was welcome inside.

"CJ." Josh said flatly into the phone.

"Hi there mi amor. You know, you've got a few people worried around here. No one seems to be able to find you."

"The people who need to know, know where I am."

"Get your butt inside, please." CJ said, the concern filtering out of her voice so that it sounded like more of an order.

"I can't."

"Josh. The last thing I need right now is for the press to show up and for the headlines to read 'Deputy White House Chief of Staff sits on doorstep in California for three hours'."

"How did you know how long it's been?"

"Because Sam's not blind. He just thought he'd let you come in when you were ready."

"Oh."

"Josh, you're there. Get your act together and go inside. I'm sure Sam and Juliana could use a friend right now."

"CJ. I can't." Josh pleaded. "I can't go in there. You don't know…"

"I do know. I know what happened, she talks to me. But that doesn't matter right now. She needs time and some support. Your support, Josh. Get your ass inside that house and show Sam and Juliana that you're there for them."

"Yes, ma'am." Josh said. CJ could just hear the hint of defensive humor in his voice.

"Toby and I will be there soon. We'll see you when we land. Go inside Josh!" Josh could hear CJ's smile through the phone. Josh clicked off the phone, but sat back down on the front steps. Sam's steps were unmistakable on the floor of the entryway and then the wood of the porch. Josh began talking without looking at Sam.

"Sorry, man. I didn't mean for you to get in trouble with CJ. I just don't know what to say."

"It's okay. It's you who's really in trouble with CJ, not me. So, my kneecaps are safe." Sam took the phone out of Josh's hands and laughed quietly. "So, is this some ancient Jewish tradition? Should I expect Toby to turn up on my doorstep next?"

Josh smiled. He knew that Sam's questions didn't require a reply. Josh looked past Sam, into the house. He had been here many times before, the first time being just after he and Sam had met. From the front door, Josh could see straight through the house and out the large picture window in the study. The sun was just starting to set over the ocean. Sam turned to see what Josh was staring at.

"You know, my mom used to say that if you sat absolutely still and quiet that you can hear the sun sizzle as it touches the ocean." Sam said with a smile.

"Yeah, I did. She tried to tell me that once and I argued with her citing all the scientific facts I could think of." Josh stood up and walked towards Sam, still looking out the window. "We argued so much that she finally gave up. But not before pointing out that she didn't think I'd ever be able to hear it sizzle because there was no chance of me ever being that quiet."

"She liked you." Sam assured Josh. "Come inside."

"I can't."

Sam sighed and shook his head, gearing up for the argument that was to come. From upstairs, Juliana could hear voices bickering back and forth. A little over two hours ago, Juliana had seen Josh on the front steps. Moving the curtains aside with her hand, she watched Sam and Josh arguing over coming inside. She smiled and decided to go downstairs and drag him inside herself.

Josh and Sam both stopped debating the merits of being inside versus outside when they heard Juliana clear her throat from the front door.

"Jules." Josh managed to whisper. Sam threw his hands up in defeat. He talked to Juliana as he walked past her into the house.

"He's being hard headed." Juliana smiled at Sam and then turned to smile at Josh. She was happy to see him standing on her mother's doorstep and understood why he was putting up so much of a fight.

"Let's go." Juliana motioned with her head towards the open door. "Come in and I'll get you some coffee."

Josh followed Juliana in and shut the door behind him. He thought about putting up an argument about how he didn't want to trouble her and didn't need any coffee, but coffee sounded really good. Sam had retreated into the study, wanting to give Juliana and Josh some space. In the kitchen, Juliana handed Josh a mug of steaming coffee. Josh took a sip and set it down on the counter. He took a few steps to approach her.

"You didn't need to come." Juliana assured him. Josh could hear a waiver in her voice betraying the strength that she was exuding so well.

"I don't know what to say." Josh said, almost in a whisper. Josh could recall the exact moment that Donna had told him about his father. He remembered the numbness of the shock and then the overwhelming emptiness and dull pain that came afterwards. Josh found himself wondering if Juliana was experiencing any of these things and thinking of how to make it go away.

"Josh? Are you okay?" Juliana asked, worried.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"Are you okay?"

"Stop doing that. You don't need to take care of everybody else, you need to take care of yourself!" Josh shot at her.

"It's easier sometimes to concentrate on others. It makes it hurt less." Juliana said truthfully. It broke Josh's heart to hear the experience in Juliana's voice.

"Jules," Josh breathed, "Are you going to be okay?" He could see the tears beginning to gather in the corners of her eyes. Juliana looked up and blinked, trying to keep her tears from spilling over.

"No." Josh's arms encircled Juliana and he placed a tender kiss on her forehead. "It's too much." Juliana hugged Josh back and hugged tighter and tighter. Josh could feel her body begin to tremble. Juliana began to cry. Really cry. She knew that it was the first time she had really cried since someone had called her with the news. Josh just held her close and stroked her hair. Gently, Josh led Juliana out of the kitchen, to the family room and guided her shaking body down onto the couch. Juliana continued to cry, curling up in Josh's protection. Josh could feel tears collect in his eyes, but he held back wanting to stay strong for Juliana.

Sam had been listening from the study. He waited a while before going into the family room to check on Josh and Juliana. When he entered, Juliana was curled up in a tight ball, her head on Josh's chest. Josh was lightly rubbing her arm and watching her sleep.

"What's going on?" Sam asked in quiet voice.

"She needed to let it out." Josh replied softly, not wanting to wake Jules.

"She hasn't slept in a long time." Sam told him. "She hasn't let herself."

"She looked tired." Josh reasoned.

"She needed to feel safe." Sam explained. He paused for a moment taking in the sight he saw in front of him. He took a deep breath and exhaled. "You're a good guy. She needed you. I'm glad you came." Sam turned to go back to the study.

"Sam?" Josh called in a hushed way. "I'm sorry. Your mother was an incredible woman. I've been here. You shouldn't have to go through this." Josh paused for a moment and ran his free hand through his hair. "I'm sorry for the rest too. What's gone down between us. I'm…I'm sorry."

"Thanks." Sam answered back with a heartfelt smile. "It's good to have you here."

The sky was desolate; the morning fog had not yet burned off. A gray overtone seemed to paint the landscape of the cemetery. Juliana stood at the edge of her mother's grave with Sam by her side. Their father stood just behind them, along with the others who considered themselves family – CJ, Toby, Leo and Josh. The coffin was covered in flowers, mostly hydrangeas, and their scent could be caught hanging in the misty air. The air was cool, even more so with the fog, and Juliana was wishing she had brought her jacket to the gravesite instead of leaving it in the limousine. Her black dress wasn't enough to keep a constant chill from running up and down her spine.

Neither Juliana nor Sam cried. Sam hadn't known if he'd be able to make it through the funeral, but he had held it in this far. CJ noted that their father was openly grieving, but that both Juliana and Sam struggled to stay strong and hold back the tears.

A lone gull flew overhead. Juliana paused to look up at it, noticing how surreal the experience seemed. The minister finished his prayer and the mass of people began departing for their cars. The family was the last still remaining at the grave. Toby put his arm around CJ and guided her to their waiting car, embracing Sam on the way. Juliana's father whispered something over her shoulder. She either didn't hear or ignored him, her eyes focused on the flowers resting on her mother's coffin.

Juliana wanted a few minutes alone with her mother. She wanted a private goodbye. Sam understood and nodded in acquiescence. Juliana felt like her world was out of control. She needed to focus on something. Juliana focused on the beautiful flowers in her mother's grave. The fog was causing a layer of mist to collect on the flowers. They looked glowing and fresh.

"Jules." She heard her name spoken softly and felt a hand touch her shoulder. She had known that Josh was there even before he spoke.

"Thank you for coming, Josh." Juliana turned and leaned into Josh. Her hands were balled up tight into fights and pressed into his chest. Josh wrapped his arms around Juliana and held her tightly.

"I'm here for you, Jules. Whatever you need." Josh whispered, looking directly into her wet eyes.

"I'm just so sad….God, no, I'm so mad!" Juliana had pulled away slightly and was hitting him in the chest with her anger. "Why did this have to happen?"

"It's not fair." Josh reassured Juliana.

"It's not. This wasn't supposed to happen." Juliana took a deep breath, shivered and then whispered, "Not again."

"Hey," Josh said as he used his hand to lift her head up so she was looking into his eyes. "This has nothing to do with you. It was tragic. It was unfair. But you aren't responsible for this."

Josh looked at Juliana. He couldn't help but think how young and innocent she looked.

8