Chapter Ten
She was shaking; she couldn't get herself to stop. Her arms shook as she hugged herself, her back tense against the bark of the tree. Her eyes were shut, her head down and her chin against her chest as she took deep breaths.
Yet nothing she could do would calm herself.
Kouga, he… What had happened? What had he done? It was just… wrong. All wrong. That… things like that don't happen…!
It had to defy all laws. Biology for one, science as a whole as well. That couldn't… he couldn't have just…
…A wolf?
It didn't make any sense. Her brain tried to make sense of it and it just couldn't, leaving her in such a muddled, pathetic state. It wasn't natural, it was… supernatural.
And it was horrible. The muscles changing, bones shifting and transforming themselves, some appearing that no human should ever have… That handsome face altering… his nose and mouth becoming a furry muzzle… And the pain. How much pain had he been in? It was horrifying… terrible… she was speechless. The change… his agony…
She couldn't move, she felt frozen with all her dismay, leaving her in a pathetic state…
Pathetic? No, that wouldn't do. She wouldn't just let herself sit there even in all her dismay. Something was wrong, something was broken… and she had to fix it. She had to try.
She lifted her head and let go of one last shaky breath. When she opened her eyes, there was determination in them, her chin jutted out stubbornly. Oh, behind those eyes was still that scared little girl whose entire world just fell apart, but at the moment… at the moment she just needed to find Kouga. Then maybe he could explain and maybe she'd understand. Maybe her world would turn right side up again.
Maybe… just maybe.
You… idiot! he snarled as he ran forward for an attack.
A nearby bunny's heart leapt into its throat and it ran for its life, but Kouga hardly even noticed it. His body slammed forcefully into the tree and he staggered back. Hardly even a dent was made, yet he rammed himself full force against it once more.
What had he done? What had he been thinking? He hadn't been at all, obviously. How could he do such a thing? Kagome… she didn't deserve to live in the world he did. She had been perfectly happy being oblivious to their dark realm where hate and fury ran supreme. He had done the most idiotic thing, thrusting her into such a violent world. He'd screwed up her life… and he'd screwed up his own.
His foot touched water and he glanced down, only to see his reflection in a puddle, the near full moon mocking him in the background. He growled, his ears pulling back, teeth showing, before he smashed his paw into it, distorting the picture.
He was a monster. Her reaction made that clear enough.
Not that he'd truly seen her reaction… he hadn't stay long enough to. But just hearing the way how she stepped back… her heart pounding… he knew. It was just the same as the last, only she hadn't screamed.
I suppose I should be thankful for that, he thought bitterly.
He had done it because she'd wanted it, hadn't he? Then what was her problem? She wanted to know his secret, the secret that so many hid from her. And this is what happens.
He just wanted her to accept him! But that clearly was impossible. No one would ever understand, not when they weren't part of the pack. To think that a human would… any human after seeing the horrific sight of one of them changing… What had he done?
"Kouga?"
He froze when he heard his name, one ear turning toward the noise. He knew that sweet voice no matter how distant it was, though it shook when it called for him. His heart beat faster and one paw rose to take a step. It was more than he ever hoped for, for her to actually call for him after he showed her that…
Then why was it when he moved, it was backward instead of forward?
If I don't come, will she think it was a dream? Can I save her from the burden I just put on her?
She called again, her voice slightly more confidant as she continued on. He chided himself for the small movement away. She wanted to see him and he should comply to her wish. Maybe… she didn't hate him after all. She was calling for him… she wanted to see him and small jolts of contentment ran through him because of it. Yes, maybe she was different after all.
Yet that small part of him… she had deserved to know the truth, yes, but maybe it would have been better…
What he would have decided he didn't know because in that next moment, a scream tore through the air.
"Kouga, where are you?"
Her hands still shook the smallest bit, but she had herself mostly under control. Terrible butterflies plagued her stomach as though she were about to go on stage in front of hundreds and hundreds of people. She knew however it was nothing of the sort. She was tired, scared, confused, and above all, she just really wanted to go home and curl up in her bed, the covers drawn safely over her head. Nevertheless, Kagome let none of these urges control her. Her mind was focused on only one thing.
She needed to find Kouga.
A rustling turned her attention to the side, her body freezing. "Kouga?" she asked tentatively. With some effort she got her body to move, taking a cautious step forward toward the moving brush. She moved no more, but no less.
Her heart missed a beat as the leaves rustled, shaking ever so slightly. Then there was a pause, all becoming deadly quiet. She had almost let out a breath before something burst from the bushes with a flash of dark fur. Kagome stumbled back, only just managing to keep her feet. A large wolf stood in front of her, larger than any wolf should be. Kouga was her first thought, but no. There was something wrong. This wolf… the presence was wrong. The wolf was… darker, intimidating. The color was wrong too, if she remembered correctly for those brief moments she saw him.
The wolf through her out of her thoughts as he growled lowly, his lips curling backward, displaying his teeth in a way that she was sure he was grinning malevolently at her. Her heart leapt into her throat as she felt a scream begin to build, but it was stuck there, not fully formed. Looking into his eyes and seeing the intelligence there, she knew he was no normal wolf, is she had had any doubts before. She didn't know whether to be glad or upset about that fact, seeing the way the wolf advanced.
The muscles in his hind legs bunch, the wolf going closer to the ground… her brain didn't register what it meant until after the wolf leapt at her. Her scream was released as she jumped to the side, falling with a roll to the ground. Pain shot up and down her arm, but she didn't even spare a glance as she scrambled to her feet. Or at least, tried to.
Before she could get all the way up, weight was suddenly put on her back. She fell with force down and onto her stomach as he stepped on her, the large wolf more than heavy enough to keep her from moving. Another terror-filled sound escaped her as she felt his warm, moist breathing on her neck, his paws digging into her shoulder blades. He took and let go of breaths in what she amused must be laughter, mocking her feeble noises. Then, as she struggled, she heard the wolf growl menacingly, making her panic grow. Then suddenly the weight was off her as the tangled bodies of two wolves rolled into her vision.
"Get away from her, Haruki," Kouga growled as he regained his footing. "What are you doing?" His hackles raised automatically and he made himself look as big and threatening as possible, taking a step forward for added effect.
Haruki, however, did not respond with the desired effect. In fact, he was not impressed in the least, not even showing the submission he should have as a lower wolf. He stood tall and proud, tail wagging slowly, but sharply in annoyance. "I should ask you the same question, here with that mutt's slut," was his retort.
Kouga snarled and charged, but in his anger he was careless. He missed his target when Haruki jumped to the side, expecting the attack. "She's mine to protect," Kouga said, leaping in front of the other wolf to block his view of Kagome. She hadn't run anymore, instead nervously watching the two wolves, which relieved him. Who knows what danger she could have gotten into if he wasn't there to watch over her?
Haruki panted with harsh laughter. "She's not yours at all. She's his."
Hearing this, another surge of anger rushed through Kouga. He ran forward again and Haruki couldn't move away in time to avoid the attack. He caught the lower wolf by the scruff of his neck, shaking him violently until he fell to the earth. Kouga stood on him in order to keep him down, but in that moment Haruki was able to get free enough to snap at his fore legs. Kouga leapt back, moving to stand in front of Kagome once more.
Haruki flipped onto his feet, growling, "look at yourself, Kouga! Protecting her. You've lost your mind!"
It was Haruki this time that charged, using all his weight to slam into Kouga. He saw it coming and steadied himself, though Kouga did stagger back some. While the other was recovering, Haruki said, "it's about time someone else took control of this pack. You've been in charge too long and it's going to your head."
The blue-eyed wolf snorted. "And who would take over?"
"Me."
Kouga growled, his lips pulling back to display his razor sharp teeth. Haruki followed suit only a few seconds after he did and the two circled each other. Everything else faded away except for the two wolves.
"Is that a challenge?" Just give me a reason, Kouga thought darkly, and I'll kill you for ever putting your dirty paws her. Hell, I don't even need the reason. What he would have done to her had Kouga not been there… it made his blood boil. He'd see to it that he paid.
Haruki leapt forward and snapped at him, moving back just as quickly as he moved forward. "You know it is."
The growl turned into a snarl as the blue-eyed wolf hurdled himself at the brown one and the two tumbled to the ground, rolling and biting. Kagome couldn't tear her eyes away from the deadly dance in front of her, no matter how much she wanted to. The blue-eyed one… it was Kouga, she knew. His size wasn't as big as the other one, yet he seemed stronger, holding up much better against the other. He constantly kept himself in front of her, probably unconsciously but… he was protecting her. A strange feeling filled her at the thought of it.
And why wouldn't he? a part of her argued. He had always acted friendly toward her as well as possessive… why would that change now that he was… what he was. He was still Kouga. Yes, that what she had to keep telling herself. He still was the same guy. The guy who had flirted with her, asked her out on a date. The guy who had shared his ice cream and helped her when Shippo was injured. The guy who'd shown up at her house, taken her to the woods, kissed her like there was no tomorrow, and… changed.
She was snapped out of her thoughts as the fight in front of her grew more violent. Blood was being drawn, splattered on the ground. It came from the other wolf mostly, who seemed to be staggering more. He made more mistakes and Kouga took advantage of them, knocking him down and attacking more.
She was not totally sure in the dark, but what she thought was Kouga snapped at the wolf's belly, a vulnerable part, but the other tried to move, though Kouga still managed to jump onto the other's back. They both rolled to the ground when the brown wolf fell. Kouga got up quickly and the other followed, but his movements were slow.
A final blow to the side sent the other wolf sprawling to the earth, Kouga hovering over him. He tried to get up, but Kouga stood on top of him, keeping the weakened wolf from getting away. Kouga's body tensing, he brought her muzzle downward and…
"Don't!" Kagome yelled.
Kouga jerked away violently, startled. He'd forgotten she was there. He turned his attention to Kagome, looking at her with eyes that clearly showed the difference between a normal wolf and what he was. But there was something else in his gaze, left over from the fight… a feral, untamed look that made her shudder.
She swallowed the lump in her throat with only a few tries. Yippee for her. "Don't," she said more quietly, bringing her legs close to her. He'd been about to kill the other wolf. Even if it had attacked her… she couldn't watch him kill, didn't want to see any such thing.
Kouga looked down at Haruki, whimpering as he rolled over to expose his belly. His begging for mercy disgusted the pack leader. "You're lucky she's here or else you'd be dead," Kouga snapped. "I want you gone. Don't even think about going near our den again. Or I'll kill you." The last went without saying, but he added it anyway. He snapped at the air above him, but did not injury him any further. "Leave!"
Haruki stumbled to his feet, though muttered curses directed at Kouga in his mind before running as if the devil was on his heels (and the fact that Kouga took a few snaps at them himself helped that factor). As though sensing the other's thoughts, Kouga snarled after him, making Haruki disappear into woods with pup-like yelps trailing behind him.
Careful of his wounded paw, Kouga limped very slowly over to Kagome. He could have moved faster yet… the sluggishness was as much for him as for her. Would she be frightened and reject him? Could she stand to look at him after what he had just done? Or almost did?
She sat with her knees drawn up and arm wrapped around them, her head resting against her arms with her eyes closed. He licked her arm and gave it a small nudge with his nose, trying to move it to see her beneath. He expected her to yank away, afraid of him and what he was; he didn't expect at all what she did.
She lurched forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers digging into his fur. He didn't need to see her face to know she was crying; he could smell the salty sweetness of them, not to mention the way her body shook against his. He sat himself down as he nuzzled his face in her hair, trying to calm her down. If anything, it made her cry harder.
"I'm so sorry, Kagome, for bringing you into this world," Kouga told her even though she could not understand his words. "But I promise, I'll protect you. No matter what."
It wasn't breaking and entering if you were invited, right?
That's what Sango figured as she walked into Kagome's house. No one had answered the door even after she'd knocked and rung the bell, though she knew they were home, especially since Kagome had invited her over for the night. So, when she found the door unlocked, she just walked in. See? She wasn't a criminal and anyway, she'd rather walk right in then wait outside in the cold night.
"Hello?" she called into the dark hallway. No answer. Huh. Their mom must have been out then.
She mounted the stairs, following the glow of some kind of light. It paid off since it led her straight to Souta's room. He was currently engrossed with something on the television—a video game, which was apparent by the controller he was button smashing. She smiled before giving a sharp rap on the door.
Souta jumped, startled by the noise and by the screeching sounds coming from the television, his game didn't fair too well. "Sango!" he said, jumping to his feet. He looked from her to his room, which was in a disaster state. He abruptly started hurrying around, pushing the clothes that were scattered around the room under his room.
Her smile turned into a grin at his attempt. "Don't worry, I have a younger brother remember. I've seen all the horrors of a guy's room." Moving on to why she was there, she continued, "Kagome around?"
Souta nodded, taking a seat on his bed. "In her room." A frown suddenly creased his face. "She came by here before… she looked pretty upset." Lower and to himself, he muttered, "I don't like that Kouga guy."
Sango, however, caught these words easily. One of the (very limited) up sides to having a wolf's senses. "Kouga was here?" she inquired, more than a little aware her voice sounded alarmed. "Kouga" and "upset" together… she didn't like the sound of it nor the foreboding it left her with.
Again, he nodded. "Came via window." He jerked his thumb toward it. "Took her away and she came back later, looking… distressed, I guess would be a good word for it."
She hardly managed to say, "…I'm sorry, I gotta go…" before she spun around and left, hurrying quickly toward Kagome's room. A chill ran down her spine and she moved faster. She didn't like any of this one bit. Not one bit.
The door was slightly ajar when she reached the bedroom and she gave it a firm push, revealing the room beyond it. She hardly noticed the way the door handle clacked into the wall; Sango was too focused on the way Kagome was pacing back and forth in her room, the trail pressed into her plush carpet.
She was a mess, having gotten surprising dirty in the brief time Sango had left her for. Her clothes were soiled with dirt beyond mending, one sleeve torn badly in addition. Her hair was tousled and there seemed to be a dead leaf or two in it, but what Sango was more concerned with was her scent. From what she could smell… she was dismayed, the faintest scent of fear on her. And was that… were there tearstains on her face?
Sango felt a strange urge of protectiveness, like she had felt for her brother after he'd gotten into a fight at school. Had Kouga hurt her? It didn't seem like him, especially with his feelings for her. But what could make her as troubled as she was? Had he forced himself on her? A surge of anger ran through her, but quickly died when she heard Kagome speaking.
"It's crazy, is what it is," she said to herself, not even noticing Sango's presence. "I don't get it…! Even if, well… it does fit some pieces of the puzzle… but still!"
"…Kagome?" Sango questioned tentatively.
Kagome spun around, her hair whirling around her as she did. She eyes looked almost haunted, distraught clear on her face. And yet… as she looked at Sango… something seemed to dawn on her face, as though she'd just seen the light… and she didn't like what it relieved.
Don't ask Kagome how. It all was coming together and she just… knew. "Et tu, Sango?" she inquired, her voice just this side of cold.
The bag Sango carried slipped from her fingertips, falling to the floor with a soft thump. A stillness filled the room and Sango found it suddenly very hard to breathe. Her body was frozen, the only movement being her clothing as the wind from the open window rustled them.
"Oh God," was all she could say.
"So it's true," Kagome almost whispered. Then she shook her head almost violently and started pacing back and forth once more. "I feel like such an idiot! How could I not see?" I didn't want to see. "I mean, I always knew people were keeping secrets from me… but this?"
She paused her rambling and stopped moving to glance at Sango as though looking for some kind of answer. Sango's mind worked on overtime trying to think of something intelligent to say, but drew a blank. She was at a complete loss, too stunned. How? She knew of werewolves? But… Souta's words came back to her. Kouga… he had taken her away and when she had come back… Kouga, what did you do?
Kagome started walking again in her restless movements. "Should I check my closet at night now? Under the bed too?"
Her voice was terrible dry, the sarcasm clear, but Sango didn't understand. "What?" she inquired dumbly.
The sarcasm dropped from her voice. "Well werewolves are real, what about the Boogeyman? Zombies? Witches? What about vampires? Should I hang crosses, wear one around my neck? Not invite strange people into my home?" she inquired in all seriousness, looking at Sango expectantly.
"Kagome, you should never do that." There, she found her voice just in time for her own remark. Though trying to be humorous, it fell short. "Taking candy from strangers is also a no-no." Her friend however did not see the humor in this, still waiting for a serious answer. Sango sighed. "I wish I could just say 'no', but I don't know for certain. I haven't been a werewolf for long, just for two moon—months," she quickly changed, "well, almost three now. As far as I know the others don't exist."
Werewolf. It was the first time Kagome had heard it out loud and even hearing it, it sounded incredulous. But that's what they were, her and Kouga. Howling, biting, moon-changing werewolves.
Realization hit her. "That's why you came here, isn't it? To be with… others," Kagome stated more than questioned. She met her eyes squarely, wanting the truth. No more lying. She had to deal with it practically her whole life. For once she wanted the truth.
Sango was willing to be honest. In fact as she did, she felt much better, like a burden had been lifted. "The full moon can be… bad for our type of wolf. I needed a pack to help me and Kouga's was the closest one that my dad could also find a job—"
"Kouga has his own pack?" Kagome interrupted, eyes widening. She raked a hand through her hair, spinning around. "Lovely."
She didn't know that already? Something wasn't right. "How much did he tell you?"
Kagome turned back around to look at her. "Nothing."
What? "Nothing? Absolutely nothing?" What, was he crazy? He just dumped this on her and then left?
"He just… changed. And I was so confused and frightened at first that he just left… then he came back, but once I got home… I told him I wanted to be alone." She sounded guilty about that last part. Not because she regretted her decision. More because she didn't regret sending him away.
Sango silently cursed Kouga. He couldn't just change in front of her! Did he know how difficult it was for a human to see that? It was hard enough for her to go through it the first few times… she couldn't even imagine what it looked like. But… maybe that was the only way she would have believe. Seeing is believing, otherwise she probably would have deluded herself into not accepting it. Sango knew if someone had told a few months ago her that werewolves existed, let alone that they were one, she wouldn't have believed them.
"…we're not something to fear, Kagome," Sango told her gently. Well, that's not entirely true. Just the thought of someone like Kagura getting their paws on Kagome made her shudder. "We're just… different."
Laughter that had nothing to do with happiness escaped her, no amusement in her voice. "Not to fear? Tell that to the one that attacked me tonight."
She hadn't noticed before, but now that Kagome mentioned it, Sango suddenly noticed the scent of blood in the air. A look to her arm and she saw a white bandage wrapped around her upper arm, crimson stains on it.
"What? Are you okay?" Sango questioned, alarmed. She took a step forward to her friend, but abruptly stopped when she noticed Kagome take an unconscious step away. Sango quickly masked her face to hide a hurt expression, moving away from her friend.
Kagome opened her mouth to apologize for her aversion, yet the words didn't come. What could she say anyway? I'm sorry you're a werewolf and right now I don't know how to deal with it, hope you forgive me, just didn't work and wouldn't make either of them feel better. The words were better left unsaid, so she left it that way.
She hardly heard when Sango said, "maybe I should just… go…", being too lost in thought. Kouga. Why did he show her? Why now? What was it he had he said before? Before he'd changed he'd told her something about people not being as they seemed and the secrets around her… She always complained about people keeping secrets from her. So Kouga decided to do something about it. He showed her the truth, not knowing if she'd be able to handle it or not. He showed her… because she wanted to be shown. Was she able to handle it?
Is this the reason why Inuyasha wanted me to stay away from Kouga? Kagome wondered. Did he know… the thought suddenly died as he whole entire body froze. Inuyasha…
"Wait, Sango." Her friend turned back, a question in her eyes and possibly a hopeful glint. "Inuyasha… he's one too, isn't he?" She didn't even wait for Sango's response (though he did notice how her eye's widened—and was it just her imagination or did her face pale a bit?) before she smacked her forehead with one palm. "God, how can I be so stupid!"
"You didn't want to see," Sango told her kindly. "So you didn't."
"But now I see clearly… too clearly," Kagome muttered to herself. She ran the hand over her face, letting it drop limply to her side. She met Sango's gaze and held, brown eyes determined.
"Take me to him."
What she did next wasn't the smartest thing, Sango was willing to admit. Nonetheless, Kagome had her resolve face on and wouldn't take no for an answer. How could she argue? Besides, you know, the whole thing about getting attacked and killed if she, the enemy, set one foot (or paw) on Inuyasha's pack's territory. Oh, yeah. That part.
But Kagome wasn't entirely ready for that truth yet. Maybe after she got a good night's sleep and thought it over… then maybe she could tell her of the two packs out to destroy each other, both led by men who claimed to love her. Yeah, that truth would just have to wait awhile longer. And because she wouldn't tell Kagome that, she had no other reason to argue taking her to Inuyasha.
In all honesty, Sango didn't even know where their den. She had not dared go anywhere in their territory, just like any member of her pack, because doing otherwise would be suicide. Which left her trying to follow a faint scent, not even knowing if she was going the right way.
She began to recognize her surrounding, however, from the night she'd helped Miroku back. Miroku… she hadn't seen him since that night. Was he alright? Did his wounded leg manage to get healed?
She mentally kicked herself for her thoughts about the enemy, not to mention the bad (though also some of them uncomfortably pleasant) memories it brought back and focused more on where she was leading Kagome. She went passed where she'd left Miroku the previous night (had it only been that long…?), but not much farther until she abruptly stopped.
"This is where I have to leave you," Sango told her. Before she could question her, she continued, "I'll explain later, but… let's just say I can't go any farther as a rule." Seeing the way Kagome bit her lip with a worried look on her face, she went on, "just head straight. The scent that way is strong so you should be able to find them." Her skin hummed with nervousness and she had the distinct feeling she was being watched. "I really have to go." She reached out hesitantly then gave her arm a quick, though firm squeeze, pulling away before waiting to see if Kagome would do it on her own. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"
Without waiting for an answer she bolted from the area. It wasn't Kagome that had anything to about. She was certain she was leaving Kagome in good hands because from what she heard, Inuyasha's pack accepted her as one of their own. She on the other hand had no business being as close as she was.
Kagome watched Sango disappear into the dark woods with some nervousness, but went ahead alone.
Alone. Heading toward werewolves. Why did those two things just not go together? And yet, it was what she was doing. Maybe she was crazy, or maybe she was finally seeing straight. Whatever it was, her head felt muddled, confusion and questions everywhere she turned.
A large hill was in front of her that she began to ascend and she felt a slight feeling of recognition. As she saw the old, forgotten road a few feet away—though it could hardly be called so anymore, grass having grown over it long ago—it came to her. This… where she was heading to… it use to be a school decades ago, though part of it was in ruins now, having not been used in years. When they were kids, Inuyasha use to bring her there to play around the abandoned building. It was always a great place to play hide and seek, but Inuyasha and Miroku could always find her so easily—she let out an unfunny laugh, finally realizing why. However, they had stopped going. At least, she had.
He apparently had not. And others were there now too, which was apparent when she reached the top of the hill. The school came into view—as well as a light brown wolf. It stood from where it was half-snoozing before and stared at her, bewildered for a moment. Then it ran toward the building, yelping as it ran from her.
This was where the wolves were? At this abandoned school? They couldn't have been before; they definitely had been there when she was younger, but now… this is where they resided? Then why had Sango run like she was avoiding the plague?
Her thoughts abruptly stopped however as a wolf left the confines of the building, hurrying toward her. It wasn't the same one that had left. No, this one was different. Its fur was much lighter from what she could see. Yes… as it came closer she saw that the fur was white… no, wait, it was a silvery color just like…
The silver wolf hesitated only a few feet from her, sitting stiffly. It watched her cautiously with those golden eyes that were unmistakable. She was entirely certain now, seeing those eyes. Either shape, those eyes had stayed the same.
Inuyasha…? she thought as she fell heavily to her knees.
This… was this what she wanted to see? So it was true then. Everything she had seen today… She wouldn't wake up tomorrow and everything would be some weird dream. It was all true.
She reached out a tentative hand to rest it hesitantly on the muzzle of the silver beast. "Inuyasha," she breathed softly. She could practically feel the wolf freeze under her, the golden eyes widened a fraction. Even seeing her coming here… he still hadn't believe she knew.
She was startled into falling backward onto her rear, her hand letting go of the wolf when another came limping into view. And she was instantly abashed when she recognized "Marco", Inuyasha's "dog". There was no doubt in her mind who this one was. "Miroku," she said as her entire face flushed. All those times at Inuyasha's apartment—which she supposed wasn't really his apartment… was Kaede even his grandmother?—and she'd played with him. How embarrassing…!
Kagome quickly staggered to her feet, watching the two wolves, her two best friends… she couldn't take it, couldn't deal with what was plainly in front of her.
Quicker than she thought possible, she spun around and before she knew what she was doing, she was running. She was running back toward the woods and what she hoped was home, running for all she was worth. Neither even thought to go after her.
Her whole life… everything she knew…
It was a lie.