Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, Monopoly, or Advil

A/N: Sorry it took me so long, guys! I had orchestra camp and then I had to babysit my sisters and I went to Tampa and yeah...whole lot of crap!

I forgot to mention in the chapter before, defecaloesiaphobia is the fear of painful BMs...and I have no idea how I found that out.

Enjoy!

In his four centuries of life Envy had lived through a lot of pain, discomfort, annoyance, guilt, and physical and mental trauma. None of it compared to what he was experiencing now.

"YOU CHEATED!" screamed Wrath. "YOU CHEATED YOU CHEATED YOU CHEATED!"

Envy covered his ears with his gloved hands and curled up in the fetal position. His head felt like somebody was beating on his skull with a dull ax. Yes, my friends, he had a headache, but not just any headache. This was the atomic motherload of all headaches—not even extra-strength Advil was making it go away.

My God, how long can he keep this up? Envy thought to himself. It's been ten minutes already.

"YOU CHEATED YOU CHEATED YOU CHEATED YOU CHEATED!"

"I'M SORRY!" shouted Envy in an act of desperation. "How much do I owe you?"

Wrath shut up. He examined the deed card to Mediterranean, counted up the number of hotels, examined some more, totaled it up on a calculator and announced:

"You owe me $3,492.65."

"WHAT!" Envy exclaimed. "THAT'S HIGHWAY ROBBERY!"

"GIMME MY MONEY! GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME!"

Envy hurriedly shoved some money into Wrath's hands.

"THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT AMOUNT!"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!"

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the monopoly game was still going strong. But not without consequences to our hero! For while Wrath was still hyperactive as ever, poor Envy was beginning to wear out. Dark shadows had appeared under his eyes, his skimpy clothing was torn and ripped, and unidentifiable food products were tangled in his brackish hair.

"Please, Wrath…" he begged. "Can't we just quit now?"

Wrath sucked in air, filling his lungs for what was looking to be another screaming fit. Envy quickly shoved a sock in his mouth.

"OK, we'll keep playing. It's your turn, ya know."

Wrath hummed a senseless tune (that strangely resembled "My Humps", causing Envy's headache to double on the spot) and rolled the dice. He moved around the board, counting the spots until he discovered he was supposed to land on Chance again…which was booby trapped. It looked like he was stuck…

But wait! Envy wasn't paying attention! Quick as anything he moved the extra space without the elder Sin noticing to land on…Park Place!

"I think I'll buy it…" he said. "With the money you so generously gave me."

Envy stopped cradling his aching head to gape at Wrath. "What the fuck…?"

"OOOOOO! I'm telling Mommy!"

Envy backhanded him across the mouth. "Shut up, brat! You can't buy what I already own!"

"You don't own Park Place!" shouted Wrath.

Envy flinched at the loud noise but held his ground. "Yes I do!"

"DO NOT!"

"YES I DO!" He dug through the pile of toothpaste sodden deeds in search of it, Wrath hanging over his shoulder.

"See!" he said triumphantly, waving a wrecked card in Wrath's face.

"That's not the deed to Park Place!"

"Yes, it is!" Envy protested.

Wrath began digging through the pile of money and cards that was once the bank, searching to prove Envy wrong.

"Can't find it, can you?" sneered Envy, pulling a piece of candy out of his hair and sticking it in his mouth.

"I know this isn't it!" Wrath jumped on top of him and wrenched the card from Envy's grasp.

"You can't even read this!" he exclaimed.

"I don't have to be able to read it to know it's Park Place!" Envy snarled, pulling Wrath's hair. "See the color?"

Wrath punched Envy in the face and tore out clumps of his green hair. Envy, pinned beneath the younger boy, spat into his face.

"Is that the best you've got?" he laughed, using an incredibly annoying cliché that nevertheless infuriated Wrath.

"I would punch you in the balls but you don't have any!" Wrath screeched.

Envy's eyes widened in shock. "OH, IT'S ON!"

He seized Wrath's arms and twisted, dislocating both of his shoulders. With a howl of rage, Wrath slammed his head down into Envy's jawbone, shattering it and his jaw. Envy, not to be outdone, grabbed his shirt and threw him across the room, where he landed on top of the table.

Envy was on his feet in an instant, his wounds already healed, and crossed the room at lightning speed, landing on top of the table like a monkey. He dugs his fingers into Wrath's chest and scraped deep gouges into his flesh like some sort of wild animal. Wrath grabbed his neck and tried to throttle him, while Envy beat his head against the table.

"What the hell is going on up there!" Roy paused, hanging in mid-air over Sloth's half-clothed form. She gasped for breath, taking advantage of his sudden ADD to regain her wind. From above them they could hear feral screaming, and then howls of shock and the splintering of wood.

"AHHHHH!" Envy shrieked, landing punches on every inch of Wrath's body, who had bitten through Envy's collar bone in an attempt to rip out his throat.

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!" he screamed, tearing out clumps of hair and what felt suspiciously like a tongue.

"Oh no…" Sloth murmured. "I know that voice…"

"Say what, baby?" whispered Roy. She pushed him unceremoniously off of her and climbed out of bed.

"I have to go," she said, struggling to get back into her dress. "If that's what I think it is, those two are in for a world of trouble…" A small foot with an ouroboros tattoo punched through the ceiling, followed by a bellowed: "ENVY, YOU SON OF A…"

Weapons now came into play, in the form of the curtain rod (Envy) and the book Envy discarded (now in Wrath's hands) entitled I Killed Him and I'd Do It Again. They were beating each other unmercifully; Envy had already impaled Wrath 4 times and Wrath had succeeded in breaking Envy's kneecaps and giving him numerous paper cuts.

Suddenly, Envy had an idea. A wicked, awful, clever idea. Wasting no time, he seized the abandoned curtains and jumped Wrath, ignoring the blows to the head. He quickly beat him into submission with several blows to the head and proceeded to bundle him up in a straight-jacket-like mass of curtain, tied closed with bed sheets. Last, but not least, he picked up the ripped remains of the cloth that hung around his waist and shoved it into Wrath's mouth.

"HA!" he crowed. "I WIN!"

"What the hell happened here!" screamed Sloth.

She was standing in the doorway, which was missing the door, which had gotten ripped off by Wrath in an attempt to flatten Envy beneath it.

"Um…" said Envy sheepishly. "Funny that you should ask…"

"Really, just what was going on here?"

"Why do you smell like…burnt salami?" Envy asked. "And why is your hair messed up…and why is your dress stained…"

Wrath spat out the gag. "It was the best, Mommy! We played Monopoly! And Envy won but still!"

Sloth smiled. "So you had fun?"

"YES!" he shouted. "I want Envy to babysit me every time!"

Envy snorted. "You wish, kid." He stretched, and got to his feet. "Well, I'm outta here. Places to go, people to kill…" and he bolted out the door and down the stairs before Sloth could catch him.

"I'm gonna go play with Envy some more, ok Mommy?" Wrath burst free of the curtains and ran out of the room, calling "Wait for me, Envy!"

"Now wait a second!" shouted Sloth. "Who's going to clean up this mess!"

A/N: Ok, I think I could have done a lot better with this ending...I just basically wrote the story and I didn't go back and edit it like I normally do (any of it) so I think maybe that has something to do with it because I know this is not my best work...but at least there's closure

Wrath: I don't like it! Change it!

Envy: Yes...the sweet taste of victory!

Many thanks to all who reviewed to tell me how it should end (all 2 or 3 of you, I really appreciated it), and to Shonen Shoujo Kid, who gave me an idea for some dialogue,and kudos to Ashes for helping me come up with the idea for the ending (and yes, I promise I will work on the other stuff for when you come over)

Hope you liked it! Reviews are welcome!

Adieu!