Title: Abandoned 3?
Author: Ceindreadh
Fandom(s): CSI-New York
Genre (general, hetero or slash) : Slash, angst, hurt/comfort
Pairing/Characters: Don/Mac
Rating: PG-15
Summary: Don feels abandoned by Mac after the explosion
Warnings: spoilers for Charge of this post.
Disclaimer. I don't own the CSI-NY characters, I'm only borrowing them, and I promise to return them in minty fresh condition when I'm finished.
Previously on CSI-NY.
Don was recovering in hospital and Mac was avoiding visiting him.
-
3
-----------------------
Stella was fuming by the time she got back to the lab. She'd spent as much time with Don as she could spare, reassuring him that it was only natural to be feeling the way he was feeling. After the ordeal he had been through, it was hardly surprising that he felt the need to have somebody to be with...somebody to hold on to. And to be effectively abandoned by the one person he counted on to lean on...that had to hurt.
She was still shocked at the revelation that he and Mac had been seeing each other. Not because she had a problem with them being together, but simply because they'd done such a good job of hiding it from their colleagues. What shocked her more though was the way that Mac was avoiding Don. Stella didn't believe for one minute that it had anything to do with the scars on Don's body and she was determined to discover the true reason.
--------------
Mac was in his office when Stella burst in, closing the door firmly behind her.
"Okay, who are you and what the hell have you done with the real Mac Taylor."
"Stella?"
"Don't you 'Stella' me. What the hell happened to that Marine rule about never leaving a man behind?"
Mac looked at her in surprise, "You mean Don? But I didn't leave him behind, I got him out of that building."
"And you think that's the end of it? For Christ's sake, Mac. Don is lying there in that hospital bed thinking that the reason you haven't been to see him is because you can't see past his scars."
"That's not the reason," protested Mac.
"No? Well maybe you should tell him that. Look him in the eye and tell him why you're abandoning him just when he really needs you. I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship with him, and maybe it's not my business to know. But I do know that you can't just walk out on him when he needs you."
"He doesn't need me..."
"Yeah? You just keep telling yourself that Mac, maybe it'll help you sleep at night."
"You're right about one thing, Stella. This isn't your business."
"It is my business when I spend the last half hour trying to convince Don that you're not just a shallow bastard who was just out for a quick fuck every now and then."
"It was never just about sex," said Mac. He sat down at his desk and buried his head in his hands.
Stella's anger faded somewhat and she sat down across from him, "What's going on, Mac? I know you...you're not the type to hide from a problem. I know that Flack being injured brought up some bad memories for you...is that why you can't see him now he's awake?"
Mac knew that Stella had just offered him a plausible way out, whether she realized it or not. He could easily just say to her that yes, he couldn't look Don in the eye without seeing the face of the man he'd failed to save more than twenty years ago. But he knew that he couldn't lie to her...or to himself.
"It's not that," he said, quietly. "I just can't...I can't be with him anymore." Mac could see the confusion on Stella's face and he continued, "I nearly lost him that day. I had my hands in his belly and it nearly wasn't enough. He could have died in front of me...and I...I don't think I could bear to have it happen again. I've already lost one person I loved...and it nearly killed me...if it happened again..."
"So you're just going to let Don think you don't care about him? Don't you think he at least deserves you to be honest with him? To have you look in him in the eye and tell him why you're dumping him?"
Mac shook his head, "I can't..." In his heart, Mac knew that one look from Don's blue eyes and there was no way he'd be able to say all the things that needed to be said. That was why he had left the hospital once he was sure that Don was going to recover. That was why he hadn't dared go visit him once he was awake. One look from Don and Mac knew he'd never be able to close the door on their relationship. But for his sake...for both their sakes, he knew that they couldn't be together anymore.
"Well you have to do something. You may be able to avoid him while he's in hospital, but sooner or later he'll be back on his feet and back on the job. You're going to have to sort things out if you're going to be working together, and the longer you leave it, the harder it's going to be."
"You think I don't know that?" Mac slammed his hand on the desk in frustration. "You think I haven't spent the last week trying to figure out the best way to deal with this?"
"Forgive me for pointing out that 'ignoring it and maybe it'll go away', isn't really the best way to handle things. Mac, just go and see Don, and say what needs to be said. If you're breaking up with him...okay, that's up to you, but right now Don needs to know where he stands. He's got enough on his plate already, he doesn't need to be left in limbo over something like this."
"And you think now's the best time? Kick him while he's down and all that."
"There's no such thing as a good time to dump somebody, trust me on this," said Stella. "But better you be honest with him now, rather than have him lying there thinking it's all his fault."
"It's not his fault," protested Mac.
"I know that, and you know that. But we're not the ones who need to be convinced. Go see him Mac, you have to make this right."
---------------------
But if Stella was stubborn, Mac was equally so, and he had the advantage of a weeks worth of arguing with himself over his chosen course of action. Stella did manage to extract a promise from Mac that he would talk to Don before the detective was cleared to return to work. Knowing that the last thing anybody needed was to have the two of them on the outs with each other while working together, Mac had reluctantly agreed. He convinced himself that it would be easier to push Flack away once the younger man was back on his feet.
Stella meanwhile was hoping that by then it wouldn't be too late. The next time she visited Don, it was as if they'd never had that conversation about Mac. In fact, Mac Taylor might never have existed as far as Don was concerned.
"They're both a pair of stubborn fools," Stella had told herself, knowing that there was nothing she could do about it. Don wouldn't speak to her about Mac, Mac wouldn't speak to her about Don, and all she could do was hope that Don would make a speedy recovery so that Mac would be forced to speak to him sooner rather than later.
And that was when Don suffered a setback and Stella knew that she was going to have to take matters into her own hands.
-
To be continued