Fandom(s): CSI-New York
Genre (general, hetero or slash) : Slash, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing/Characters: Don/Mac Rating: PG-15 Summary: Don feels abandoned by Mac after the bomb blast
Warnings: maybe a tissue warning.
Disclaimer. I don't own the CSI-NY characters, I'm only borrowing them, and I promise to return them in minty fresh condition when I'm finished.
Previously on CSI-NY - Mac was avoiding visiting Don in the hospital. Don was upset that Mac was ignoring him. Stella wanted to fix things, so she arranged for Mac to be paged to the hospital, ostensibly to collect evidence, but she had the Nurse bring him to Don's room. When Mac realized what had happened, he tried to leave.
Mac had his hand on the door as he let himself slump against it. "Don...I can't..." He clutched the handle but couldn't bring himself to open it. Maybe he could stay for a bit...just five minutes with Don...it couldn't hurt...but Mac knew that his resolve would be sorely tested if he turned around. His only hope was to keep moving...and yet he couldn't bring himself to open the door.
"The hell you can't..." Don had had enough. He threw back the bedclothes and pushed himself to his feet. But he only managed a few steps before his legs gave way and he collapsed to the ground, ripping the I.V. line from his hand as he did so. "Mac!" he managed to cry out as he crashed heavily to the floor.>>
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5
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The smart thing for Mac to do would have been to locate a doctor to see to Don and then make a hasty exit. That's what Mac's brain kept telling him to do, even as he turned and rushed to Don's side, his CSI kit dropping unnoticed to the ground.
Don was slumped on the ground when Mac reached him. He carefully helped Don into a seated position, asking, "Did you hurt yourself?"
"Like youze would care," growled Don, but he didn't push Mac away.
"Don, I do care," said Mac. "Don't ever believe that I don't."
"Then where've you been this last week?" asked Don, a note of anger in his voice. "You said you'd get me through this. What the hell sort of promise is that to go and break?"
"I..." Mac didn't get a chance to even think of an excuse before Don continued.
"You know what I thought when I woke up and you weren't there? I thought...I thought that maybe you hadn't made it out of the building." Don swallowed hard before continuing, "I thought that maybe I'd just imagined you after the explosion...that you were dead...and...and nobody figured they should tell me till I was stronger. And then I find..." Don's voice cracked before he managed to get it under control. "And then I hear that it's not that you can't come visit...it's that you don't want to...and it hurt Mac...I don't know which hurt more...thinking you were dead, or just knowing that youze didn't care enough to come near me." Don wiped his hand over his eyes as he asked, "Why Mac? You promised you'd get me through this...I remember you saying so...I needed you Mac, and you weren't there...what the hell happened to you...to us...was it something I did...my scars..."
"Don...I'm sorry," said Mac, wrapping his arm around Don and pulling him closer. "It's not the scars...it's not you. You have done nothing wrong..." He sighed heavily before continuing, "It's me...I'm the one who messed up. When I saw you after the explosion...I couldn't bear the thought of losing another...of losing you."
"So you just walked out on me instead? What sort of fucked up logic is that, Mac?" Don was too tired and exhausted to keep his anger up. Instead he just sounded sad as he let his head fall against Mac's chest.
"I thought..." Mac sighed again, "I was afraid Don. I'd never planned on our relationship going this far. I thought...I didn't think it would hurt this much to see you like this...and I knew that if I kept our relationship going, that it would kill me to see anything happen to you. When Claire died, a part of me died as well...and when I saw you lying there bleeding...I felt like another part of me was dying. Don, I just felt I couldn't take the chance that I'd end up the way I did after Claire. I barely survived it once...I can't let it happen again. I'm sorry Don, I love you, but we can't stay together. I can't survive losing you."
"You think if something happens me a week from Tuesday it'd hurt you any less just cause we' split up? You think you can shut off what you're feeling? Cause I know some people say you got ice in your veins Mac, but I've seen the real you and I know it ain't like that"
This time it was Don who pulled Mac close to him. "You can't go through life pushing people away, just cause it might hurt to lose 'em, Mac. That's not how it's supposed to be. You love somebody and of course it hurts when you lose 'em, that's how you know it's love. And I know, cause that's how I was feeling when I thought you hadn't made it. And you never know how bad it's gonna be until it happens. But all you can do is survive it. You're a survivor Mac, we both are. If I hadn't a made it out, you'd have survived without me."
"I'm not sure I'd have wanted to," said Mac, softly.
Don shrugged, "Just as well you don't have to then, isn't it."
"Yeah," said Mac, a half smile on his face.
"So you still planning on breaking up with me?" Don's tone was deliberately casual, but Mac could feel the way his whole body tensed up as he waited for the answer.
"Well like you said, it probably wouldn't make that much difference now, would it," Mac replied in as carefully casual a tone as Don's. Turning so he could look into Don's eyes, Mac slowly leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. "I'm sorry Don," he said when he pulled away. "I'm sorry for the way I've been behaving this last week. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."
Don put a finger on his lips to silence him, "You're here now, that's what matters."
Mac smiled, "Come on, let's get you into bed."
"Man, those are words I didn't think I'd hear from you again."
"Cute. You know what I mean." Mac wrapped his arm around Don and helped him to stand and move back to his bed. It wasn't until he lowered him to the mattress that he realized there was a small dark patch on Don's hospital gown. "Don, you're bleeding!"
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Stella was pacing up and down outside in the in the corridor. It seemed like an eternity since Mac had gone into Don's room. She supposed the fact that he was still in there was a good sign...at least he hadn't just walked out once he'd realized he'd been set up. "I should have bugged the place first," she told herself as she checked her watch for the tenth time. A part of her worried that Mac wouldn't take kindly to her interference, and would be even less happy that she'd used work related channels to do it. But Stella felt that in this case the end justified the means, and if it meant giving Mac and Don a chance to sort out their relationship properly, whether they stayed together or not, well that was worth the risk. She just hoped Mac would see it that way.
Stella wondered if maybe she should have waited before pushing the guys together. Don was still so weak physically; maybe a forced confrontation wasn't the best thing for him right now. And when the call button light started flashing above the door, Stella was afraid her fear had been justified.
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Stella yelled for a nurse even as she pushed open the door to Don's room. "Mac, what happened?" she asked as she hurried to Don's bed.
"Stella, what are you doing here?" asked Don, trying to sit up.
"Maybe she's collecting evidence from a John Doe," growled Mac as he pushed Don back down onto the bed. "Lie still or you'll open up even more." He kept his hand on Don's shoulder to keep him from moving, even as he turned to Stella, "He ripped open some of his fresh stitches. Started bleeding a little."
"How'd he manage that, what happened here, Mac?" Stella was shocked that Don had injured himself.
"It's not...it's not Mac's fault, Stella," said Don, gritting his teeth against the pain. "I should a known there was a reason the Doc told me to stay off my feet." His hand reached up to his shoulder and fastened itself over Mac's hand. "Me and Mac, we're good...really."
The nurse showed up before Stella could respond and a Doctor was called to check the situation. As Mac had already ascertained, all Don needed was to have a few of his stitches replaced. The Doctor tried to clear the room so that he could replace the sutures, but Mac was having none of it. He'd already abandoned Don once before, he wasn't about to make the same mistake twice.
Stella too wasn't about to leave. She did step back to allow the medical staff to do their work, but she couldn't help but watch the way Mac literally held Don's hand throughout. The procedure didn't look painful, and Don had been given a local anesthetic before the doctor had commenced suturing, but after what he'd been through this last week, Stella could imagine that it wasn't a pleasant experience for him to be going through.
It wasn't until after Don's wound had been redressed and all the medical personnel had left, that Stella got a chance to speak to Mac.
"Mac, I'm sorry," she said, before Mac could open his mouth. "I know I shouldn't have had you paged to come here, but I couldn't think of any other way to get you in a room together. Nurse Wu was acting on my instructions, and if there's any repercussions, then I take full responsibility."
"Stella," interrupted Mac. "It's all right. I understand why you did it, and I appreciate it. But if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I'll have you on report so fast your head will spin. Understood?"
"Understood," said Stella. "And you guys, are you okay?"
"We still have some things to talk through," said Mac, squeezing Don's hand.
"But we're gonna talk 'em through," finished Don.
Stella smiled, "Well I'll leave you to it then." She gave Don a quick hug, "Remember the Doctor told you to rest."
Mac also received a hug from Stella as she said, "And you need to get some sleep as well."
Don waited until Stella had left the room before tugging on Mac's hand and saying, "So...we got more stuff to talk through?"
Mac smiled, "Nothing that can't wait until morning."
"So you'll come back then?"
"Actually..." Mac hesitated only momentarily before continuing, "I wasn't planning on leaving. I'll find a chair somewhere..."
"The hell you will," interrupted Don. "There's room for two right here." He pulled on Mac's hand.
"You need your rest," protested Mac.
"I always sleep better when I've got you next to me, Mac," said Don. He reached up and touched Mac's face. "Just hold me until I fall asleep." He yawned theatrically. "Shouldn't be too long!"
"All right," said Mac, climbing carefully on to the bed beside Don. "But don't blame me when the nurses find us and throw me out." He lay on his side, one arm wrapping itself protectively around Don, who snuggled close to him.
"You and me, Mac...we're gonna be okay, right? I mean, I know I told Stella we're good...but we are okay? We weren't just bullshitting her or nothing?"
Mac leaned over and kissed Don gently on the lips. "Two things, Don. Firstly, do you really think I would dare to bullshit Stella?" Mac watched the smile appear on Don's face. A smile which widened as Mac added, "Secondly, it may not be easy...but yeah, I think we'll be okay."
And they were.
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The End