Chapter 3

Senseless

Soubi's POV

Shuddering wakefulness, my body sat up quickly in fear, fear of what I wasn't quite sure. There was really nothing to be afraid of after all the only that I ever needed to live was tucked securly in my arms, sleeping soundly. My fear calms and my heart returns to normal. Lying back down my arms unconsiously tighten around my angel. My mind thinks back to all the good times we've shared, latter on in our relationship when he felt comfortable with being bold in public we would laugh at the looks old ladys would give us. They were always whispering and sighing, shakeing their heads as though we were sickly children who had brought it on ourselves. We would laugh so happily. Sighing I came out of my daydream, it was good to remember the good times in times of darkness. What was the meaning behind Seimi and Ritsu's return...and I thought Seimi was dead...was that just a set up as well. My head was starting to hurt quiet a bit. I stroked a bit of hair away from my loves face, a face that had long forgotten the smiles of happiness, for so long he was just an empty shell, with no emotion at all. What would happen when he learnt that Seimi was alive...would he actually go back to his brother...no I refuse to believe that he would do that, he is not evil. My thoughts shifted to what he had done last night, practically sexual harrasment...did he have Ritsu do that to Ritsuka, my thoughts raced with anger and I pulled my small love closer to me. My Ritsuka is sexually innocent, something like that proabally scared the living shit out of him. Hell it scared the living shit out of me. Things were getting twisted and what if they came back. How would I explain to Ritsuka that his brother was not dead and that he was seeking to destroy both of us. What had Seimi meant the there was nothing to stop his brother from returning to him. I didn't like that. I could not survive without my Ritsuka, he was my world I could lose everything and as long as I still had him thats all I need.

A sharp ringing peirced the silince makeing me jump and Ritsuka start. I glanced at the cell phone reaching out for it I was afraid to look to see who it was. Sighing in relief when I relized it was Kio. I answered it.

"Moshi, moshi." I said waiting for a responce. Ristsuka was stirring and stretching makeing me smile.

"Yes Kio I'm at home...hmm yes Ritsuka is here...why?" Ritsuka looked up at me sleep still heavy on his eyes.

"You want to come over...hmm oh thats right it is Ritsuka's birthday." He looked up startled and I smiled giving him a quick kiss...he blushed.

"Yes thats fine around two then it is, that'll be lovely." Kio's feelings had changed when it came to Ritsuka, he used to hate the boy with a passion, now he saw him as a little brother...he had hated him because I had loved him, but after a while when Kio relized that even though he was my closest friend I would never be able to love him as I did Ritsuka. He had given up on me and after a while he had fallen in love with another whom he has been dating for six years...another man...I think Yuki is his name, a quiet shy young man with great writing talents, he has long black hair and amethyst eyes that held a sort of sadness but when you see him and Kio on the street its like a love story.

"Yes you can bring Yuki hes always welcome here, your bringing the food fine by me I don't really feel like cooking ok then see you later Kio...you too...bye Kio." He still teased me all the time but it was just teasing anymore between friends though he could no longer call me a pedophile because Ritsuka was now nineteen, but he always thought up diffrent things to call me. I hung up the phone sitting it to the side. Smiling down at Ritsuka I gave him a kiss and he blushed yet agian.

"So Kio and Yuki are comeing by latter?" He asked looking at the clock wich was still unplugged. Glaring at it as though he expected it to plug itself in if he did, he sighed and turned to face me burrowing into the warmth of the bed and my chest. Giving a small laugh I stroked his ears, he leaned into the warm touch.

"We should really get up Ritsuka," He shook his head, he was content just to lie beside me, it made me happy but we should get up."I know we could take a bath!" That got his attention.

"As in together?" He asked befudeled. That wasn't exactly what I had in mind but the thought was better.

"Yes, will you as long as I promise not to do anything funny...please Ritsuka...please." I practically beg..its his fault hes the one who came up with the idea. He seemd to contemplate it for a while. Then looking at me with a sincer look and a small smile.

"You have to keep your promise this time Soubi, or you'll really regret it." My heart was soaring he was going to let me take a bath with him. I got up and pulled him up with me, he laughed and tripped over his own feet falling into me makeing us both fall to the ground. He landed on top of me, and for the third time that morning he blushed. I kissed his cheek and picked us both up off the floor. We walked to the bathroom in comfertable silence. As I brushed my hair and put it in a ponytail he filled the tub and got in. I smiled looking over at him he was lounging back his eyes closed as he enjoyed the warm water washing over his body...I was enjoying the sight as well. He opened one eye and looked at me smirking. I walked over with nothing but a towl on and he sat up indecating that I was to sit behind him. Fine by me I thought dropping the towl and getting in savoring the feel of the warm water, my muscels screamed with pleasure at the feel of it, it immediatly began to ease my tension. I sat back as Ritsuka had done and he lay back on me. True to promise I simply wrapped my amrs around his shoudlders, nuzzeling my face into his hair. His hair was always so soft I loved his hair, it was one of my Ritsuka fetishes...though at times I simply thought that Ritsuka himself was my fetish it would make sense.

"Hmm Soubi this was a good idea its relaxing." He says breaking the comfertable silnce. His voice was low and relaxed backing up his statement.

"Hmm I'm glad Ritsuka thought of it." I said giving him the credit he was due though he would probally only take it as one of my weird moment were I thought that anything good came from only him. Which he did he gave a small laugh and heaved a deep relaxed sigh. I sat him up a bit and began to wash his back, his head lolled to the side completely and totaly relaxed not moveing at all. If I wasn't careful the boy might fall back asleep. So being me I bent down a bit and gave him a tickilish kiss on the neck, he jerked around looking at me about to say something, but I caught his lips in a kiss before a single word was uttered. He gasped a bit but just smiled into the kiss. We parted and I smiled at him, his face was annoyed but it was in a loveing way.

"Soubi you baka." He said turning back around he moved away and turned to face me fully. He smiled evily and splashed water in my face. It caught me off gaurd and he knew it. Sputtering I looked up at him but my words caught in my throat when I saw him smiling at me, so perfect so innocent, eyes closed head cocked to the side he was beautiful. My breath shuddered out of my lungs love filling every part of me. He looked at me and knew he had me in his grip, his innocent deadly grip.

"Ritsuka is acting very strange this morning is there somthing you want in particular?" I asked trying to break away from my sudden bout of extream infatuation and captivity.

"Hmm Soubi I want you to kiss me, I want you to kiss me like its the last time we will ever kiss." He said his face his voice serious and for a moment it scared me. He wanted me to kiss him like I would never kiss him again. But I would kiss him again. But I obeyed him dispit being a little unsetteled by his unusal command. The kiss was deep and passionite and every emotion I felt was poured into it, love for my young master the fear from the other night my confusion from his command. And everything he felt was poured into me, love, trust, hope and there was fear he was afraid of something but not even he knew what it was. And there was desperation, he was desperate for this kiss the affermation that I did indeed love him, that even though he was loveless I would always love him, I could practically taste his want for love for the name of loveless to dissaper. It felt like we were stuck like that for hours and then there was a need to breath. We broke apart practically gasping for breath. He was looking down at the water...that was what he wanted to know that I did love him, and he wanted me to know that that had been on his mind. I smiled lifting his face up, and he smiled back at me.

"Lets gets dressed love Kio and Yuki will be here soon." I smile and he nods, we get out dryed off and got dressed. Sitting in the living room on the sofa we relax hes lying in my arms playing with my hair. He seems to be in deep thought. And with the frown set so deep I'm begining to wonder about what.

"Um Soubi are you ok...I mean better...because well I mean...last night...you seemed so scared...so out of it I was really worried." He looked up at me. So thats what he was thinking about. He was worried about me...for some reason that made me warm on the inside.

"I'm better now Ritsuka, thank you for your concern." I really want to avoid this conversation, and at that moment theres a knock on the door. I have never loved Kio this much. Ritsuka looked at the door for a moment and removed himself from the sofa to open the door, the whole time my eyes on him, he had grown much taller hes still shorter than me though. Sometimes when I'm just wakeing up or the light hits him just right he does look like his brother and it unsettles me but then he will move and look at me with those large innocent eyes those loveing eyes and all thoughts of Seimi are gone, because Seimi's eyes never held love. Pulling myself out of that I watch him look out the little peep hole and unlock the door, he barely had the knob turned before the door burst open and he was tackled to the ground by Kio, Yuki walking in politely behind him.

"Ah Ritsuka-kun Happy Birthday I brought cake!" He said still hugging the young man tightly around the neck...still on the floor. I move to take the parcills of food frim Yuki and watch with an amused look as Ritsuka vainly tries to remove Kio's larger body from his own. I know from experiance that it take a considerable amount of force to get Kio to budge unless he wants to.

"I am glad to see Kio as well but Kio I can't breath." Ritsuka choked out only causeing Kio to laugh even more. I shook my head and thought it safe to turn my back for a minute to lay the food down. Turning back I saw that Kio was now tickiling Ritsuka who, between his insane fits of laughter, was glaring at Kio. Yuki stood to the side he small grin on his face. Ritsuka's face was turning red from the laughter and I hated to admit it but I was just happy to see him laughing. Finally Kio stopped.

"Hmm Ritsuka-kun you smell good today." Kio said getting up off the poor boy I helped Ritsuka to his feet praying that Kio didn't also attack me.

"That was quite a greeting Kio maybe you should't have such a long period of absence between visits." I say my hands resting lightly on Ritsuka's shoulders, who is still promptly glaring at Kio in a way that said I will get you back. I knew Ritsuka, Kio was going to regret what he had just done.

"Maybe your right Soubi...anyway you remember Yuki of coarse and you know me so lets have cake." He said taking Yuki's hand sitting him down on the other sofa loveingly. We talked over cake and I could see Ritsuka silently planning a way to get Kio back. This might get a little dirty. When everyone was finished Ritsuka was takeing up the plates he got to Kio and I watched in utter amusment as a plate of cake and icecream hit the older man in the face and fell to into his lap, I snorted with laughter and Yuki had a hand over his mouth stiffiling his. Ritsuka quickly grabbed the plates and stuffed them in the garbage sitting next to me to avoid Kio.

"You little brat!" Kio said wiping cake out of his eyes. Ritsuka stuck his tounge out at Kio and clung to me, telling me silently 'Don't let him touch me.' I smiled I wouldn't let Kio touch him, he was my Ritsuka after all. Yuki handed Kio a towl and helped him get the cake from his hair and face...all the time laughing and being glared at by Kio.

"You brought it on yourself love you know that." Yuki said softly. As he loveingly sewpt the last few of the cake crumbs from Kio's hair. Kio glared at Ritsuka a moment more and smiled.

"Your good brat...though you arn't really a brat anymore...you know your the same age Soubi was when he first met up with you at your school seven years." Kio said makeing me think, he was right, how very odd. Ritsuka blinked really thinking about it and smiled. Kio started another very intrestion conversation about pickles and my mind wandered off. I was absentmindly staring at Yuki but not really seeing him, untill that is a felt a hand on my own.

"Are you ok Soubi?" It was Risuka's voice I blinked actually seeing the young man infront of me and every one staring at me.

"Hm I'm sorry I was thinking about something, my apolagies." I nodded at Yuki who nodded back Kio was staring at me funny, he had ben my friend long enough to know something was up.

"I think I'll make some tea, would you mind helping me Yuki?" He looked at the other man.

"Oh no not at all, it would give Kio and Soubi some time to catch up as well." Ok I got that apparently Kio wanted to talk to me, Yuki knew this without Kio telling him, the bond they shared was amazing deeper than most Fighter and Sacrifice couples. I watched them leave the room and turned to Kio.

"What happened to him Soubi, his neck in bandages and a bruise on his cheek, don't think I haven't noticed." He said he voice was serious and his eyes were dark.

"I hope your not insunuating that I did those things to Ritsuka, Kio." My voice was dark I would not be accused of harming Ritsuka I would never do something like that to him.

"No Soubi I would never accuse you of abuseing Ritsuka, but I would like to know what happened to him." Kio's voice was lighter now. He moved to sit next to me showing me I guess that he was my friend that he as there for me.

"He was jumped on the way home from the store and well Kio, he had a nightmare in which he doesn't remember what happened but he awoke with the same marking around his neck that I have around mine." I told him my voice was small and I was suddenly filled with the need to tell somebody what had happened, so slowly I told him in some weird way all that had happened up to Seimi and Ritsu's departure last night. When I was done my voice was actuallt choked with emotion. Kio had my hand in his.

"Soubi have you told Ritsuka what happened?" He asked his voice soothing trying to calm me down. I shook my head I couldn't tell Ritsuka that his brother was alive, this his brother was trying to break us apart that there was a chance that his brother was trying to kill us. There was no way to tell my love all this it would tear him apart.

"What they did to you what they could have done to Ritsuka this is serious Soubi." Kio said. I nodded sighing, the sound of glass hitting the floor starteled us both.

"Ritsuka-kun are you ok," A voice yelled." Soubi, Kio quick something is wrong with Ritsuka-kun!" Yuki's voice was panicked I was up before Kio knew what was happened, I was in the kitchen. Yuki was staring he couldn't move there was a shattered glass on the floor and Ritsuka was also on the floor his head in his hands screaming but the scream was silent. His breathing was labored.

"Ritsuka...Ritsuka can you hear me love RITSUKA!" I was yelling but couldn't hear me. Kio was holding Yuki who was freaking out. I bent to be next to him still none the wiser as to what was going on.

"Soubi...help me SOUBI!" He yelled and fell back landing in the shattered glass quickly I picked him up holding him to me. His eyes had rolled into the back of his head and there was a strange gurgling sound comeing from him.

"There...I see...I see...FIRE...theres fire Soubi fire...SEIMI...no stop Seimi stop...SEIMI!" He jerked forward almost causing me to lose my grip on him. He was shaking violently now and my heart was breaking seeing him like this. Seimi haunting his dreams. And then it stopped he went limp and fell back in my arms, I was fighting back tears. Picking him up I took him him to the living area and lay him on the Sofa, Kio and Yuki following timidly. I turned to Kio.

"Would you mind picking up the glass and stuff I don't want to leave his side?" I asked him my voice sounded hollow even to me. Kio nodded moveing back into the kitchen. Yuki knelt down beside me and Ritsuka.

"W-what happened to him?" He asked his voice timid as though I would be angry at him for asking...I smiled a small sad smile down at him.

"I don't know Yuki it...it...I don't know." Soubi said. Kio came back into the room and looked sadly upon the young neko-boy.

"Its cleaned up in there I think we had better be going but Soubi if anything happens anything at all, I want you to contact me immeditatly." He was serious his eyes were soft. He could tell I was in pain becuase of this...I had every right to be. I couldn't say anything so I nodded my head and Kio bent down giving me a swift friendly kiss on the cheek and turned to Yuki. He smiled at me one last time and they left, hand in hand, worry pulsating from their very being. I wasn't to sure what I should do about this...this thing. So ever so gently I picked up my small love and carried him to the bed, sitting just so he was laying on me. His breathing had returned to normal, but it was all but normal. I could feel tears manifesting there hot wet selves in my eyes, and for once in my life I didn't push them away. How could I when the love of my life lay in such agony. A strained voice broke through my pain.

"S-soubi?" It asked feebly, I smiled down at him, it was all I could think to do.

"Are you feeling better my love?" I asked him, hopeing he couldn't read the lingering tightness in my voice or the redness in my eyes.

"I-I don't know what happened I...you were crying." His small hand touch my cheek gently, loveingly. I find it amazing that he can find compassion and love for another in a situatation such as this. It pains me to think, that what he saw in his nightmare might have actually been a vison of the future.

"I was worried for you my love." I was glad to see that there was no actual lingering fear in his eyes, but I could feel it in his heart.

"You cried...for me...oh Soubi I am so sorry I worried you." He pulled me to him in a tight embrace and I felt the tears well up again but these I refused to shed. I had to be strong I was the fighter, I had to be the wall for my sacrifice for my lover for my Ritsuka.

"Can you tell me what you remembered of the dream love, it would help you to sort things out." My voice was muffled by Ritsuka's hair, longer than it used to be it fell to about the length of my own. Ritsuka leaned from me avoiding my eyes, he was ashamed of his weakness, as that was what it was in his eyes but to me it was something else maybe I couldn't put a name to it like he wanted but it was far from weakness.Lifting his chin I looked deep into his eyes brushing my lips against his softly, giving him reassurance that I was there for him and no force on this world or any other would change that. Okay maybe that was a bit cliche but it was true, our whole life was turning out to be a cliche romance novel.

"All I can remember," Came the mumbled begining. "Is a fire, much like the one Seimi died in, but Seimi wasn't there, in the chair; it was...it was...you and then I saw Seimi and that silver haired guy that jumped me watching us as the fire raged and they were laughing at us enjoying our pain...Soubi I don't think Seimi is dead." He told me seriously.

"I believe your right my love." He looked like he was about to cry. He had guessed the truth I had not yet told him, he knew even if he denied it that Seimi's only goal was to kill us. Or maybe have us kill each other, that sounded more like Seimi the more I thought about it. I think Ritsuka could feel or see my thoguhts because he looked up at me in horror voicing my thoughts.

"You think he will have us kill each other...does he have that power?" I couldn't answer for fear I would lose my composure but I could hold him feeding him my answer through all that I was he learnt the truth all that had happened the night before my fears and my worried, even my regret that this was indeed happening, I felt him shifting though the thoughts in my head. And suddenly I heard his voice; 'Will he take you from me Soubi, is that how he plans to destroy us, to order you to kill me?' I mentaly kissed him and physicaly tightened my grip on him. 'Ritsuka I would kill myself before I even thought about killing you.' And I could see in Ritsuka's mind a replay of the first day he dreamnt about a darker fire.

Flahsback

'Soubi if Seimi came back to life and ordered you to kill me would you do it?' The younger mans voice was small but the question was signifcant I turn confused and startled.

'Seimi...is dead.' That was always my way out of things answer the what ifs logically.

'Thats why I said IF," He was angry and I ignored him, it was better to ignor now he grew frustrated and grabbed my coat shaking me slightly."Answer me Soubi, you'd kill me right?' The anger mixed with sadness and desperation in his voice proved to much for my walls I looked away in regret.

'Probally...'Came my answer. My coat was released and there was a sharp intake of the cold air, I could feel Ritsuka's heart breaking along with my own, and then his heart broken voice speaking those empty words.

'I knew it.' Was all he said and the he began to run past me, back into his fortress that I had been trying to break down. I grabbed his arms and he turned to me slightly.

'What is it?' He struggled to get me to relesase him.

Ritsuka..'I began but was interuptted.

'No I don't want to hear your exuses.' His vioce was choked on tears.

'If that day ever came I would die first because...I couldn't imagen a life without my Ritsuka.' That seemed to shock him more than the orginal answer to his question.

'Baka.' He said and I could feel a tear at the corner of my eye my first ever tear when it came to pain.

End Flashback

"I believed you then and I believe you know, but Soubi I order you not to die, on my, or anyone elses behalf...is that understood?" I nodded glad to be out of the memory it cause me pain for some weird reason that night I felt as though we were being watched.

"Are you still hungry I could fix us something love." My thought was random but it lightened the mood considerably. My love nodded his head and clung to me tighter not wanting to be separate from me. I held him it was all I could think to do was to hold him. It was the only logically thing that could possiably be happeing.

"Soubi," Came my Ritsuka's voice it was slightly pained and I tightened my grip on him." I don't want Seimei to take you away from me, I would die if you wern't here beside me." If it had been possiable fot me to hold him any tighter I would have.

"I won't let him do that love, I'm not his anymore and I have this feeling that I never really was his to begin with." It seemed logical. How could I love someone else besides my sacrfice...unless of course the sacrifice was never mine to begin with. So many odd questions began popping into my mind.

"I mean it if he took you from me I would die...I would die without you, I would kill myself if I didn't have you." For some reason his words scared me. And I knew that he was telling the truth, but it was as though he was predicting the future. I didn't want him to die.

"Don't say that love...it scares me." I confessed and he gave me a small smiled. I loved him so much. The unbearable thought of him dieing was tearing at my soul. It terrified me beyond what words could explain. A almost physical grip on my heart, a firey hand that held it in a tight forever hotter grip and wouldn't let go. My soul and my body was desperate, I need my Ritsuka I couldn't lose especially not to Seimei. I pulled back from him a bit and kissed him, with passion. He gasped a bit in surprise at first. But he seemed to be feeling the need as well, because he kissed back with a passion to match. I ran my hand a long the small of his back. Not going past my boundries. I knew where to stop unless he told me to go further, which had never happened.I knew that when my Ritsuka was ready he would tell me. I pressed my tongue against his lips seeking entrance, which he granted immediatly. A boundry we had long ago passed. When he kissed me I found it amazing that he fit me so perfectly. We fought for dominice, I won in the end and he smiled into the kiss, running his small hands through my hair. I moved to the delicate skin of his neck, sucking and licking. He tossed his head back at the touch and I smiled giving him a small bite. He cried out in surprise, and I licked the angry mark in apology. Moving back up I captured his lips passionitly and flipped over putting him under me. He smiled running his hands along my shoulder blades, he was being very bold. My hands stroked the curve of his hips and up his ribs eventually reaching his hair and rubbing gently at the base of his adorable ears. Finaly we broke apart smiling at each other.Out of breath, in a move I wouldn't normally make I moved down a bit and laid my head on his small, compact chest. Closing my eyes I listened to his heartbeat. For some strange reason it made me calm. It was a reassurance that he was still alive, still here with me. He was still mine and nothing was going to change that. I felt a smile in his heart. And a gentle hand ran through my hair. There was a love between us that neither of us had ever known. No words were need for us to get the emotions we felt across. He knew by the simpil act of me lying on him, that at the moment I just needed to be close to him, to have him next to me. He was everything to me. I could feel his love for me as well. And I could feel his fear. I knew he was afriad he was going to lose me. That something that was going to happen to break us apart. I was afraid of that aswell. But I wouldn't let him feel my fear. I had to be strong for him. I was his pillar. I had to be, no one else would. Seimei used to be, but his brother is bent on destruction now and I have this feeling he will be doing nothing to comfort his younger brother.

"I love you Soubi...you know that right?" His voice startled me. I had been lost in my own world and I though he had drifted off.

"I know that love...and I love you as well, stop worrying about things for a little bit lets just take it easy, if just for this moment...lets pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist." Id the world didn't exist I couldn't be happier. Ritsuka was my life, I need nothing else for happiness.

"Yes but if Seimei is back, doesn't that mean that you'll go back to him?" His voice was so small I could barely hear him, his words pained me.

"No love I won't go back to him, I used to think I would but I won't I do not and never did love Semei the way I love you." His massageing hands stoped on my back and I could feel tiny digits digging into my back. I looked up at him. He was staring at the wall, silent tears running down his face, and from the look he had though it was slight, he was angry he couldn't stop the tears. But that look was overcome by the grief and fear that rested in his beautiful eyes. Moveing up I kissed the tears away.

"I will not leave you Ritsuka, and whatever comes to pass we will get through, and we will be strong." He nodded. Fighting back more tears. It made me hate Seimei even more."Lets go to sleep babe." He nodded and I sat up off of him. He moved to his side of the bed slipping off his shirt and changing into a pair of shorts he had found on the floor. I did the same but put on my sleep pants instead. I lay down behind him. He lay on his back only have way covered up. I ran a pale hand through his hair. He closed his eyes at the contact. I moved my hands to his stomache. Over the many scares that lay there, symbols of the many years of torture he suffered from living with his mother. At first he had been very self consious about the scares but he was practically oblivious to them now. He gave a sigh and I could feel his breathinng even out. He was drifting off. I was to afriad to go to sleep afriad Seimei would still the love of my life from under my arms. I never wanted to sleep again I just wanted to protect him. My beautiful lover. My Fallen Angel.