She slid carefully onto the desk, pressing her palms against the cool, hard wood, gracefully using balance, finesse and a little Force.

"So?" she smiled lightly staring at his aged demeanor.

Her teacher, never master, arched an eyebrow and glared. "That is not a proper greeting, Pad- Knight Revan, nor is it a grammatically correct sentence. I would have thought you would know better."

Revan sighed and leaned her hands against her knees. "Any words of wisdom for the freshly knighted, Master Vrook?"

Vrook snorted, dryly. "Yes, get off my desk."

She grinned brightly and dangled her feet off the side, making no move to comply. "You said you'd tell me about the true Nomi Sunrider and Ulic Qel-Droma story when I was knighted."

Vrook turned from his datapads and glared at her. "I said no such thing."

Revan nodded thoughtfully and twirled and an absent finger through her hair. "Yes… I thought you might have forgotten, so I took the precaution of spending six hours tracking down the holofeed from the archives of that day when you said it."

He said nothing but stared at her evenly.

She beamed at him and pulled the small holo out of her new knight's robes. She placed it on the desk and opened it.

A small blue light shone through and two figures were standing near the holoreceptor.

"Master Vrook! But these datapads don't match up with these other ones. You were there in the War of Exar Kun – you should know what happened? I don't know why you won't tell me."

Vrook squared off his shoulders and ran a hand over his thinning hair. "You are not mature enough, Apprentice, to deal with the truths of that particular story. When you are older I might consider speaking to you about it."

The little girl sighed dramatically, shifting the datapads in her arms. "But- okay what about when I'm a Padawan?"

"Not even if you were mine."

"A Knight? I'll have access to a fuller section of the archives then." It was easy to tell her eyes were gleaming in excitement even through the small screen.

"Fine… Apprentice. When you are a Knight I will answer your questions. Now get back to work."

Revan flicked off the holo and smiled at him.

Vrook frowned. "You spent three hours searching for that when you could have been doing something productive – this is not a good start to your knightship, Revan."

She waggled her finger. "A Knight must always be prepared."

Vrook frowned. "That's the Coruscanti Scout motto – not a Jedi Knight."

Revan sighed and rested back against her palms. "Jedi also keep their word?"

He shook his head and shifted around to face her completely. "Why are you so interested in this? It is just the follies of times past – we must move on and keep better to the rigors and rules set forth."

She blinked carefully. "How can we learn from our mistakes if we don't study our pasts?"

Vrook stared at Revan. "What drives you to annoy me?"

Revan grinned. "Oh, come on Vrook you know I'm your favorite!"

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Do not delude yourself."

She poked his chair with her foot. "Stop putting it off – I just want to know."

"Your thirst for knowledge will be your downfall, Knight Revan."

She resisted rolling her eyes. "Okay, can you give me the lecture after you tell me?"

Hardened blue eyes stared back at her and he made a frustrated gesture. "I did not know them very well – even before Master Sunrider left the temple to journey on her own terms."

Revan sighed. "Here I thought there was some great mystical thing that you were going to finally share with me…"

Vrook frowned. "Life is not a holonovel, Revan."

"I know that," she snapped and then smiled lightly and waved her hand. "Sorry I just-" she shook her head and hopped off the desk. "I thought even though you're no longer my teacher I could still learn something." She shrugged. "But if you didn't know them, you didn't know them." Revan frowned and shoved her hands in her robes. She had built this moment up too much in her mind. Ulic Qel-Droma was – well he was legendary and some of the teachings that Nomi Sunrider left were fantastic and full of insight.

"Revan." Vrook's voice was hard and there was the slightest tremor through the Force. "I said I did not know them well. I knew- I knew Exar Kun well."

Revan turned slowly. "How well?" None of the other masters would talk about Exar Kun. Some of the Jedi still didn't even know he'd originally been one, to all he was just the Dark Lord that had trounced on their Jedi ways and taken good men and women from the Jedi.

"Well enough," he gruffed, "He was arrogant, close minded, and thought that he had the answer to everything. His downfall was obvious and anyone who didn't see it and fell with him was a complete fool."

She closed her eyes carefully. There was a break in Vrook's façade – a crack in his hard Jedi demeanor. She opened them again and nodded slowly before grinning. "Well that's just the usual warning I guess. Good to know it still applies."

"Arrogance is something that cannot be ignored, Revan. It will be your failing if you let it."

Revan frowned. "I'm not arrogant. That's not why I was asking-" She squared off her shoulders. "Master Vrook, I'm not a little Padawan anymore. You don't have to over warn me about the dangers of the dark side."

He stood sharply. "Overconfidence also cannot go unhindered."

She kept her arms straight at her side. She would not yell at a Jedi master. She was a Knight now. She would not tell him exactly where he could go. "I was just asking a question. Don't worry I won't be that foolish to do it again."

"Revan," he said through a straight jaw. There was something off – something that she couldn't quite grasp at. He'd always been strict, but this was like she'd cut him.

She stared at him. "I'm not going to fall."

Vrook met her gaze. "Everyone who falls believes that."

Why was he so insistent with her? She hadn't done anything that was out of Jedi protocol and order – she'd just come in and asked a question. Sitting on his desk hadn't been overtly obnoxious and she had done much worse without so much of a rebuke. She breathed deeply; nothing she was going to do was ever going to please him. She'd never be his equal – but maybe he had a point. Was she overconfident? Well she knew that was true, obviously.

She bowed slightly. "I'm sorry, Master Vrook. I-I'll meditate on it."

Vrook didn't say anything he just stared at her with unreadable eyes. "See that you do. It would be a waste for you to fall Revan… a great waste."

"Thanks."

"Pride will be your downfall as well, Revan."

She threw her head back in annoyance. "Okay now you're just doing it to bug me!"

Vrook snorted and shook his head. "I don't focus my daily dealings just to bug you, Revan. Do not think so highly of yourself."

Revan grinned, the tension from the slight argument earlier dissipating. "I couldn't think highly of myself – the Jedi Temple is one of the lowest buildings on Coruscant."

Vrook raised an eyebrow. "Humor – is the path to the dark side. Especially when the jokes are as bad as that."

She didn't let her grin fall. "I'll work on it."

Revan coughed as she descended off the docking ramp of the Ebon Hawk. The dust that had settled around the area where she'd finally managed a landing was caking in the back of her throat. "Son of a schutta, that was hard."

T3 beeped angrily at her from the Hawk.

Revan waved him off. "Shut up and stay on the ship. I landed just fine." She stared around the unfamiliar ruins and frowned. "Where exactly I landed is the question."

All she knew was that Juhani was helping with the Taris restoration project and that it was even more encompassing, at the moment, than the Telos project, because of the massive amounts of urbanization that the planet possessed. Rebuilding the three levels of people and infrastructure was more to pick up than a farming and tourism planet. She tried not to dwell on what Telos made her think of. Tried not imagine exactly what Carth 'flyboy' Onasi was doing at that very instant.

Of course, that failed. Revan's mood steadily decreased. If it had only been a couple of weeks and it was already starting to wear on her. She missed being self-sufficient when she didn't depend on people or need them. Or at least she had convinced herself that she didn't. Being a Jedi and a Sith had been so simple. She just had to take care of her own interests in regards to what she was. Now that she was somewhere in-between and had people she cared about, she wished she could go back to the time where she could push them all away.

This part of Taris was unfamiliar, but it didn't look like the sector she was supposed to land in. A flash of silver caught her eye and she jogged over to where a protocol droid was wandering around.

"What's your designation?" she clipped as.

The silver droid turned to her. "C8-72, Republic Issue information droid. Why are you in this sector, sentient? Do you have the proper clearance?"

Revan snorted. "Proper clearance? It's a wasteland here, what are you afraid I'm going to steal some rubble?"

The droid did not respond to her jibe. "Sentient. You are in sector 4A, clearance level 3. It is my duty to escort you to a standard security zone if you do not have the proper clearance."

She rolled her eyes and pulled out her lightsaber. "Is this enough clearance, you bucket of bolts? Or do I have to turn it on?"

"Sentient. You must desist in this avenue. A lightsaber could deign you as Sith, who are not cleared or a Jedi."

"I'm a Je-" the words died on her lips. She wasn't a Jedi, not anymore. Not for a long time. "I'm not a Sith." That at least was true. "I'm here to see Jedi Knight Juhani Aeis."

The droids eye's whirred for a moment. "Jedi Knight Juhani Aeis is in sector 6G – maximum security clearance. Only Jedi Knights are allowed in that area."

Revan groaned. "Fine, then let me up there."

"Only Jedi Knights are allowed in that area."

She clenched her fists together, resisting the all too tempting urge to turn C8 into scrap metal. "Well then send a message to Juhani and she can come get me."

"Messages can only be sent with the proper cle-"

Revan cut the droid off. "If you finish that sentence I will hurt you."

"Unnecessary violence will not be responded to. Powering down. Good day." C8-72 deactivated and Revan just stood slack jawed staring at it.

"Son of a bitch." She brushed off her robes and coughed. It was going to be a long day.

The landscape of Taris was completely different than before; wreckage was condensed into tiny squares for disposal, where once tall structures had stood. The scent of a finely-tuned upper city was now replaced with a rotting smell that hung in the air. Revan picked up a piece of metal covered in the light red dust, which seemed to blanket the entire landscape. She moved her thumb against it clearing a trail on the metal. She glanced at her skewed reflection and frowned.

"This one's not my fault."

She dropped the metal on the dusty ground and kept walking.

Her legs were beginning to burn. It had been an extremely long walk in a sector that had either had low priority or had already been swept through. She didn't exactly know where she was headed, but Juhani had to be somewhere and the sooner Revan found her the sooner she could leave.

"Who's there?" a fierce voice called out. "You're not cleared for this sector."

"Well you're cleared to kiss my ass, you stupid –" mid way through what would have been a delightful initiation into the swearing languages of the Chiss hierarchy, Revan's voice caught in her throat. "Zaedra?"

The purple Twi'lek narrowed her eyes as she limped down a low slopping hill of rubble. She stopped and that thin line she called a mouth turned down. "Swoop Racer."

The first thing Revan wanted to say was an exclamation about the fact that the annoying Twi'lek was alive, but she figured that might be a little rude considering the circumstances. Luckily for her, diplomacy training with Kae had taught her not to say the first thing that came to mind – most of the time.

She brushed her robes off and flashed a grin. "Crawled out of the rubble, did we?" Unfortunately the second thing that came to mind was usually worse than the first.

Zaedra leaned on the leg she was favoring and glared. "Gadon had many precautionary plans in place. A good half of us got away from the majority of the blast."

"Gadon made it out okay?" Revan smiled. He was about the one person on Taris she had actually liked. But from the face Zaedra made the answer was clear. "Oh…"

"He stayed behind to help the others and ended up right in an impact zone." Zaedra's voice was hard and brittle. "It seems your plan to save Bastila ended up well for you. Only one ship made it off Taris before the razing."

Revan rested one hand on her hip. "I'm looking for Jedi Knight Juhani Aeis – she should be in sector 6G. Can you take me there?"

Zaedra flicked one headtail sharply, the other one just seemed to hang there as limp as her leg. "You always seem to want something."

"Don't we all," Revan muttered and then sighed. "Look the sooner I find her the sooner I leave and never seen your face again." She eyed the woman meaningfully, "Or vice versa."

Zaedra frowned at her and shook her head. "Fine. Follow me. But don't talk, I'd as soon forget you before you left."

"The feeling is mutual, I assure you."

The landscape started to repeat itself after a while. Tarisian architecture had many fairly unique buildings in every area, but it turned out that they all fell the same. Revan popped her knuckles against her thigh and sighed. "Are we there yet?"

Zaedra glanced back and frowned. "It was a big city. Now it's a big group of restoration sectors."

Revan slid forward to match pace with the limping, but still fast gaited, woman. "You ever go to the Upper Levels?"

Zaedra glanced balefully at Revan and frowned. "There are many areas of the Upper City that are flocked with other species than humans. Just because something is illegal doesn't mean it's followed. Or did you follow all the laws where you're from?" she tipped the working lekku inquisitively.

"On occasion, I've been known to follow the rules," Revan said conversationally. "That's what I've been told at least."

Zaedra snorted dryly looking less than amused when there was a high-pitched cry from somewhere around the bend. "Savior!"

Revan glanced to the other side of them looking for whatever Savior this woman was yelling at, but there was no one beside them. She looked up at Zaedra who was frowning, which meant her expression hadn't changed.

But there was no way the approaching woman could be talking about Revan. The only thing she had saved on Taris was Bastila, who still wouldn't own up to the fact.

"The herald of prophecy!" the woman said breathlessly running up to them and grasping Revan's hands.

"Shit."

"You know this outcast?" Zaedra's frown seemed to increase, if that was possible.

Revan finally moved her hands away from the Under Citian and glared. "No. Or – maybe."

"I am Shaleena," the woman said, brushing hair back from her face. She turned towards Zaedra and straightened her posture a bit. "And I am no longer an Outcast. The purge of Taris cleared our names and we are the majority of the land."

The haggard looking beggar moved forward. Carth took a protective step forward as well, putting a hand on his blaster.

"Here in the filth and darkness," the beggar continued in a solemn voice, "we claw out a wretched existence, scavenging and begging just to survive long enough to see another wretched day."

"Right," she muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes. Vaguely she wondered if she kicked them out of the way if Carth would get upset again. He was easier to handle when he wasn't snappy.

"This is our village," the other beggar proclaimed. "We live here in the undercity. You have to pay us five credits for using our elevator!"

Carth made a scoffing noise. "I don't believe this planet! Even the beggars are trying to shake us down."

"Go on, you two! Get out of here!" another, decidedly female voice called out as a young woman approached and shooed the two beggars off. "I'm sorry about that…" she smiled brightly. Her eyes were slightly glazed. "Those two beggars give everyone in the village a bad name! We aren't all like that, you know. Most of us are good people."

"You're the what now?" Revan backed up from the two women and tried to remember where she'd seen Shaleena before.

"We were saved so we are now the majority on this planet. From paradise to a new Taris," Shaleena grinned brightly, her eyes adoringly glazed.

Revan still couldn't really remember her. "Uh… right. Well we have to uh go now." She glanced imploringly at Zaedra who had her lekku turned up in disgust.

Shaleena grabbed Revan's arm again. "But you are the savior – we must celebrate!"

Revan shook her off. "Look – I have absolutely no idea what the hell you're talking about."

"The Promised Land Journals," Shaleena tried to grab for her again, but Revan moved too quickly. "You gave them to Igear and he shared them with the rest of us. It was our saving grace. We made it to the tunnels just in time. Everyone except poor Igear made it out."

"Poor… Igear?" Revan blinked and tapped her fingers against her thighs. "Igear – promised land journals why did—oh." She felt like her stomach dropped into her feet. Right. The old man, Rukil. He'd told her that she was their saving grace. That she should go get a few journals – and she apparently had the sense of direction of a blind deaf ronto, so on their many detours in the sewers she'd found a few. And Igear had offered up 200 creds for them – and she hadn't actually thought that…

Shaleena was still smiling like an imbecile.

"Uh… yeah. He sure turned out to be a great guy." Revan tried to smile, it hurt her jaw.

Shaleena grabbed for her arms again and lit up. "You must come see the Majoral area!" She glanced sideways at Zaedra, "You may come if you wish as well, former separatist."

Zaedra finally smiled. "I'd be thrilled to."

Revan decided that smiles on Zaedra were not a good thing.

They were singing. The former out casts of the undercity were singing around a bonfire. They were singing around a bonfire.

And they were all tone deaf.

Revan closed her eyes and opened them again. No luck, she was still there. "I can't say I don't deserve this kind of hell, but I'm considering doing something worse and seeing what the next level is." She rubbed her head. "At least it would save my hearing."

One of Zaedra's lekku was curled around her shoulder in disgust. "It's the subject matter that bothers me."

Apparently the Savior of the Undercity - A Woman They Called Areet was a thrilling success. Revan shrugged. "Got my fake name wrong anyway." She glanced at her nails in the dim light. "Eh, artistic interpretation." At least they weren't trying to get her to dance with them again. She had to resist making the Under City extinct. She was good. Not evil.

Not evil.

If she kept telling herself that, maybe she'd believe it. "Hey, Zaedra?"

Zaedra arched an eyebrow and glanced at her. "What?"

"You think being a sick bastard is evil, or just in good taste considering the situation?" She leaned back on her heels.

The Twi'lek snorted. "I think given the current situation setting off a thermal detonator wouldn't be evil, it'd be the act of a saint."

"I could be a saint."

Zaedra didn't have a chance to respond, Revan caught sight of fur and a flash of luminance yellow eyes across the way and started walking over. She was sure the Twi'lek wouldn't miss her presence. It was one goodbye she didn't have to make. "Do you know," Revan started, the smile on her face widening, "How fracking far I had to walk just to get to your high quality prissy Jedi as—" The swear word on the tip of her tongue, surely to be accompanied by a few more died.

Juhani wasn't the only fur she'd spied. Or the only Cathar.

"Revan," Juhani's features lit up as she took her in, but Revan wasn't staring at her.

"You- You- You're Sylvar… I mean Master Sylvar, I mean… wow." Okay she was babbling. This was not becoming of a not-Jedi former Sith Lord. Revan coughed into her hand. "I uh… studied you and um…"

Sylvar raised her chin. "It's quite all right, Revan."

Right. Not smart to turn into a gibbering fangirl when one was infamous themselves. "Uh," she coughed into her hand again and smiled. "Juhani, the restoration looks amazing."

Juhani smiled at her, obscured slightly by the sheer mask around her face. "Yes. It has turned out very well and has been enlightening for me to see the home that haunted my dreams turned to such rubble."

"The Force is a great balancing act," Sylvar said with a nod and a look at Revan.

Suddenly she felt fourteen again like she'd run into Vima Sunrider. Peppered her with questions and been glared down so fast she'd hidden behind Malak for the rest of the day. "Hey, Giggles – you want we should start that walking thing in the other direction. I need to talk to you."

Juhani shook her head and made a stunning imitation of Bastila trying not to roll her eyes. "As you wish." She bowed to Sylvar. "Master Sylvar."

Sylvar shook her head in disapproval. "The work cannot be kept up at nightfall. I will see you in the morning, Juhani." She glanced at Revan and walked over towards the bonfire and tone-deaf Under citizen.

"Never thought I'd see stars on Taris," Revan murmured under her breath as she and Juhani began to walk further away from the bustling crowd that was going for another round of Savior worship. The sky was beautiful. Clusters of stars, blocked slightly by clouds that were just fine debris and dust that had collected in the atmosphere.

"I know why you have come, Revan." Juhani glanced up at the night sky and stopped once they were by a brushed area.

"Crap. Did Mission comm you too?" Revan shook her head. "I'm going to hang her by her stupid blue lekku when I get back." And maybe boil her in oil. That was always a classic.

Juhani shook her head. "No. I have not heard from Mission since the Star Forge." She folded her hands in front of her and took a deep breath. "I have sensed something dark within the Force for months. It overshadows the entire galaxy and is slowly getting larger."

Revan scratched her neck. "Did you tell this to Sylvar?"

"We have discussed it, yes. She believes it is the onset of another war. Another Exar Kun."

"And you believe…?" Revan tilted her head slightly to take in Juhani from another angle.

"I believe," the Cathar stared up at the sky, "that something new is coming. And that you would know what it was."

Revan smirked. "I don't really get Force visions, Giggles."

Juhani shook her head. "Revan. You do not have to act this way with me, I understand your pain."

Revan's jaw tightened and she crossed her arms under her chest. "Don't give me the Jedi crap, Juhani. If you know why I'm here and you understand me, you know what I'm going to say."

"Yes." Juhani smiled at her. "My answer is of course, yes. I will travel with you."

For a moment. Only a moment, Revan was tempted to just let her think that. Let Juhani keep that happy look on her face. But another part of her, the part that was slowly controlling more and more of her was angry. Angry that her friend was so stupid that she would put her happiness on accompanying Revan on a suicide mission.

"I'm going alone," Revan said stiffly. "I came to say goodbye."

Juhani stayed calm. The only change on her face was the wide smile going to a softer one. "I am coming with you. My safety is not a concern."

"Like hell it isn't," Revan snapped. She was fracking tired of people making assumptions that they could just—that she was worth them giving up their lives. That they wouldn't get in the way. "I care, Juhani."

"Not the way I do," Juhani said quietly. Her yellow eyes glowing in the darkness of night. "But that is all right, Revan. I have-"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Revan snapped back at her. She knew exactly what it meant, but she was still angry from her hurried confession on the rooftop of the Rakata. When everything had still been caving in, when she'd been talking to Ariate who had just found out she didn't exist.

Juhani eyed her sadly and a small smile crossed her face. "I could not love Dass the way he wanted me too," she said softly. "I could not, in the same sense give Belaya all that she wanted. I found that I cannot give myself completely, and forever - as Cathars mate for life, to anyone." She brushed some soot off her robes and pulled down the sheer cloth covering her face. "I could with you, Revan."

She shook her head suddenly. "But that is not the way it is to be. No matter how I feel you do not return the feelings and I do not fault you for that, as I have trod that on a few myself. The way of the Jedi is careful and sacrificing. Not in the brilliant way that you shine and decide to give everything up for those you love." She trailed off slightly, staring at some of the wreckage around them. Whether she was denying herself to be in that group or including herself, it seemed impossible to tell. Revan didn't want to know.

"But the way of the Jedi is to sacrifice everything for everyone. For the good of all people, not just the ones that your heart is attached to. That is why there is no attachment, because our hearts and souls are already spoken for, by every being in existence," she made a very feline gesture with her hands, clawing up her thigh. "That is not the right path for you. And I was not sure it was right for me, but you have shown me, by denying me - that I can have my great love and care with the Jedi and for them and the greater good."

"Oh well. I guess glorious be onto the savior of all. Me!" Revan blinked away the frustration that was welling in her eyes. "I'm so happy I helped you decide that, Juhani. So pleased that the self-sacrifice you can now gladly jump onto is all because of me. Just give me another medal!" Her hands were balling the sides of her robes into knots and in that brief moment she wanted strong arms around her – she wanted Malak. Revan closed her eyes tightly. She was tired of being two people. Tired of feeling things that disgusted another side of her.

She just wanted to be her again. But she didn't want to lose everything she'd gained from that. "Who do you care about, exactly, Juhani? I think you should make up your damn mind."

Juhani finally frowned, although it was slight. "What do you—"

"The Revan you idolized as a child who didn't remember you? The mindwiped shell called Ariate? Or the now Revan who you don't even know?"

Revan regretted it the moment it was out of her mouth. A deep weight settled in her gut as Juhani looked down, but the anger was too strong. And she knew she was right. She bit on her lip, an apology dancing around her lips – but Juhani preempted her.

"I only know one woman," she said looking up, "And I only love one woman." Juhani shook her head. "May the Force be with you, Revan." She pulled up her mask again and turned, but did not walk away until she said one last thing. "If you never let anyone in. No one will know the new you."

And then Juhani walked off towards the fire. Leaving Revan in the dark.

It was a long cold walk back to the ship.

Malak's approach was easy to sense. His lumbering presence was ingrained in her mind so tightly that it was just second nature to feel him coming, but the panting and loud footsteps as he finally got onto the roof were an easier way to sense him.

"You're out of shape," Revan commented tartly without turning around.

Malak huffed and made a grumbling noise before sitting next to her on the roof and dangling his long legs off the roof. "What are you doing up here?"

She let out a small breath and squinted off in the distance. "Watching Jene and Master Kavar's unresolved sexual tension. It's kind of disgusting, but it's like a speeder wreck – I just can't take my eyes off it."

Malak leaned forward slightly and then backed up and rested on his palms when he realized he was overlooking a steep drop. "It's inappropriate."

Revan rolled her eyes and snorted. "It's gross – that's what it is. He's like twice her age."

He eyed her carefully out of the corner of his eye. "I guess it's not that bad – I mean, if they like each other. She's of age and he's not her Master."

Revan regarded him for a moment, taking in his broad shoulders and the way the wave of his hair shifted in the wind. "Are you really going to shave your head?"

He brought a hand up to his hair, self-consciously. "It's an old tradition from the Jedi in my family line."

"You're Alderaanian. The only tradition you have is reciting boring poetry."

"My mother was Borkaidk – and from a long line of Jedi. Yes, I grew up on Alderaan, but—" He sighed under her demanding stare. "Look I already have the tattoo, I can't back out now."

She squinted, trying to picture the curls gone from his head. Not to see the one brown one falling over his blue eyes. He'd be a really pale bald guy. "I guess…" Revan sighed and hugged her arms around herself as a deep gust of wind chilled the air. "Maybe I'll shave my head too."

"Don't joke."

"No really," she brushed a hand through her chin length dark locks. "I'd be more aerodynamic."

"Well that'll be great if anyone wants to throw you," Malak scoffed rolling his eyes.

"I could be a Jedi torpedo," she said with half a smile.

There was a nice comfortable bout of silence before Malak decided to talk again. "Did you really come up here to spy on Jene?"

Revan kicked her feet against the edge of the roof. "It makes my day."

"I notice you didn't bring any datapads." His face was soft and she couldn't bring herself to stare at it directly.

"Just wanted to be by myself for a while," she said quietly and stared out at the slowly setting sun. From up here it crested down on the hills – so much like home. She wrapped her arms around herself from more than the cold. "Without distractions."

Malak didn't offer to leave. "It's been two years since it happened."

It didn't take the edge off of it. It didn't take the pain that gnawed at her and the knowledge that she should detach herself from any emotional involvement. Time did not heal all wounds – the wound was still there, she just had to learn to use unscarred parts of her. The question was, what happened when there was none left.

"I should have been there," she said quietly.

Malak looked like he was debating about it, but put a strong arm around her shoulder. "It wouldn't have made a difference, Revan."

She sighed and suffocated herself in his shoulder. "I should have been there. I should have been Spark and seen my Da everyday – I should have been his girl and learned to fix the machines there, just been the smart Deralian daughter – not-"

"A Jedi?"

Revan, wedged out from under his arm a bit and rested her hands on her knees. "I spent my whole life trying to forget who I was and now all I want to do is take back that time and remember." She rubbed her forehead with her palm. Her throat was getting tight. "He wanted me to visit so many times, Mal—I just told them I couldn't but—I never even tried."

"Personal familial attachments are looked down upon, especially since-" Malak cut off. "Right, not helping. Revan…" He sighed and brushed back some of her hair. "It was a freak accident."

"A freak accident that took out half my family. Half the family I never see—Corti already died from childbirth like my mother. I just—I don't know any of them." She didn't even know herself anymore. "How much can mastering aspects of being a Jedi give me a personality?"

Malak sighed. "Revan, I think the time you take out of your schedule to think up ways to torture Vrook is personality enough."

She laughed, lightly. "At least I have that. If nothing else I have being a pain in the ass."

Malak pushed aside some hair from her face again and left his hand there. "You've got more than you think, Revan."

Revan bit her lip and turned out of his hand. It left a little memory tingle on her cheek where it had been. She smiled at him and stood up. There was a little bit of permecrete under them before it stretched out into the vast planes of grass.

"You can always have more." She stretched her arms out and stepped off the long drop. She slowed her fall to the ground, but just enough so the wind whipped at her face and she could still feel the hard resistant at the ground.

It wasn't the destination that was the fun part. It was the fall.