Disclaimer: I do not own Yami no Matsuei

Shout-outs:

Aacire: Thank you much! Hope you had a nice time on your trip.

AnimeAngelRin: (Very slowly breaks into a mouth-splitting grin) I wub you. (Glomp) I'm glad the symbolism wasn't too weird; I didn't want to write a lemon but to go from Point A to Point C was too jarring, so Point B had to be thrown in. Yes, Southeast (Had to fix that, I'm awful with directions) is due for 9 chapters. Just 11 more chapters…when you put it that way, it sounds so near to the end…

elirian: The fireflies were just begging to be used as symbolism—the firefly landing on his hand in the anime is the "loner" he was talking about, by the way. Thank you so much for the compliments. This update is dedicated to you!

Kiko812: (Tosses a cough drop and some meatless chicken soup (Quote is a vegetarian)). You get yourself well. Thank you very much!

Eternity's Heir: I'm so glad that I'm really coming through to you. It means that I'm succeeding. I really want people to pay more attention to Hisoka's trauma, as well as Tsuzuki's. Too many just gloss it over. The fact remains that, previous to Tsuzuki, the only intimate encounter Hisoka had wasn't so much sex as it was violence. I know rape victims can move on to normal sexual lives, but when you add all the abuse from his parents, plus the drawn-out agony of his death, that's going to leave some awful, indelible scars. It's not something he's going to get over easily. In fact, I think Hisoka taking a mental vacation to Symbolism Land last chapter was not only significant for the story, but something he needed to do lest he completely freak out. Anyway…End Rant. If I got all that through to you, I've done my job and you've made my day.

Amethyst-eyed Koneko: Poor little George! (Pats his head) Speaking of knots in the stomach, you almost had me thinking you didn't like the chapter! Don't worry, it's perfectly fine that you didn't get the middle part right away—I had difficulties writing it, myself. Also, you expressed yourself beautifully, don't think otherwise.

Anyway…Southeast of Eden (Sorry, that was my mistake, why do I always get West and East mixed up?) is a total reference to East of Eden. You really should read it; it was one of our four Summer Reading books that I enjoyed.

laustic: Yes, it's so like him isn't it? (Snuggles him)

Yuka Hasumi: You're making me blush! Thank you. (Bows profusely)

Tsurusaki Eiri: Welcome to the review board! Thank you. (Bows)

Side Note #1: I know you're going to hate me, but there is no Tsuzuki/Hisoka in this chapter. (Ducks flying tomatoes) I'm sorry! They don't fit into the timeline of the chapter: by the time I hit Watari/Tatsumi, they'll be asleep. I'm using this chapter to showcase the other couples that will be important in the sequel: Tsubaki/Eileen, Tatsumi/Watari, Suzaku/Touda, and a teeny-tiny amount of Wakaba/Terazuma. Again, I'm sorry! (Get smashed in the face with a rotten tomato). Oh, and AEK, YES everything from this chapter is going to be important to the sequel, including T/E.

Side Note #2: I'm assuming no one besides Tsuzuki knows that Hisoka was raped.

Side Note #3: Watari goes off on a Chemistry tangent this chapter. Here's what he means: Water is made of two Hydrogen atoms and one Oxygen atom. Hydrogen has a positive charge of 1 per atom, and Oxygen has a negative charge of 2 per atom. For a molecule (atoms stuck together) to be stable, the charges have to cancel out. That is why Water has 2 Hydrogen atoms and 1 Oxygen atom.

Side Note #4: Tatsumi and Watari are eating Kaiseki, Japanese formal cuisine. The "appetizers", if you will, are rice and miso soup.

Side Note #5: Pathological Intoxication means drinking when you're upset, which can lead to violence against yourself and others.

Trusting desire, starting to learn

Walking through fire without a burn

Clinging, a shoulder, a leap begins

Stinging and older, asleep on pins

So here we go

- RENT, "I Should Tell You"

Telling

From where she sat, Tsubaki spread her pashmina over her shoulders to add extra warmth, protecting herself from the dropping temperatures of the increasingly vacant palace. Saya and Yuma had not allowed the party to end with the departure of the newlyweds, though they had been unable to slow the inevitable exiting of people as tiredness overcame them. The hall was emptying as Wakaba scuttled back and forth, leading guests to the Suzaku Gates before returning to enjoy her impromptu date with Terazuma.

"Hi."

Tsubaki turned around at the call. Eileen nervously fiddled with her hair, aiming her eyes anywhere but at Tsubaki's face.

"Hello," Tsubaki said.

"You're really amazing with those Tarot cards," Eileen said evasively, still not looking Tsubaki in the face.

"It really does all depend on the Querent," Tsubaki said modestly, holding the cards against her chest maternally. "It's not really me at all."

"The Reader's gotta have something to do with it," Eileen pressed.

"Only as a conduit," Tsubaki said quietly. "Otherwise, they only have power over the card if the Reader and the Querent are the same person."

"Hey, why don't you do one now?" Eileen suggested, a bit too eager. "For us. You can do that, can't you?"

Tsubaki sent a long, hard look at Eileen, who bit her lip and looked away again.

"What do you want me to read for?" Tsubaki asked slowly.

"I dunno, you're the expert, you think of something," Eileen said quickly, uncomfortably.

"Eileen…" Tsubaki said hesitantly, stepping toward her. "I'm only going to do this if there's some hope for us."

"Tsubaki…"

"I lost my mother, Eileen. And then I lost you. And then my father, and finally, the love I had for someone I'd worshipped for 7 years. Don't you dare get my hopes up for nothing, Eileen. I'm sick of losing what's important to me. If you're serious about this…about getting back together…"

"Tsu…Camille-dono." Eileen's lips inverted into her mouth for control. "Of course I'm serious about this."

Tsubaki took a breath as she removed her cards from their package. She shuffled the cards once, twice, three times. She cut the deck into three piles and stacked them again, and then repeated herself. Then, like a casino dealer, she began laying cards down on the table, one at a time, in the shape of two triangles, 2 cards for each side and a third for the tip. Eileen watched her with hawk-like eyes as she placed the 11th card below and in between the two triangles.

She gestured at the arrangement on the table. "This spread is the Handfasting Spread." She put her hand on the farthest left card, the one at the bottom. "This card represents what I must commit to."

She flipped the card over. "The Lovers," she reported. "We already know what that stands for."

She reached for the second card, the one just above it, and flipped it over. "This is the problem I have with prompting my commitment. Death Reversed. I'm stuck in the past."

"And why's that?" Eileen asked softly.

"That's what this card reveals," Tsubaki said, flipping over the zenith of the triangle. "The Ten of Swords. This means that everything's gone south. The Ten of Swords, as you can see by the picture…" She showed Eileen the portrait of a bloody man lying prostrate with 10 swords sticking into his back, "…means death. The end. No hope, nothing."

"Oh." Eileen seemed unsure about what to say.

"This card," Tsubaki tapped the one underneath it, "tells me what I can do about it." She flipped the fourth card over. "Judgment. We know what this means, too."

"Letting go of the past, right?" Tsubaki nodded. "It sounds like a good idea."

"This card," she touched the one underneath it, "says how my commitment will affect those around me." She flipped it. "The Ace of Cups. I make you happy."

She reached for the lowest left card on the second triangle. "This is how it will affect me spiritually." She overturned the card. "The Sun." She smiled, feeling her eyes begin to fill up. "Everything is going to be okay."

She touched the seventh. "How it will affect me emotionally." This card yielded—"The Three of Cups. Joy for something new."

The eighth. "How it will affect me physically." … "The Chariot. In this context, it means travel…"

The ninth. "How it will affect me mentally." … "Strength. Willpower, and…and courage."

The tenth. "How it will affect me materially." … "The World. It means travel, in this context, again."

"And this one?" Eileen touched the separate, eleventh card.

"That one is the blessing upon the union."

Eileen turned it over and read it. "The Six of Cups."

"Nostalgia," Tsubaki said. "And…reunion."

She looked up into Eileen's face, her mahogany eyes swimming. Eileen's eyes began filling with tears, as well. She sniffled and wiped at her face.

"This has been really stupid of us, hasn't it?" she asked rhetorically.

Tsubaki nodded mutely.

"So…what are we going to do?"

Tsubaki looked down at the cards and lightly tapped the World card. "I guess…travel."

"You, dear Suzaku, are terribly inebriated."

"Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh…shh!"

"And you just sprayed all over me." Touda could barely balance himself with Suzaku's upper body in his arms, her body weight leaning away from him, her head tilted back dangerously. Staggering drunkenly did not become her, and being the only Shiki left at the party, he had taken it upon himself to escort her back home. "Jeez, what was in that stuff those two she-devils gave you?"

"Silence!" Suzaku ordered, waving her hand in front of Touda's face. "I have an announcement of the highest! I…am…incredibly…sad!"

"Hoo boy…"

"Yep! I'm sad!" Suzaku yelled, and a few small birds took to the air. "Sad-sad-sad!"

"Suzaku, you are drunk-drunk-drunk," Touda stated flatly.

"Shh! Wanna know why I'm sad?"

"Because you realize how pathetic it is that you are, as humans says, "trashed" and completely dependant upon someone who you claim to despise to get you home safely?"

"Nope! I'm sad because Tsuzuki's gone and gotten himself hitched."

"Isn't that a reason to be happy, Suzaku?"

"You dunno anything. Stupid snake. Stupid dancing snake."

"Okay. You are thoroughly intoxicated and getting increasingly heavy. I am going to carry you home, and I will laugh at you if you feel this in the morning."

"Put me down!" Suzaku hissed, smacking futilely at Touda as he lifted her into his arms and tossed her like a sack of flour over his shoulder. "You know, Mr. Stupid Dancing Fire Snake, if I was sober, I'd kill you!"

"Yes, but you're not sober, so I'm not feeling particularly threatened at the moment, Suzaku."

"I hate you."

"I'm well aware of that," Touda said dispassionately, plodding along as if he would empty-handed in broad daylight.

"Stupid Dancing Snake."

"Drunk Sword-fighting Bird."

Suzaku fell silent, her hands beating a steady rhythm on Touda's back.

"I'd really appreciate it if you didn't do that."

Suzaku hiccupped, loudly, and Touda felt something small and wet fall on his back, seeping through his shirt.

"Are you crying?"

"No."

"Yes you are."

"Shut up!" Two more droplets fell against Touda's spine.

"Great. I've got a drunk, emotional phoenix who hates me on my back, but literally. All righty. Down you go."

"Watch your hands, mister!" Suzaku squawked, as Touda adjusted her into a better position. He hoisted her off his shoulder and no less than plopped her down on the water fountain sitting in the middle of Tenkuu's courtyard.

"Now, why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying!"

"Suzaku, I can see it. I'm looking right at you."

"No you're not," she responded confusedly.

"Suzaku, you're not looking at me. Your eyes aren't even capable of focusing in the same direction at the moment. D-mn, what did they give you?"

"It was yummy," Suzaku asserted, stubbornly childlike.

"And why are you crying?"

"I told you, Deaf! Because Tsuzuki's married!"

"And I told you, Drunk, that that's a reason to be happy!"

"I'm happy!" Suzaku yelled defensively.

"Then why are you crying, for Heaven's sake?"

"Because Tsuzuki doesn't need me anymore!" Suzaku's yelled, a small sob escaping with her words, her black eyes glistening.

"Suzaku, it's official. You are drunk and insane."

"Shut up!" Suzaku yelled, her face bright pink. "I mean it, you…insensitive…butt crack!"

Touda's face went through several different expressions before finally settling on the image of controlling his nerves. "Okay, Suzaku. I'll play that. Now, tell me, why won't he need you anymore?"

"Because he's married!" Suzaku yelled, seeming surprisingly sober. "I mean, I love Hisoka like a son of a b-tch," she leaned in towards Touda conspiratorially, grabbing his shirt collar, "and I mean it, he says his mother really is a b-tch," she giggled, "but Tsuzuki's got stability now! I'm happy for him, but now I'm…I'm…"

"Expendable?" Touda filled in.

"If that means what I think it means, yes!"

"Suzaku." Touda grabbed her face and pulled her to look him directly in the eyes. "Listen to me. You. Are. Drunk. And crazy. And you don't know what you're saying. Tsuzuki is always going to need you."

"But how do you know?" Suzaku breathed into Touda's face.

Touda grimaced and blinked. "First of all, Suzaku, your breath is wretched, to say the least."

"I hate you."

"I know. And second of all, I know because he loves you. Hopefully a lot differently than the way he loves Hisoka, but he loves you. Like an older sister, or a cousin, or something, and…aw, h-ll, what makes you think I'm some expert, again?…And I think that you always "need" the ones you love, somehow or another…?"

Suzaku cocked her head to the side, her finger hooked around her bottom lip, her eyes finally managing to focus on one solid object.

"What?" Touda asked, confused. "What's the matter?"

"Huh." She cocked her head to the other side. "You're really insightful, Touda. Is there a reason I don't like you?"

"Uh…because I tried to kill Tsuzuki in Kyoto, when he was insane and suicidal?"

"Oh…oh, yeah."

"Yeah, that's it."

"I hate you, you know," Suzaku reminded him conversationally.

"I think you've made that perfectly clear," Touda replied dryly.

"Touda…I think I'm gonna puke."

"That's expected. Turn around."

Suzaku barely had time to shift in her seat before her stomach contracted, sending a thick, brown mixture with the rancid scent of alcohol and half-digested food pouring out of her mouth to splatter on the ground.

"Oh, cr-p," both Suzaku and Touda intoned at the same time, one in obvious pain and the other in something like mild panic. Touda quickly snatched up her hair to keep it from being splashed with vomit. Suzaku managed to move around completely and allow the contents of her stomach to drown in the water of the fountain.

"Note to self—tell Seiryuu that we need modern plumbing," Touda muttered, grimacing at the aching moans erupting from Suzaku's vomit-soaked mouth. Awkwardly he rubbed her back as another wave of nausea hit her and she gagged.

"You better not…tell anyone about this," Suzaku threatened through a groan.

"You'd sound a lot more dangerous if I hadn't just watched you barf in the drinking fountain," Touda returned matter-of-factly, running his clawed fingers absently through her hair.

"I hate you."

"And I love you," Touda said, biting back a bit of a smile.

"Oi, finally, there you are, Tatsumi! What took you so long?" Watari called, waving his arm cheerily.

"Mental preparation," Tatsumi said steely.

"You know, Tatsumi, you should've never agreed to go out with me if it takes psychological fortifying on your part just to spend an evening in my sole company," Watari pouted. "I certainly don't need to spend the money…"

"You're spending the money?" Tatsumi asked incredulously.

"I'm the one who asked you out, right? It's the gentlemanly thing to do. Though I must tell you, if you order the lobster I do expect a good-night kiss as well as the usual pleasantries, okay?"

Tatsumi felt a sudden pull in his brain, urging him to give the evening a chance.

"I wouldn't order lobster. It's a waste of money," Tatsumi asserted shortly.

"There, that's the Tatsumi I know and love." Watari grinned impishly and linked his arm through Tatsumi's. "So, anyway, I'm thinking Osaka? I'd like to be somewhere where my accent isn't as odd."

"Your accent…?" Tatsumi trailed off. The fact of Watari's self-proclaimed "inaccurate Kansai accent" had been removed from his mind, what with the two decades worth of getting used to it he had accumulated.

Watari laughed in his throat and nodded. "Yep; it's more Osaka than Kyoto. So, d'you mind?"

"No, I suppose not," Tatsumi said. "But I've never been to Osaka…"

"Leave it to me!" Watari offered jubilantly, gripping Tatsumi's arm. "I assure you, I know my way around. It is my birthplace, after all."

Tatsumi lost the time to return with an acerbic yet witty comment as Watari teleported them away. The transportation was jerky, in opposition to the smooth ride that Tatsumi had perfected, and Tatsumi thought briefly that the contrast fit him

"Here we are!" Watari announced gleefully. "My old home! Lovely, isn't she?"

Tatsumi adjusted his glasses. "She looks markedly similar to anywhere else in Japan."

"Killjoy," Watari teased. Tatsumi made an almost affirming noise in his throat. "I must admit, Tatsumi, I'm terribly famished. Haven't eaten in quite awhile, you know. Ready to go stuff our faces?"

Tatsumi looked a little averse to the phrasing but nodded. "I'm hungry, as well."

"Good! Now, that place's gotta be around here…"

Tatsumi had a sudden feeling of dread as Watari tugged at his wrist, happily half-jogging and half-skipping away, and dragging a tripping Tatsumi along behind him.

"So, the wedding was gorgeous," Watari said chattily. "I never thought we would see Bon get so free with his feelings. He looked a little pale just before he and Tsuzuki left, though. I wonder why that is."

"Too many emotions, perhaps?" Tatsumi suggested.

"I thought he'd been getting better…" Watari mused worriedly. "Well, I guess Tsuzuki will take care of him. They have a knack for that, the two of them."

"That they do."

"Ooh…I'm sorry," Watari said suddenly, mentally smacking himself. "It doesn't bother you to talk about this, right?"

"The topic does not bother me in the slightest, Watari," Tatsumi said, his voice too firm with aggravation at the recurring question.

"No need to get snippy, Tatsumi," Watari chastised lightly. "Take it as a compliment. I like you, so I worry about your happiness."

"About that…I've been wondering."

"Wondering what?"

"What is it about me that you like?"

"Come again?" Watari blinked.

"Call it excessive curiosity, but I don't quite understand what you see in me," Tatsumi said candidly, looking at Watari with a cocked eyebrow.

"What do I…? Well, you know, they say opposites attract," Watari began explaining, awkwardly. "But they have to be compatible, too. Like Water. Two "plus one" positively-charged ions of Hydrogen, and one "minus two" negatively-charged ion of Oxygen make Water. I guess I figured you and I were like that. I mean, we're opposites, and we can catfight, but we're not so volatile that we blow things up, and we get along, and we can talk. I dunno, I guess I just…like you."

Tatsumi nodded slowly. The talk of Chemistry wasn't off-putting; indeed, it almost seemed to help.

"And what about you, Tatsumi?" Watari suddenly tossed back playfully. "Why did you agree to go out with me if doubts are plaguing your thoughts?"

Tatsumi opened his mouth to answer, and after a pause shut it again. He didn't know; it was something he had admitted to himself quite a while ago. He didn't understand what had made him accept the offer of a date; after he had left the lab he'd had a rush of incredulousness to the brain, for both the fact that he had opened up and for the fact that he had accepted a date, and he had been tempted him to go back and break it off. And he didn't understand what had kept him from doing just that.

"Answer sometime this century, Tatsumi."

"I'm…not sure," Tatsumi finally admitted truthfully.

"Well, don't fret; I am fully accepting of the fact that you have absolutely no idea why you are out on a date with me," Watari assured, squeezing Tatsumi's arm. "Let's just assume that some part of your impossibly large brain inexplicably likes me and leave it at that. Ah, here we are!" Watari proclaimed suddenly.

"Watari, this place is…"

"Much nicer than that hotel you set me, Tsuzuki, and Bon up with in Kyoto that time," Watari said. Indeed, the two-story restaurant looked clean, well-kept, and in possession of indoor plumbing. "This place doesn't get a lot of traffic, so it's perfect for dates. I went here a lot with K—…when I was alive."

The shadow-master sent a searching glance at Watari as he pulled open the door and allowed the scientist to enter before him.

"Ooh, how gallant," Watari teased with faux coquettishness. "You're making me blush."

"I take it you want me to leave you out in the cold next time?"

"You and Bon are the same. Just can't have a sense of humor to save your lives. Table for two, non-smoking, please."

The maitre-d nodded, fetched two menus off his podium, and led the pair up the stairs to a small table. As they took their seats on the floor, Tatsumi noticed the large window the table was situated next to. They were on level with the streetlamps, illuminating a black and blue night.

"Goodness, I've missed this city," Watari said. "My work was at the University of Kyoto but I came back to Osaka a lot."

"For family?" Tatsumi queried.

"No, for…the person I was seeing lived in Osaka, when he wasn't at the school," Watari said, difficultly.

Their waitress appeared, bearing sake, and asked for their patience as he had another table that was wrapping up.

"Is this person the one whom we were, ehm, "discussing" this morning before the wedding?" Tatsumi asked, attempting delicacy.

"Yes it was, and I don't want to "discuss" it again," Watari said vehemently. Tatsumi blinked at the force in Watari's demeanor. It was so rare to see the bouncy, extroverted scientist go to the other end of an extreme to become stoic and standoffish. It sent off an uneasy feeling in Tatsumi's gut.

"Excuse me, sir, don't I know you?"

Their waitress had returned carrying the obligatory bowls of rice and miso soup. She was giving Watari a funny look as she set his food before him.

"I don't think so," Watari said, and Tatsumi caught a whiff of nervousness.

"I'm a veteran here, 30 years, and I never forget a face," the waitress replied, still not breaking her gaze from Watari. "I remember you, was it…20 years ago? Yes, I know you!" The waitress grinned triumphantly. "You're Watari Yutaka, aren't you?"

Watari smiled uneasily. "Yeah…that's me."

"You don't look any different than you did in 1980!"

"Funny that," Watari said, laughing nervously and scratching the back of his head.

"I know a lot of women who'd kill for that ability," the waitress said with a chuckle. "It's been so long. Did you finally move to Kyoto? I heard you talking about it the last time you were in here."

'D-mn, this woman's got a long memory,' Watari thought to himself. "No, Kyoto wasn't for me."

"Oh, I suppose so," she said, suddenly sober. "Not with Kyo gone…that was terrible, what happened. Absolutely terrible."

"Please, can we not…talk about it?" Watari asked.

"Oh! Of course. I'm sorry. That was unprofessional of me." She bowed her head deeply in apology. "But, it was nice seeing you again, Yutaka-san. You were quite the regular here beforehand, so I lost myself, I suppose. Enjoy yourself, please." She gave a respectful nod and stood up, walking away to attend another table.

"…Yeah, so, I have a history with this place," Watari said, returning to his sake.

"She seems…friendly."

"I remember her. She's…well, she was like Saya and Yuma, but without the pressing desire to dress me up in women's clothing." Watari paused, and then laughed. "Ironically."

"Pardon?"

"Hmm? Sorry. Never mix nostalgia and alcohol. You don't need to be a scientific genius like myself to figure that out." He raised his glass. "Kanpai!" Half the glass went down his throat.

"Watari, what did that waitress mean by "what happened"?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Does this have anything to do with…"

"My little outburst before the wedding this morning?" Watari asked. "It has everything to do with it." He looked away, staring out the window. "Lord, I missed this place…20 years is a d-mn long time."

"Watari, what happened?" Tatsumi questioned, pure curiosity in his voice.

Watari looked down into his glass. He ran his finger around the rim thoughtfully, and then sighed. "I guess sooner is better than later…if I didn't tell you, you'd just look up my file, anyway."

The thought hadn't yet occurred to Tatsumi, though with a sudden, small shock of self-recognition he realized he just might have done that.

"So, which do you want to know first: Why her statement is ironic, or what happened 20 years ago? Actually, the two are very much intertwined, so I might as well just out with it." Watari paused, and then smiled. "What a play on words…"

"Just say it, if you're going to say anything, Watari."

"Well, you see, Tatsumi, the thing is…I'm…" Watari paused, the struggle in his mind evident on his face. "I'm…well, I'm…I'm what you call…I'm what's called a "transsexual"."

Tatsumi blinked. And then again.

"A what?"

"A transsexual," Watari repeated. "That means I have an inborn desire to be a woman. Actually be a female."

"But…" Tatsumi sputtered out a few syllables before managing to wrap his tongue around a word. "Why?"

"Dunno," Watari said, shrugging. "No one really does."

"How do you know?"

"The same way I know that I like you. I just do. It's something I've known since I was, like, 12 or something, but I only really got it when I realized that my most pressing desire was to have a baby. Come out of my body, that is."

Tatsumi tried to organize this information into his mental files. The imaginary assistants in his mind weren't doing a very thorough job.

"I was…23, I think," Watari began hesitantly, "when I realized that I wanted to be pregnant. It was that same year when I met him. Makishima Kyo. And I was d-mn lucky to find him; we had so many things in common. Bisexuality, a very deep love for each other, and the desire to have children—except he didn't want to actually have them, while I did. You don't come across that kind of fortune every day, Tatsumi."

"I know that much," Tatsumi stammered, still trying to order out his mind.

"So, what we naturally did was begin looking for ways for us to concieve," Watari continued, pain beginning to lace his words. "Sex changes weren't available, and in any case they cause infertility. So, what did two disgruntled scientists do? Turn to the occult; to magick-with-a-"k"."

"That potion you're always trying to…"

"Yep," Watari said, as if previously knowing what Tatsumi was going to say. "That sex-change potion is what we discovered together after years of research. It was like discovering the correct formula for alchemy—we were so happy. We could do it, we knew we could. Everyone knew we could. And that's…that's why we…" Watari took in a shuddery breath. "…never got to…do it."

Tatsumi leaned forward slightly.

"We made a deal with ourselves, Kyo and I, that we wouldn't hide," Watari continued. "That we wouldn't pretend to just be lab partners. We didn't make banners or anything, but he was my boyfriend and everyone knew it. We wanted it that way. And a lot of people were okay with it. But…there's always some a-shole…always…"

Watari dropped the sugar packet and his hand flew to cover his mouth. He looked away and then back quickly, before shaking his head and painstakingly wiping his hands across his eyes.

"We were actually beginning the experiment that night…and the lab blew up. And it wasn't my fault that time, Tatsumi. Some phobe' blew up the lab. I survived. Kyo died. I saw it. I watched it. Watched his skin…his face…"

Watari suddenly cut himself off and buried his face in his hands. "I felt like I caused it. What's more, I knew the person who did it. Knew he hated us. But I didn't…didn't do anything to prevent it. I hated him. I hated myself. After I got out of the hospital, I followed him clear to the other side of the country. That's why the waitress doesn't know I'm dead. You should've seen the local headlines, Tatsumi. 'Transsexual kills lover's muderer, then kills self'. I think it's the most bizarre murder-suicide of our times. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Tatsumi nearly visibly shuddered as Watari slammed his hand down on his drink and then raised it to his mouth, throwing his head back and chugging it as if he had never had liquid before.

"Excuse me." Watari got up and hurriedly left the table, making his way towards the restrooms. Tatsumi watched him go, trying to piece the conversation together in his mind.

'He reminds me of Tsuzuki.'

The realization was startling and for a half-moment Tatsumi couldn't believe he had given that thought life. But as he tried to shove it into the scores of files his brain was divided into, his inner self looked at the notice and slowly began to comprehend it.

Watari was like Tsuzuki. His concern for Tatsumi's happiness in regards to the engagement. The desire to hide his past. The way he stopped up his tears with pathetic attempts at humor that only made Tatsumi feel even more helpless to do anything. The bouts of pathological intoxication. The self-blame. It was like Tsuzuki with a new appearance, a new way of speaking, and…something else. Something else was different.

Tatsumi glanced out the window, staring down at the cars speeding by below.

'I wonder if I remind him of Makishima-san?'

"Well, I think we can classify that as the worst date in history," Watari said.

The night was cold, despite being July, and Watari stuck to Tatsumi's side doggedly as they wandered vaguely towards their own homes. He had emerged from the bathroom, pale except for an odd mix of red and purple-blue around his eyes, to continue eating with Tatsumi in almost perfect silence broken only by the clinking of dishes and Tatsumi's throat-clearing coughs, and they had left in great haste.

Tatsumi shrugged mutely.

"Though I gotta admit, I handled it better than when I told Tsuzuki," Watari continued, babbling. "I didn't barf on my companion this time, which is always a good thing."

Tatsumi nodded, again noiselessly.

"Are you punishing me or something?" Watari finally asked snappishly. "'Cause you wanted to know."

"I am not punishing you, Watari," Tatsumi said evenly. "But what do you expect me to respond to a story like that with?"

"…Touché." Watari laughed, and Tatsumi felt the small twinge of the "something different" feeling he had experienced earlier. "I guess you're right."

Watari shivered and leaned his head against Tatsumi's shoulder. "Jeez, it's cold. I bet it's going to rain. So, was the food good, at least?"

"It was delicious."

"Good. Kyo liked it, too, when we were alive. To tell the truth, I kinda wish he'd stuck around in Meifu. But he was always more ballsy than me. He was never so wishy-washy as to let regrets hold him back. I'm kinda glad for him…Heaven's gotta be nice. Though, you know, it's been a long 20 years without him…d-mn, here I was being so closed-mouth about it and now I'm blabbering."

"Why haven't you passed on yet?"

"The potion's not done yet, is it?" Watari returned with a smirk. "I don't want to die until I get at least a couple years as a woman."

Tatsumi sent a hard glance at Watari, to which the blonde returned with an equally intense but blank look. There was one of the differences between Tsuzuki and Watari: Watari was better at hiding the complete truth. With Tsuzuki, Tatsumi could tell if he was bothered, even he didn't know the extent of damage done. With Watari, all Tatsumi had was his suspicion—as well as the nagging feeling of something that still different.

"Here's my place," Watari suddenly said, stopping front of a tall apartment complex. "Hope there's less than an inch of dust on my bed; it's been awhile since I slept anywhere but the lab." Watari cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I guess I'll…head in, then."

Tatsumi nodded.

"Listen, I'm sorry, Tatsumi," Watari apologized awkwardly. "I was hoping it'd go well. I really do like you. Maybe we'll give it a shot again, some other time? If I don't totally disgust you, that is."

"You do not digust me, Watari," Tatsumi asserted.

"Good." Watari smiled. "I'm relieved."

Tatsumi blinked, completely missing the flash of blonde until the hair's owner had grabbed the back of his skull and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Good night, Tatsumi."

After Watari had teleported into his apartment Tatsumi stood for several minutes, holding the cheek Watari had planted his lips on, sealing a promise to try again. Tatsumi had neither refused nor accepted the advance, but somehow he thought Watari would not allow him the former.

And there was still something…