Sharem: Thanks! This is a break for me from the all-serious drama/action/romance "The Footsteps of Life". I like Sephiroth, I like Yazoo... (drools)

Naruubi: I hope you enjoy this chapter too. I did, for certain. I enjoyed writing it, although it's kind of short. I update this sporadically, I wish I could be steadier...

Beeria: I don't know how this turns out, to be honest. Sephiroth's current candidate is Ultimecia only... I know! Yazoo and Sephiroth! Oh wait... that's incest.

Bethica: Really?I haven't played FFVIII, FFIX or FFX for ages. Or FFVII for that matter. I got the stuff from Wikipedia. Nice place, Wikipedia...

Now the story.

Chapter 4

Yazoo was still screaming like a girl when Sephiroth, our narcissistic and super-hot villain, was coming through his hair. As all those who possess ridiculously long and thin hair (like me), we all know how painful and arduous that task is. Sephiroth was no exception, so we can all surmise how long Yazoo was screaming. Sure, the young Paris of the trio could be fatal with his precise aim and his sniffing and his mysterious demeanour and such, but he hated spiders, damn it!

"Like, oh my god! Like, get it off! GET IT OFF!" Yazoo screamed, running around in circles. Because, you know, that is the thing to do when you're in a mortal danger by a green long thing on the head. You can't run in squares, that is not the cool thing to do. Or hearts. Or a star.

Chuckley did what he was supposed to do. I mean, he was named to do this.

He chuckled, of course.

It took Sephiroth precisely three hours, twenty-seven minutes, fifty two seconds and three nano-seconds to get his hair perfect. Unlike Rufus' "getting hair perfect" or Reno's, Sephiroth's had to take a long time. Rufus took about an hour because his was short. Reno just woke up and his hair was perfect, because Reno thought more chaos the better. But Sephiroth was the embodiment of cosmos, and thus it took him long time. But today it took even longer because he had to look perfect for Ultimecia. It wasn't that he was trying to impress the girl, oh no! But he did not want his future kids to look at the family photo album and say, "Oh my god, Daddy looks so weird when he asked Mommy out!"

He bid goodbye to his Mommy, Jenova, who was still distinctively smelling of kiwis and bananas, left Loz and Kadaj (who were now fighting over who had the prettier butt) alone, and then went through the front door. The door shut with a slam.

Ultimecia lived on 57 FF8 Avenue, which was approximately a block away. But Sephiroth was too cool to walk, so he flew. With his one wing. It defied all laws of physics and everything in between, and if anyone else flew with one wing he would not only look lopsided before falling and going smash to the ground, but hey, Sephiroth could fly fine with his one wing. Because of… his super hair. Yes, his hair and his leather jacket allowed more air to come in, thus levitating him. Why he needed the wing was anybody's guess.

FF8 Avenue was coming into view, so Sephiroth decided to land in the most physics-defying way possible, because that was the way to go. Apparently, in Final Fantasy World the more laws of physics you break, the cooler you are. That explains why Reno can't jump 3043548941148 miles! Damn it, Reno, you aren't cool enough, despite his red-hot hair and byooootiful green eyes! I'm sorry, but you too, Rude!

Ahem.

Anyways, Sephiroth tried to land… but if you remember the movie, Sephiroth could only land when there was something he could kick off to change the direction (which, in normal cases, would result in painful smash and a broken nose, but as I said, it's Sephiroth, he can fly with one wing, so he can change direction at a hurtling speed without smashing up his pretty face) or rely on gravity to pull him softly onto the ground. Unfortunately, gravity was tired of Sephiroth breaking him in two all the time, so he decidedly ignored him. And, well, Sephiroth couldn't find anything high enough to be within his reach to change the direction.

He thought for a moment about "UISHFDNJKWHR(PH$NUIHS&DBN! GET ME DOWN! GET ME DOWN, DAMN IT! NOW! I'M SEPHIROTH, THE COOLEST, SEXIEST, SILVEREST, TALLEST, MOST METROSEXUAL GOD-WANNABE EVER TO GRACE FINAL FANTASY DAMN IT, NOW GET ME DOWN!" but screaming was undignified, and Yazoo was already doing that.

But shall he keep floating? Then he'll just float on then walk back to Ultimecia's house, and that was so uncool.

So he decided to be destructive and cool. He whipped out Masamune (and god only knows how he doesn't get his feet tangled in that long-ass sword) and stabbed a nearby roof to stop himself.

But then, in a battle with Cloud, Masamune cut through concrete. So it cut through the roof like a hot knife goes through butter.

And he kept floating.

And floating.

And floating.

And floating.

And floating.

And… (gets hit by readers, with one screaming "are you gonna go on for chapters with 'and floating' until this ends?")

Then he saw a kite.

But he could not veer off course without kicking off something.

A strand of his hair got tangled in the kite string.

"Mommmmmyyyy!" cried the owner of the kite, a small boy about five years old. "There's a guy in my kite! Mommy!"

The mother, who uncannily looked like Rinoa, continued talking with an invisible neighbor, and paid no attention to her son.

The boy yanked the string.

Sephiroth felt himself falling. Just before the impact, he cut the string attaching him to the kite. Sephiroth fell. The kite flew away.

"Mooommyy! That dude broke my kiteeeee!" The boy wailed. The mother paid no attention. The boy chased Sephiroth with his chubby, short legs, and started to beat on the leather coat. The leather coat, not used to being hit by little boys, repelled the boy. The poor child fell flat on the rear end.

"Mooommmyyy! That dude isn't nice to me!" The boy wailed. The mother kept on talking about how the price of bread was going up and she didn't know how she was going to manage the household finances.

"You… evil mister man!" The boy blubbered, struggling to stand up and follow Sephiroth.

Sephiroth couldn't have a snot-nosed little kid following him! Kids smelled and cried and wailed! That was so uncool!

He turned, stared coldly at the kid. The kid scuttled back, but glared at Sephiroth defiantly.

"Warrgh!" Sephiroth opened his mouth like a lion and snarled at the boy. The boy shrieked once, then started to cry like he was in a hysteria.

"Hm, how easy," thought Sephiroth, and walked about forty steps and rang the doorbell of 57 FF8 Avenue. As he waited for the door to open, he dusted off his coat and primped himself.

Because, you know, he wanted to look pretty.

Will Sephiroth score? Will Yazoo finally get the snake off his head? Check out in the next installment of "Getting Married", which will come in... I don't know. When I feel like it. (Sheepish grin)